you have to wipe the tears from your eyes to read her epitath
Anonymous
Her
you've already told your parents where you're going. they don't know if it's a good idea but they know you really want to, so they're letting you.\n\nyour hands are sweating as you turn the steering wheel. \n\nyou can already [[smell her perfume]] as you step out of the car and walk up to her.
[[her]]
nay, you want to write something more than special...\n\nbut you can't articulate something in a flowing passage. it's always [[little phrases or sentences]]
you feel your heart swelling just thinking about it. you're not even gonna go home after school. you've got the flowers in your car. you're going to up there, walk up to her and tell her PRECISELY how you feel.\n\nyou're hands are [[sweating just thinking about it]]
you wake up\ngo to school\ngo home\nsleep\nand [[wake up again]]
this one person.\n\nshe gives you the [[heartfires]] like no other.\n\nshe's the one thing (although part of the daily cycle) that keeps you from having everything blend together.\n\nyeah, she [[keeps you sane]]
she really takes your breath away.\n\nyou love her [[so so much]]
you can describe how she makes you feel but that'd make for a selfish poem, you think.\n\nit's like\n\nhere, let me tell you about all the beautiful ways you make /me/ feel and not focus on what aspects of you make me feel this way. you guess the mere fact that you're telling a person they give you that feeling you get in the early seconds of a plane taking off is enough to convey something to them. but that's not the poem you want to write.\n\nyou want to write something [[special]]
you can't write anything about her though\n\nyou've tried multiple times and ways.\n\nyou've done it absent mindedly but only got frustrated and scrapped it\n\nyou've sat down and put elbow grease and thought into it...that time you got to describing how soft her hair was but you couldn't get much further. once you described her eyes as "sparkling ember stones" and you were proud of that but it's hardly [[a poem.]]
you throw the flowers down on the ground, tears are traveling down your cheeks in hot clusters. [[you're well past composed right now]]
the weird thing is\n\nyou can write poetry about random girls, boys, people. anytime anywhere. school, the street. someone who sat next to you in the movie theatre or in drivers ed.\n\nyou've been told that your stuff "was among the likes of shakespeare"\n\nyou're not quite sure of that\n\n[[but you're pretty damn proud of it]]
you do that five times and then its the weekend, only to be followed by that whole cycle.\n\nbut there is [[one thing]] that keeps you grounded\n
stuff like\n\n"you were born out of stars and the sun breathed life into you"\n"if my heart is the earth then you are the axis"\n"your voice makes sirens jealous"\n"your body was like it was carved by Michelangelo himself."\n"if your smile was any brighter it'd be a constellation"\n\n[[shit like that]]
you're going to actually visit her today.\n\nyou've got [[flowers]]
there are [[tears in your eyes]]
this is the most nervous you've ever been in your whole damn life. you have to grip the flowers like your life depends on them to keep them from slipping out of your hands.\n\nshe doesnt [[see you crying]] \n\nthank god
you're standing above her.\n\nyour heartfires are [[really flaring up]] right now
every day it's the [[same thing]]
the bell rings.\n\nyou shuffle out of class and [[make it to your car]]
heartfires is a word you came up with to describe how she makes you feel because "a crush" isn't enough\n\nheartfires are a spectrum of emotions, ranging from butterflies and giddyness to actually wanting to just hold her hand so bad you feel actual symptoms of heart burn-hence the name heartfires.\n\nit's her that [[keeps you sane]]