Sugarcane

<<if $disgust eq 0>>\nNo, just no.\n<<else>>\n<<if $disgust eq 1>>\nOK, one more time.\n\n[[Thanks|Intro4]]\n\nOr can we just get down to business?\n<<else>>\nI know, right? Wanna look again?\n\n[[OK|Intro4]]\n\nOr would you like to get down to business?\n\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\nWhat should I concentrate on? My [[hair]] or my [[face]]?\n\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'ugh'); >>

<<silently>>\n<<set $gf = 1>>\n<<set $dtalk = 1>>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<display 'confidence'>>\n\nWould you mind doing the talking here? What should we open with?\n\nDave looks me up and down.\n\n'Alright J, didn't think you'd be coming along.'\n\n[[Yeah I thought it'd be a laugh.|Dave1a]]\n\n[[Yeah, sorry.|Dave1b]]\n\n[[Tune.|Dave1c]]\n\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'PartyDave1'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<silently>>\n<<set $askName = 1>>\n<<endsilently>>\n'Em, hi there. What's your name?'\n\nThe big guy doesn't like me talking to her. He turns his head to look at me over his shoulder. A beady, bloodshot eye.\n\n<<timedinsert 4s>>'Fuck off!'<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedgoto "AskName1" 5.5s>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'AskName'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<silently>>\n<<set $urgently += 1>>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<if $urgently eq 1>>\n[img[https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/165719/twinejam/smiling0.jpeg]]\n<<endif>>\n<<if $urgently eq 2>>\n[img[https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/165719/twinejam/smiling1.jpeg]]\n<<endif>>\n<<if $urgently eq 3>>\n[img[https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/165719/twinejam/smiling2.jpeg]]\n<<endif>>\n<<if $urgently eq 4>>\n[img[https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/165719/twinejam/smiling3.jpeg]]\n<<endif>>\n<<if $urgently eq 5>>\n[img[https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/165719/twinejam/smiling4.jpeg]]\n<<endif>>\n<<if $urgently eq 6>>\n[img[https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/165719/twinejam/smiling5.jpeg]]\n<<endif>>\n<<timedgoto "urging" 2s>>\n\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'smiling'); >>

Over by the kitchen door, there are three women chatting. I know two of them from work, the third one has her back to me, she has short black hair.\n\nThere are three guys standing by the stereo. Dave's there, and two dudes I don't know, they might be mates of his, they certainly seem to like him more than I do.\n\nThere's a really pretty girl sitting on the couch politely listening to one of the biggest guys I've ever seen. He seems pretty drunk.\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'layout'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

**\n*[[Vantage|layout]]\n*[[Kitchen]]\n*[[Couch]]\n*[[Stereo]]\n**\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'controls'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

I Try My Best

<<display 'confidence'>>\n<<display 'controls'>>\n<<if $gf eq 1>><<goto "Stereo2">><<endif>>\nDave and his gang are clustered around the stereo.\n<<if $daveAngry eq 1>>'Hey Bozo, piss off.'<<set $confidence -=15>><<timedgoto "Ouch" 4s>><<else>>'Hey dude.'\nDave seemed to be in good form.\n\n'We're trying to keep that big guy on the couch, he was dancing like a lunatic earlier. Trying to avoid a repeat.'\n\n[[Sure thing|Stereo2]]\n<<endif>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Stereo'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Anxiety'); >>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<if $confidence lt 20>>\n<<timedgoto $passageName 5s>>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $confidence gte 20 and $confidence lt 40>>\n<<timedgoto $passageName 8s>>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $confidence gte 40 and $confidence lt 60>>\n<<timedgoto $passageName 10s>>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $confidence gte 60 and $confidence lt 80>>\n<<timedgoto $passageName 15s>>\n<<endif>>\n<<if $confidence gte 80>>\n<<timedgoto $passageName 30s>>\n<<endif>>

The below passages have been dropped.

Wow! You did good in there!\n\nI normally can't last even half that long. Good job, <<print $sex>>!\n\nYou made me super, super happy.\n\nI think the trick to tonight is going to be confidence. That's what I've read anyway. Confidence is the most important part.\n\n[[Are you feeling confident?|confidencetalk]]\n\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Leave'); >>

<<set $confidence +=10>>\n<<goto "Out1">>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Outa'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

There he is now, sitting in front of the TV watching a war documentary. As usual. Video of WW2 Panzers crushing rubble into dust. A picture of Hitler yelling at a commandant.\n\n'That's how I'd do it!'\n\nHe hears me breathing and spins around in his chair.\n\n'Jeff!'\n\nMaybe you could help me? Take the wheel for a second and see if you can help me get a word in edgewise?\n\n[[OK|Talking1]]\n\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Barker'); >>

window.either = function() { return arguments[~~(Math.random()*arguments.length)];}

<<display 'confidence'>>\n<<display 'controls'>>\nI approach the three ladies at the door. I recognise the brunette when she turns around as Dave's girlfriend, an attractive, but very very cold lady.\n\nShe's introduced as Pauline.\n\n'Hi Paulene, nice to meet you, I'm Jeff. We've met a few times before. <<if $dtalk eq 1>>I was talking to Dave earlier. I don't like to taddle, but I think he's planning on making a move on the cute girl on the couch. Just thought you'd like a heads up.'<<else>>You must be Dave's girlfriend. I've heard so many things about you and your sex life.'<<endif>>\n\nShe spits out her drink, glares at me and storms over to haul poor Dave into the bathroom. What a lovely couple.\n\nI might take another wander around the room...\n<<set $gf = 1>>\n<<set $dbathroom = 1>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Kitchen'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

He clicks his heels and his tongue at the same time. Is that a nervous tick?\n\nHe glances at his feet and then around the room. He stands beside me and tries to follow my eyeline.\n\n'On the lookout for totty tonight or what?'\n\n[[Don't you have a girlfriend?|Dave3a]]\n\n[[Where's your girlfriend?|Dave3b]]\n\n[[Sure. You?|Dave3c]]\n\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Dave3u'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

It worked :-)\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'It Works!'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<set $confidence +=12>>\n<<goto "Party1">>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Party1a'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<set $confidence -=4>>\n<<goto "Party1">>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Party1b'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

A tale of love, or sex, or even just a kiss. Whatever I can manage.

OK, good call.\n\nI think this is a comb. I bought it for a job interview.\n\nRight, is this better?\n\n[img[https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/165719/twinejam/okhair.jpeg]]\n\nNow, how about my face?\n\n[[Definitely need to do something about your face|face]]\n\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'hair'); >>

<<silently>>\n<<set $confidence +=11>>\n<<set $daveAngry = 1>>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<display 'confidence'>>\nDave leans right into my face and hisses.\n\n'Watch your back, faggot.'\n\nI've a feeling he's not going to forget that.\n\n<<timedgoto "Dave4" 5s>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Dave3d'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

'See you later, bozo. I'll let Naomi know you're here.'\n\n[[OK Dave, see you later|Dave3e]]\n\n[[Fuck off, Dave.|Dave3d]]\n\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Dave3under'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<silently>>\n<<set $confidence +=8>>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<goto "Dave4">>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Dave3a'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<silently>>\n<<set $confidence +=2>>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<display 'confidence'>>\nDave goes to say something and then catches himself, glances at you, crankily, and says 'Of course not, I have a girlfriend.'\n\nHe wanders off.\n\n'See you later.'\n<<timedgoto "angrydave" 5s>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Dave3c'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<silently>>\n<<set $confidence +=9>>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<goto "Dave4">>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Dave3b'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<silently>>\n<<set $confidence += 20>>\n<<set $boyfriend = 0>>\n<<endsilently>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Boost'); >>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<goto 'Couch'>>

<<display 'confidence'>>\nRight, so I'll lay out the room for you.\n\n<<display 'layout'>>\nI'm not sure I want to venture out of this room just yet. Where do you want to go first?\n\n[[Kitchen]]\n\n[[Stereo]]\n\n[[Couch]]\n\n<<set $boyfriend = 1>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'PartyNew1'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<silently>>\n<<set $confidence = 20>>\n<<endsilently>>\n\nOK, that's just what he's like.\n\nThanks, <<print $sex>>, it was worth a try.\n\nUnfortunately, I think the trick to tonight is going to be confidence. That's what I've read anyway. Confidence is the most important part.\n\n\n[[Are you feeling confident?|confidencetalk]]\n\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Run Away'); >>

try {\n version.extensions['textinput'] = { \n major:1, minor:0, revision:0 \n };\n macros['textinput'] = {\n handler: function(place, macroName, params, parser) {\n v = params[0].replace("$","");\n var input= document.createElement('input');\n input.type = "text";\n d = v+"TextInput";\n input.id = d;\n input.addEventListener('keyup', function()\n {\n state.history[0].variables[v] = document.getElementById(d).value;\n });\n place.appendChild(input);\n }, \n init: function() { var v; var d;},\n };\n} catch(e) {\n throwError(place,"textinput Setup Error: "+e.message); \n}

version.extensions.cyclinglinkMacro={major:3,minor:3,revision:0};\nmacros.cyclinglink={handler:function(a,b,c){var rl="cyclingLink";\nfunction toggleText(w){w.classList.remove("cyclingLinkInit");\nw.classList.toggle(rl+"Enabled");w.classList.toggle(rl+"Disabled");\nw.style.display=((w.style.display=="none")?"inline":"none")}switch(c[c.length-1]){case"end":var end=true;\nc.pop();break;case"out":var out=true;c.pop();break}var v="";if(c.length&&c[0][0]=="$"){v=c[0].slice(1);\nc.shift()}var h=state.history[0].variables;if(out&&h[v]===""){return\n}var l=Wikifier.createInternalLink(a,null);l.className="internalLink cyclingLink";\nl.setAttribute("data-cycle",0);for(var i=0;i<c.length;i++){var on=(i==Math.max(c.indexOf(h[v]),0));\nvar d=insertElement(null,"span",null,"cyclingLinkInit cyclingLink"+((on)?"En":"Dis")+"abled");\nif(on){h[v]=c[i];l.setAttribute("data-cycle",i)}else{d.style.display="none"\n}insertText(d,c[i]);if(on&&end&&i==c.length-1){l.parentNode.replaceChild(d,l)\n}else{l.appendChild(d)}}l.onclick=function(){var t=this.childNodes;\nvar u=this.getAttribute("data-cycle")-0;var m=t.length;toggleText(t[u]);\nu=(u+1);if(!(out&&u==m)){u%=m;if(v){h[v]=c[u]}}else{h[v]=""}if((end||out)&&u==m-(end?1:0)){if(end){var n=this.removeChild(t[u]);\nn.className=rl+"End";n.style.display="inline";this.parentNode.replaceChild(n,this)\n}else{this.parentNode.removeChild(this);return}return}toggleText(t[u]);\nthis.setAttribute("data-cycle",u)}}};\n

<<display 'confidence'>>\n<<display 'layout'>>\n<<display 'controls'>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Vantage'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

I'll get rid of the fucker. You just watch.\n\n'Here, asshole, get off the cocking couch.'\n\nHe stands up, a little unsteadily.\n\n'Here, have a kick to the balls.'\n\nI kick him in the balls so hard I hurt my toes, even through my shoes. He turns purple and collapses.\n\nI step over his twitching form.\n\n[[Well done, brother!|Boost]]\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'confidentEviction'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

version.extensions.timedgotoMacro={major:1,minor:2,revision:0};\nmacros["goto"]=macros.timedgoto={timer:null,handler:function(a,b,c,d){function cssTimeUnit(s){if(typeof s=="string"){if(s.slice(-2).toLowerCase()=="ms"){return +(s.slice(0,-2))||0\n}else{if(s.slice(-1).toLowerCase()=="s"){return +(s.slice(0,-1))*1000||0\n}}}throwError(a,s+" isn't a CSS time unit");return 0}var t,d,m,s;\nt=c[c.length-1];d=d.fullArgs();m=0;if(b!="goto"){d=d.slice(0,d.lastIndexOf(t));\nm=cssTimeUnit(t)}d=eval(Wikifier.parse(d));if(d+""&&state&&state.init){if(macros["goto"].timer){clearTimeout(macros["goto"].timer)\n}s=state.history[0].passage.title;macros["goto"].timer=setTimeout(function(){if(state.history[0].passage.title==s){state.display(d,a)\n}},m)}}};\n

<<silently>>\n<<set $confidence +=7>>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<goto "Dave3">>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Dave2d'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<silently>>\n<<set $confidence +=3>>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<goto "Dave3">>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Dave2b'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<silently>>\n<<set $confidence +=3>>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<goto "Dave3">>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Dave2c'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<silently>>\n<<set $confidence +=1>>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<goto "Dave3">>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Dave2a'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

'Speak up, what the fuck are you saying? <<print $talking1>>?\n\n<<textinput $talking2>>\n\n-OR-\n\n[[Run Away]]\n\n<<timedgoto "Talking3" 4s>>\n\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Talking2'); >>

'You sound like an idiot, Jeff. A bloody idiot. Is that what you want to sound like?'\n\n<<textinput $talking3>>\n\n-OR-\n\n[[Run Away]]\n\n<<timedgoto "Talking4" 3s>>\n\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Talking3'); >>

'Where are you off to?'\n\n<<textinput $talking1>>\n\n-OR-\n\n[[Run Away]]\n\n<<timedgoto "Talking2" 6s>>\n\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Talking1'); >>

<<if $talking3 eq "yes">>\n'Oh you do want to sound like an idiot? Well, good job you little shit. Get the fuck out of here.'\n<<else>>\n'Speak up! What's wrong with you? Jesus.'\n<<textinput $talking4>>\n\n-OR-\n\n[[Run Away]]\n<<endif>>\n\n<<timedgoto "Talking5" 2s>>\n\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Talking4'); >>

'I'm going to stop talking to you now, Jeff. Leave, stay. I don't give a fuck.'\n\n<<textinput $talking3>>\n\n-OR-\n\n[[Leave]]\n\n<<timedgoto "Leave" 3s>>\n\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Talking5'); >>

Sorry, still under construction! Hit rewind to have another poke around.\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'flirt1d'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

Sorry, still under construction! Hit rewind to have another poke around.\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'flirt1a'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

I saunter over to the couch. This guy is gigantic. Like a tubby rugby player. I can catch the end of a sentence...\n\n<<print either("'...when I was nineteen which is the youngest they'd ever see seen.'", "'...even then I knew that car was special.'", "'...which is the real beauty of the offside rule, when you think about it.'", "'...which is crazy 'cause it's not like I even touched her!'", "'...gorgeous, my sister is just gorgeous. I'm tellin' ya.'", "...total solar eclipse. But on the moon.'")>>\n\nShe's nodding politely. Twirling her beautiful hair through her fingers absentmindedly, her big brown eyes smiling at him.\n\nShe seems nice, and a bit bored. It'd be great to rescue her.\n<<if $confidence gte 80>><<display 'confidentEviction'>><<else>>\n<<display 'coward'>>\n<<endif>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'couchBoyfriend'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

Sorry, still under construction! Hit rewind to have another poke around.\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'flirt1b'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

Ben Keenan

<<display 'confidence'>>\nWell, that could have been worse, I assume.\n\nHe's not a nice guy at the best of times. That was probably a mistake.\n<<timedgoto "PartyNew1" 5s>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'angrydave'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

Hi there,\n\nThanks for playing this game. It's very much a work in progress. It may be a little bit buggy, and if you're reading this, then the game still isn't finished.\n\nI am running two tracks. The publishable version is up on <html><a href="http://philome.la/bursaar/i-try-my-best">Philome.la</a></html>. The version I keep testing and rebuilding locally is up on my <html><a href="https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/165719/twinejam/Index.html">Dropbox</a></html>.\n\nI'd love to hear any feedback, negative or niggly feedback is particuarly useful.\n\nYou can email me at <html><a href="mailto:[email protected]?Subject=I%20Try%20My%20Best" target="_top">[email protected]</a></html> or catch me on twitter at <html><a href="http://www.twitter.com/bursaar">@bursaar</a></html>.\n\nThis game was originally written for the <html><a href="http://www.dublintwinejam.com">Dublin Twine & Jam</a></html>.\n\nThank you again for playing :-)\n\n[[Continue|Intro0]]\n\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Start'); >>

<<set $confidence -= 10>>\n<<goto "Out1">>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Outb'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

Wanna take the wheel again on this one? She's looking at me!\n\n[[So glad he's gone! I've been waiting all evening to speak to you.|Name1d]]\n\n[[Finally!|Name1e]]\n\n[[Hi, I'm Jeff.|Name1c]]\n\n<<set $passageName = "It Works!">>\n<<display 'Anxiety'>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'chatNew'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<silently>>\n<<set $confidence -=2>>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<goto "Dave2">>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Dave1c'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<silently>>\n<<set $confidence -=1>>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<goto "Dave2">>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Dave1b'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<silently>>\n<<set $confidence +=5>>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<goto "Dave2">>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Dave1a'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<if $confidence lt 20>>\n<<display 'confidence0'>>\n//<<print either("Bummer.", "Booooo!", "This sucks.", "I'm too sad to be handsome.", "Just...just bummer.", "Why should I live?", "This can't be as good as it gets. It just can't be.", "I'm in danger of wetting myself out of sadness.", "Not even my mum says I'm handsome.", "Why do birds hate me?", "I wonder what happiness is like?", "A stranger is just a person who doesn't know they dislike me yet.", "Respect is something that happens to other people.", "What is laughter?", "I smiled once, but then I got a nosebleed. No thank you.", "My feet smell, I know it.", "Why do people laugh?", "I think I had an orgasm once. I'm pretty sure that's what it was. It was only OK.", "Sometimes I'll just lie in bed for days.", "This party thing was a terrible idea.", "All my ideas are bad.", "What's the point?", "DESPAAAAAIIIIRRR!", "When dogs see me, they're all like 'Ew'.", "Life isn't fair.", "Puppies are idiots.")>>//\n<<endif>>\n<<if $confidence gte 20 and $confidence lt 40>>\n<<display 'confidence1'>>\n//<<print either("I dunno, I'm kinda nervous.", "Are you sure this is a good idea?", "What if she says no?", "What if she says yes? WTF happens next?", "How do I smell?", "I'm worried about my dandruff situation.", "What's a good story about cats, just in case?", "What if I start sweating?", "I wonder if they'll have any of my favourite music.", "I hope I don't get into a fight're anything.", "What will people think of my abnormally large hands?", "Is it possible to be too fixated on my own body?", "Is it possible to be too fixated on a girl's body?", "What's the right amount of eye-contact?", "How much boob-glancage is too much?", "Is there a minimum amount of breathing I should be doing, like, above the basic amount?", "I hate being laughed at.", "I hope I don't cry.", "I don't want to fart.", "I really hope I don't shart.", "What happens if I break wind?")>>//\n<<endif>>\n<<if $confidence gte 40 and $confidence lt 60>>\n<<display 'confidence2'>>\n//<<print either("Holy shit, this could actually work!", "Seriously, this is OK.", "What happens when she laughs?", "OMG when do I make a move?", "I'm funny?", "I'm funny!", "My face is doing this smiling thing. It feels weird.", "I know a story about this dog I used to know.", "Pets aren't people, but they definitely have souls.", "African elephants are the bigger ones. You can tell by the ears.", "I know lots about computers.", "You seem nice.", "I drank my beer. Do you think they'd mind if I borrowed one?", "What happens when you mix beer & wine?", "These sausages are awesome.", "Have you tried the hummus?", "I love these biscuits!", "LOL that's hilarious!", "My cat is basically a monster, but I love him.", "I work hard, but I like my job.", "Where are you from?", "Do you hate Nickelback as much as I do?", "I think Dave might be on drugs.", "Dave stole my lighter, I don't even smoke.", "Do you think they'll mind that I kept my shoes on?", "Would it be quieter in the kitchen?", "Free ice!", "I'm really not a hat person, I can't pull it off.", "I went to Spain once. No! Twice.", "Can you speak French?", "Bonjour!", "Hola!", "C'est bien!", "I know how to play guitar, but only Oasis stuff.", "I heard Naomi hates Nickelback.", "Naomi makes wicket guac.")>>//\n<<endif>>\n<<if $confidence gte 60 and $confidence lt 80>>\n<<display 'confidence3'>>\n//<<print either("You look nice.", "What kind of fabric is that?", "That smells awesome.", "What're you drinking?", "I love your hair, but not in a gay way. Not that there's anything wrong with that.", "How long have you known Naomi?", "Do you dance?", "Do you work out?", "Watch any good TV?", "See anything good in the cinema lately?", "What did you think of Gravity?", "Did you see the new Hunger Games film? It's brilliant.", "Spielberg is still a genius.", "Would you like some more wine?", "What's surfing like?", "I'm not really a sports person, but I play a lot of computer games.", "Are they ever going to make Half Life 3?", "Did you play Portal 2?", "I play a lot of indie games.", "FEZ is pretty good, Phil Fish seems like a tempermental gobshite though.", "Have you seen 'Indie Game: The Movie'?", "It's called Ridiculous Fishing, here, I'll install it on your phone for you.", "Simogo, they're based in Norway I think. Their stuff is really cool.", "I guess DOOM was the first one, but I've grown up a lot since then!", "Twine, you write stories with it. It's fun.", "You look Spanish.", "I've been to South America, but it was just for a family holiday.", "Those photos are gorgeous, do you know a lot about cameras?")>>//\n<<endif>>\n<<if $confidence gte 80>>\n<<display 'confidence4'>>\n//<<print either("You're gorgeous.", "I love your accent.", "I bet the bedrooms are unlocked upstairs.", "Wanna arm-wrestle? I win, I kiss you. You win, you kiss me.", "Care to dance?", "God, I fucking hate Nickelback.", "Your neck smells great.", "I really like your eyes.", "Brown eyes are my favourite.", "Do you find your own hotness distracting?", "Joss Whedon is a genuis.", "I hate Kubrick. There, I said it.", "Think you could take me?", "Let's wrestle!", "I suggest a quote-off. Simpsons?", "Would you like to get dinner sometime? Tomorrow maybe?", "I love your legs.", "Nice cleavage. I'm serious!", "LOL no fucking way!", "Hahahahaha!", "Let's go steal some of Naomi's medicines.", "I wonder if there're any drugs at this party.")>>//\n<<endif>>

Dave looks around the room, pretending not to hear me, and wanders off.\n<<timedgoto "PartyNew1" 5s>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'byeDave'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

Sorry, still under construction! Hit rewind to have another poke around.\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'flirt1c'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

head {\n box-shadow: inset 0px 0px 30em #bbb;\n width:100%;\n height:100%;\n display:block;\n position:fixed;\n}\nhead * {\n display:none;\n}\nbody {\n background-color:#fff;\n margin: 0;\n text-align:center;\n}\n#passages {\n border-left: 0;\n margin: 0;\n padding: 0;\n line-height:100vh;\n}\n.passage {\n position:absolute;\n top: 0; bottom: 0; left: 0; right: 0;\n width: 75%;\n height: 75%;\n margin:auto;\n font: bold 3em/1.25em Helvetica, "Helvetica Neue", Arial, sans-serif;\n color: #000;\n letter-spacing: -0.05em;\n text-align:center;\n}\n#sidebar {\n display:table;\n position:fixed;\n top: 0; left: 0;\n width:100%;\n height:100%;\n}\n#sidebar #title {\n display:table-cell; \n vertical-align:middle;\n text-align:center;\n}\n#sidebar #title #storyTitle {\n font: bold 12em/1.25em Helvetica, "Helvetica Neue", Arial, sans-serif;\n letter-spacing: -0.05em;\n color:rgba(0,0,0,0.06);\n}\n#title :not(#storyTitle){\n display:none;\n}\n#storymenu, #snapback, #restart, #share, #credits {\n display:none;\n}\na.internalLink:hover, a.externalLink:hover {\n color:#de0000 !important;\n text-decoration: none;\n}\na.internalLink:nth-child(3n), a.externalLink:nth-child(3n) {\n color: #666;\n}\na.internalLink:nth-child(3n+1), a.externalLink:nth-child(3n+1) {\n color: #777;\n}\na.internalLink:nth-child(3n+2), a.externalLink:nth-child(3n+2) {\n color: #888;\n}\n@media screen and (max-width: 960px) {\n body { font-size: 50%; }\n}\n@media screen and (max-width: 840px) {\n body { font-size: 40%; }\n}\n@media screen and (max-width: 720px) {\n body { \n font-size: 30%;\n }\n}

Wanna take the wheel again on this one? She's looking at me!\n\n[[Hi there, I never did get to hear your name.|Name1a]]\n\n[[So, what is your name?|Name1b]]\n\n[[Hi, I'm Jeff.|Name1c]]\n\n[[Finally!|Name1e]]\n\n<<set $passageName = "It Works!">>\n<<display 'Anxiety'>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'chatAsked'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

[img[https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/165719/twinejam/confidence3.jpeg]]\n\nConfidence at: <<print $confidence>>\n_________________________________________________________\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'confidence3'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<display 'confidence'>>\n\nRight. It's dark out, I'm wearing my anorak, jeans and a hoodie. It's as fancy as I get. Thanks for helping me out, <<print $sex>>.\n\n<<if $pref eq "straight">>\n<<if $sex eq "man">>\nLike yourself, I'm a straight dude, so we'll be on the hunt for ladies tonight, though to be honest, anything beyond crying myself to sleep is a win.\n<<endif>>\n<<else>>\nI'll be looking for ladies tonight, though to be honest, anything beyond crying myself to sleep tonight is a win.\n<<endif>>\n\n[[Time to go get a bus. This is easy, you'll be fine.|Busa]]\n\n[[Think you're ready for the bus, shithead?|Busb]]\n\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Out1'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

[img[https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/165719/twinejam/confidence1.jpeg]]\n\nConfidence at: <<print $confidence>>\n_________________________________________________________\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'confidence1'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

[img[https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/165719/twinejam/confidence0.jpeg]]\n\nConfidence at: <<print $confidence>>\n_________________________________________________________\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'confidence0'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<display 'confidence'>>\n<<display 'controls'>>\nShe smiles at me with those big warm eyes.\n\nShe offers me her hand.\n\n'Hi, I'm Nathalie.'\n\n'Hi, I'm Jeff.'\n\nI shake her hand, it feels soft and warm, but there's something in her I admire.\n\n[[What kind of things do you like|flirt1a]]\n\n[[What are you drinking?|flirt1b]]\n\n[[Do you like any TV shows?|flirt1c]]\n\n[[Seen anything good in the cinema?|flirt1d]]\n\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'FreeCouch1'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<silently>>\n<<set $confidence +=1>>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<goto "Dave4">>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Dave3e'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

Did I mention I live with my parents?\n\nYou probably picked up on it a little, but I'm not good with confidence. I'd blame my dad. He's a barker.\n\n[[OK|Barker]]\n\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'House'); >>

I don't think I can really talk to him. He'd kick my ass.\n\nMaybe I should check out the rest of the room?\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'coward'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

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<<silently>>\n<<set $confidence -= 15>>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'AskName1'); >>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<goto "Vantage">>

<<if $urgently eq 1>>\nOK, what did you think?\n<<endif>>\n<<if $urgently eq 6>>\nI'd say that's about the most we can hope for, right?\n\n[[Yeah, let's move on.|House]]\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if $urgently eq 1>>\n[[Try again.|smiling]]\n<<endif>>\n<<if $urgently eq 2>>\n[[Come on, you can do better.|smiling]]\n<<endif>>\n<<if $urgently eq 3>>\n[[That's the spirit.|smiling]]\n<<endif>>\n<<if $urgently eq 4>>\n[[That's it, don't fail me now.|smiling]]\n<<endif>>\n<<if $urgently eq 5>>\n[[Almost there!|smiling]]\n<<endif>>\n\n\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'urging'); >>

[img[https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/165719/twinejam/confidence4.jpeg]]\n\nConfidence at: <<print $confidence>>\n_________________________________________________________\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'confidence4'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

[img[https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/165719/twinejam/confidence2.jpeg]]\n\nConfidence at: <<print $confidence>>\n_________________________________________________________\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'confidence2'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<display 'confidence'>>\n\nI'll leave a readout of how I'm doing at the top there. Let's try to keep me sane, eh?\n\nAlright, time to head out of the house.\n\n[[You can do this!|Outa]]\n\n[[Come on, fucko. You've no choice.|Outb]]\n\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'confidencetalk'); >>

<<display 'confidence'>>\n<<display 'controls'>>\n<<if $boyfriend eq 1>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Couch boyfriend eq 1'); >>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<display 'couchBoyfriend'>>\n<<else>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Couch boyfriend eq 0'); >>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<display 'couchNoBoyfriend'>>\n<<endif>>

<<display 'confidence'>>\n<<if $daveAngry eq 1>>\n<<display 'angrydave'>>\n<<else>>\n<<display 'byeDave'>>\n<<endif>>\n<<timedgoto "PartyNew1" 5s>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Dave4'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<display 'confidence'>>\n<<if $confidence gt 25>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Dave3 – gt25'); >>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<display 'Dave3u'>>\n<<else>>\n<<display 'Dave3under'>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Dave3 - lte25'); >>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<endif>>

<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Dave2'); >>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<display 'confidence'>>\n<<if $confidence gt 20>>\n'You don't often come along to these parties.'\n\n[[First time I've been invited.|Dave2a]]\n\n[[No, not really|Dave2b]]\n<<else>>\n'I meant I didn't think you were invited.'\n\n[[I didn't think Naomi'd be too strict about that kind of thing.|Dave2c]]\n\n[[No, I wasn't. So what?|Dave2d]]\n<<endif>>

<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Busb'); >>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<set $confidence -=5>>\n<<goto "Party0">>

<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Busa'); >>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<set $confidence +=10>>\n<<goto "Party0">>

I take a seat next to the girl on the couch.\n<<if $askName eq 1>>\n<<display 'chatAsked'>>\n<<else>>\n<<display 'chatNew'>>\n<<endif>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'couchNoBoyfriend'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<display 'confidence'>>\nAhhh, the baldy bus driver. This guy's a real see you next Tuesday. \n\n<<timedinsert 3s>>A proper twat. <<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 5s>>A bit of an enemy, really. <<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 7s>>I get on the bus, count out my change.<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 8s>>Counting away.<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 9s>>Almost there...<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 9.5s>>'Come on to fuck.'<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 11s>>This is a trap. If I stop now, he'll get finicky about the fare.<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 13s>>There, all the change.<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 13.3s>>'Two euro eighty please.'<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 14s>>He hits the button without looking at me and I take a seat at the back of the bus, trying to ignore him glancing back at me.<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedgoto "Party0" 16.5s>>

<<silently>>\n<<set $disgust -= 1>>\n<<endsilently>>\n[img[https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/165719/twinejam/badhair.jpeg]]\n<<timedgoto "ugh" 2s>>\n\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Intro4'); >>

Hi.\n\nI'm Jeff.\n\nI'm kinda nervous.\n\n[[OK|Intro1]]\n\n<<set $confidence = 10>>\n\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Intro0'); >>

You'd be nervous too if you were going to a party tonight.\n\nGoing to your first party.\n\nIt's in Naomi's house. Naomi is really cool, and I'm going because somebody made a mistake and talked about the party in front of me at work, so now they have to invite me.\n\nThat's the thing about adults. Kids can be cruel and openly unpleasant. Adults, especially coworkers, are obliged to pretend to be nice to me.\n\n[[How old are you?|Intro2]]\n\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Intro1'); >>

I'm twenty-nine. Years old.\n\nI'm a grown ass man, and I'm not the partying kind, as far as I know.\n\nNever really had the chance to find out. I haven't gotten this far before. That's kind of why you're here.\n\nI need some help.\n\nDo you self-identify as a <<cyclinglink $pref "straight" "gay" "bisexual">> <<cyclinglink $sex "man" "woman">>? I could really use your insight.\n\n[[OK|Intro3]]\n\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Intro2'); >>

<<silently>>\n<<if $sex eq "woman">>\n<<set $sex = "lady">>\n<<endif>>\n<<set $disgust = 3>>\n<<endsilently>>\n\nLook, <<print $sex>>. This is bad. I'll show you.\n\nLet's take a look in the mirror.\n\n[[OK|Intro4]]\n\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Intro3'); >>

<<display 'confidence'>>\n\nHow is this guy more popular than I am? Irony? What a dick! The dolt has the audacity to high-five people.\n\n<<timedinsert 3s>> Oh shit, here he comes.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n[[Let's see if there are any girls here we don't know|PartyNew1]]\n\n<<timedgoto "PartyDave1" 4s>>\n\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Party2'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<silently>>\n<<set $confidence -= 4>>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<display 'confidence'>>\nOK, OK. Outside the house now. I'm able for this. They're just people. I know most of them.\n<<timedinsert 2s>><<fadeinsound "https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/165719/twinejam/muffledmusic.mp3">><<endtimedinsert>>\nI can hear the music now, it sounds loud.\n\n[[You're awesome, don't worry, it'll be fun!|Party1a]]\n\n[[Are you going to turn back now? Really? Don't be such a loser.|Party1b]]\n

<<display 'confidence'>>\nWoah, this is a load of people!\n<<timedinsert 3s>>\nThere's Carol and Sharon chatting to Naomi. They're all wearing dresses, like with cleavage and legs and stuff. Holy shit.<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 4.5s>><<stopallsound>><<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 5s>>Oh, looks like Dave got a hold of the stereo.<<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 6s>><<playsound "https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/165719/twinejam/nickelback.mp3">><<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 10s>>Ah. <<endtimedinsert>><<timedinsert 10.8s>>Nickelback.<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 11.9s>>Stay classy, Dave.<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedgoto "Party2" 15s>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Party1'); >>\n<<endsilently>>

<<display 'confidence'>>\n<<display 'controls'>>\nDave's mates seemed like, well, pricks. There was Darren, the culchie one, and

Right. I can't shave because of <<cyclinglink "fear" "bees" "shaky hands" "poor judgement" "lack of razors" "shivering" "brutal diarrhea" "earthquakes" "carpel tunnel syndrome" "potato poisoning" "gamer claw" "DTs" "blade phobia" "lack of hot water" "too much hot water" "no water" "internet">>. Take your pick, it ain't happening.\n\nI guess I could try smiling.\n\n[[Perfect! Let's try that.|smiling]]\n\n<<silently>>\n<<set $urgently = 0>>\n<<endsilently>>\n\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'face'); >>

<<silently>>\n<<set $confidence +=10>>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Name1a'); >>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<goto "FreeCouch1">>\n

<<silently>>\n<<set $confidence +=8>>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Name1b'); >>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<goto "FreeCouch1">>

<<silently>>\n<<set $confidence +=7>>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Name1c'); >>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<goto "FreeCouch1">>

<<silently>>\n<<set $confidence +=20>>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Name1d'); >>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<goto "FreeCouch1">>

<<silently>>\n<<set $confidence +=14>>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Name1e'); >>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<goto "FreeCouch1">>

<<silently>>\n<<endsilently>>\n<<display 'confidence'>>\n<<display 'controls>>\n<<if $gf eq 1>>I grab the stereo and do what has to be done...<<stopallsound>><<playsound "https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/165719/twinejam/wtw.mp3">>[[Let's go back to the couch|Couch]]<<set $boyfriend = 0>><<else>>'Hey Dave, mind if I-'\n\nDave slaps my hand away.\n\n'Get lost, Jeff. Don't ever touch a cooler man's stereo!'\n\nHis stupid friends start laughing as I wander back to the neutral corner of the living room.\n\n<<timedgoto "Vantage" 10s>>\n<<endif>>\n<<silently>>\n<<set ga('send', 'event', 'passage', 'loaded', 'Stereo2'); >>\n<<endsilently>>