Sure it had a built in home theatre with Netflix streaming, a warmed toilet seat and a snack bar with complementary Fire Throat wiskey.\n\nI could even get a full reception on my cell phone.\n\nSadly though, the viewing slot was too [[small|2]]
!!Chapter 1: The Case unveiled.\n\nIt was a cold night on the internets, and my bottle of cat GIFs was running out. the web was changing anyway. GIFs were making room to webM files, and the download speeds were getting faster.\n\nTwo things remained the same:\n\nThe ladies, the guns and the memes\n\n!Three!\n!!Three things remained the same:\n\nThe ladies, the guns and the memes.\n\nAnd as luck would have it, one of those things [[was about to enter through the door|1]]
!!Few moments later...\n\nThe P.I. had left the apartment and was going to confront the woman.\n\nI knew full well what would happen.\n\nIn the mean time, i reported back to the main office.\n\nThe woman was there. I gaver her the gun, and she was going to do what characters like her do best.\n\nAnd the story would end in an off note.\n\nBut another story would be born.\n\nAnd so this one [[ended|1_6]].
Good. he couldn't catch me.\n\nI took a shotcut to my apartment to make it appear a bit cleaner.\n\nStill I made sure that the 'stalker shrine' wouldn't handle being inspected too closely.\n\nGreat, it was set for the eventual [[ending|1_5]]
Pulled a gun on the P.I.\n\nFire few shots.\n\nExcellent, the dum-dums missed the target as predicted. I turned to run.\n\nHe'd [[follow|1_4]]
I walked behind the woman, but not too close. Anticipating the P.I. behind me, i set myself up for the first gag of the story. Taking out a periscope, looking at the woman, and then putting it back into my trousers.\n\nI sensed that the P.I. had noticed what i was doing. Good. All was according to the [[plan|1_3]]
I was outside the P.I's apartment.\n\nI saw the lady leave the office. I made sure that my stalker outfit was looking appropriate enough. I had to keep my identity secret in order to blow the lid off this whole case.\n\nI had to follow her, but i also had to make sure that the P.I. would also be outside his office before i could make the necessary steps to make this story go the right way.\n\nThe P.I was about to come out. Time for me to make my [[entrance|1_2]]
Salmony smell..maybe cod?\n\nWhatever it was, it should've been kept in the [[fridge|11]]
The job was to tail some cat near her apartment. First i thought that she had lost her pussy.............\n.....\n...\n..\n.\ncat to the people who kidnapped pets for ransom money.\n\nAter all, this was A city inspired by the 40s LA with technology that didn't exist until 1953 because the script writer didn't do his research and who are we kidding it's taking place somewhere near the year 2014-Wood.\n\nNot so: She was afraid that she was being stalked.\n\nI knew what a stalker was: He lived in soviet russia, traveled to the forbidden zone, and in the middle of the film, the movie went from black and white to technicolor.\n\nThe Case sounded... [[profitable|1]]
Alas, if only he would've had more speed, then maybe he could've [[jump the shark|6]]
A Lady entered.\n\nFirst thing i noticed were her legs. Those legs seemed to went on forever. Those legs went so long, that they manage to cross 3 state lines and have a road toll booth somewhere near the end.\n\nThe End of what, you ask? The kind of end saying out loud would get me labeled as a misogynist or worse: A gross white cis male.\n\nShe told me that she needed [[a job|1_job]] done. She said it would involve situations typical of the things people like me find ourselves in. Situations full of ''danger,'' alcohol, ''gunplay'', and snappy, witty banter between two or more people. With a drink in everyone's hand.\n\nShe had me at [[danger|2]]
Unsurprisingly, the guy went inside the Rec Center where the latest Generic Convention Based On Some TV Series Or Internet Injoke For Nerds was held. Outside filled with people in [[strange costumes|3_costumes]], and the inside was filled with people like my man.\n\nCouldn't risk going inside in midst of the creepos, zleezos and gross peeps. Had to wait it out.\n\nAll night diner was near the convention center. Easy place to track out people going in n' out. i entered, ordered a slice of pie and a damn fine cup of coffee from the backwards talking...height challenged american.\n\nAnd then, it was time to [[wait|4]]
Of course, what you got to remember is that most of the time used in these cases are done either standing at dark alley ways, purring out smoke, or sitting at the car, listening to jaunt 40s jazz radio, looking through the binoculars to see if the cat is exiting or entering the apartment.\n\nSo why was i sitting in an construction yard [[outhouse|2_outhouse]]?\n\nRealising i didn't know that myself, i exited the said outhouse, positioning myself near a dark alleyway, passing 4 secret agents, 3 alcoholic detectives, 2 conspiritors and a partridge in a pear tree.\n\nThe stalker exited the building. And did he look stalkery. With typical outfit that fits the stalker concept.\n\nI followed [[him|3]]
!!Chapter 2: The part with the firefights.\n\nBLAM BLAM BLAM\n\nThree shots fired. The bullets flew erratically, missing me by whole 9 yards.\n\n[[Dum-Dums|5_dumdums]]\n\nNot a smart choice when you actually want to hit something.\n\nI ran after the stalker, following him in an urban jungle gym, doing acrobatics and parkour before that was even invented.\n\nI was closing in on the stalker, but there was still a few yards between us.\n\ni [[reached out|6]]...
Knowing that waiting doesn't sell pulps, i was forced to spring into action as the stalker left the convention center. Hastilly paying my bill, i calmly ran out the door whilst getting ready to tail the stalker and earning my keep.\n\nThe stalker seemed to be aware that someone was following him. And there seemed to be a kind of persicope to be poking out of his pocket. Or Maybe he thought he was going to get lucky...\n\n<p style="color:red">BLAMMO!</p>\n\nI was mistaken, it was [[a gun|5]]
After going near the shark tank and selling the sharks to the local Aquarium i was able to resume my investigation. What the sharks left wasn't much: his left sock, his fake rolex and his [[empty wallet|7_wallet]].\n\nInside still was his Costco club card, his ID and an old taxi ticket stub.\n\nID named him as someone who wasn't given a name by the dude doing this awesome, nonsensical story with a strong foundation.\n\nIt also listed his height, weight, home address, blood pressure, blood type and preferred brand of cigarettes (Lucky Strikes).\n\nNext obvious step was to go to his [[home address|8]]
The guy was like a slippery eel. In fact he was an eel. He managed to get rid of his coat, leaving me holding it like some low-rent coat hanger. Luckilly through the magic of text (''and your imagination''), this all happened in a split second!\n\nI kept running, running faster than an Usain Bolt.\n\nThe guy took a hard right and i an easy right.\n\nStill hot on his hail he jumped the fence...\n\n....and landed in a [[shark tank|6_sharktank]] on the otherside.\n\nThis game just got more [[complicated|7]]\n\nAnd here is where our story [[diverges|1_1]]
!!...The Train of thought has left the station.\n\nFirst: Cleanliness. No stalker has an apartment this clean. there should be paper clippings, bits of trash. That sort of thing. Food packagings ripped open and tosse aside.\n\nSecond: Shrine. It's a shrine yes, and it's a bit creepy but it's not as creepy as it's supposed to be. Like it's still trying to work out how to show the mind of the stalker.\n\nBut: What's the aim of this guy? on closer inspection the shrine seems far [[cleaner|9_cleaner]] than it's supposed to be.\n\nPlus the shrine seems like it's [[full of connections|9_connections]] instead of being this object of worship.\n\nWhy do i suddenly feel so [[serious?|10]]
Rockjaw Trenchcoat: internet detective
I mean, orange shirts with green pants with 56 zippers and 3 belts? 56 zippers call for 30 belts, [[at least!|3]]
It shows connections between different people with red twine connecting these photos together...there's still some blurred figure that...seems to be [[writing|9]]?
There was also some scotch, burbon, vodka and proper whiskey but the mood called for rye.\n\nAnd i was sponsored by the local rye [[distillery|8]]
!!Chapter 3: thing where THE PI DOES STUFF OK.\n\nThe apartment looked like many of the other apartments made around this area. Little Boxes on the hillside made of ticky tacky.\n\nInside was fairly clean for a typical stalker apartment. Of course there was still the shrine dedicated to the object of the creepo's lust, but that was to expected really.\n\nTo get myself in the mood of some more serious detective work, i raided through his bar cubboard and poured myself a fifth of [[rye|8_rye]]. Slinging the drink down my throat, my brain started to play jigsaw with the clues provded thus far.\n\nA picture was taking [[form|9]]
I called back to my client.\n\nI told her that this whole thing seemed kinda [[fishy|11_fishy]] and i wanted more answers.\n\nShe agreed to meet at a public place. I agreed to this agreement. It was agreeable.\n\nWe met at a typical cafe, with ashtrays on every table.\n\nThere, i started asking for [[answers|12]]
Ah, the ''tone of the story'' is starting to take a new turn. Like in those anime series that start super silly then have a serious turn in the middle and towards the end!\n\nSo what do we know:\n\n* The stalker doesn't seem to be a stalker after all\n* The shrine that's supposed to display obsessiveness, seems to be more of a mind map\n* The apartment doesn't fit the [[stereotype|10_stereotype]]\n\nSO what can we deduce from this? Maybe i was supposed to take this guy out in order for my...''employer'' to do something without having to bother about the stalker.\n\nAm i supposed to rub the [[guy out|11]]?
The legal department would like to remind the lawyers of disney reading this twine that jokes cannoy be copyrighted and as such, the writer of this twine reserves the right to make this [[joke|5]]
She appeared to the meeting place as promised.\n\nWe talked, she gave the answers. Many answers.\n\nShe was actually a member of a secret society of Femme Fatales, people who would string people like me along in order to make stories happen. The Stalker was someone who wasn't supposed to be there.\n\nBefore i could ask her about that, i was shot.\n\nRight in the gut...\n\nAll i could think about was that what if the story had started from a different viewpoint??\n\nFor me this was\n\n!!The End
!!few hours later.\n\nThe phone rang.\n\nthe Detective was dead.\n\nI thanked the woman for her outstanding performance.\n\nWe began to tear the set down. Some things could be used in the next story.\n\nWho knows what it will bring.\n\nFor it has not yet been written.
It's organized really well. Like it's supposed to be this kind of board that...\n\n''HRNGH!!''\n\nI think i'm getting a [[migraine|9]]
Leo Loikkanen
And by that we mean the stereotypes hollywood keeps doing, when they portray apartments of people with mental [[difficulties|10]]
If you clicked the wallet link, you should've read ahead because i'm about to pick it up and tell you what AWESOME CLUES it had [[inside!|7]]