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<<insertion answer>>@@opacity:0;my grandfather called to say they cut down my reading tree this morning. \nmy grandfather never calls me he knows i’d never answer@@\n\nhe is closer to the real earth than any of us. his mother is named after a forest. \nwhen she died he killed his god. he tilled & tilled the soil at the top of the hill\nthat he named after himself. he planted things there to cut down <<revise later "later.">><<insertion grows>>later.<<endinsertion>>\n\n<<revision later>>he had a son too small and pink\nto name after himself. he called him michael. he hurt his feelings. he hurt his mother. he drank and drank and drove his car into snowbanks and staggered out\nand slumped to sleep in the street and slowly strengthened his boy \neach night he made him carry him home.<<becomes>>years later i would see it on my father’s face\nevery time my mother raised her voice.<<becomes>>years later i would see it on my father’s face\nevery time my mother raised her voice. years later\ni would crash through the foyer like a fist \nat 5 am on a thursday night\nand he would tremble on the stairs and ask my mother to ask me\nif i could say the alphabet backwards.<<becomes>>years later i would see it on my father’s face\nevery time my mother raised her voice. years later\ni would crash through the foyer like a fist \nat 5 am on a thursday night\nand he would tremble on the stairs and ask my mother to ask me\nif i could say the alphabet backwards.\n\n‘z—ah….y….v’\n‘forwards. i dont care–just see if she can say it at all.’\n‘i can say the alphabet–jesus. what is this? can everybody calm down? i had a couple drinks, i can still say the–’\n‘okay then. go ahead.’\n‘a b c d e f g h i j…p….’<<becomes>>@@opacity:0;years later i would see it on my father’s face\nevery time my mother raised her voice. years later\ni would crash through the foyer like a fist \nat 5 am on a thursday night\nand he would tremble on the stairs and ask my mother to ask me\nif i could say the alphabet backwards.\n\n‘z—ah….y….v’\n‘forwards. i dont care–just see if she can say it at all.’\n‘i can say the alphabet–jesus. what is this? can everybody calm down? i had a couple drinks, i can still say the–’\n‘okay then. go ahead.’@@\n‘a b c d e f g h i j…p….wait….’<<becomes>>none of us would speak for three weeks after that. i moved to the city\nand sat in front of the small window in the attic of my apartment\nand wondered why i’m the one who can’t be forgiven\nwhen my grandfather tilled my father’s brain for years\nand what he planted there still grows.<<becomes>>i wondered why i’m the one who can’t be forgiven\nwhen my grandfather tilled my father’s brain for years\nand what he planted there still <<revise grows "grows.">><<insertion grows>>grows.<<endinsertion>><<endrevision>><<endinsertion>>\n\n@@opacity:0;he called to say winter killed my reading tree.\n\ni answered the phone and curtly said ‘that’s too bad’ and ‘thanks for calling’\nand hung up and grabbed a seltzer from the fridge\n\nin my head i call him back@@ <<insertion back>><<finale>><<endinsertion>>\n\n<<insertion bit2>>\n\n@@opacity:0;can you say the alphabet backwards?@@ can you say anything at all?<<endinsertion>>

\n<span class="title">[[119|text]]@@white-space:pre; @@</span>\n

i say hey<<timedcontinue 1.5s>>, say the alphabet backwards–<<timedcontinue 2s>>hey can you\nsay it at all? <<timedcontinue 2s>>hey do they ever tell you like they told me <<timedcontinue 2.2s>>every <<timedcontinue .7s>>single <<timedcontinue .7s>>thing <<timedcontinue .7s>>you ever said and wrecked blacked out \nand furious in your mindless tornado spin?\n\n<<timedcontinue 3.8s>><<continue "hey">>hey why is it that you and me are only anger underneath?\n<<timedcontinue 3.8s>><<revise two "how">><<insertion two>>how come when we slip off the terse sheath consciousness wraps our real selves in, all we do is push and hit and hit and need and take and hurt?<<endinsertion>>\n<<revise three "how">><<insertion three>>how is it that a man who built his house with his own hands\ncan’t control what they do nightly to whoever is within reach?<<endinsertion>>\n<<revise four "how">><<insertion four>>how come the beast that <<revise bit1 "bit">><<insertion bit1>>bit<<endinsertion>> you <<revise bit2 "bit">><<insertion bit2>>bit<<endinsertion>> me?<<endinsertion>>

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written by [[kate monica|http://kaaatemoooonnnica.tumblr.com/post/168574764462/119]]\n\narranged by [[litrouke|https://litrouke-works.tumblr.com/]]

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<<timedcontinue 1s>>my grandfather called to say they cut down my reading tree this morning. \nmy grandfather never calls me@@white-space:pre; @@he knows i’d never <<revise answer "answer">><<insertion answer>>answer<<endinsertion>>\n\n@@opacity:0;he is closer to the real earth than any of us. his mother is named after a forest.\nwhen she died he killed his god. he tilled & tilled the soil at the top of the hill\nthat he named after himself. he planted things there to cut down.@@\n\n<<insertion grows>>@@opacity:0;i wondered why i’m the one who can’t be forgiven\nwhen my grandfather tilled my father’s brain for years\nand what he planted there still grows.@@\n\nhe called to say winter killed my reading tree. \n<<removal stolen>>i havent sat underneath that tree for years but when i was little in the summer\ni used to go out there and calm down under the tree\nafter working my grandfather’s farm all day. \ni finished ‘a series of unfortunate events’ in the cold soil there one year\nand started writing my own book of <<revise stolen "stolen">> children. <<endremoval>>\n<<insertion stolen>>i answered the phone and curtly said ‘that’s too bad’ and ‘thanks for calling’\nand hung up and grabbed a seltzer from the fridge\n\nin my head i call him <<revise back "back">><<insertion back>>back<<endinsertion>><<endinsertion>><<endinsertion>>\n@@opacity:0;i say hey, say the alphabet backwards–hey can you\nsay it at all? hey do they ever tell you like they told me every single thing you ever said and wrecked blacked out \nand furious in your mindless tornado spin?\n\nhey why is it that you and me are only anger underneath? \nhow come when we slip off the terse sheath consciousness wraps our real selves in, all we do is push and hit and hit and need and take and hurt? \nhow is it that a man who built his house with his own hands\ncan’t control what they do nightly to whoever is within reach? \nhow come the beast that bit you bit me?@@\n<<insertion bit1>>\n\ncan you say the alphabet backwards?<<endinsertion>>