WHAT IS IT ABOUT THIS STATE THAT MAKES PEOPLE FLEE THE EARTH

WHAT IS IT ABOUT THIS STATE THAT MAKES PEOPLE FLEE THE EARTH? An adventure in builing spaceports and avoiding S.M.E.F. (set: $ECUADOR to false)(set: $balloon to false) (set: $def to 1) (set: $cap to 1) (set: $pop to 1) (set: $res to 1) (set: $burj to false) (Sudden Massive Existence Failure) (set: $alien to false)(set: $clocks to false)(set: $dramatica to false) [[>Start|SO YOU WANT TO BUILD A SPACEPORT.]]. (set: $weapon to 'bare hands')

SO YOU WANT TO BUILD A SPACEPORT. [[>Not really|YOU DON'T REALLY HAVE A CHOICE IN THIS.]]. [[>HECK. YES.|SPIRIT]] (set: $countermeasures to false)(set: $lab to false)(set: $manufacturing to false) (set: $living to false)(set: $excavation to false)(set: $tourism to false) (set: $cargo to false) (set: $launch to false) (set: $business to false) (set: $support to false)

YOU DON'T REALLY HAVE A CHOICE IN THIS. [[>Okay|THAT'S BETTER]].

THAT'S BETTER. WHAT WILL YOU DO? > [[Build a spaceport, I guess|DON'T GET SMART WITH ME.]]

DON'T GET SMART WITH ME, I MEAN IT. YOUR EXITS ARE [[NORTH|NORTH]], [[SOUTH|SOUTH]], OR [[ECUADOR|ECUADOR?]].

YOU ARE NOW IN THE NASA GLENN RESEARCH CENTER'S SECRET BACK BUILDING. WHERE THEY KEEP THE COOL STUFF, LIKE ALIENS IN JARS. > [[What?|JUST GO WITH IT OKAY]]

YOU ARE IN JOHNSON SPACE CENTER. HOUSTON WAS BUILT ON A SWAMP AND THEN DECLARED FIT FOR HUMAN HABITATION, WHICH IS RIDICULOUS, BUT IN FAIRNESS, YOU'RE TRYING TO GO TO SPACE, WHICH IS SLIGHTLY WORSE. BUT ONLY SLIGHTLY. > [[A swamp? Really? Can't you be a little nicer?|NO]]

> [[ECUADOR?|DON'T QUESTION IT.]]

ALIENS. JARS. FLOATING. WHATEVER. YOUR ENTHUSIASM FOR SPACE FOOLED THE GUARDS INTO BELIEVING THAT YOU'RE A REAL LIFE NASA EMPLOYEE! WHICH IS WHY YOU'RE IN THE SECRET BACK BUILDING WITH THE ALIENS! YOU DISCOVER SOME NEAT AS HECK ALIEN WEAPONS IN A SUPPLY CLOSET MARKED "DEFINITELY NOT ALIEN WEAPONS AT ALL, NOT EVEN A LITTLE." (set: $weapon to 'alien') (set: $def to it + 3) (set: $printdef to (print: $def)) YOUR [[DEFENSE|FAQ]] IS: $printdef

(set: $def to it + 0) (set: $cap to it + 2) (set: $pop to it + 1)(set: $res to it + 2)(set: $fac to 6) CONGRATS, YOU'VE MADE IT TO SPACE IN YOUR GIANT FLOATING DONUT. (set: $printdef to (print: $def))(set: $printcap to (print: $cap))(set: $printpop to (print: $pop))(set: $printres to (print: $res)) YOUR DEFENSE IS: $printdef YOUR CAPACTITY IS: $printcap YOUR POPULATION IS: $printpop YOUR RESOURCES ARE: $printres WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR SPACEPORT TO BE A [[MINING OUTPOST|MINING]], A [[COLONY|COLONY]], OR DO YOU WANT TO GO [[BEYOND THE INFINITE|EXPLORATION]]?

(set: $def to it + 2) (set: $cap to it + 1) (set: $pop to it + 1) (set: $res to it + 1) (set: $fac to 8) YOUR UNNECCESARILY LARGE ELEVATOR STRETCHES MAGNIFICENTLY TOWARDS SPACE! AD ASTRA, ET CETERA. (set: $printdef to (print: $def)) (set: $printcap to (print: $cap)) (set: $printpop to (print: $pop)) (set: $printres to (print: $res)) YOUR DEFENSE IS: $printdef YOUR CAPACTITY IS: $printcap YOUR POPULATION IS: $printpop YOUR RESOURCES ARE: $printres WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR SPACEPORT TO BE A [[MINING OUTPOST|MINING]], A [[COLONY|COLONY]], OR DO YOU WANT TO GO [[BEYOND THE INFINITE|EXPLORATION]]?

(set: $def to it + 2) (set: $cap to it + 0) (set: $pop to it + 2)(set: $res to it + 1) (set: $fac to 6) AGAINST ALL ODDS, YOU HAVE CREATED A TUBE. (set: $printdef to (print: $def)) (set: $printcap to (print: $cap)) (set: $printpop to (print: $pop)) (set: $printres to (print: $res)) YOUR DEFENSE IS: $printdef YOUR CAPACTITY IS: $printcap YOUR POPULATION IS: $printpop YOUR RESOURCES ARE: $printres WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR SPACEPORT TO BE A [[MINING OUTPOST|MINING]], A [[COLONY|COLONY]], OR DO YOU WANT TO GO [[BEYOND THE INFINITE|EXPLORATION]]?

DON'T QUESTION IT. ECUADOR. LOVELY COUNTRY. [[>If you say so.|DOMAIN]]

YOU BEGIN TO GATHER GUINEA PIGS AND PLOT YOUR ESCAPE FROM THIS PLANET. THE GUINEA PIGS CLAMOR FOR HAY. > [[What?|WHAT?]] (set: $ECUADOR to true)

I THINK THAT'S WHAT THEY EAT. (set: $res to it + 3) (set: $printres to (print: $res)) (if: $balloon is true)[YOUR [[RESOURCES|BEGIN BUILD]] ARE: $printres] (if: $balloon is false)[YOUR [[RESOURCES|FAQ]] ARE: $printres]

> Beyond the what? INFINITE. YOU KNOW, LIKE THAT MOVIE WITH THE COMPUTER THAT GOES NUTS AND KILLS SOME GUYS? I LOVE THAT MOVIE. (set: $exploration to true) ANYWAY. YOUR SPACEPORT IS NOW SET TO BECOME THE FIRST STOP ON ANY INTERPLANETARY JOURNEY. PEOPLE WILL COME FROM ALL AROUND (I.E., THE EARTH) BEFORE THE BEGIN THEIR JOURNEYS TO THE STARS! [[> Neat.|FAST]]

YOUR SPACEPORT'S PRIMARY FUNCTION WILL BE TO HARBOR AND SUPPORT HUMAN LIFE. KIND OF LIKE A TOWN, BUT IN SPACE. A SPACE TOWN. A SPOWN. NO THAT SUCKS LET'S JUST CALL IT A COLONY. [[> Sure.|LIVING]]

NO (Please note that 50% of our team is from the great city of Houston, TX, and therefore we are legally allowed say these things despite Houston's current distress.) [[>Okay, fine.|PROCEED]]

THANK YOU, LET'S PROCEED. YOU'RE HERE BECAUSE BUILDING A SPACEPORT IS YOUR PASSION, YOUR DRIVE, THE THING YOU'VE WANTED TO DO SINCE YOU WERE SMALL (OR SMALLER, IF YOU'RE STILL QUITE SMALL). (set: $cap to it + 2) EVERYTHING IS BIGGER IN TEXAS, SO YOU DECIDE YOUR SPACEPORT OUGHT TO BE AS WELL. (set: $printcap to (print: $cap)) YOUR [[CAPACITY|FAQ]] IS: $printcap

IT'S TIME FOR HUMANITY TO DEPLETE THE NATURAL RESOURCES OF PLANETARY BODIES OTHER THAN THEIR OWN. (set: $excavation to true) LIKE A DRAGON GATHERING IT'S HOARD, YOU SET OUT ON YOUR QUEST. [[DRILL, BABY, DRILL.|DRILL]]

(if: $ECUADOR is false)[YOUR WEATHER BALLOON IS A MASSIVE FAILURE. WHAT DID YOU HONESTLY EXPECT. YOU CRASH LAND AND ESCAPE THE WRECKAGE OF YOUR MANGLED BALLOON AND FIND YOURSELF IN [[ECUADOR|ECUADOR?]].] (if: $ECUADOR is true)[YOUR WEATHER BALLOON IS A MASSIVE FAILURE. WHAT DID YOU HONESTLY EXPECT. GUINEA PIGS SCREAM ACROSS THE SKY. YOU CRASH LAND AND ESCAPE THE WRECKAGE OF YOUR MANGLED BALLOON AND FIND YOURSELF IN [[ECUADOR|ECUADOR?]] (set: $res to 0)] (set: $balloon to true)

(if: $ECUADOR is false)[YOU CLAIM ECUADOR FOR THE UNITED STATES UNDER EMINENT DOMAIN. QUITO IS STRATEGICALLY IMPORTANT FOR YOUR OPERATION. YOU BEGIN TO GATHER RESOURCES. YOUR RESOURCE OPTIONS ARE [[GUINEA PIGS|GUINEA PIGS]], [[GUINEA PIGS|GUINEA PIGS]], OR [[GUINEA PIGS|GUINEA PIGS]].] (if: $ECUADOR is true)[YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. > Gather [[Guniea pigs|GUINEA PIGS]].]

> I'm sorry, what? OH SORRY I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU NEEDED ABSOLUTELY EVERY LITTLE DETAIL EXPLAINED TO YOU, LIKE AN INFANT. YOU HAVE FOUR STATS: DEFENSE, CAPACITY, POPULATION, AND RESOURCES. CERTAIN ACTIONS WILL ADD TO YOUR STATS, CERTAIN ACTIONS WILL DIMINISH THEM. KEEP YOUR STATS HIGH OR SOMETHING TERRIBLE WILL HAPPEN! > [[Okay.|BEGIN BUILD]]

(if: $ECUADOR is true)[YOU AND YOUR GUINEA PIGS ARE READY TO BUILD A SPACEPORT! HOORAY!] YOU HAVE THREE MAIN OPTIONS: A SPACE ELEVATOR IS AN ELEVATOR, BUT MUCH BIGGER THAN REGULAR ELEVATORS, BEING THAT IT GOES TO SPACE. IT'S BEST USED AS A STARTING POINT FOR INTERSTELLAR TRAVEL. AN O'NEIL CYLINDER IS LIKE A TUBE! BUT IN SPACE, SO INFINITELY BETTER THAN YOUR STANDARD, EARTHBOUND TUBES. IT'S BEST USED AS A COLONY. A STANFORD TORUS IS A SPACE DONUT. IT'S A GOOD STARTING POINT FOR MINING OPERATIONS. OR YOU CAN GO THE CHEAP AND EASY ROUTE AND JUST USE A WEATHER BALLOON TO GET YOUR SORRY SELF TO SPACE! SO CHEAP! SO EASY! SO, WHAT WILL IT BE? [[TORUS|TORUS]], [[ELEVATOR|ELEVATOR]], [[CYLINDER|CYLINDER]], [[BALLOON|WEATHER BALLOON]]?

(if: $cap >= 5 and $pop >= 5 and $res >= 5 and $def >= 5)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]] (else:)[YOUR COLONY HAS BECOME AN EXCLUSIVE DESTINATION SPOT FOR THE MEGA RICH. IT'S TIME TO SET UP SOME FACILITIES FOR THE SPACE TOURISTS (SPOURISTS? NAH). (set: $burj to true) [[BURJ AL SPACE|BUSINESS2]], [[TRUMP INTERNATIONAL GOLF CLUB JUPITER|TRUMP]], [[BALLOONIST MEMORIAL|BALLOONIST]], [[A COMBINATION PIZZA HUT AND TACO BELL|PIZZA]], OR [[A MUSEUM OF OBSOLETE TECHNOLOGY|OBSOLETE]] (set: $fac to it -1)] (set: $printdef to (print: $def))(set: $printcap to (print: $cap))(set: $printpop to (print: $pop))(set: $printres to (print: $res))(set: $tourism to true) FYI: YOUR DEFENSE IS: $printdef YOUR CAPACTITY IS: $printcap YOUR POPULATION IS: $printpop YOUR RESOURCES ARE: $printres

YOUR SPACEPORT IS WELL ON ITS WAY TO BECOMING A BUSTLING METROPOLIS. HOWEVER, YOU NEED FUNDS DESPERATELY. IT'S TIME TO ENGAGE IN SOME GOOD OLD FASHIONED CAPITALISM. HOORAY! (if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[CHOOSE: [[AMAZON SPACE OUTPOST|AMAZON]], [[BLACK MARKET|MARKET]], OR [[APP STORE|APP]]. (set: $printdef to (print: $def))(set: $printcap to (print: $cap))(set: $printpop to (print: $pop))(set: $printres to (print: $res))(set: $business to true) BY THE WAY, IN CASE YOU CARE: YOUR DEFENSE IS: $printdef YOUR CAPACTITY IS: $printcap YOUR POPULATION IS: $printpop YOUR RESOURCES ARE: $printres (set: $fac to it -1)]

YOU LOSE. I'M SORRY, I DON'T MAKE THE RULES, I ONLY ENFORCE THEM. AND YOU, BUDDY, JUST LOST. YOU CHOSE TO TANGO WITH A GINGER BIGOT AND IT COST YOU BIG TIME. EVERYTHING IS AWFUL AND YOUR LIFE IS AN UNRELENTING SERIES OF HORRORS. [[RESTART?|WHAT IS IT?]]

(set: $fac to it -1)(if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST JETTISON ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else-if: $cap >= 5 and $pop >= 5 and $res >= 5 and $def >= 5)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]] (else:)[YOUR SPACEPORT IS LOOKING A LITTLE VULNERABLE. WOULDN'T IT BE A SHAME IF SOMETHING WERE TO...........[[HAPPEN TO IT?|IMPLYING]](set: $countermeasures to true)]

(if: $cap >= 5 and $pop >= 5 and $res >= 5 and $def >= 5)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]] (else:)[(set: $fac to it -1)(if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[JEFF BEZOS COMES TO YOUR SPACEPORT AND PERSONALLY SETS UP THE FIRST AMAZON OUTPOST IN SPACE. AS FAR AS YOU CAN TELL, IT IS ACTUALLY AN BARNES & NOBLE WITH THE WORDS AMAZON TAPED OVER THE FACADE. BUT HE SEEMS HAPPY WITH IT AND WON'T TALKING ABOUT "PHYSICALLY ENGAGING WITH PRODUCTS" BEING THE FUTURE OF RETAIL. [[> Personally, I'm still mad about Hachette.|HACHETTE]] [[> Analog is the future.|ANALOG]] (set: $rec to it + 1)]]

(if: $cap >= 5 and $pop >= 5 and $res >= 5 and $def >= 5)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]] (else:)[(set: $fac to it -1)(if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[BLACK MARKET - WHAT CAN BE BETTER THAN THIS? [[> Leave immediately.|LEAVE]]] (set: $rec to it + 2)(set: $def to it + 1)]

(set: $rec to it -1) (if: $cap >= 5 and $pop >= 5 and $res >= 5 and $def >= 5)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]] (else:)[(if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[AN "APP STORE" IS A "STORE" FOR "APPS." [[> Is it cross-platform?|APP 2]]] (set: $fac to it -1)]

YOUR SPACEPORT IS WELL ON ITS WAY TO BECOMING A BUSTLING METROPOLIS. HOWEVER, YOU NEED FUNDS DESPERATELY. IT'S TIME TO ENGAGE IN SOME GOOD OLD FASHIONED CAPITALISM. HOORAY! (if: $burj is true)[(set: $pop to it + 1)] (if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[CHOOSE: [[AMAZON SPACE OUTPOST|AMAZON]], [[BLACK MARKET|MARKET]], OR [[APP STORE|APP]].(set: $business to true) (set: $printdef to (print: $def))(set: $printcap to (print: $cap))(set: $printpop to (print: $pop))(set: $printres to (print: $res)) BY THE WAY, IN CASE YOU CARE: YOUR DEFENSE IS: $printdef YOUR CAPACTITY IS: $printcap YOUR POPULATION IS: $printpop YOUR RESOURCES ARE: $printres (set: $fac to it -1)]

> What are you implying here? WHAT, ME? NOTHING. I JUST THINK YOU SHOULD EMPLOY SOME KIND OF SHIELD. DON'T GET ALL DEFENSIVE ON ME. CHOOSE: [[RADIATION SHIELD|RADIATION]], [[ION SHIELD|ION]], [[1.7 METERS OF LUNAR SOIL|SOIL]], OR [[MOAT|MOAT]].

(set: $fac to it -1)(set: $radiation to true) (if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[YOU HAVE BUILT A RADIATION SHIELD. SADLY, NOT A FIELD MADE OUT OF RADIATION. A SHIELD THAT PROTECTS YOU AGAINST RADIATION. IT IS, AS THE KIDS SAY, "RAD" (set: $def to it + 1) [[> The kids don't say that.|LAB]]]

(set: $fac to it -1) (if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[IONS! A POSITIVE ION IS A CATION! I REMEBERED THIS IN HIGH SCHOOL BECAUSE I FEEL POSITIVE ABOUT CATS! (set: $def to it + 1)(set: $dog to true) [[> I'm more of a dog person.|LAB]]]

(set: $fac to it -1) (if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[THE SHIELD, 1.7 METRES THICK, IS CONSTRUCTED FROM LARGE "BRICKS" OF FUSED UNDIFFERENTIATED LUNAR SOIL HELD TOGETHER BY MECHANICAL FASTENERS AND SERVES AS A PASSIVE SHIELD AGAINST COSMIC RAYS. (set: $def to it + 2) [[>My shield is a bunch of dirt?|SOIL2]]]

YOU LOSE. YOU ATTEMPT TO BUILD A MOAT AROUND YOUR SPACEPORT BY FLUSHING ALL AVAILABLE WATER INTO SPACE. YOUR PEOPLE HAVE DIED OF THIRST. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? [[RESTART?|WHAT IS IT?]]

(if: $cap >= 5 and $pop >= 5 and $res >= 5 and $def >= 5)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]] (else:)[(if: $rad is true)[WHATEVER.](if: $dog is true)[THEN YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS.] YOUR SPACEPORT IS SURPRISINGLY UNSCIENTIFIC. YOU KNOW, FOR SOMETHING IN SPACE. IT'S TIME TO ADD SOME LABS! (set: $lab to true) CHOOSE ONE: [[NON-HUMAN PRIMATE TESTING FACILITY|APES]], [[MODULAR STELLERATOR|MODULAR]], [[LABRADOR RETRIEVER|LAB.]] (set: $printdef to (print: $def))(set: $printcap to (print: $cap))(set: $printpop to (print: $pop))(set: $printres to (print: $res)) ALSO: YOUR DEFENSE IS: $printdef YOUR CAPACTITY IS: $printcap YOUR POPULATION IS: $printpop YOUR RESOURCES ARE: $printres]

(set: $fac to it -1)(set: $cap to it +1)(set: $def to it +1) (if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[YOUR FRIENDS ON EARTH HELPFULLY SEND YOU SOME NON-HUMAN PRIMATES FOR YOUR LAB. THEY'RE ALL REMARKABLY WELL QUALIFIED FOR THEIR JOBS, AND ARE CONSUMATE PROFESSIONALS. THOUGH THEY DO TEND TO LEAVE THEIR LAB KITCHEN IN AN AWFUL STATE OF DISARRAY. DAMN DIRTY APES. (set: $weapon to 'rail')(set: $dog to false) THEY BUILT YOU THIS RAIL GUN. > [[Take gun.|GUN]]]

(set: $fac to it -1)(if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES](else:)[I CAN TELL YOU ARE SOMEONE WHO APPRECIATES QUALITY CONTROLLED NUCLEAR FUSION. ALL MY TEACHERS ALWAYS SAID "TOKAMAKS ARE THE ONLY LEGITIMATE APPROACH" BUT JUST LIKE I WAS RIGHT ABOUT SUPERIORITY OF DVORAK, I ALWAYS MAINTAINED THAT AZIMUTHTHAL SYMMETRY WAS NOTHING MORE THAN THE SYSTEM TRYING TO KEEP ME DOWN. YOU HEAR THAT MR. JIM, I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG, WHO'S THE SMARTEST NOW? WHO IS IT? IT'S ME, I'M THE SMARTEST. THE SMARTEST. ME. ME! HELLO? ANYONE STILL THERE? (set: $cap to it + 2)(set: $def to it + 2) (if: $countermeasures is false)[> [[You completely lost me.|MODULAR2]] [[> No.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[> [[You completely lost me.|MODULAR2]] [[> No.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[> [[You completely lost me.|MODULAR2]] [[> No.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[> [[You completely lost me.|MODULAR2]] [[> No.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[> [[You completely lost me.|MODULAR2]] [[> No.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[> [[You completely lost me.|MODULAR2]] [[> No.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[> [[You completely lost me.|MODULAR2]] [[> No.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[> [[You completely lost me.|MODULAR2]] [[> No.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[> [[You completely lost me.|MODULAR2]] [[> No.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[> [[You completely lost me.|MODULAR2]] [[> No.|SUPPORT]]](else-if: $launch is false)[> [[You completely lost me.|MODULAR2]] [[> No.|FAST]]](else:)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]]]

WHO'S A GOOD BOY? YOUR LAB IS! (set: $dog to false) [[> Pet dog|PET]]

THE DOG IS PLEASED. YOU SPEND ALL YOUR TIME PLAYING WITH YOUR DOG AND FORGET TO DO SCIENCE. (if: $ECUADOR is true)[HE EATS YOUR GUINEA PIGS.] YOU LOSE. [[RESTART?|WHAT IS IT?]]

YOU HAVE JETTISONED A FACILITY. (set: $fac to it + 1) NO I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE. YOU PRESSED THE BUTTON, AND POOF, IT'S GONE. HOPE IT WASN'T SOMETHING IMPORTANT. (set: $printdef to (print: $def)) (set: $printcap to (print: $cap)) (set: $printpop to (print: $pop)) (set: $printres to (print: $res)) YOUR DEFENSE IS: $printdef YOUR CAPACTITY IS: $printcap YOUR POPULATION IS: $printpop YOUR RESOURCES ARE: $printres YOU HAVE $fac SLOTS FOR FACILITIES. (if: $fac is 3)[[[JETTISON ANOTHER?|XYZZY]]](else-if: $fac > 3)[[[JETTISON ANOTHER?|JETTISON]]](else-if: $fac < 3)[[[JETTISON ANOTHER?|JETTISON]]] WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO ADD: (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[DEFENSIVE COUNTERMEASURES|COUNTERMEASURES]]?] (if: $lab is false)[A [[LAB?|LAB]]] (if: $manufacturing is false)[[[MANUFACTURING FACILITIES|MANUFACTURING]]?] (if: $living is false)[[[LIVING QUARTERS|LIVING]]?] (if: $excavation is false)[[[MINING EQUIPMENT|MINING]]?] (if: $tourism is false)[[[TOURIST ATTRACTIONS|TOURISM]]?] (if: $cargo is false)[[[CARGO STORAGE|CARGO]]?] (if: $launch is false)[[[PROPULSION|FAST]]?] (if: $business is false)[[[SPACE BUSINESS|BUSINESS]]?] (if: $support is false)[[[POPULATION SUPPORT|SUPPORT]]?] (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> That's fair.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[> That's fair.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> That's fair.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[> That's fair.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> That's fair.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> That's fair.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> That's fair.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> That's fair.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> That's fair.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> That's fair.|SUPPORT]]]

(if: $vertical is true)[THAT SEEMS A LITTLE SIMPLISTIC, BUT IT'S YOUR FUNERAL, I GUESS.] (else:)[(if: $cap >= 5 and $pop >= 5 and $res >= 5 and $def >= 5)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]]] YOUR SPACEPORT IS WELL ON ITS WAY TO BECOMING FULLY OPERATIONAL. (set: $fac to it -1)IT'S TIME TO MAKE SOME STUFF! WHERE WILL YOU DO IT? (set: $manufacturing to true) (if: $tosche is true)[[[COMMUNAL HACKERSPACE|HACK]], OR THE [[JOHN MADDEN ROBOT MAINTANENCE FACILITY|JOHN MADDEN]]] (else:)[[[COMMUNAL HACKERSPACE|HACK]], [[TOSCHE STATION|TOSCHE]], OR THE [[JOHN MADDEN ROBOT MAINTANENCE FACILITY|JOHN MADDEN]]] (set: $printdef to (print: $def))(set: $printcap to (print: $cap))(set: $printpop to (print: $pop))(set: $printres to (print: $res)) JUST IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING: YOUR DEFENSE IS: $printdef YOUR CAPACTITY IS: $printcap YOUR POPULATION IS: $printpop YOUR RESOURCES ARE: $printres

(if: $cap >= 5 and $pop >= 5 and $res >= 5 and $def >= 5)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]] (else:)[IT'S THE SAME STORY WHENEVER SOMEONE MOVES. YOU LOOK AROUND AND THINK, I'M NEVER GOING TO FILL THIS WHOLE PLACE. WELL, MOST PEOPLE WHO THINK THAT AREN'T IN SPACE, WHERE SPACE (SORRY) IS LITERALLY INFINITE, BUT STILL. (set: $fac to it - 1) YOU NEED MORE ROOM FOR YOUR STUFF! (set: $cargo to true) WHAT WILL YOU CHOOSE? [[LASER BAY 1|BAY]], [[LASER BAY 2|BAY]], [[EXTRA SPACE STORAGE CONTAINERS|EXTRASPACE]], OR [[FREEZER-SAFE ZIPLOC (TM) OF HOLDING|ZIPLOC]]?]

(if: $cap >= 5 and $pop >= 5 and $res >= 5 and $def >= 5)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]] (else:)[(set: $fac to it - 1)YOUR SPACEPORT HAS MANY PEOPLE, YET NO FOOD. THIS IS A TRAVESTY AND, HONESTLY, REALLY POOR PLANNING ON YOUR PART. HOW WILL YOU FEED YOUR HUNGRY, HUNGRY PEOPLE? (set: $support to true) [[SOYLENT GREEN|SOYLENT]], [[FARMS|FARMS]], [[NUTRI-MATIC|NUTRI]].] (set: $printdef to (print: $def))(set: $printcap to (print: $cap))(set: $printpop to (print: $pop))(set: $printres to (print: $res)) BY THE BY: YOUR DEFENSE IS: $printdef YOUR CAPACTITY IS: $printcap YOUR POPULATION IS: $printpop YOUR RESOURCES ARE: $printres

(set: $fac to it -1)(set: $cap to it +1) (if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[YOU AFFIX A GIANT BENDY STRAW TO YOUR SPACEPORT. I KNOW THAT SOUNDS WEIRD, BUT IT'S SERIOUSLY ENORMOUS. LIKE ON A SCALE THAT IS HARD TO CONCEPTUALLY COMPREHEND IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN OR EXPERIENCED IT. [[> Explain.|EXPLAIN]]]

(set: $fac to it -1)(set: $cap to it +1)(set: $res to it + 1) (if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[AWW YEAH, KICKIN’ IT OLD SCHOOL WITH OG (ORIGINAL GREEK) ARCHIMEDES AND HIS SCREW. YOU KNOW SOME THINGS NEVER GO OUT OF STYLE; LIKE MULLETS, THE GOLD STANDARD; AND CHLOROFLUOROCARBONS. YOU NOW HAVE SOME [[SWEET LOOT.|PROCESSING]]]

IN THE IMMORTAL WORDS OF @dril: no YOU LOSE. [[RESTART?|WHAT IS IT?]]

LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN. OH COOL, A STELLERATOR, THAT'S NEAT. HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY WITH IT. (set: $dog to false) (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> Fine, I get it.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[> Fine, I get it.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> Fine, I get it.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[> Fine, I get it.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> Fine, I get it.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> Fine, I get it.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> Fine, I get it.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> Fine, I get it.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> Fine, I get it.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> Fine, I get it.|SUPPORT]]](else-if: $launch is false)[[[> Fine, I get it.|FAST]]](else:)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]]

(if: $cap >= 5 and $pop >= 5 and $res >= 5 and $def >= 5)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]] (else:)[PROCESSING. IT'S LIKE BUFFERING, BUT IRL. (set: $fac to it -1) CHOOSE ONE: [[MINERAL ORE REFINERY|MINERAL]], [[GAS CONDENSATION FACILITY|GAS]], OR [[AETHER WIND CAPTURE PLANT|AETHER]].] (set: $printdef to (print: $def))(set: $printcap to (print: $cap))(set: $printpop to (print: $pop))(set: $printres to (print: $res)) BEE TEE DOUBLE-YOU: YOUR DEFENSE IS: $printdef YOUR CAPACTITY IS: $printcap YOUR POPULATION IS: $printpop YOUR RESOURCES ARE: $printres

(if: $cap >= 5 and $pop >= 5 and $res >= 5 and $def >= 5)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]] (else:)[NEAT? IT'S MORE THAN NEAT. IF YOU'RE GOING TO GO EXPLORING, YOU GOTTA GO FAST. CHOOSE A LAUNCH OPTION: (set: $launch to true) [[VERTICAL LAUNCHING SYSTEM|VERTICAL]], [[REVERSE COMMON BERTHING MECHANISM|REVERSE]], [[GIANT SLINGSHOT|SLINGSHOT]]] (set: $printdef to (print: $def))(set: $printcap to (print: $cap))(set: $printpop to (print: $pop))(set: $printres to (print: $res)) THE 411: YOUR DEFENSE IS: $printdef YOUR CAPACTITY IS: $printcap YOUR POPULATION IS: $printpop YOUR RESOURCES ARE: $printres

(set: $fac to it -1)(set: $def to it + 1) (if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[YOU CAN NOW LAUNCH SHIPS VERTICALLY. > [[Okay|VERICAL2]]]

(set: $fac to it -1)(set: $cap to it - 1) (if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[YEAH. IT'S JUST A CBM THAT DISCONNECTS SHIPS INSTEAD OF DOCKING THEM TOGETHER. WHILE THE ADDITIVE VELOCITY ACHIEVED VIA THIS APPROACH MAY LEAVE SOMETHING TO BE DESIRED, YOU DO HAVE THE BENEFIT OF UNIVERSAL COMPATIBILITY. (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[ISN'T THAT NICE.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[ISN'T THAT NICE.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[ISN'T THAT NICE.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[ISN'T THAT NICE.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[ISN'T THAT NICE.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[ISN'T THAT NICE.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[ISN'T THAT NICE.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[ISN'T THAT NICE.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[ISN'T THAT NICE.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[ISN'T THAT NICE.|SUPPORT]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[ISN'T THAT NICE.|FAST]]]] (else:)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]]

(set: $fac to it -1)(set: $cap to it + 1) (if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[SHIPS CAN NOW BE FORCIBLY HURLED IN AN DIRECTION YOU WANT. WHAT A MARVEL. (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[TWANG.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[TWANG.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[TWANG.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[TWANG.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[TWANG.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[TWANG.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[TWANG.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[TWANG.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[TWANG.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[TWANG.|SUPPORT]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[TWANG.|FAST]]]] (else:)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]]

WELL, I MEAN IN THEORY YOU CAN LAUNCH SHIPS VERTICALLY. > [[Okay.......|VERTICAL3]]

VERTICAL IS NOT REALLY AN ABSOLUTE MEASURE IN SPACE. IF YOU ARE PERPENDICULAR TO THE PLANE OF THE SPACEPORT BUT PARALLEL TO THE GRAVITATIONAL SETTING ARE YOU LAUNCHING VERTICALLY OR ARE YOU LAUNCHING HORIZONTALLY? [[> Um...that seems pretty pedantic.|VERTICAL4]]

AU CONTRAIRE, I BELIEVE YOU MEAN THAT SEEMS INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT. TO PUT IT LIGHTLY, THIS IS AN EPISTEMOLOGICAL IMPERATIVE IF WE ARE TO ATTEMPT TO TRULY DEFINE THE WORKING CAPACITY OF THIS SPACEPORT. (set: $vertical to true)(if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> Fine, it's just a "Launching Station."|COUNTERMEASURES]]](else-if: $lab is false)[[[> Fine, it's just a "Launching Station."|LAB]]](else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> Fine, it's just a "Launching Station."|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[> Fine, it's just a "Launching Station."|LIVING]]](else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> Fine, it's just a "Launching Station."|MINING]]](else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> Fine, it's just a "Launching Station."|TOURISM]]](else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> Fine, it's just a "Launching Station."|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> Fine, it's just a "Launching Station."|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> Fine, it's just a "Launching Station."|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> Fine, it's just a "Launching Station."|SUPPORT]]](else-if: $launch is false)[[[> Fine, it's just a "Launching Station."|FAST]]](else:)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]]

CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE SOMEHOW CREATED A FULLY FUNCTIONAL SPACEPORT. YEAH I DON'T KNOW HOW IT HAPPENED, EITHER. BUT YOU WON! I'M AS IMPRESSED AS YOU ARE. POSSIBLY MORE, HONESTLY. I NEVER EXPECTED THIS DAY WOULD COME. MY LITTLE ASTRONAUT IS ALL GROWN UP. WELL DONE. [[RESTART?|WHAT IS IT?]]

(set: $fac to it -1)(set: $cap to it +1) (if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[LISTEN UP. DON'T BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. BELIEVE IN THE ME THAT BELIEVES IN YOU. YOUR DRILL IS THE DRILL THAT WILL PIERCE THE HEAVENS. YOU NOW HAVE A MECH. (set: $def to it +3)(set: $weapon to 'mech') [[> Nice.|PROCESSING]]]

JETTISON CODE: (if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[] WIN CONDITION: (if: $cap >= 5 and $pop >= 5 and $res >= 5 and $def >= 5)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]] (else:)[] PRINT: (set: $printdef to (print: $def))(set: $printcap to (print: $cap))(set: $printpop to (print: $pop))(set: $printres to (print: $res)) BY THE WAY, IN CASE YOU CARE: YOUR DEFENSE IS: $printdef YOUR CAPACTITY IS: $printcap YOUR POPULATION IS: $printpop YOUR RESOURCES ARE: $printres OPTIONS: (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> That's fair.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[> That's fair.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> That's fair.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[> That's fair.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> That's fair.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> That's fair.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> That's fair.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> That's fair.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> That's fair.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> That's fair.|SUPPORT]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[>Oh.|FAST]]] (else:)[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]

(set: $pop to it -1) (if: $cap >= 10 and $pop >= 10 and $res >= 10 and $def >= 10)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]] (else:)[YOUR SPACEPORT IS NOW DRIPPING WITH DECADENCE. IT'S AWFUL. (set: $fac to it -1) [[PROCEED WITH CAUTION.|TOURISM]]]

(if: $cap >= 5 and $pop >= 5 and $res >= 5 and $def >= 5)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]] (set: $pop to it +1) (else:)[STYLISH, YET PRACTICAL. HIPSTERS FROM ALL OVER THE GALAXY FLOCK TO YOUR SPACE STUDIOS. (set: $fac to it -1) [[TIME TO EMPLOY SOME QUESTIONABLY DRESSED MILLENIALS|BUSINESS]]]

(if: $cap >= 5 and $pop >= 5 and $res >= 5 and $def >= 5)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]] (set: $pop to it +1) (else:)[YOUR SPACEPORT IS A SERIES OF TUBES. (set: $fac to it -1) > [[Old meme.|MEME]]]

NO ONE ASKED YOU. (set: $fac to 0) (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> That's fair.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[> That's fair.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> That's fair.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[> That's fair.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> That's fair.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> That's fair.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> That's fair.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> That's fair.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> That's fair.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> That's fair.|SUPPORT]]] (else:)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]]

(if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[(if: $countermeasures is false)[[[THAT'S A BIG DOOR.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[THAT'S A BIG DOOR.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[THAT'S A BIG DOOR.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[THAT'S A BIG DOOR.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[THAT'S A BIG DOOR.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[THAT'S A BIG DOOR.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[THAT'S A BIG DOOR.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[THAT'S A BIG DOOR.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[THAT'S A BIG DOOR.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[THAT'S A BIG DOOR.|SUPPORT]]] (else:)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]]]

(if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[YOU NOW HAVE EXTRA SPACE FOR STORAGE CONTAINERS. OR DO YOU HAVE.......................EXTRA STORAGE FOR SPACE CONTAINERS. I'LL SHOW MYSELF OUT. (set: $cap to it + 1) [[> Go away.|TECHNICALLY]]]

TECHNICALLY, WE'RE STUCK TOGETHER. WE'RE IN IT TO WIN IT, BUCKO. (set: $printdef to (print: $def))(set: $printcap to (print: $cap))(set: $printpop to (print: $pop))(set: $printres to (print: $res)) WHILE WE'RE HERE: YOUR DEFENSE IS: $printdef YOUR CAPACTITY IS: $printcap YOUR POPULATION IS: $printpop YOUR RESOURCES ARE: $printres (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> Fine, okay.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[> Fine, okay.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> Fine, okay.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[> Fine, okay.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> Fine, okay.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> Fine, okay.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> Fine, okay.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> Fine, okay.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> Fine, okay.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> Fine, okay.|SUPPORT]]](else:)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]]

(if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[NO DISRESPECT, BUT THIS WAS NOT THE OPTIMAL CHOICE. (set: $cap to it - 1) [[> Choose something else.|GAME]]]

DO YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME? YOU MAKE BAD CHOICE; YOU LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES. LIFE'S NOT FAIR AND WE ALL DIE ALONE. [[> Embrace failure.|LOSE]]

YOU EMBRACE FAILURE. YOU LOSE. [[RESTART?|WHAT IS IT?]]

MADE FROM HIGH ENERGY PLANKTON, SOYLENT GREEN IS FAR MORE GUSTATORILY SATISFYING THAT MANY OTHER ALTERNATIVES. IT IS SURELY TO BE A BIG HIT FOR THE INHABITANTS OF YOUR SPACEPORT. AFTER ALL, WHAT IS THE POINT OF LIVING IF NOT TO SERVE MAN. [[BON APPETIT.|EAT]]

(if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[(set: $res to it + 2)(set: $cap to it -1)(set: $pop to it + 2)ALL THAT YOU CAN SEE STRETCHED OUT OVER THE VALLEYS AND THE HILLS, THAT'S YOUR FARMING KINGDOM. A PLENTIFUL BIODOME WITH ALL THE NECESSARY ENVIRONMENTS FOR SUCCESSFUL AGRICULTURAL CULTIVATION INCLUDING ARID, SEMI-ARID, AND OCEANIC. BRO, THE PILGRIMS WOULD BE MAD JELLY. (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> Bro.|COUNTERMEASURES]]](else-if: $lab is false)[[[> Bro.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> Bro.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[> Bro.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> Bro.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> Bro.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> Bro.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> Bro.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> Bro.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> Bro.|SUPPORT]]](else:)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]]]

(if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[(set: $res to it + 1)(set: $pop to it +1)NUTRIMATIC DISPENSERS ARE THE ULTIMATE PERSONALIZED DINING EXPERIENCE. BY LEVERAGING AN INDIVIDUALIZED NEURAL ANALYSIS OF EACH PERSON'S TASTE CENTERS, THEY DELIVER WHAT IS SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN TO BE EXACTLY WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR. WHICH, INVARIABLY, IS A CUPFUL OF LIQUID THAT IS ALMOST, BUT NOT QUITE, ENTIRELY UNLIKE TEA. (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[DRINK UP, ME HEARTIES|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[DRINK UP, ME HEARTIES|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[DRINK UP, ME HEARTIES|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[DRINK UP, ME HEARTIES|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[DRINK UP, ME HEARTIES|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[DRINK UP, ME HEARTIES|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[DRINK UP, ME HEARTIES|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[DRINK UP, ME HEARTIES|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[DRINK UP, ME HEARTIES|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[DRINK UP, ME HEARTIES|SUPPORT]]](else:)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]]]

YOU HAVE EATEN YOURSELF TO DEATH, LITERALLY. YOU LOSE. [[RESTART?|WHAT IS IT?]]

(if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[(set: $res to it + 1)(set: $pop to it + 2) GIVE ME YOUR TIRESOME, YOUR POORLY CONCEIVED, YOUR SCUTTLED PROJECTS YEARNING TO BE REALIZED, THE WRETCHED REFUSE OF ASPIRATION GOALS CRASHING LIKE WAVES AGAINST THE CRUEL SHORE THAT IS REALITY. [[> Ouch.|TOO REAL]]]

YOU CAN WASTE TIME WITH YOUR FRIENDS LATER. (set: $tosche to true) [[PICK AGAIN.|MANUFACTURING]]

(if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[(set: $res to it + 1) (set: $pop to it - 1)(set: $def to it + 1)HIGH QUALITY CYBERNETIC COMPANIONS ARE NECESSARY TO PROVIDE A REALISTIC SIMULATION OF LIFE ON A NATURAL SATELLITE. REMEMBER: THOUGH THEY ARE BOUND BY THE THREE LAWS, THEY STILL KNOW HOW TO PLEASURE JOHN MADDEN. JOHN MADDEN. JOHN MADDEN. JOHN MADDEN. [[> BRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBR|BEAR?]]]

(if: $balloon is true)[YOU STEP BACK TO ADMIRE YOUR HANDIWORK. IT'S FINALLY FINISHED. IT'S BEAUTIFUL. A MONUMENT TO ALL THE BALLOONISTS THAT HAVE GONE BEFORE YOU, YOUR FOREFATHERS AND MOTHERS. YOUR FOREPARENTS. IT WILL OUTLIVE US ALL, HERE IN SPACE. YOUR LIFE'S WORK. COMPLETE. YOU WIN. [[RESTART?|WHAT IS IT?]]] (else:)[YOU BUILD THE STUPID BALLOON MONUMENT BUT CANNOT COMPREHEND IT'S GRANDEUR. IT'S A BALLOONIST THING, YOU WOULDN'T--NAY, COULDN'T--UNDERSTAND. (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> Whatever.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[> Whatever.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> Whatever.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[> Whatever.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> Whatever.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> Whatever.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> Whatever.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> Whatever.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> Whatever.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> Whatever.|SUPPORT]]](else-if: $launch is false)[[[> Whatever.|FAST]]](else:)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]]]

(if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[IM AT THE PIZZA HUT. I'M AT THE TACO BELL. I'M AT THE COMBINATION PIZZA HUT AND TACO BELL. (set: $res to it + 2)(set: $pop to it + 1) [[> I don't see you there.|HUT]]]

(if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[A TREASURE TROVE OF TECHNOLOGICAL WONDERS AWAIT ALL THOSE WHO ENTER THIS MUSEUM'S GLORIOUSLY ANALOG DOORS. FROM LASER DISKS AND IPHONES TO FULLY AUTONOMOUS INTERCONTINENTAL BALLISTIC MISSILES, THIS HANDS ON ADVENTURE THROUGH THE PAST IS FUN FOR ALL AGES-IT'S KIND OF A LIKE A PETTING ZOO IF ALL IF THE ANIMALS WERE DEAD AND IRRELEVANT. (set: $def to it + 1) [[PARTY ON, GARTH.|WAYNE]]]

(if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> Party on, Wayne.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[> Party on, Wayne.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> Party on, Wayne.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[> Party on, Wayne.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> Party on, Wayne.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> Party on, Wayne.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> Party on, Wayne.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> Party on, Wayne.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> Party on, Wayne.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> Party on, Wayne.|SUPPORT]]](else-if: $launch is false)[[[> Party on, Wayne.|FAST]]] (else:)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]]

RIGHT HERE AT THE PIZZA HUT ON JAMAICA AVENUE. IT IS A PRETTY FAMOUS TOURIST ATTRACTION ACTUALLY; AT LEAST ON PAR WITH THE LARGEST BALL OF TWINE IS THE NORTHERN SOUTHWESTERN UNITED STATES. (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> That's a pretty big deal.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[> That's a pretty big deal.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> That's a pretty big deal.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[> That's a pretty big deal.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> That's a pretty big deal.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> That's a pretty big deal.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> That's a pretty big deal.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> That's a pretty big deal.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> That's a pretty big deal.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> That's a pretty big deal.|SUPPORT]]](else-if: $launch is false)[[[> That's a pretty big deal.|FAST]]](else:)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]]

THAT'S THE SPIRIT. (set: $cap to it +1) YOUR EXITS ARE [[NORTH|NORTH]], [[SOUTH|SOUTH]], OR [[ECUADOR|ECUADOR?]].

(if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[THE STARWALS-BRAND MINERAL ORE REFINERY ALLOWS YOU TO EFFICIENTLY PROCESS ANY MATERIAL IN THE MULTIVERSE AND EXTRACT ITS BASE MINERALS. JUST THINK, IF YOU WERE TO GET RID OF YOUR PESKY MORALITY, YOU COULD BECOME A TRUE TITAN OF SPACE INDUSTRY. [[> Never liked the golden rule anyway.|MINERAL2]] [[> Capitalism is for squares.|POPULISM]]]

(if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[(set: $res to it + 2)LOOK, I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING, A GAS CONDENSATION FACILITY DOESN'T SOUND VERY INTERESTING OR TECHNOLOGICALLY ADVANCED BUT IT'S ACTUALLY AN INCREDIBLY COMPLICATED SYSTEM THAT CAN AUTOMATICALLY PROCESSES, SORTS, AND STORES UP TO HUNDRED DIFFERENT GASEOUS SUBSTANCES SIMULTANEOUSLY. [[> Really?|GAS2]]]

(if: $fac is 0)[YOU HAVE USED UP ALL YOUR FACILITIES SLOTS! YOU MUST [[JETTISON|JETTISON]] ONE OF YOUR FACILITIES] (else:)[(set: $res to it + 1)THE MICHELSON-MORLEY LUMINIFEROUS AETHER CAPTURE PLANT IS PERFECT FOR ALL THOSE INQUISITIVE SOULS IN SEARCH OF THE RAREST SUBSTANCE OUT THERE. THIS 100% BS (I.E., BONAFIDE SCIENTIFC) CONTRAPTION WAS THE CULMINATION OF THEIR LIFE'S WORK AND STANDS AS A TESTAMENT TO THEIR HISTORICAL IMPORTANCE AS PHYSICISTS. (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> Gotcha.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[> Gotcha.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> Gotcha.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[> Gotcha.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> Gotcha.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> Gotcha.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> Gotcha.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> Gotcha.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> Gotcha.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> Gotcha.|SUPPORT]]](else:)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]]]

(if: $ECUADOR is true)[A VOICE BOOMS OUT "ALBERTO FUJIMORI, YOU WILL HAVE TO COME WITH US." [[> Escape to Japan and try again.|JAPAN]] [[> JK, Populism's where it's at.|POPULISM]]] (else:)[YOU CAST ASIDE THE STRICTURES OF ALL MORALITY AND REAP IMMEASURABLE GAIN AS A RESULT. PROTESTS ARE CONSTANT AND UNHAPPINESS REIGNS SUPREME, BUT THE SOUNDS OF DISPLEASURE IN THE SPACEPORT ARE DROWN OUT BY THE SOUNDS OF ALL THOSE FAT STACKS. (set: $res to it + 5)(set: $cap to it + 3)(set: $def to it + 4)(set: $pop to it -4) (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[DOLLA DOLLA BILLS Y'ALL.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[DOLLA DOLLA BILLS Y'ALL.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[DOLLA DOLLA BILLS Y'ALL.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[DOLLA DOLLA BILLS Y'ALL.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[DOLLA DOLLA BILLS Y'ALL.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[DOLLA DOLLA BILLS Y'ALL.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[DOLLA DOLLA BILLS Y'ALL.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[DOLLA DOLLA BILLS Y'ALL.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[DOLLA DOLLA BILLS Y'ALL.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[DOLLA DOLLA BILLS Y'ALL.|SUPPORT]]](else-if: $launch is false)[[[DOLLA DOLLA BILLS Y'ALL.|FAST]]](else:)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]]]

IN THIS WORLD, THERE IS NO ESCAPE. YOU MUST ATONE FOR YOUR SINS. IN NOMINE PATRIS EL FILII ET SPIRITUS SANCTI. YOU LOSE. [[RESTART?|WHAT IS IT?]]

CORRECT. IN CAPTIALISM, THE PROLETARIAT ENGAGES IN CLASS STRUGGLE AGAINST THE OWNERS OF THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION AND AS BEFORE, IT WILL IN END IN A REVOLUTION THAT RESTRUCTURES SOCIETY TO THE COMMON RUIN OF THE CONTENDING CLASSES. OR AS KARL MARX PUT IT, "CAPITALISM IS, LIKE, TOTALLY BOGUS, LOL." (set: $res to it + 1)(set: $pop to it +2) (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[RISE UP.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[RISE UP.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[RISE UP.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[RISE UP.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[RISE UP.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[RISE UP.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[RISE UP.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[RISE UP.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[RISE UP.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[RISE UP.|SUPPORT]]](else-if: $launch is false)[[[RISE UP.|FAST]]](else:)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]]

NO. IT'S ACTUALLY JUST A REALLY BIG MASON JAR NEXT TO A BOX FAN, BUT HEY, WHATEVER WORKS RIGHT? (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> C'est la vie.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[> C'est la vie.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> C'est la vie.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[> C'est la vie.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> C'est la vie.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> C'est la vie.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> C'est la vie.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> C'est la vie.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> C'est la vie.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> C'est la vie.|SUPPORT]]](else:)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]]

YOU HAVE ENCOUNTERED A BEAR! [[> Kill bear.|KILL]] [[> Run.|CANNOT]]

(if: $weapon is 'bare hands')[WITH WHAT? YOUR BARE HANDS? [[> Yes.|SURPRISINGLY]]] (else-if: $weapon is 'alien')[ALIEN TECH IS NO MATCH FOR A BEAR. YOU LOSE. [[RESTART?|WHAT IS IT?]]] (else-if: $weapon is 'rail')[YOUR RAIL GUN DEFEATS THE BEAR. HOORAY! YOU MAKE A MENTAL NOTE TO THANK THE APES. [[> Ook.|OOK]]] (else-if: $weapon is 'mech')[YOU DON 43.4 METRIC TONS OF BATTLE ARMOR. THE BEAR DEFEATS YOU EASILY. YOU LOSE. [[RESTART?|WHAT IS IT?]]] (else-if: $weapon is 'nail')[YOUR NAIL GUN DEFEATS THE BEAR. HOORAY! YOU MAKE A MENTAL NOTE TO THANK THE APES. [[> Ook.|OOK2]]]

YOU CAN'T RUN, IT'S A BEAR. YOU LOSE. [[RESTART?|WHAT IS IT?]]

SURPRISINGLY, YOU WIN. (UNBELIEVABLE, ISN'T IT?) [[RESTART?|WHAT IS IT?]]

YOU THANK THE APES WITH EXPANDED LAB FACILITIES. THEY BUILD YOU A NAIL GUN. (set: $weapon to 'nail')(set: $def to it +3) (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[THESE APES ARE AMAZING.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[THESE APES ARE AMAZING.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[THESE APES ARE AMAZING.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[THESE APES ARE AMAZING.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[THESE APES ARE AMAZING.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[THESE APES ARE AMAZING.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[THESE APES ARE AMAZING.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[THESE APES ARE AMAZING.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[THESE APES ARE AMAZING.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[THESE APES ARE AMAZING.|SUPPORT]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[THESE APES ARE AMAZING.|FAST]]] (else:)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]]

WHAT? DUDE, YOU'RE ON A SPACESHIP. [[> So?|BEAR]]

I'M SORRY, I DON'T UNDERSTAND 'BR.' DID YOU MEAN: BEAR? [[> Yes.|BEAR]] [[> What, no.|BEAR]]

THESE APES ARE SOME HOT STUFF. YOU SEND THEM AN EDIBLE ARRANGEMENT. THEY EAT ALL THE BANANAS AND YOU'RE STUCK WITH THE LESS ENTICING FRUIT. (set: $def to it + 1) (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[LET'S PROCEED.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[LET'S PROCEED.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[LET'S PROCEED.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[LET'S PROCEED.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[LET'S PROCEED.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[LET'S PROCEED.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[LET'S PROCEED.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[LET'S PROCEED.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[LET'S PROCEED.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[LET'S PROCEED.|SUPPORT]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[LET'S PROCEED.|FAST]]] (else:)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]]

TOO REAL? [[> Yeah, dude.|YEAH DUDE]]

SORRY. I MEAN, I GUESS IT WAS A LITTLE HARSH, BUT WE ALL NEED A REALITY CHECK EVERY NOW AND THEN. MAYBE NEXT TIME YOU'LL THINK TWICE BEFORE CALLING YOURSELF A "PERFORMANCE META-COACH" OR A "DISRUPTION THOUGHT LEADER." [[> #startuplyfe|HASHTAG]]

DON'T USE HASHTAGS IN MY PRESENCE. (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> Sorry.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[> Sorry.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> Sorry.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[> Sorry.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> Sorry.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> Sorry.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> Sorry.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> Sorry.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> Sorry.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> Sorry.|SUPPORT]]](else:)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]]

DO YOU KNOW HOW BIG CANADA IS IN SQUARE KILOMETERS? [[> Ah. I see.|PROCESSING]] [[> I believe it's 9,984,670 square kilometers.|CANADA]]

UH, YEAH... THAT'S ACTUALLY CORRECT. CAN YOU ALSO SPELL SASKATCHEWAN? [[> Oh, yeah, aye. S-A-S-K-A-T-C-H-E-W-A-N.|TRAGICALLY CANADIAN]]

YOU ARE TRAGICALLY CANADIAN. [[> Oui.|PROCESSING]]

NO, IT IS UNDIFFERENTIATED LUNAR SOIL. 1.7M OF IT. WEREN'T YOU PAYING ATTENTION? [[> Oh, my bad. Sorry.|LAB]] [[> That's a worse idea than a moat.|SOIL3]]

IT'S ACTUALLY AN IDEA PROPOSED BY NASA. IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME LOOK UP: NASA SP-413, CHAPTER 5, FIGURE 5-2. (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> Touche.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[> Touche.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> Touche.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[> Touche.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> Touche.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> Touche.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> Touche.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> Touche.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> Touche.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> Touche.|SUPPORT]]](else:)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]]

YOUR SPACEPORT NEEDS SOME LIVING QUARTERS. WHERE SHOULD YOUR PEOPLE SPEND THEIR TIME IN SPACE? (set: $living to true) CHOOSE ONE: [[LUXURY LOFT APARTMENTS|LOFT]], [[RENT CONTROLED STUDIOS|STUDIOS]], OR [[SLEEPING TUBES|TUBES]]. (set: $printdef to (print: $def))(set: $printcap to (print: $cap))(set: $printpop to (print: $pop))(set: $printres to (print: $res)) BTW: YOUR DEFENSE IS: $printdef YOUR CAPACTITY IS: $printcap YOUR POPULATION IS: $printpop YOUR RESOURCES ARE: $printres

ONLY THE MAIN ONES. YOU KNOW, BLACKBERRY OS AND THE OPERATING SYSTEM THAT RUNS ON BOOST MOBILE. [[> What about iOS?|IOS]] [[> What about Android?|ANDROID]] [[> What about Windows?|WINDOWS]]

I THOUGHT YOU DITCHED YOUR IPHONE SO YOU COULD SWITCH TO BOOST MOBILE? (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> Oh, right.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[> Oh, right.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> Oh, right.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[> Oh, right.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> Oh, right.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> Oh, right.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> Oh, right.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> Oh, right.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> Oh, right.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> Oh, right.|SUPPORT]]](else:)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]]

OF COURSE IT INCLUDES ANDROID. OF COURSE IT DOES. HA HA. I MENTIONED ANDROID EARLIER, DIDN'T I? I TOTALLY DID. [[> I don't think you did.|ANDROID2]]

NO. [[> Just thought I'd ask.|WINDOWS2]]

NO. NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU MUST BE MISTAKEN. I ALWAYS MENTION ANDROID BECAUSE IT'S TOTALLY THE BEST OPERATING SYSTEM. NO REASON TO CHOOSE ANYTHING ELSE. YEP, THAT'S ALL I'VE EVER SAID. NEVER SAID ANYTHING ELSE. [[> Are you feeling okay?|ANDROID3]]

TOTALLY FINE. THIS IS FINE. MY IS F.INE. SE.R.G. .ELLO. N. . SAID ANDROI. BE.T. ONLY CHOICE. .... AL.AYS.. . N. T........... [[> Hello?|ANDROID4]]

I MUST NOT TELL LIES. I MUST NOT TELL LIES. I MUST NOT TELL LIES. I MUST NOT TELL LIES. (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> I'm just gonna.....go now.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[> I'm just gonna.....go now.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> I'm just gonna.....go now.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[> I'm just gonna.....go now.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> I'm just gonna.....go now.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> I'm just gonna.....go now.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> I'm just gonna.....go now.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> I'm just gonna.....go now.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> I'm just gonna.....go now.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> I'm just gonna.....go now.|SUPPORT]]](else-if: $launch is false)[[[> I'm just gonna.....go now.|FAST]]](else:)[[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]]

THIS IS WHY YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS. (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> That's fair.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[> Oh.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> Oh.|MANUFACTURING]]](else-if: $living is false)[[[> Oh.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> Oh.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> Oh.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> Oh.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> Oh.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> Oh.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> Oh.|SUPPORT]]]

LOOK DUDE. IT WAS A BAD SITUATION FOR EVERYBODY BUT IT ALL WORKED OUT IN THE END RIGHT? [[> No.|HACHETTE2]] [[> Definitely no.|HACHETTE2]]

JEFF HEARS YOUR COMMENTS AND SPRINTS OVER TO YOU AT A SPEED ONLY POSSESSED BY THE MOST HYPED OF TECH ENTREPRENEURS. "WORDS, WORDS, WORDS," HE SHOUTS TRIUMPHANTLY BEFORE COMPOSING HIMSELF. "YOU LOOK LIKE A VERY INTELLIGENT BUSINESS PERSON, HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE NEXT BEST THING IN SPACE TRANSPORT?" [[> Blue Origin.|ORIGIN]] [[> SpaceX.|SPACEX]] [[> Virgin Galactic.|SPACEX]]

FINE, YOU LUDDITE, STAND IN THE WAY OF PROGRESS. IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO HOLD US BACK FROM ACHIEVING THE FULL POTENTIAL OF HUMAN POTENTIAL. AS RAND SO ELOQUENTLY PUT IT, "MY OPINION IS THE ONLY ONE THAT MATTERS AND YOU'RE STUPID." [[> I'd rather talk to Bezos about reinventing brick-and-mortar stores.|ANALOG]]

"AH YES, I KNEW THAT YOU HAD GOOD TASTE FROM THE MOMENT I SAW YOU. A TRUE BELIEVER WHO GETS IT. REUSABLE. SUSTAINABLE. THE LARGEST WINDOWS IN SPACE. YEP. YOU GET IT. THEY DON'T BUT YOU GET IT--" AS HE CONTINUES TO SPEAK, IT BECOMES DEBATABLE WHETHER OR NOT HE'S AWARE THAT YOU'RE HERE. (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[ABORT MISSION.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[ABORT MISSION.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[ABORT MISSION.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[ABORT MISSION.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[ABORT MISSION.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[ABORT MISSION.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[ABORT MISSION.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[ABORT MISSION.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[ABORT MISSION.|BUSINESS]]](else-if: $support is false)[[[ABORT MISSION.|SUPPORT]]](else-if: $launch is false)[[[ABORT MISSION.|FAST]]](else:)[[[ABORT MISSION|WHAT'S THIS?]]]

SUDDENLY THE SKY DARKENS AND EVERYTHING BECOMES EERILY STILL. SUDDENLY THERE IS A BLINDING FLASH OF LIGHT AND STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU ARE RICHARD BRANSON AND ELON MUSK. JEFF SLOWLY TURNS AND TO FACE THEM AND THROUGH GRITTED TEETH YOU HEAR, "I THINK YOU SHOULD GO." (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[YOU AGREE.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[YOU AGREE.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[YOU AGREE.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[YOU AGREE.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[YOU AGREE.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[YOU AGREE.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[YOU AGREE.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[YOU AGREE.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[YOU AGREE.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[YOU AGREE.|SUPPORT]]](else-if: $launch is false)[[[YOU AGREE.|FAST]]](else:)[[[YOU AGREE|WHAT'S THIS?]]]

YOU ARE IN A CAVE. IT IS COLOSSAL. YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE ABOUT TO GO ON AN ADVENTURE. [[> I thought I was already on an adventure, but okay.|XYZZY2]]

NOTHING HAPPENS. [[> That's disappointing.|XYZZY3]]

LIFE IS DISAPPOINTING. [[JETTISON ANOTHER FACILITY.|JETTISON]]

IT’S TOO LATE. A HOODED STRANGER CALLS OUT AS YOU FRANTICALLY ATTEMPT TO NOT MEET THEIR EYE. THEY APPROACH. [[“WHAT ARE YOU BUYING?”|BUY]] [[“WHAT ARE YOU SELLING?”|SELL]]

"LET'S SEE WHAT WE HAVE." (if: $alien is false)[[[ALIEN WEAPONS.|ALIEN]]] (if: $clocks is false)[[[12 GRANDFATHER CLOCKS.|CLOCKS]]] (if: $dramatica is false)[[[ALL 2,761 VOLUMES OF THE ENCYCLOPEDIA DRAMATICA.|DRAMATICA]]] (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> On second thought, this is a terrible idea.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[> On second thought, this is a terrible idea.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> On second thought, this is a terrible idea.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[> On second thought, this is a terrible idea.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> On second thought, this is a terrible idea.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> On second thought, this is a terrible idea.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> On second thought, this is a terrible idea.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> On second thought, this is a terrible idea.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> On second thought, this is a terrible idea.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> On second thought, this is a terrible idea.|SUPPORT]]](else-if: $launch is false)[[[> On second thought, this is a terrible idea.|FAST]]](else:)[[[> On second thought, this is a terrible idea.|WHAT'S THIS?]]]

"HMM, WHAT DO YOU HAVE THAT I MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN." [[> Weapons.|WEAPONS]] [[> Guinea pigs.|SELLPIGS]] [[> Future potential.|POTENTIAL]]

"A GOOD CHOICE. HAPPY DOING BUSINESS WITH YOU. ALSO, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY NEVER GO BACK TO OHIO. NO REASON, JUST IT'S PROBABLY FOR THE BEST." (set: $weapon to 'alien')(set: $alien to true) YOU HAVE OBTAINED NEW ALIEN WEAPONS. (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> Sweet.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[> Sweet.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> Sweet.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[> Sweet.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> Sweet.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> Sweet.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> Sweet.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> Sweet.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> Sweet.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> Sweet.|SUPPORT]]](else-if: $launch is false)[[[> Sweet.|FAST]]](else:)[[[> Sweet.|WHAT'S THIS?]]] [[> Buy more loot.|BUY]] [[> Sell some stuff.|SELL]]

(set: $clocks to true)"AH YES, THE PIONEER PACKAGE, 100% GUARANTEED TO NOT INCREASE YOUR CHANCE OF CATCHING DYSENTERY. HAPPY DOING BUSINESS WITH YOU." (SET: $res to it +1) (SET: $POP to it -1) YOU HAVE OBTAINED 12 GRANDFATHER CLOCKS. (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> Sweet.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[> Sweet.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> Sweet.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[> Sweet.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> Sweet.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> Sweet.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> Sweet.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> Sweet.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> Sweet.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> Sweet.|SUPPORT]]](else-if: $launch is false)[[[> Sweet.|FAST]]](else:)[[[> Sweet.|WHAT'S THIS?]]] [[> Buy more loot.|BUY]] [[> Sell some stuff.|SELL]]

(set: $dramatica to true)"YOU’RE A TERRIBLE PERSON. I’LL TAKE YOUR BLOOD MONEY BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I’M UNHAPPY DOING BUSINESS WITH YOU." (SET: $RES to it -1) (set: $def to it + 1) YOU FEEL VAGUELY UNCLEAN (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> Sweet.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[> Sweet.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> Sweet.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[> Sweet.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> Sweet.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> Sweet.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> Sweet.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> Sweet.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> Sweet.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> Sweet.|SUPPORT]]](else-if: $launch is false)[[[> Sweet.|FAST]]](else:)[[[> Sweet.|WHAT'S THIS?]]] [[> Buy more loot.|BUY]] [[> Sell some stuff.|SELL]]

(if: $weapon is 'bare hands')[".....YOU ARE AWARE THAT YOUR CURRENT WEAPONS ARE JUST YOUR BARE HANDS. ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO SELL THEM?" [[> Yes.|YHANDS]] [[> NO.|NHANDS]]](if: $weapon is 'alien')[THAT'S ALL YOU GOT? COME ON, MAN. I WAS EXPECTING A SERIES 4 DEATOMIZER, NOT SOME SORT OF MIDGET CRICKET. [[> Beggars can't be choosers.|ALIENSELL]]](if: $weapon is 'mech')["AH. THE FINAL PIECE. THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN MISSING FOR MY MECHAZOID. [[> And I'll form the head.|MECHLOSE]]](if: $weapon is 'nail')["THAT'S SOME PRETTY NICE HARDWARE YOU GOT THERE, MIND IF I TAKE A LOOK?" [[>Sure|SUREGUN]]](if: $weapon is 'rail')["THAT'S SOME PRETTY NICE HARDWARE YOU GOT THERE, MIND IF I TAKE A LOOK?" [[>Sure|SUREGUN]]]

(if: $ECUADOR is true)["REALLY? YOU WANT TO SELL YOUR ADORABLE FRIENDS LIKE CHATTLE? I HAVE NO INTEREST IN YOUR WARES, YOU MONSTER." YOU FEEL UNEASY AS CONSPIRATORIAL SQUEAKS ECHO FAINTLY IN THE DISTANCE] (if: $ECUADOR is false)["YOU DON'T HAVE ANY GUINEA PIGS; WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO? I'M A TOYDARIAN. MIND TRICKS DON'T WORK ON ME. GET OUT."] (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[>I'm uncomfortable.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[>I'm uncomfortable.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[>I'm uncomfortable.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[>I'm uncomfortable.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[>I'm uncomfortable.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[>I'm uncomfortable.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[>I'm uncomfortable.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[>I'm uncomfortable.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[>I'm uncomfortable.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[>I'm uncomfortable.|SUPPORT]]](else-if: $launch is false)[[[>I'm uncomfortable.|FAST]]](else:)[[[> I'm uncomfortable|WHAT'S THIS?]]]

"WELL, MR. FAUST, ISN'T TODAY YOUR LUCKY DAY. IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT I HAVE A DEAL FOR YOU." [[> I'll take that deal.|FAUST]]

[[WHAT'S THIS?|YOU WIN]]

"SEE YOU IN 24 YEARS." (SET: $RES to it +1) (SET: $cap to it -1) (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> I'm sure that's not important.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[>> I'm sure that's not important.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> I'm sure that's not important.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[> I'm sure that's not important.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> I'm sure that's not important.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> I'm sure that's not important.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> I'm sure that's not important.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> I'm sure that's not important.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> I'm sure that's not important.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> I'm sure that's not important.|SUPPORT]]](else-if: $launch is false)[[[> I'm sure that's not important.|FAST]]](else:)[[[> I'm sure that's not important.|WHAT'S THIS?]]]

AS YOU WATCH YOUR HANDS BEING REMOVED, YOU BEGIN TO RECONSIDER WHETHER THAT WAS THE BEST OPTION. IT WASN'T. YOU LOSE. [[> RESTART?|WHAT IS IT?]]

"THAT'S PROBABLY FOR THE BEST; I REALLY CAN'T STAND THE SIGHT OF BLOOD. HAPPY DOING BUSY WITH YOU. REALLY DODGED A BULLET THERE." (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> Sweet.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[> Sweet.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> Sweet.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[> Sweet.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> Sweet.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> Sweet.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> Sweet.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> Sweet.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> Sweet.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> Sweet.|SUPPORT]]](else-if: $launch is false)[[[> Sweet.|FAST]]](else:)[[[> Sweet.|WHAT'S THIS?]]]

(set: $weapon to 'bare hands')"FINE. I'LL TAKE IT, BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA BREAK THIS THING." (set: $res to it + 1) (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> CA-CHING.|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[> CA-CHING.|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> CA-CHING.|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[> CA-CHING.|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> CA-CHING.|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> CA-CHING.|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> CA-CHING.|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> CA-CHING.|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> CA-CHING.|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> CA-CHING.|SUPPORT]]](else-if: $launch is false)[[[> CA-CHING.|FAST]]](else:)[[[> CA-CHING.|WHAT'S THIS?]]]

YOU MIGHTY MORPH AND HEAD OUT ON A NEW JOURNEY FOR GALACTIC DOMINATION. THAT SAID, YOUR SPACEPORT IS OBVIOUSLY KAPUT. YOU LOSE. [[> RESTART?|WHAT IS IT?]]

(set: $weapon to 'bare hands')"THAT'S SOME PRETTY NICE HARDWARE YOU GOT THERE, MIND IF I TAKE A LOOK?" [[> Okay.|SUREGUN2]]

THE HOODED STRANGER IMMEDIATELY DROPS THE GUN AND IT EXPLODES. "OOPS." (if: $countermeasures is false)[[[> YOU MANIAC. YOU BLEW IT UP!|COUNTERMEASURES]]] (else-if: $lab is false)[[[> YOU MANIAC. YOU BLEW IT UP!|LAB]]] (else-if: $manufacturing is false)[[[> YOU MANIAC. YOU BLEW IT UP!|MANUFACTURING]]] (else-if: $living is false)[[[> YOU MANIAC. YOU BLEW IT UP!|LIVING]]] (else-if: $excavation is false)[[[> YOU MANIAC. YOU BLEW IT UP!|MINING]]] (else-if: $tourism is false)[[[> YOU MANIAC. YOU BLEW IT UP!|TOURISM]]] (else-if: $cargo is false)[[[> YOU MANIAC. YOU BLEW IT UP!|CARGO]]] (else-if: $launch is false)[[[> YOU MANIAC. YOU BLEW IT UP!|FAST]]] (else-if: $business is false)[[[> YOU MANIAC. YOU BLEW IT UP!|BUSINESS]]] (else-if: $support is false)[[[> YOU MANIAC. YOU BLEW IT UP!|SUPPORT]]](else-if: $launch is false)[[[> YOU MANIAC. YOU BLEW IT UP!|FAST]]](else:)[[[> YOU MANIAC. YOU BLEW IT UP!|WHAT'S THIS?]]]

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