Fantastic!\n\nWait one moment, please.\n\n[[the retail assistant leaves the Retail Therapy Zone]].
Which makes me wonder whether they were just lovers of spectacle or if they genuinely wanted to fuck chester cheetah.\n\nI mean, I'm not [[judging]]\n\n[[Anyway]].
You can't stop fucking the Katy Perry shark and it rules.\n\n[[Wait]].
Hmm. Yes. Not entirely a common affliction, but you're certainly not the [[first case]] I've ever heard of.\n\nLet me just open my data terminal and run a [[DoritoNet]] search for [[historical context]].
You have two mission objectives.\n\nOne: Make your way into the sequel to "i can't stop fucking chester cheetah and it rules" and safeguard the twine community from its mediocrity. \n\nTwo: Disarm the sequel by any means necessary.\n\n[[You emerge from the water in the first screen of the sequel]].
Of course.\n\n[[Girl named "Rachel makes games" makes a dumb twine game about fucking a corporate mascot based on a joke tweet and her friends post it all over the internet because they're jerks (but secretly she appreciates the free publicity)]]
I suppose it could be seen that way.\n\nNow please, follow me to the Retail Therapy outprocessing centre.\n\n[[Your RecNarc is being synthesised]].
Good morning, consumer. Welcome to Mayonaka Retail Therapy Centre.\n\nI am your consultant, Retail Assistant #7903209, and I am legally obligated to welcome you to this corporate-mandated sponsorship event. \n\nNow tell me, what's troubling you?\n\n[[I keep having erotic dreams about the Katy Perry shark]].
The sequel calls itself "\n\nThe name of its lead designer, is "Chester Cheetah".\n\n[[The Hero of "i can't stop fucking chester cheetah and it rules"?]]
TO BE CONTINUED IN:\n\nRAMONA STATHAKIS PRESENTS:\n\nA MICHAEL BAY INTERACTIVE-FICTION PIECE:\n\nI CAN'T STOP FUCKING CHESTER CHEETAH AND IT RULES 3: I KEEP HAVING EROTIC DREAMS ABOUT THE KATY PERRY SHARK 2: AMERICAN WEREWOLVES IN VIETNAM -- THIRD IMPACT [GIGABYTE TOMAHAWK]\n\nPART III OF THE CHESTER CHEETAH TRILOGY.\n\n[COMING MAY 2015]
I'm afraid so.\n\n[[Swim through a hole in the oil fence]].
The very sa--\n\nWait.\n\nShit.\n\n[[i think the drugs are wearing off]].
Twitter conversations and alcohol may also be involved.\n\nIt's a highly botched job, and she has the situation under no control at all.\n\n[[Is that why she's wasting time on an extended parody of the Plant Chapter of Metal Gear Solid 2?]]
Surprisingly cozy.\n\n[[back|Your RecNarc is being synthesised]].
That's probably the amount she's going to be sued for if Cheetos ever find out what she did to their mascot.\n\n[[Fair point]].
You follow the retail assistant to the Retail Therapy Zone.\n\nTwo comfortable plexileather armchairs are arranged around a SynthHearth.\n\nThere is a pill recepticle in the centre of the table.\n\n[[take a pill from the recepticle|pill]].
I am legally obligated to inform you that the United Corporate Colonies does not [[judge]] you for your choice in eroticized corporate mascot.\n\nVery well. Follow me to the designated Retail Therapy zone and we'll see what we can do.\n\n[[you follow the Retail Assistant|chair]].
Your classic nightmare.\n\n[[Didn't take long for her to run the whole thing into the ground.]]
the recepticle dispenses a small purple [[tablet]].
Several minutes pass.\n\n[[You wonder if you are ever going to talk to someone about your erotic desires involving people in shark costumes]].
Retail Assistant #4314 leads you to the [[Recreational Room]]. \n\nyou sit down in the dark chair.\n\nyou wait for the [[recepticle]] to dispense a pill.
Don't you want a chance to enter our exclusive prize draw?\n\n[[OKAY FINE STOP LOOPING THE THING|Yes.]]\n[[no]]
If she isn't stopped, this will become the worst sophomore slump in history.\n\n[[And I mean, that takes effort considering the first game was about fucking Chester Cheetah]].
"...I started working around eigth grade. I remember doing a doritos commercial where there were four days in a row of eating them, and I will tell you, I have not eaten many doritos since..."\n\t\t\t\t--Tobey Maguire\n\n[[START "i can't stop fucking chester cheetah and it rules 2" PLANT CHAPTER]]
[[everything goes dark]]
Your end-user experience is the most valued part of a Retail Therapy session. Would you like to fill out a short survey based on your experiences so far?\n\nUpon completion of the survey, you will be entered into a retail draw for a chance to enter a prize draw that may grant you one additional hour of alloted RecNarc time in the next cycle!\n\n[[Yes.]]\n[[Maybe later.]]
The 2028 (Neo-Kobe Calendar) case of Mallory Farber Erriksen-Fox, synergistic management solutions co-rodinator for United Biscuits, marked the first instance of a corporation using Retail Therapy to assist with the illicit sexual desires of their middle-management staff. \n\nFarber Erriksen-Fox, whose alloted RecNarc time ended in disaster when they hallucinated themselves being impregnated by the Kool-Aid Man, applied for corporate-sponsored Retail Therapy for damages rendered.\n\nThe treatment, which was considered revolutionary by observers, became commonplace in instances wherein repressed sexual desires involving corporate mascots violently erupt during RecNarc time. \n\nSince then, numbers of reported cases have surged across the United Corporate Colonies, and roughly fourty-seven thousand cases are reported each cycle.\n\nThe cycle-wide increase in alloted RecNarc time per CorpWorker has thusfar caused a substantial increase in the number suffering from this grave affliction. \n\n[[back|I keep having erotic dreams about the Katy Perry shark]]
i keep having erotic dreams about the katy perry shark
We are legally obliged to inform you that any feelings of guilt on the part of our retail assistance does not reflect the views of Mega-Corps as a whole. Have a pleasant and safe work cycle.\n\n[[back|pills]].
The pill is Mountain Dew and Dorito flavored. You swallow it with some [[apprehension]].\n\n[[the retail assistant chirps happily]].
This is still part of the disappointing sequel, isn't it?\n\n[[Oh, darling. It was ALL part of the disappointing sequel]].
You appear to have taken the [["Disappointing sequel"]] pill.\n\nAn unpopular choice, but there is a certain-- niche, that enjoys that sort of thing.\n\nTo tell you the truth, I'm dreadfully [[sorry]]. I have no honest idea how that got mixed up with our recepticle.\n\n[[Why would people want to experience a disappointing sequel?]]
You are unsure whether the shark in said erotic sex dreams is a person in a shark suit, or an actual anthropomorphic shark.\n\n[[It's kinda gross either way]].
You are fucking the Katy Perry shark.\n\n[[Is it a half-human shark or a half-shark human?]]
Disappointing sequels are the whipping boy of the modern intellectual.\n\n[[It is an ambiguous ending to set up the final part of the trilogy]].
Doritos is a brand of seasoned tortilla chips produced since 1964 by American food company Frito-Lay (a wholly owned subsidiary of PepsiCo). The original product was made at the Casa de Fritos at Disneyland in Anaheim, California. Using surplus tortillas, the company-owned restaurant cut them up and fried them (as in traditional Mexican chips called totopos) and added basic seasoning, resembling the Mexican chilaquiles, but in this case being dry. Arch West was the Vice President of Marketing of Frito-Lay at the time, and noticed their popularity. He made a deal with Alex Foods in 1964, the provider of many items for Casa de Fritos at Disneyland, and produced the chips for a short time regionally, before it was overwhelmed by the volume, and Frito-Lay moved the production in-house to its Tulsa plant.\n\n"Doritos" were released nationwide in 1966, the first tortilla chip to be launched nationally in the United States. The name derives from the Mexican Spanish doradito, meaning "little golden thing" or "little golden boy"\n\n[[back|historical context]]
She's doing it... Ironically.\n\n[[Dear God.]]
The oil fence surrounding the sequel has already been cut open.\n\n[[What are her demands?]]
Hello?\n\nHello?!\n\nConsumer, I am legally obliged to tell you that you are not authorized to expire in the Retail Therapy Zone.\n\nOh. Thank Pepsi.\n\nThose [[pills]] were a doozy.
(I totally am)\n\n[[back|Almost 730]]
And then she put up a psuedo-sequel in the hopes of capturing the same zeitgeist. \n\n[[I hear the sequel isn't quite over yet.]]
The Konami-Bioware strain. A potent variant of the tryptocane that induces powerful hallucinations. \n\nAttempts to introduce branding into the Disappointing Sequel have thusfar proven unsuccessful, and MegaCorps hesitate to market their brands in a trip that emphasizes narrative failures and disappointment.\n\n[[back|pills]]
Thirty billion dollars.\n\n[[What makes her think she can get that much?]]
Unless her demands are met, a disappointing sequel will be released into the world, and the resultant "meh" will be deafening.\n\n[[That's bullshit! Her ego would never allow that to happen]].
(But they totally do)\n\n[[back|you nod your head pensively]].
You vividly describe your erotic dreams involving the Katy Perry Super Bowl shark.\n\n[[All of your sex dreams can be categorized under "mediocre sex"]].
everything goes dark.\n\n[[open your eyes]]
[[the tablet disolves in your mouth|haze]]
You can't stop fucking the Katy Perry shark and it rules.\n\nRetail Assistant #7903209 looks on in horror.\n\nAfter it is finished, you wonder whether you will file your monthly tax return.\n\n[[END]]
Our sponsored brand for the next three [[cycles]] is [[Doritos]].\n\nRight now our retail therapy solutions have a guaranteed 10% chance of inducing a hallucination of the corporate mascot of our brand!\n\nBack to business. The Katy Perry shark was... the Super Bowl XLIX Half-Time Show. That was in 2015, wasn't it?\n\n[[you nod your head pensively]].\n[[actually i have no idea, i just saw an image macro of it on the internet and got sexually aroused for reasons i can't quite articulate|you nod your head pensively]].
Don't you want to lose the part of your brain that has opinions?\n\n[[back|pill]]
\n[[TWO YEARS LATER]]
Approximately six hours ago, she started working on a sequel to "i can't stop fucking chester cheetah and it rules" about having erotic dreams about the Super Bowl Shark. \n\n[[What was she thinking, right?]]
These things, they take time.\n\nBut in the meantime, the first game got a whole lot of plays due to it's clickbait title.\n\n[[Almost 730]]
Beats me.\n\nNow, please.\n\nTell us about your [[dreams]].
You are a legendary DEWRITOS commando codenamed "SALT N' SHAKE". \n\n[[Shake, do you remember the release of that twine game seven months ago?]]
I really must insist that you answer this short survey. It won't take up more than a few moments of your time.\n\n[[ok fine whatever|Yes.]]\n[[no]]
The DoritoNet is an interstellar system of interconnected computer networks that use the standard DoritoNet protocol suite (TCP/IP) to link several trillion devices across the United Corporate Colonies. It is a network of networks that consists of millions of private, public, academic, business, and corporate-government networks of local to interstellar scope, linked by a broad array of electronic, wireless, and optical networking technologies. The DoritoNet carries an extensive range of information resources and services, such as the inter-linked hypertext documents and applications of the Mtn. Deworld Dewide Deweb (DEWDEWDEW), the infrastructure to support email, and peer-to-peer networks for file sharing and telephony.\n\n[[back|I keep having erotic dreams about the Katy Perry shark]].
ramona stathakis
three standard solar years.\n\n[[back|historical context]]
You should know, that work on the sequel already begun prior to your involvement. \n\n[[Is this a joint effort?]]
No. DEWRITOS remains a covert body. Don't alert her to your presence. That is an order.\n\nAnd by the way, Salt N' Shake. We're changing your codename.\n\nYou are now designated "Katy Perry Shark."\n\n[[Alright, Katy Perry Shark. You've already covered Twine games in HTML Training]].