Sugarcane

\nYou look at your recently dialed numbers:\n\n*Your [[best friend]]\n*Your [[father]]\n*Your [[mother]]\n*Your [[romantic interest]]\n\n\n

Love always evaded you. You never trully understood it. \n\nThe only time, you caught glimpse of it was when you were waiting for the bus in the snow storm.\n\nA small family were also freezing in the cold, as they missed their last train. You smiled at the little girl who was with her mother and father. She looked at you and then turned to her mother, "Mommy, my hands are cold". Her mother then immediately took off her [[gloves]], warmed them with her breath and spent the rest of the time keeping her daughter's hands warm. \n\n[[<|Start2]]\n

What is a happy ending, anyway? You used to believe it was the picture perfect life you saw on television and fairy tales, but it was not real. People are not perfect; they make mistakes, hurt you, leave you, but you love them regardless.\n\nYou then started to believe it was riches and fame. Surely when you would be on top of the world, it would justify all the hard work, dedication, and pain. Now that existence seems so cold and empty. \n\nBut happens if your life is short, and you don’t make it before you reach your [[goals|Start2]]? Will it nullify [[all that you are]]?\n\n[[<|Start2]]\n

You stare at the blank page of your [[notebook]], but you can't write another word. Your chest feels as hollow as these [[walls]], but an insatiable drive is fueling you to keep going.\n\nYou have no reason to complain, but your hands are trembling, and unexplainable tears are starting to pour down your face. Why is your body betraying you now? The simplest words seam excruciating. \n\nYou don't remember what breaks feel like, and your days have blended into one. A little time off might be just what you need.\n\nYou could check your [[mail]] or turn on the [[radio]].\n\nIt maybe a good idea to get off this seat, take a look out the [[window]], or grab a cup of [[coffee]]. \n\n\nPerhaps [[calling someone]] might help.

Lorraine agreed to let you live with her without paying rent, provided you helped her take of the house. She was a retired spitual healer in her 60's. Living with her family reminded you of all the holidays you missed. Although you still worked on your [[goals|notebook]] isolated, you found yourself spending more time watching movies, cooking, and playing board games with them - all things you stopped doing 2 years back.\n\nPeople said you never had a family, but you were once told that you were one of the lucky ones – you had a chance to choose your own.\n\nShe fed you, bought you clothes, and her family has become yours, just like the other ones you lived with. Now they were gone, leaving you this empty house. \n\n[[<|Start2]]\n

It seams like all music ever talks about these days is [[love]], so you might as well get [[back to work|Start2]]\n

<html><img src = "http:/www.paragonfineart.com/images/neiman/neiman-portrait-of-blackpanther.jpg"></html>\n\n"Panther is a symbol of healing and rebirth from death and suffering", [[Lorraine]] said when you asked her about it as you were moving in. \n\n[[<|walls]]\n\n

You want to call him, but you don’t think he would come to see you. He never believed the [[emergency call|19th July 2011]] the first time round, until it was too late.\n\nYou have not seen him in years now. He is always busy working, and the guilt of seeing all he does to make a [[better life]] makes you want to work harder on your [[goals|notebook]]. \n\n[[<|calling someone]]\n

You look out the window. This city is what you needed; you wanted to get away from all the noise and all the people. Knowing nobody here, you would have all the time in the world to work on your [[goals|notebook]], getting closer to that [[better life]]. You have made it so far, and you only need a few more months to get where you want to go.\n\n[[<|Start2]]

You have 1 unread message: [[Gravestone name confirmation]]

You already crossed your caffeine limit, might as well get [[back to work|Start2]]\n\n

It was misty and grey outside - just how your world felt like. He stood there looking at you through the fog. Your father was right, if you slept long enough you would see him eventually. You ran towards him embracing him, overcomed with mix of joy, sadness, and anger.\n\n“Why did you leave?” you chocked. \n\n“You would never call even if I stayed”, he answered. “C’mon stop crying and enjoy the moment while I am still here”. \n\nSo you walked him through the corners of your life, telling him all you wish you said before. \n\n\n[[<|Start2]]\n

They told you to leave, never look back, and make a better life for yourself. \n\nSo you set out to chase that [[happy ending]]. You travelled across those countries. Everytime it was a new family, a new language, and a new start. Constantly escaping, because what you had was never good enough. \n\n[[<|Start2]]\n

He is out of town at the moment.\n\nFunny, before all of this you both were never that close, until he stayed up with you all night on the day of the [[tragedy|19th July 2011]], refusing to leave your side. \n\nI guess some people walk out your life, while others walk in. \n\n[[<|calling someone]]\n\n

You were sitting in the ambulance near the coffin. They needed someone to take the body to your mother. It was pathetic that years after the divorce, your parents refused to see each other even for their son’s suicide. You didn’t mind; you took every chance to remain near him. \n\nFunny, all your life you were terrified of corpses. They haunted your childhood nightmares, but his was different. He looked beautiful lying there so peacefully - cold and porcelain like, with his long eyelashes accentuated. You placed your head on his chest, slowly drifting into a [[dream...]]

Her phone is turned off. She is recovering from her recent suicide attempt. Sometimes you wonder what you would do if she ever succeeded. Would you cry at this point? Regret the fall out for the blame of his death?\n\n[[<|calling someone]]\n

The room’s walls are covered with [[panther]] wallpaper. The only thing contrasting the absurd print is your [[family picture]]. \n\nIt is so strange how the only [[room]] left empty in the house for you to sleep is [[Lorraine's|Lorraine]] meditation room. \n\n[[<|Start2]]\n

You need to work on your goals. You have learned that little progress each day leads to where you want to go and closer to a [[better life]]. You have to [[keep on going|Start2]].\n\n

Please confirm the new engravement details:\n23rd June 1984 - [[19th July 2011]]\n

City of Healing

As time goes on, it feels like you revert to back to who you were at the beggining. The more you cover your imperfections, the more prominent they become, and the more time you try to please everyone, the more people seem to not like you. Sometimes you don’t measure up, the other times you make others feel short of something. \n\nYou thought now that you learned to chase your ambitions,while chasing people away, life would be different. But you are the same person you used to be - still scared, still hopeful, still willing to [[love]]. And all of those things were the ones that got you this far. \n\nMaybe you not your end destination, but the fight and fire within.\n\n\n[[<|Start2]]

Your mattress is on the floor of the evacuated room and and few of things you have are packed in two suitcases are on left corner.\n\nEverything feels like it is coming in circles. You made so much progress, worked hard, and recreated yourself, but you find yourself in the same setting as 2 years back, just in a different house.\n\n\n[[<|Start2]]\n

It is an old picture of you sitting on your mom’s lap, beside your dad and your brother.\n\nTwo years back, when all your possessions got stolen while you left to the burial, the only thing that they left behind was this picture. The last memory you had of seeing your family together. \n\n“Such a beautiful picture. Doesn’t it make you sad, you are the only link left that ties them together?”, said [[Lorraine]], “Have you ever thought that maybe you were left behind to teach them what [[love]] really meant”\n\n\n[[<|Start2]]\n\n\n

She does not want to hear from you this [[time]]. \n\n[[<|calling someone]]\n

You were 5 years old and never could keep you hands warm in the cold. Luckily, your nanny used to take her gloves off, warm them with her breath and wrap them tightly around your hands. \n\nShe always took care off you, even years after your mother left you at her doorsteps.\n\nYou spend your time now wondering if you would ever see her again...\n\n\n[[<|Start2]]\n

Time and space disappeared when you both talked. She was the direct reflection of you: same history, same ambitions, and same loss. \n\nBut you got too close. She said things don’t last, and you had to leave. Maybe she was right - all we will have is our [[goals|notebook]] and where we want to go. \n\nHowever, her presence made you happy, even if for a moment.\n\n[[<|Start2]]

RobbieA