Sugarcane

Yeah, in fact, you haven't even opened your eyes yet. You finally open them and your suspicions were correct; your torso and legs are covered in Plastiglas and your ship is mostly destroyed. You look at [[your Arm-COMP|Info: Arm-COMP]] to see what time it is: 9 AM.\n\nThe splitting headache you had is now recognized as a headache. There's another reading on your Arm-COMP...\n\n<html>.05 Blood Alcohol Content</html>\n\nBeams of light come into your destroyed ship. The sky is a golden yellow, but that's the only thing you can see. It's about time you get started on figuring out where you are and what you're going to eat tonight.\n\nHowever, before you can do anything, your Arm-COMP's phone goes off. The ringtone is Aerosmith's "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing". It's The Chief's ringtone, because the only reason he became part of the space program was because he really liked "Armageddon". He's 100% certified douche.\n\n[[Answer your Arm-COMP.|The Chief]]\n

<html><center></center></html>\n\nYour seventh day has come, finally. You wake up in your bed in the BadgerMen village.\n\nToday, you must climb the plateau to get home. However, maybe life on this planet has changed you. Perhaps you were born to live on this planet. Do you...\n\n[[Climb the Plateau and go back home?|Home]]\n[[Stay on the planet?|Planet]]

<<silently>>\n<<set $bobmood = $bobmood + 1>>\n<<endsilently>>"Whee!" says Bob, happily waving around his arms around the wires, despite being a hologram and not being able to actually play with them.\n\n"Ohboyohboy, I love wires! They're just so fun!"\n\nYour bed is on the ground, you have a full day tomorrow: however, there is still a half-bottle of Vodka lying around...\n\n[[Drink the vodka.|Vodka]]\n

You try and fight against the gigantic mob of pink furry monsters but they trample you to death, then eat your flesh.\n\nThe moral of the story is to never trust a furby.

You approach a cute, furry, pink blob with your spear, ready to shishkabob it with your spear. However, interestingly enough, it has a smile on it's face.\n\nIt lets out a loud screech and surprisingly, a large herd of a couple dozen pink furry beasts in several different shapes and sizes come toward you, and they're hungry.\n\n[[Run!|Run]]\n[[Fight!|Fight]]

<<silently>>\n<<set $bobmood = 1>>\n<<set $knife = "no">>\n<<set $spearhead = "no">>\n<<set $spearbody = "no">>\n<<set $booze = "no">>\n<<endsilently>>\nYou wake up with a splitting headache and covered in Plastiglas or whatever the future version of Plastiglas is, whatever. Your name is Keith, you are on a trek. Naturally, this game is called...\n\n<html><center>KEITHTREK</center></html>\n\n[[Nice HTML, Bro.|HTML Joke]]\n[[Can I see anything else around me?|Alcohol]]\n

You find one of the spiral-like trees and cut some wood off of it. You use that wood to fashion your spear's body. You find another stone and create the spearhead and combine it all, creating a spear!\n\n<html><center>END OF DAY 2</center></html>\n\n[[You go to bed, ready for the battle the next morning.|HuntStart]]\n

There are these weird furry lizard things that don't seem to smart, but they are quick. You put out the berries and hide and as soon as they nibble on them, they well into a grapefruit-like shape. \n\nIt's probably not a smart idea to eat it raw, but maybe it's just an effect on them? Maybe it'll change if you cook it?\n\n[[Eat Berries.|Trial]]\n[[Cook Berries.|Cook]]

A giant orange hologram comes out of the Arm-COMP, circular with a single simple yellow eye with an orange iris. The orange ball floats around.\n\n"Heyyyy, Keith how ya doin'? Long time no see, yeah? Not since the Atticus Expidition, right! Oh, wow! You're pretty drunk but we should be able to-"\n\nThe orb, BOB, goes a mile a minute. What do you say?\n\n[["Shut up before I remove your vocal programming."|RudeBOB1]]\n[["Okay, BOB, if we're going to work together you need to slow down a bit."|NiceBOB1]]\n

Somehow you manage to tune out BOB and finish the stone knife.\n<<set $knife = "true">>\n\nYou are now ready to go find the wood needed to make the spear body, however there is some food you could gather nearby.\n\n[[Find wood|Wood]]\n[[Find food|Food]]

They bring you to one of the bigger buildings in the area, where a man with yellow fur on his head instead of the regular white sits on a throne. Two guards loom over with fancier-looking spears than yours.\n\n"Why hello, human visitor! Thank you very much for visiting... we do not get many visitors, what is your reason for being here, badgerhoney?"\n\n"I'm just traveling," you say. Seriously, do they ALL do this?\n\n"I see!" he says, drinking wine from a goblet. "And how did you get on this planet, badgerhoney?"\n\n"We crashed!" said Bob, with a chirpy voice. "And we're going to get rescued tomorrow!"\n\n"I see..." he says. "I assume there is some form of extraction point then, yes? Where would that be, badgerhoney?"\n\n"It's at the highest point of the planet," you say. "Would you know where that is?"\n\n"AH, yes! Not too far from here, the place you are looking for, naught but a few hours walk from here, badgerhoney. If you are not to be there for a while, why not spend the rest of your day here? We simply want one thing from your culture... we wish to learn..."\n\nHe has a dramatic pause.\n\n"To pop and lock, badgerhoney. Refuse, and you shall die, badgerhoney."\n\nYou stand, dumbfounded. You know that Bob has data on this in his database, so you'll have to ask him to extract it.\n\n[["Bob, give me information on dance... and throw some music on."|BobMusic]]\n\n[[Bob, if you don't give me information on popping and locking, I am going to delete you and every single backup of any data on you I can find, by god.|BobDeath]]

No matter where you run, the pink monsters find you.\n\nThey will always find you. No matter how far you run or where you hide a pink monster will always be around the corner.\n\nYou learn to fear the monsters and soon enough, you find yourself in a padded room with a straight jacket. Being an astronaut, landing on a strange planet, Bob, they were all just a dream.\n\n...Nah! Just kidding. But the pink monsters do end up eating you when you sleep that night. Sucks to be you.

The ease in which you're able to murder the dinosaur is impressive. See, the thing is, the dinosaurs are cowards. Big, scaly, delicious cowards.\n\n<html>END OF DAY 3</html>\n\n[[On the fifth day...|StormBegin]]

You use your knife to help harvest a variety of colorful fruits. You study them, but you can't figure out if any of them are toxic or not.\n\n[[Try one|Trial]]\n[[Test some out on an animal|Test]]\n[[Try cooking them first|Cook]]\n[[Don't even bother and go back to making your spear.|Wood]]

You cook the rainbow berries into a weird kind of sauce after finding some sticks in the pot left in your ship. You eat it... and you stay alive, and in fact, it's pretty good! \n\n[[You go back to making your spear.|Wood]]\n

You stay on the flat ground where you are and the tornado comes. It rips through the sky but you dig your spear into the ground, holding onto it for your life. As the tornado comes you clench to it, but you can't hold you down.\n\n"WHEEE!" yells BOB. As you fly through the air, the tornado tearing your body apart...

<<silently>>\n<<set $bobmood = $bobmood - 1>>\n<<endsilently>>\n"Oh," he says, strangely emotive despite his lack of physical features.. "Pl-Please don't do that! I like talking! Talktalktalktalk-"\n\nOh, the fun just //never// stops, does it? \n\n"Shut up!"\n\nBob squeaks and finally, he's silent.\n\n[["Okay, where do we start?" I say, groaning.|Day1End]]

KeithTrek

The next morning after about a half day's walk you manage to make it to the village you saw from the mountain... but what you find isn't what you expected.\n\nThe village is a larger village of buildings made of a sandstone-like substance. It's villagers aren't little green men, no; they're Badgermen and Badgerwoman.\n\nAs soon as you step foot into the village area, all eyes are on you; however, they smile.\n\n"Oooh! A human, badgebadge!" says one BadgerMan.\n\nOh god, you hope they all don't do that-\n\n"I'm amazed he found his way to this little planet, badgebadge," says one BadgerWoman.\n\nOh, god, they ALL do it.\n\nA crowd gathers around you, each only around four feet tall but they're much more wide than you are. They're... adorable, you think, begrudgingly.\n\n"ADORABLE RATINGS AT RIDICULOUS LEVELS," says Bob.\n\n"Please, let us bring you to the HoneyBadgerMan, our chief!"\n\n[[Follow them.|HoneyBadgerMan]]

<<set $bobmood = $bobmood - 1>>\n\nYou press a button on the Arm-Comp and turn off BOB's vocals. He continues talking, but you no longer have to listen to his incessant rambling.\n\nYou manage to finish the stone knife in relative peace and quiet. Unfortunately, this feature only lasts a few hours; you shouldn't have gone for the trial version of the software, dude.\n<<set $knife = "true">>\nYou are now ready to go find the wood needed to make the spear body, however there is some food you can scavenge around here...\n\n[[Find wood|Wood]] \n[[Find food|Food]]

"Well, gee, I can't seem to find anything about it," says Bob.\n\n"Bob, I swear-"\n\n"SHUT DOWN! ALERT! TOO MUCH TERABYTES BEING USED UP BY NICKLEBACK SONGS AND NICHOLAS SPARKS EBOOKS! SHUTING DOwwnn."\n\nThe screen on your armCOMP goes dark and as you look up, you're stabbed by two Badgermen.\n\n"It seems that this one won't teach us the ways of the popping and locking after all then," says the HoneyBadgerMan. "What a shame, BadgerHoney."\n\nEven in death, that speech pattern is super lame.

The right mountain turns out to be the right choice; there's a cave with stone and shelter and everything!\n\nThe storm lasts for the entire day, as you and Bob sit there bored out of your mind, playing Solitare on your armCOMP. By the time the storm is done, night is about to come... however, you can see from the mountain that there's something not too far away from where you are, about a half day walk.\n\nIt looks like a town.\n\n<html><center>END OF DAY 5</center></html>\n\n[[The next day...|BadgerVillage]]

<html><center>BEGINNING OF DAY 3</center></html>\n\nYou hold your spear, a primitive weapon with a long pole of crafted wood attached to a well-cut stone held onto the pole with animal sinew. Today, you are strong as you go onto your first hunt.\n\nWhat beast shall you face?\n\n[[The cute, tiny furry thing...|Furrycute]]\n[[The beastly dinosaur-type thing...|Beastlydino]]\n

The Chief's face appears onto your wrist computer, and as usual, he's pretty pissed. He's a black man in his early fourties hardened by the military and terrible blockbuster science fiction movies.\n\n"Pilot Keith Melville! We here at Mission Control are FURIOUS, soldier."\n\n"I'm not a soldier, I'm an astronaut, sir," you reply.\n\n"Whatever you are, what kind of falling off the wagon was that? How <html>DARE</html> you pilot under the influence?\n\n"How could I fall off the wagon when I was on a spaceship?"\n\n"Listen, I understand we hired you for your quippy comebacks, because every space mission needs an everyman underdog that has something to prove, but this is ridiculous."\n\n"So, where am I, sir?" you ask.\n\n"You are on planet IX-79-2114, currently underevaluated, so we don't really know what's going to be out there for you, son. But we made sure for you to be prepared with a couple things to keep you alive. They should be in the small cargo area of your ship."\n\n"You mean the trunk?"\n\n"YES, the trunk! Anyway, we need you to get to the highest point on the planet, which is going to be quite a walk. We will be there within a week with a rescue ship; we can watch the Rock II on the way back."\n\n"Sorry, I'm not much of a Michael Bay the Third fan, sir."\n\n"Well we're going to watch the Rock II and you're going to love it! I'm sending you the coordinates, Pilot, good luck-"\n\n"Goodbye, Chief."\n\nThe phone call ends, but as soon as it does, another information comes onto your Arm-COMP.\n\n<html>Loading Bioanalying Organized Brilliance, BOB...</html>\n\n[[A strange glow comes from your Arm-COMP..|BOB]]\n

The fourth day on this planet goes off without much of a hitch, thanks to your trusty spear. \n\nOn the fifth day, you find yourself in the middle of your journey in a large wasteland. There isn't much in general going on here; there are two mountains to your left and your right, but of course, this flat route seems the best...\n\nThat is, until the storm begins. It happens quickly, the bright sky suddenly turns dark and the winds start picking up. You see a tornado-like thing in the distance...\n\n"Ohhhh boy!" says Bob.\n\nWhat do you do? Do you...\n\n[[Go to the Left Mountain?|LeftMount]]\n[[Go to the Right Mountain?|RightMount]]\n[[Stay where you are.|Stay]]

I'm the narrator, man. I don't write this tripe, I just narrate it.\n\n[[All right, I'll play; can I see anything around me?|Alcohol]]\n

You manage to live amongst the BadgerMen, and with them you help them grow their society and become more civilized. Twenty years later, you become the Earth ambassador to the BadgerMen, and the ambassador to the second Honey Badger, the HoneyHoney Badger.

All three fruits seem to be a berry with differing colors: no two colors on the fruit are the same. You try one and you immediately swell like a blowfish. \n\n"Wow, Keith, you managed to turn into the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka!" says Bob. "Sucks to be youuuu."\n\nIf you could reach your communicator, you would remove some of his critical programming... but you'll never reach it. You stay in this forest, swelled like a berry for the rest of your life. You know, until you starve to death.\n\nSucks to be you indeed.

You go to a stream with a few stones nearby and surprisingly, there seems to be some fruit nearby. However, your mind is focused on making your knife...\n\nYou begin pounding the two stones together. It seems to be going well, but you keep missing the stone and hitting yourself because BOB is jabbering at you.\n\n"What are you doing, Keith?" BOB asks.\n\nYou keep trying to chip away at the stones.\n\n"That's not the way to make a knife. Lemme show you... oh wait, I don't have any hands. HAHAHAHAHA"\n\nBOB is getting on your nerves and hindering your ability to finish your stone knife.\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n[[Mute BOB|RudeBOB2]]\n[[Ignore BOB|Finish Knife]]

<<silently>>\n<<set $bobmood = $bobmood + 1>>\n<<endsilently>>\n"Oh, sorry," The AI says, blushing. "Sometimes I get a little carried away. Anyway, what is it that you need?"\n\n[["First of all, where do we start in our survival?"|Day1End]]\n

It's on your arm and it's a computer; simple name. The Artificial Intelligence BOB is installed on this device and it provides a readout of your vitals. Yyou can also use it to gather data on what's around you. Oh, and Mission Control can annoy the crap out of you as well.

You attempt to seek refuge in the left mountain but you realize the mountain seems... strange. There's a weird amount of a fur-like substance on it and before you realize it, you've been climbing a mountain.\n\n"ME FRUSTRATED! HOW DARE YOU STEP ON ME! YOU MESS UP MY ENTIRE SLEEP SCHEDULE, NOW HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE WELL RESTED FOR 9 PM CLASSES! " a voice yells.\n\nSoon enough the mountain's arms grab you and throws you into it's mouth, eating you for breakfast like Captain Crunch.

<<silently>>\n<<set $bobmood = $bobmood - 1>>\n<<endsilently>>"No!" you shout, for no reason. "NO WIRES FOR YOU!"\n\n"Aww..." says bob, as he stares at the ground with a sad look on it's... face?\n\nYour bed is on the ground, you have a full day tommorow; however, there is still a half-bottle of Vodka lying around...\n\n[[Drink the Vodka.|Vodka]]\n

<<silently>>\n<<set $booze = "yes">>\n<<endsilently>>You finish off the vodka pretty quickly and you go to bed drunken from the last bit of alcohol you have...\n\n[[The next morning...|Craftstart]]

After a couple hours you and Bob manage to look through the ship; what you manage to find is an incredibly useless swiss army knife whose only useful purpose is as a flashlight, a cooking pot, a half-finished bottle of Vodka, a greasy cardboard box, frayed wires and some popsicle sticks.\n\nYou make a fire out of the cardboard box and popsicle sticks.\n\n"Ooooh, frayed wires!" says Bob. "Can I play with them?"\n\n[["Sure."|WiresBob]]\n[["Keep your hands off the wires, guy."|NowiresBob]]\n

Directions are put on to the screen and, of course, music plays; Poison, by Bell Biv DeVoe. Of course Bob would go for //classical// music; what a dork.\n\nHowever, you manage to master the ways of popping and locking. The day turns into a party amoungst the BadgerMen and BadgerWomen, as you teach them the Robot, the Dougie and how to Moonwalk. You also teach them the one from Thriller, what's that called? Is it literally called the Thriller? If so, that is lame.\n\n[[End of Day 6.|Day7]]

<html><center>Things to be Added</center></html>\n<html>Priority</html>\n- Two more large events: The Storm and the Badgermen\n- More passages linking the large events together.\n- More dialogue will be added, largely from BOB.\n\n<html>Optional</html>\n- BOB loyalty; depending upon how you treat bob throughout the game you'll add or lose points to his loyalty score. At a pivotal point of the game Bob can save you or desert you.\n- More items that are craftable.\n- More monster options when it comes to hunting.\n- "Hunger" points: If you eat enough one day, you might not need to the next day.

<html><center>Day 2</center></html>\n<<if $booze = "yes">>You wake up with a hangover as the morning before.\n\n"Wow, did you seriously wake up with a hangover two nights in a row? What kind of drunken meatsack are you?"\n\n"Grumble grumble, stupid idiot," you say, not sober enough to think of a good enough come-back.<<endif>>\n\nAfter spending the morning trying to track down plants to eat you begin to realize that if you want enough food to fill you, you're going to need to hunt. Luckily, you managed to find a dead rat-like thing and cook it for breakfast and got some animal sinew out of it.\n\nHowever, you need something more if you're going to survive tomorrow. What you need is a weapon...\n\nA spear is the first thing that comes to your mind.\n\nThe sinew is the first thing you've got, you'll use that to tie your spearhead to your spear body.\n\nYou'll also need a knife to cut out the wood, so you grab two rocks to create a stone knife.\n\n[[Make Knife]]\n

You climb the plateau and board the ship. There, you and the Chief watch the rock until you get to Earth.\n\nOn Earth, you're known as an amazing survivalist, and you write a novel titled "Surviving on Weird Planets: The Keith Story."