no, i get the coffee! you said so in my birthday card! but for honouring your word and respecting my coffee-getting rights, feel free to go back to the [[ORB|Lift]] and do something else. or if you want, you can try your luck with the [[MONKEYS|Bad_end]].
in the cave is a pedestal, and on the pedestal is a nifty hat!\n\n[[TAKE THE NIFTY HAT!|Neutral_end]]
north of the orb is monkeys.\n\n[[WATCH THEM|Bad_end]] [[GET COFFEE|Coffee]]\n
weest of the orb is a cave shaped like the face of a ninja turtle. like his mouth is the cave's, y'know, mouth. you think it might be raphael.\n\n[[GO IN RAPHAEL'S MOUTH|Cave]]\n
you find yourself at the parapets. you know what to do.\n\n[[GO DENNIS|Dennis]]
you get a nifty hat(!) for your birthday. congratulations!\n\n(NEUTRAL END)
you pick up some dirt not sure why, but you can do what you want on your birthday. and you have done. that. what you want, i mean. you are happy with your dirt. so happy. good for you, man. that's about it, i guess?\n\n(SECRET END)
'i have something for you,' says the fairy. \n\nshe gives you a skulltula. no, not just any skulltula. THAT golden skulltula. the final one.\n\nalso a cool dragon that can play guitar.\n\nhappy birthday!\n\n(GOOD END)
the orb is heavier than a watermelon. it's as heavy as, like, forty watermelons or something. you'll have to leave it here.\n\nthe directions available to you are [[NORTH|North]], [[WEEST|Weest]], and [[NOPE|Nope]].
you raise the stick and touch it to the butterfly -- and it turns into a fairy! no, seriously! you don't even have to wait a million hours, and it actually works!\n\n[[SPEAK TO THE FAIRY|Good_end]]
you shouldn't have looked the monkeys in the eyes. you find yourself unmoving, mesmorised. there doesn't seem to be any way to turn or move away to break the spell. but hey, at least you get to look at some cool monkeys for your birthday. and also forever.\n\n(BAD END)
the orb says "sorry, dude" and moves aside. you realise the orb was sitting on a grotto. you drop down to see what the deal is. over a patch of grass in the dim light, a butterfly flutters idly. on the ground there is a [[STICK|Stick]] and some [[DIRT|Dirt]].
to the dennis of the parapets, an orb shimmers like a bronzed watermelon before you. it seems kind of heavy.\n\n[[TRY TO LIFT THE ROCK|Lift]] [[YELL AT THE ROCK|Yell]]\n
you really can't do anything here, for real, man. go [[weest|Weest]] or [[something|North]].