Sugarcane

it [[broke|NoMore]] my heart

I <<mousereplace>>know what I want to say.<<becomes>>don't know what I'm allowed to say.<<becomes>>say too much.<<becomes>>don't understand the [[rules|StammeringLips]].<<endmousereplace>>

//I have been one acquainted with the night. \nI have walked out in rain\n—and back in rain. \nI have outwalked the furthest city light...\n\nOne luminary clock against the sky \nProclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right \nI have been one acquainted with the [[night|Staggered]].//\n\n\n\n\n>>>-Robert Frost, //Acquainted with the Night//

Jesus, really?\n\nOkay.\n\n[[Happy Holidays|End3]].

But when you wanted me, how could I <<replace "resist?">>resist?\n\nI knew that it was <<replace "hopeless.">>hopeless.\n\nBut I wanted to <<replace "burn.">>burn. I thought I could bear to be [[extinguished|lust]].<<endreplace>> <<endreplace>> <<endreplace>> <<endreplace>>

Over the years I have known you, for nearly a decade now, I have come to know many things about [[you|You]].

gagged with your shirt, blind with the pleasure\n\n>>>[[>>|Madness]]

//somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond any \nexperience, your eyes have their silence: \nin your most frail gesture are things which enclose me, \nor which i cannot touch because they are too near \n\nyour slightest look easily will unclose me \nthough i have closed myself as fingers, \n[[you open always|Slowly]] petal by petal myself as Spring opens \n(touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose//\n\n\n\n>>>- e.e. cummings

[[I'm done|End2]]\n>>>[[Continue|Christmas]]

//In the avoidance of that which we seek--\nThe sudden silence and reserve when near--\nThe eye that glistens with an unshed tear--\nThe joy that seems the counterpart of [[fear|suddenly]]//\n\n\n\n>>>- Ella Wheeler Wilcox, //Love's Language//

>//Glance strikes with glance, swift flashing high and higher//\n>>//Like lightnings that precede the mighty storm;//\n>>>//In the deep, soulful stillness; in the warm,//\n>//Impassioned tide that sweeps through throbbing veins//\n>>>//Between the shores of [[keen delight|YourWords]] and pains//\n\n>>>- Ella Wheeler Wilcox, //How Does Love Speak?//

//when i have thought of you somewhat too\nmuch and am become perfectly and\nsimply Lustful….sense a gradual stir\nof beginning muscle,and what it will do\nto me before shutting….understand\ni love you….feel your suddenly body reach\nfor me with a speed of white speech\n\n(the simple instant of perfect hunger [[yes|Avoidance3]])//\n\n\n>>>- e.e. cummings

![[{This story is for you}|First]]\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[contains adult language]

We talk about people who have gone down this path. It's a bad idea, we agree.\n\n//Never//, <<replace "you say.">>you say. \n\n[You don't know your own mind well enough to say //never//. You don't really mean <<replace "//never//.]">>//never//.] \n\nFor months, maybe years, we [[dance around|Avoidance1]] this thing.<<endreplace>><<endreplace>>

We were certainly <<replace "friends.">>friends. And <<replace "then.">>then.\n\nSlowly, infinitesimally, but [[inexorably|NoHaste]]...<<endreplace>> <<endreplace>>

(They involve [[Costco|RVs]])

\n[[Then...|don't respond]]

>>You are <<cyclinglink "brilliant" "cynical" "politically misguided" "funny" "reserved" "talkative" "needy" "compassionate" "imaginative" "misanthropic" "shallow" "bored" "assertive" "shy" "old beyond your years" "quiet" "sexy" "perverse" "successful" "awkward" "handsome" "exceptional" "nerdy" "gentle" "lonely" "rational" "passive-aggressive" "critical" "loyal" "supportive" "persistent" "changeable" "disaffected" "glum" "eloquent" "impulsive" "tactless" "indecisive" "moody" "pessimistic" "serious" "frustrating" "the loneliest man I've ever known">>.\n>>>[[>>|IKnow]]

I don't really <<replace "like people.">>like people. I can only handle so much of them before I desperately need quiet and peace to <<replace "recharge.">>recharge.\n\nI don't open myself up to people. So many people hardly know me at all, and that's certainly <<replace "by design.">>by design.\n\nYou know me. I want you to [[know me|KnowMe]]. <<endreplace>> <<endreplace>> <<endreplace>>

//I am not yours, not lost in you, \nNot lost, although I long to be \nLost as a candle lit at noon, \nLost as a snowflake in the sea.// [[>>|NotWanted]]\n\n\n>>>- Sara Teasdale, //I Am Not Yours//

//stay late tomorrow//\n\n//Yes//\n\n[[swamped]]

unmoored\n\novercome\n\n[[sleepless|Frost]]

//Only one voice in all the world\nCould [[give me rest|Before]].//\n\n\n\n\n\n>>>- Sara Teasdale, //Vignettes Overseas//

<<mousereplace>>//the love of your life// mine said<<gains>>\n\n//that's [[tragic|Mine]]// \n\n>>you said<<endmousereplace>>

you were never <<replace "mine.">>mine.\n\nyou never even [[wanted|NotYours]] to be.<<endreplace>>

Sitting in a darkened theater, fingers circling aimlessless on your jeans, wanting to lean in, wondering if that's <<replace "okay.">>okay.\n\nI believe that what's happened between us means something different for me than it does for [[you|Fireworks]].<<endreplace>>

You have been a fixture in my life for years. Before I ever put words to it, you <<mousereplace>>were warmth and comfort.<<becomes>>were heat and light.<<becomes>>were [[essential|Morning]] to me.<<endmousereplace>>

//maybe this was a mistake. I [[don't think|Advance]] I can.//

I know this because we have spent exponentially more time\n>>>[[talking|Friend2]] than fucking.

We're brain twins.\n\nWe both get drunk on [[embarrassingly|DefinitelyNerds]] little alcohol.

I never really wanted things for <<replace "Christmas.">>Christmas. I mean, I could never work up much enthusiasm for <<replace "stuff.">>stuff. \n\nEvery year, I'd dutifully identify something for my list, but unwrapping presents, I never <<replace "felt it.">>felt it. That screaming ecstasy that other kids seemed to feel, the wish fulfilled. I never really had wishes that you could buy at K-Mart.\n\nI'd never really //wanted// anything.\n\n[[Until I wanted you|Felt]]. <<endreplace>> <<endreplace>> <<endreplace>>

//let’s live suddenly [[without thinking|Remember]]// \n\n\n\n\n\n\n>>>- e.e. cummings

//With stammering lips and insufficient sound \nI strive and struggle to deliver right \nThat music of my nature, day and night \nWith [[dream and thought and feeling|GoOn]] interwound//\n\n\n\n\n>>>- Elizabeth Barrett Browning, //The Soul's Expression//

the day we first kissed. those [[fortunes|tragic2]].\n

History.prototype.display=function(d,b,a){var c=tale.get(d);this.history.unshift({passage:c,variables:clone(this.history[0].variables)});\nthis.history[0].hash=this.save();var e=c.render();if(a!="offscreen"){removeChildren(document.getElementById("passages"));\ndocument.getElementById("passages").appendChild(e);if(a!="quietly"){fade(e,{fade:"in"});}}if((a=="quietly")||(a=="offscreen")){e.style.visibility="visible";\n}if(a!="offscreen"){document.title=tale.title;document.title+=": "+c.title;window.scroll(0,0);\n}return e;};\nHistory.prototype.restart=function(){window.location.reload();};macros["return"]=macros.back={handler:function(a,b,e){\nvar el,d="";var steps=1;if(e[0]){if(e[1]=="steps"){if(isNaN(e[0])){throwError(a,"parameter before 'steps' must be a number.");\nreturn;}else{if(e[0]<state.history.length){d=state.history[e[0]].passage.title;steps=e[0];\n}}}else{if(tale.get(e[0]).id==undefined){throwError(a,"The "+e[0]+" passage does not exist");\nreturn;}for(var c=0;c<state.history.length;c++){if(state.history[c].passage.title==e[0]){d=e[0];\nsteps=c;break;}}}}else{d=state.history[1].passage.title;}if(!d){return;\n}else{el=document.createElement("a");el.className="return";el.onclick=function(){if(b=="back"){while(steps>=0){if(state.history.length>1){state.history.shift();\n}steps--;}}state.display(d);};el.href="javascript:void(0)";el.innerHTML="<b>«</b> "+b[0].toUpperCase()+b.slice(1);\na.appendChild(el);}}};Interface.buildSnapback=function(){var c=false;removeChildren(document.getElementById("snapbackMenu"));\nfor(var a=state.history.length-1;a>=0;a--){if(state.history[a].passage&&state.history[a].passage.tags.indexOf("bookmark")!=-1){var b=document.createElement("div");\nb.pos=a;b.onclick=function(){var p=this.pos;var n=state.history[p].passage.title;\nwhile(p>=0){if(state.history.length>1){state.history.shift();}p--;}state.display(n);\n};b.innerHTML=state.history[a].passage.excerpt();document.getElementById("snapbackMenu").appendChild(b);\nc=true;}}if(!c){var b=document.createElement("div");b.innerHTML="<i>No passages available</i>";\ndocument.getElementById("snapbackMenu").appendChild(b);}};\n

Do you want to take a journey with me?\n\n[[No|End]]\n>>>[[Yes|StillHere]]

//I only know that summer sang in me \nA little while, that in me [[sings no more|Wrong]].//\n\n\n\n\n>>>- Edna St. Vincent Millay, //What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why//

Christmas morning

It's <<mousereplace>>dark.<<becomes>>quiet.<<becomes>>very late.<<becomes>>the end of another year.<<becomes>>the end of another year.\n\nI'm feeling [[contemplative|Created]].<<endmousereplace>>\n\n

All stories have a beginning, though some are not told - <<mousereplace>>dismissed.<<becomes>>forgotten.<<becomes>>abandoned.\n\nHere, at the end of the year, I feel the pull of nostalgia and the press of [[time|Time]].<<endmousereplace>>

//or if your wish be to close me, i and \nmy life will shut very beautifully, suddenly, as when the heart of this flower imagines \nthe snow carefully [[everywhere descending|Decision]]//\n\n\n\n>>>- e.e. cummings

<<mousereplace>>And this is where //I// want to stop.<<gains>>\n\n[[No more|End2]]\n\n>>>[[Go on|movie]]<<endmousereplace>>

your silence an [[agony|reluctance]]

Still [[with me|Nights]], or [[no|End2]]?

//You're very quiet, and I'm trying hard not to just close my door and stroke myself.//\n\n//I would have parked in a dark corner and slid my fingers inside of you.//\n\n//I want to feel how slick my fingers get as you grip my neck and pull my mouth towards yours.//\n\nThe heat, [[the pull]].

So I created something for you. \n\n<<mousereplace>>A story about us<<becomes>>A story about us...in a way<<becomes>>A personal greeting card<<becomes>>An adventure of your [[choosing|NotSimple]]<<endmousereplace>>.

//they show no haste \nthey wait \nfor the sympathy in their vast shy hearts \n[[slowly, slowly to rouse|Denial]]//\n\n\n\n\n>>>- D.H. Lawrence, //The Elephant is Slow to Mate//

<<mousereplace>>>//I want you//<<gains>>\n>>//I'm not sure//<<gains>>\n>>>//Hell, I don't know//<<gains>>\n>>>>your [[silence|YourSilence]]<<endmousereplace>>

it becomes an excruciating cycle of <<replace "advance.">>advance and [[retreat|advance and retreat]].<<endreplace>>

And for <<replace "a time">>a very short time<<endrevision>>, I had everything I ever wanted.\n\nWhen I <<replace "had you.">>had you. \n\nIt was every Christmas morning I'd [[never had|tragic]] as a kid.<<endreplace>> <<endreplace>>

But no matter what I am to you, here, at <<replace "the end.">>[[the end|turn3]] of the year...\n\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>>

[[Intoxicated|wanting me]] by you. By your words.

One day, I was staggered by the realization of <<replace "how essential you were to my equilibrium.">>the missing piece of me that settled into place with <<replace "you.">>you.\n\nHow perfectly right and complete it was to have you [[in my life|OneVoice]].<<endreplace>> <<endreplace>>

//30 years// certainly has the ring of <<replace "finality">>futility<<becomes>>hopelessness<<endreplace>> to it, [[doesn't|EndoftheYear]] it?

After all these years, we have solid plans for the \n[[zombie apocalypse|Costco]].

//Had we but world enough, and [[time|Allowed]]//\n\n\n\n>>>- Andrew Marvell, //To His Coy Mistress//

//It will take little time, it will take all your thought\nIt will take all your heart, it will take all your breath\nIt will be short, it will [[not be simple|Beginning]]//\n\n\n\n>>>- Adrienne Rich, //Final Notations//

!I love you.\n\nYou changed my life.\n\nMerry Christmas.

<<mousereplace>>I have an English Lit degree, but I'm more likely to quote you scifi than Shakespeare.<<gains>>\n\nYou have a background in finance but you're pissing away your retirement on [[over-priced coffee|GrammarCopsToo]].<<endmousereplace>>

<<replace "Tragic.">>Pathetic.<<becomes>>//I'm happily married//<<becomes>>//[[when my wife and I have been married for 30 years...|Shattered]]//<<endreplace>>

//I'm afraid I'll get [[bored]]//

We're <<replace "awkward.">>painfully awkward.<<becomes>>painfully awkward and we hate people.<<becomes>>kind of [[hopeless|Nerds2]], actually.<<endreplace>>

body {font-size:125%;}\n\n#sidebar { display: none; }\n#passages { margin-left: 0; }\n#passages {border-left:none; } \n#passages { border-left: 0; padding-left: 0; }\n.passage { text-align:left; max-width:60%; margin:auto; } body { margin: 4em; }\n\n.revision-span-in {\n opacity: 0;\n}\n.revision-span:not(.revision-span-out) {\n transition: 1s; -webkit-transition: 1s;\n}\n.revision-span-out {\n position:absolute;\n opacity: 0;\n}\n\n\nbody { background-color: #500000 }\ncolor:white !important\na { color: slategray !important } \na.internalLink, a.externalLink {\n color: slategray;\n}\na.internalLink:hover, a.externalLink:hover {\n color: slategray;\n text-decoration: none;\n}\n\n[data-tags~=poem] {\n color:#8FBC8F !important\n }\n\n

@keyframes shakeit {\n0% { transform: translate(2px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n10% { transform: translate(-1px, -2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n20% { transform: translate(-3px, 0px) rotate(1deg); }\n30% { transform: translate(0px, 2px) rotate(0deg); }\n40% { transform: translate(1px, -1px) rotate(1deg); }\n50% { transform: translate(-1px, 2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n60% { transform: translate(-3px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n70% { transform: translate(2px, 1px) rotate(-1deg); }\n80% { transform: translate(-1px, -1px) rotate(1deg); }\n90% { transform: translate(2px, 2px) rotate(0deg); }\n100% { transform: translate(1px, -2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n}\n \n@-o-keyframes shakeit {\n0% { -o-transform: translate(2px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n10% { -o-transform: translate(-1px, -2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n20% { -o-transform: translate(-3px, 0px) rotate(1deg); }\n30% { -o-transform: translate(0px, 2px) rotate(0deg); }\n40% { -o-transform: translate(1px, -1px) rotate(1deg); }\n50% { -o-transform: translate(-1px, 2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n60% { -o-transform: translate(-3px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n70% { -o-transform: translate(2px, 1px) rotate(-1deg); }\n80% { -o-transform: translate(-1px, -1px) rotate(1deg); }\n90% { -o-transform: translate(2px, 2px) rotate(0deg); }\n100% { -o-transform: translate(1px, -2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n}\n \n@-webkit-keyframes shakeit {\n0% { -webkit-transform: translate(2px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n10% { -webkit-transform: translate(-1px, -2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n20% { -webkit-transform: translate(-3px, 0px) rotate(1deg); }\n30% { -webkit-transform: translate(0px, 2px) rotate(0deg); }\n40% { -webkit-transform: translate(1px, -1px) rotate(1deg); }\n50% { -webkit-transform: translate(-1px, 2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n60% { -webkit-transform: translate(-3px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n70% { -webkit-transform: translate(2px, 1px) rotate(-1deg); }\n80% { -webkit-transform: translate(-1px, -1px) rotate(1deg); }\n90% { -webkit-transform: translate(2px, 2px) rotate(0deg); }\n100% { -webkit-transform: translate(1px, -2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n}\n \n@-moz-keyframes shakeit {\n0% { -moz-transform: translate(2px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n10% { -moz-transform: translate(-1px, -2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n20% { -moz-transform: translate(-3px, 0px) rotate(1deg); }\n30% { -moz-transform: translate(0px, 2px) rotate(0deg); }\n40% { -moz-transform: translate(1px, -1px) rotate(1deg); }\n50% { -moz-transform: translate(-1px, 2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n60% { -moz-transform: translate(-3px, 1px) rotate(0deg); }\n70% { -moz-transform: translate(2px, 1px) rotate(-1deg); }\n80% { -moz-transform: translate(-1px, -1px) rotate(1deg); }\n90% { -moz-transform: translate(2px, 2px) rotate(0deg); }\n100% { -moz-transform: translate(1px, -2px) rotate(-1deg); }\n}\n \n.shake {\n-webkit-animation-name: shakeit;\n-webkit-animation-duration: 0.8s;\n-webkit-transform-origin:50% 50%;\n-webkit-animation-iteration-count: infinite;\n-webkit-animation-timing-function: linear;\n-moz-animation-name: shakeit;\n-moz-animation-duration: 0.8s;\n-moz-transform-origin:50% 50%;\n-moz-animation-iteration-count: infinite;\n-moz-animation-timing-function: linear;\n-o-animation-name: shakeit;\n-o-animation-duration: 0.8s;\n-o-transform-origin:50% 50%;\n-o-animation-iteration-count: infinite;\n-o-animation-timing-function: linear;\nanimation-name: shakeit;\nanimation-duration: 0.8s;\ntransform-origin:50% 50%;\nanimation-iteration-count: infinite;\nanimation-timing-function: linear;\n}\n.shake{\ndisplay:inline-block\n}

>>>(<<replace "and RVs">>and bug-out bags<<becomes>>[[not Hyundais|Cylons]]<<endreplace>>)

This is a self-contained HTML, and I don't know what choices you make here. \n\nBut I have disabled the <<replace "'back' button.">>'back' button. \n\nBecause some choices foreclose all other options. Because your initial choice is probably the <<replace "most honest.">>most honest.\n\nTake care. <<endreplace>> <<endreplace>>

I'm sorry.\n\nI didn't mean to make you uncomfortable with this.\n\nWhatever we were, for a brief time, we were <<replace "extraordinary.">>extraordinary. Thank you. <<endreplace>>\n\nHappy Holidays. It's [[okay|End3]].

//In the embrace where madness melts in bliss,\nAnd in the convulsive [[rapture|Slide]] of a kiss//\n\n\n\n\n>>>- Ella Wheeler Wilcox, //Love's Language//

We could totally <<replace "identify a Cylon.">>identify a Cylon.\n\n(the [[Final Five|Nerds]] were bullshit)<<endreplace>>

//Tonight I think\nno poetry\n[[will serve|turn1]]//\n\n\n\n>>>- Adrienne Rich, //Tonight No Poetry Will Serve//

Is it possible that you alone <<replace "knew the deepest heart of me?">>knew the deepest heart of me, <<replace "knew the truest parts of me?">>knew the truest parts of me, and possessing my body was enough to sate your desire for me? \n\nYou [[tired of me|close me]] so quickly.\n\n<<endreplace>><<endreplace>><<endreplace>>

It was wrong.\n\nNo. God damn it, no.\n\nFor me, it was real. It was glancing my fingers off the vanishing edge of [[everything|Finality]].

The dizzying slick slide of your cock. The thrill of each stroke.\n\nThe heat of your skin.\n\nYour hands on me [[at last|Then3]].\n

//To know for an hour you were mine completely--\nMine in body and soul, my own--\nI would bear unending tortures sweetly,\nWith not a murmur and not a moan.// [[>>|pathetic]]\n\n\n>>>- Ella Wheeler Wilcox, //Ad Finum//

I want to tell you <<replace "what you are to me.">>what you are to me.\n\n<<replace "Because I am a dreamer.">>Because words have <<replace "power.">>power.\n\nWe form our world with our words, after all. Maybe there is some point to [[saying it|Love]]. <<endreplace>> <<endreplace>> <<endreplace>>

version.extensions.cyclinglinkMacro={major:3,minor:3,revision:0};\nmacros.cyclinglink={handler:function(a,b,c){var rl="cyclingLink";\nfunction toggleText(w){w.classList.remove("cyclingLinkInit");\nw.classList.toggle(rl+"Enabled");w.classList.toggle(rl+"Disabled");\nw.style.display=((w.style.display=="none")?"inline":"none")}switch(c[c.length-1]){case"end":var end=true;\nc.pop();break;case"out":var out=true;c.pop();break}var v="";if(c.length&&c[0][0]=="$"){v=c[0].slice(1);\nc.shift()}var h=state.history[0].variables;if(out&&h[v]===""){return\n}var l=Wikifier.createInternalLink(a,null);l.className="internalLink cyclingLink";\nl.setAttribute("data-cycle",0);for(var i=0;i<c.length;i++){var on=(i==Math.max(c.indexOf(h[v]),0));\nvar d=insertElement(null,"span",null,"cyclingLinkInit cyclingLink"+((on)?"En":"Dis")+"abled");\nif(on){h[v]=c[i];l.setAttribute("data-cycle",i)}else{d.style.display="none"\n}insertText(d,c[i]);if(on&&end&&i==c.length-1){l.parentNode.replaceChild(d,l)\n}else{l.appendChild(d)}}l.onclick=function(){var t=this.childNodes;\nvar u=this.getAttribute("data-cycle")-0;var m=t.length;toggleText(t[u]);\nu=(u+1);if(!(out&&u==m)){u%=m;if(v){h[v]=c[u]}}else{h[v]=""}if((end||out)&&u==m-(end?1:0)){if(end){var n=this.removeChild(t[u]);\nn.className=rl+"End";n.style.display="inline";this.parentNode.replaceChild(n,this)\n}else{this.parentNode.removeChild(this);return}return}toggleText(t[u]);\nthis.setAttribute("data-cycle",u)}}};

menerva

<<mousereplace>>We never fail to gripe to each other about injudicious use of "reply all."<<gains>>\n\n<<replace "We're smarter than pretty much everyone.">>Everyone thinks we're both weird and antisocial.<<becomes>>>>>[[We are|open]].<<endreplace>><<endmousereplace>>

//We touched on a thousand subjects—\nThe moon and the worlds above,—\nAnd our talk was tinctured with science,\nAnd [[everything else|Zombies]], save love.//\n\n\n\n>>>- Ella Wheeler Wilcox, //Platonic//

It's the <<replace "end.">>end of the year. \n\nI know that you are not a <<replace "dreamer.">>dreamer. You do not believe in <<replace "magic.">>love? \n\nOr you did not feel it for me. Whatever was between us, for you it was [[pointless, nihilistic|NoPoetry]].<<endreplace>> <<endreplace>><<endreplace>>

Before <<replace "lust.">>I craved [[your hands on me|FallApart]].<<endreplace>>