latestwritersblock

There was a reason you weren't considered "the best" or the "class darling" in your Creative Writing cohort during university.\n\nYou're "okay," at best.\n\n[[Better leave the writing for those who are actually good at it.|premise]]\n\n

So, naturally, Chaotic Evil Mena doesn't want this to be an unfair fight. So she'll give rewards to Heroic Mena every time she defeats a monster.\n\nShe’s inexperienced, so it makes sense to go with the typical Level 1 Hero rewards:\n[[Leather cap, leather vest.|Leather]]

It's dumb, right? That's even worse than writing a game about having writer's block, since that's the most overused cliche in the business of writing.\n\n[[Let's try something else.|Try CSS]]

Nobody wants to play that kind of game.\n\nLighten up, won't you?.\n\n[[Fuck.|Fuck1]]

Kay, you’re back at it! \n\n@@text-decoration:underline; Mena@@\n\nSo who is Mena: she’s supported herself her entire life. It’s not that she’s always been alone, it’s that she’s never been able to fully trust her support system. They’re always there for her, and they care a lot, and she tells them most things. But there are some things she can’t tell, because she can’t really articulate them. Like a deep-seated sense of self-loathing that she knows is irrational, but is stronger than the rational part of her, anyways.\n\nWait.\n\nIs that [[relatable?|Inspiration]]

First things first: what’s the premise for this game, for RPG_DEPRESSION? (Let's just call it that for now, we'll worry about a Good and Catchy Title later.)\n\nYou want it to be a metaphor for your own battles with depression (wow you really love your heavy-handed metaphors, don’t you?). \n\nYou spend every day laying in bed, either crying or staring at the ceiling, so at least writing this game will be a way to help, right?\n\n[[You need more than that.|Plot2]]\n\n

Ride the good feeling, and keep on going!\n\nBack to the [[plot.|Plot3]]

You spend so long typing, the flesh of your fingers has eroded away completely and you are just tapping the keys with bones.\n \nAppropriate, right?\n\nYou've hit another [[brilliant idea!|Appropriate right?]]

@@text-decoration:underline; Notes from your ex (then boyfriend), on the first draft of STOP ME.@@\n\n"Elizabeth's a melodramatic drama queen, why does anybody feel bad for her? Her life is great, nobody's going to feel any sympathy for her. I, personally, [[just want her to stop whining|PlotAgain]]."\n\n

You thought of a new title. \n\nDrum roll, please:\n\n@@font-size:2em; THERE ARE MONSTERS UNDER YOUR BED@@\n\nWait. Will people think of that [[Rihanna|Rihanna]] song?\n\n“I’m friends with the monsters that are under my bed.”\n\n[[Fuck.|Fuck2]]

Are Twines even games, anyhow?\n\nNo, don't go down that route.\n\nTurn back, [[do not pass GO|GO]], do not collection $200.

<<silently>>\n<<set $visted_joel = "no">>\n<<set $visited_mena = "no">>\n<<set $visited_godzilla = "no">>\n<<endsilently>>\n@@font-size: 5em; Writer's Block:The Game@@\n\n[[Begin Game.|Begin]]\n\n

\na { color: MediumVioletRed !important }\n\nBODY {background-color:WhiteSmoke;}\n\ndiv { color:SlateGray; }\n\ndiv {font-family:Courier;}\n\ndiv { font-size:medium; }\n\n#sidebar { display: none; } \n\n\n

[[fuck|fuck4]] fuck [[fuck|fuck5]] fuck [[fuck|fuck6]] fuck

So each food will correspond to a different set of events. The fruit will be the "good" ending, the manufactured foods will be the "neutral" ending, and the appetite suppressants will be the "bad" ending.\n\nOH, [[wait--|New Title]]

Better get back to your [[notes for RPG_DEPRESSION.|Back In The Saddle]]

<<timedreplace 1s>><<becomes>>Wow...<<endtimedreplace>>\n<<timedreplace 2s>><<becomes>>That's....really ugly.<<endtimedreplace>>\n\n<<timedreplace 3s>><<becomes>>Ugh, fuck, let's just [[scrap the whole idea.|Scrap the whole idea.]]<<endtimedreplace>>

Just power through it. Finish this. Otherwise it will sit there at the back of your head, nagging you, seeping through the neural pathways in your brain, like water flooding around exposed wires.\n \nYou start typing.\n\nAt first just a little, a few words.\n\nThen a lot.\n\nIt all just kind of comes spilling out.\n\nYou're typing typing typing typing typing typing [[typ--|Typing]]

<<silently>>\n<<set $visited_mena = "yes">>\n<<endsilently>>\nGood choice. You're so tired of grumpy male protagonists, anyways.\n\n@@text-decoration:underline; Mena@@\n\nYou always liked playing [[Chaotic Neutral|Chaotic Neutral]], so that should probably be Mena's alignment.\n\n(Notes: at least for right now. You can change it later if it's not working out so well as the story progresses, naturally.)

Oh, no? Not up to the task.\n\nThis isn't working, anyways.\n\n[[That's fine, just scrap the whole idea.|Scrap the whole idea.]]

Okay, let's start off simple.\n\nChange the background colour and the font.\n\nWhat colours do you want? Let's try Black and Purple.\n\n[[PLAY TEST FROM HERE.|PlayTest]]

try {\n version.extensions['macrodemoMacro'] = { \n major:1, minor:0, revision:0 \n };\n macros['macrodemo'] = {\n handler: function(place, macroName, params, parser) {\n new Wikifier(place, "Hello World!");\n },\n init: function() { },\n };\n} catch(e) {\n throwError(place,"macrodemo Setup Error: "+e.message); \n}

[[Read Draft One ideas|One]] for:\n\n@@font-size:2em; RPG_DEPRESSION_TWINE@@.tws \n\n(Note to self: think of a better title for this Twine.)\n

Look in the mirror. You look exhausted.\n \nBut, you see yourself.\n \nTake a deep breath.\n \nHit SAVE.\n \n[[BUILD STORY.|Build Story]]

You check [[Twitter.|Twitter, again.]]\nYou check [[Facebook.|Log off Facebook2]]

It was Ghidorah, the three-headed dragon's appearance, that started to turn Godzilla from [[heel|Heel]] to babyface.\n\nAs much as you love the nefarious and brutal Godzilla, setting towns ablaze and reducing brick and cement to rubble as easy as popping pimples, it's the campy, [[heroic Godzilla|Heroic Godzilla]] that you like.\n\n

You [[delete|Delete]] your digital notes.

Maybe THERE ARE MONSTERS UNDER YOUR BED, formerely RPG_DEPRESSION, wasn't working out because Mena wasn't the right character?\n\nMaybe she was meant to be [[Chaotic Evil,|Chaotic Evil]] instead.

Well… he has a beard. \n\n<<timedreplace 1s>><<becomes>>...<<endtimedreplace>>\n <<timedreplace 2s>><<becomes>>....<<endtimedreplace>>\n <<timedreplace 3s>><<becomes>>..........<<endtimedreplace>>\n\n<<timedreplace 3s>><<becomes>>...This isn't working out.<<endtimedreplace>>\n\n<<timedreplace 5s>><<becomes>>You know you need a [[new character.|New Character]]<<endtimedreplace>>

\na { color: Lime !important }\n\nBODY {background-color:Black;}\n\ndiv { color:SlateGray; }\n\n#sidebar { display: none; } \n\n\n

\na { color: Maroon !important }\n\nBODY {background-color:white;}\n\ndiv {font-family:Courier;}\n\ndiv { color:Black; }\n\n#sidebar { display: none; } \n\n\n

Thank you for playing\n@@font-size:3em; Writer's Block: The Game@@\n\nCheck out more from <a href="http://Twitter.com/kait_zilla">Kaitlin Tremblay</a>.\n\n*Play <a href="http://philome.la/kaittremblay/there-are-monsters-under-your-bed/play">There Are Monsters Under Your Bed</a>\n*Play <a href="http://philome.la/kaittremblay/stop-me-if-youve-heard-this-one-before/play">Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before</a>\n*Play <a href="http://philome.la/kaittremblay/spines/play">spines</a>\n\n

You scroll through people's pictures (mostly engagement photos and baby pictures, because that's the point of your life you're at -- supposed to be at -- but instead you're sitting here trying to write notes for a game).\n\nA game, you're starting realize, might not even be a good idea in the first place.\n\n[[Log off Facebook.|Log off Facebook]]

Okay, maybe take a break from writing the plot and character to work a bit on the aesthetics.\n\n[[Try some custom CSS.|Css]]\n[[Fuck that.|Nope.]]

Check [[Twitter.|Twitter]]\nCheck [[Facebook.|Facebook]]

\na { color: RED !important }\n\nBODY {background-color:Lime;}\n\ndiv { color:Black; }\n\n#sidebar { display: none; } \n\n\n

[[Oh. Okay…|Stop Me Notes]].

\na { color: Purple !important }\n\nBODY {background-color:Black;}\n\ndiv { color:SlateGray; }\n\n#sidebar { display: none; } \n\n\n

(You're really excited about this one.)\n\n@@text-decoration:underline; Mena's Weapon@@\n\nSo Mena's weapon will be an eyelash curler. It's meant to symbolize the way you try to battle your self-loathing by at least pretending to be a fully functional human being who doesn't cringe when they see themselves in the mirror.\n\nSuccess! There's an idea.\n\n[[Good for you.|Feeling Good]]

Focus, girl! You can do this.\n\nSo Mena's Chaotic Evil. Breaking hearts, taking numbers, that whole bit. Which is good, because she hates the Chaotic Neutral Mena ([[aka|aka]] Heroic Mena) more than anything. So self-righteous and piteous.\n\nShe wants to destroy the Heroic Mena. (Remember they're the same person. The only difference between your hero and villain is cause, not personality.)\n\nSo Villain Mena she sets traps for Heroic Mena. Which is easy, because Heroic Mena never [[really puts up much of a fight.|much of a fight]]

You decide to look through your old notes for inspiration.\n\nSTOP ME IF YOU'VE HEARD THIS ONE BEFORE was your first Twine. It was body horror and it was about Elizabeth, a woman with intense self-loathing and disordered eating.\n\n\n[[Look at rough notes for STOP ME IF YOU'VE HEARD THIS ONE BEFORE|Draft 783]]\n

But they’re not really rewards. They’re parts of your skin. You pull it off yourself.\n \nHair fibers embedded in muscle fibers. Where do you think real leather comes from, anyways?\n \nWho are you really fighting?\n \nAre there really monsters even there?\n \nWhy is there a [[bruise|bruise]] on the inside of your thigh?

@@text-decoration:underline; Chaotic Evil Mena@@\n\nIt would make sense, wouldn't it? She's ruthless, unforgiving, uncaring, unsympathetic (and she feels alone enough to warrant locking herself up in an evil fortress).\n\nMaybe that was the problem. You've been thinking about this game strictly in terms of playing as a hero.\n\nMaybe you need a [[villain.|Villain]]\n

Instead of scrolling through your feed to roll your eyes at pictures, you just stare at your profile. You don't use Facebook for much, so your profile is pretty boring. Just a shot of you, and a few job-related posts, mostly. Some pictures of friends from nights out, but not a lot.\n\nYou're exhausted, you realize, despite having just been in bed for hours.\n\nYou look at the [[Twine icon on the bottom of your screen|Giving Up Again2]].

Instead of getting into an argument, you read a friend's article. It's really good. Smart, well-written, passionate. Everyone loves it. You're happy for them.\n\nYou can never write like that.\n\nYou [[look at your notes|Giving Up Again2]] for RPG_DEPRESSION.

You stop writing.\n \nYou think.\n \n[[Are you done?|done]]

<<silently>>\n<<set $visted_joel = "yes">>\n<<endsilently>>\n@@text-decoration:underline; Who is Joel?@@\n\nJoel is a Father. @@text-decoration:line-through;(“Gamers” like male protags and female characters with Daddy Issues, right?)@@ \n\n[[What does he look like?|Joel Appearance]]

This isn't working out. I don't know why you thought it would, you know you never can finish anything.\n\nAll these ideas sounded so much better in your head. Really, who wants to play a game about not being able to get out of your bed and fighting imaginary monsters with an eyelash curler? Really, stop being so self-indulgent and call that fucking psychologist already, okay?\n\n[[Give up.|Giving Up Again]]

You know your main character needs to be a woman.\n\nWrite about [[Mena|Mena]].\n[[Give up.|Giving Up Already?]]

Okay, so the whole figuring out a plot thing isn't working out so well.\n\nLet's try worrying about the [[protagonist|protagonist]], shall we?

So, Mena's tough, but damaged, and that's the crux of RPG_DEPRESSION: she's too tough (or she feels she's too tough) to ask for help, so the whole point is that she has to fight her own monsters (demons) in order to save herself.\n\nOH, you just thought of what Mena's [[weapon --|Weapon]] should be.

Later, you would decide to call STOP ME a mostly true memoir, despite knowing that Elizabeth was you and the only fictional part was that she had the strength to execute her own destruction.\n\n[[Back to writing your notes|Back to writing your notes]].

After all, the best stories are always character driven.\n\nWhat's a good protagonist? Someone who isn't better than the audience feels they are are, but is someone who is Super Relatable and Still Makes People Want to Aspire To Greatness.\n\nWho should you write about first?\n\n[[Joel|Joel]]\n[[Mena|Mena]]

You decide to watch a movie. An old Godzilla flick, because his rampage always makes you feel better.\n\nHe destroys buildings and fights three-headed dragons and is still somehow the hero.\n\nWell, after he made his transition from villain, of course.\n\n[[Think some more about Godzilla.|Godzilla]]\n[[You're ready to get back to writing.|Nags]]

@@text-decoration:underline; Plot@@\n\nAfter each battle, Mena will have to decide what to eat to replenish her health/energy. (You don't want her to just rest/go to sleep as is typical in RPGs, because all she does is lie in her bed, anyways.)\n\nWhat should her food choices be?\n\n[[Apple, Candy Bar, Nothing|food choices]]\n[[Oranges, Protein Bar, Gum|food choices]]\n[[Cucumber, Cookies, Coffee|food choices]]

That was awful, you should really stop saying that.\n\nThis kind of self-defeatism is why Mena should be a villain. Nobody's crueler to you than yourself.\n\nThat makes sense. Actually, that makes a lot of sense.\n\nSo Mena will be a villain.\n \nThis is important, [[you start to realize.|Realize]]

<<timedreplace 1s>><<becomes>>Oh.<<endtimedreplace>>\n\n<<timedreplace 2s>><<becomes>>Um.<<endtimedreplace>>\n\n<<timedreplace 3s>><<becomes>>No...<<endtimedreplace>>\n\n<<timedreplace 4s>><<becomes>>[[Try again?|CSS Again]]<<endtimedreplace>>

@@font-size:3em; THERE ARE [[MONSTERS|Credits]] UNDER YOUR BED.@@

Kay, let's try something scarier. Maybe Red and Green?\n\n[[PLAY TEST FROM HERE|FinalPlayTest]]

She is the villain, and the hero.\n \nThe traps she lays as the villain she lays for herself as the hero.\n \nLike tripwires set up while sleep-walking.\n \nExcept which version is the true one, hero or [[villain?|Ending]]

(Note to self: curb use of WWE sayings.)\n\n[[Back to Godzilla.|Godzilla]]

With your notes deleted, you go on Twitter to argue about why you don't think The Last Of Us had good writing.\n\nThen, after that, you twiddle your thumbs for [[awhile.|Monsters under my bed]]

(Was it Rihana?)\n\n[[Don't get distracted, you're on a roll!|New Title]]

<<silently>>\n<<set $visted_godzilla = "yes">>\n<<endsilently>>\nNot ready to actually give up, are you?\n\nGood for you!\n\n(Note to self: remember this high when you're feeling completely ineffectual later.)\n\n<<if $visted_joel eq "yes">>Okay, so let's get back to it. Your road block was your character: you know your character needs to be a woman.\n\nWrite about [[Mena.|Mena]]<<else>>Okay, so let's get back to it. Mena is supposed to be you and this is a personal story, so just write it how you feel it.\n\nContinue writing about [[Mena|Strong Female Character]]<<endif>>

@@font-size:3em; THERE ARE [[MONSTERS|Nopenope]] UNDER YOUR BED@@

The idea nags at the back of your mind, like an insect crawling over your skin in a place that you can't see, but you can vaguely feel. (Remember that metaphor for later. Draw a comparison to that scene in The Mummy where the bugs crawl under the man's skin.)\n\nIt's not that bad of an idea, right? I mean...maybe somebody can relate?\n\n[[Try again?|Try again]]

Won’t being a villain defeat the entire purpose of this?\n \nBut you are the villain in this story. And you know it. Everything they’ve ever said about you was right. So why even bother trying to fight against it?\n \nSo that settles it. Mena will be a villain.\n \nThis is important, [[you start to realize.|Realize]]

She doesn’t just have to be badass. I mean, she is, but there’s more to writing a “strong” female character than just being physically strong. We’re past that, we’re smarter than that as an audience now.\n\n[[Aren't we?|Shit]]

You got into a Twitter argument, congrats!\n\nIn actuality, you wasted two hours arguing over whether or not BioShock 2 was a good game. You liked playing as the Big Daddy. It felt Marxist to you, being a labourer in an unfair system, fighting for what you believe in.\n\nThat reminds you...\n\nBetter get back to your [[notes for RPG_DEPRESSION.|Back In The Saddle]]

Fuck\nfuck\nfuck\nfuck\nfuck\nfuck\nfuck\nfuck\nfuck\nfuck\nfuck\nfuckkkkkkkkdfjdkjfsdkfsdfjsdl[[fksjdfskldfsjd;fsdjfsldk|Fuckkkkk]]

You bang her head against the keyboard, full-out cartoon style. You were always told to write what you know, so why isn't this easier?\n\nOkay, just try to [[stay on track a little bit longer,|a little bit longer]] please?

@@font-size:2em; Kaitlin's Super Great Ideas For A Video Game@@\n\n@@text-decoration:underline; Rough Notes:@@\n(just to outline general plot, narrative arc, character development, etc. You know, the "good" stuff.)\n\nOkay, so let's take it easy and let's start with the [[plot|Plot]].\n

@@font-size:3em;THERE ARE [[MONSTERS|Shit2]] UNDER THE BED@@

Okay, so yeah, that's your problem! You've been thinking about this in terms of your character needing to be a hero.\n\nBut you're not a hero.\n\nYou're a fuck up.\n\nWell... that really took the wind outta your sails, hey?\n\n[[Fuck.|Well fuck]]

You need rewards for whenever Mena defeats a monster.\n \nShe’s inexperienced, so it makes sense to go with the typical Level 1 Hero rewards:\n[[Leather cap, leather vest.|Leather]]

You give up, because you know no matter how appropriate this story sounds in your head, you'll never be able to write it the way it deserves to be written.\n\n[[Quit while you're ahead and not entirely devastated?|Quit]]

You watch the first four movies in the original series before you realize you haven't even gotten out of bed for a glass water.\n\nYou turn off the PS3 to give it a break.\n\nYou look at your computer.\n\n[[Twine is still open, of course.|Nags]]

Essentially, it's an escape the room (ha-ha, you're still in your bed, so the aptness of this genre isn't lost on you).\n\nGreat. Already starting with the self-defeatism, hey?\n\nIt's an escape the room about battling depression. You'll include real monsters, but they won't be "real," they're metaphors for how much you hate yourself.\n\nWait.\n\n[[This isn't working.|NotWorking1]]

You give up, obviously.\n\nYou're stumped. You're fully convinced nobody will want to play this [[kind of game|dumb idea]].\n\n

Remember that fight you got into with your senior editor, over whether or not "aka" should have periods between each letter? And you tried to source the Chicago Manual of Style to solve the debate, but --\n\nOh my god, [[shut up and stay on track!|a little bit longer]]

“I’m friends with the monsters that are under [[my — ”|Fuck it okay]]\n\n

<<if $visited_godzilla eq "yes">>Hmmm, okay, so Mena’s a chaotic neutral character. No real alignment, a gun for hire. She should be strong.\n\nOh, god, you don't want this to be your typical [[Strong Female Character TM|Strong Female Character]] either.<<else>>Hmmm, okay, so Mena’s a chaotic neutral character. No real alignment, a gun for hire. She should be strong.\n\nOh, god, you don't want this to be your typical [[Strong Female Character TM|Strong Female Character]] either.\n\n[[Or, you know, you could give up.|Giving Up Already?]] You don't have the energy to think about this right now, anyways.<<endif>>

Shit.\n\nThis isn’t going to work.\n\n[[Give up for now.|Give up for now]]