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"Heads or tails?" Liz asks, looking at you. [[Pick heads.|guess_heads]] [[Pick tails.|guess_tails]]

"Tails!" you cry out, as the coin is flipped into the air. Liz catches it deftly. [[Continue|coin_reveal]] <<set $coin_guess to "tails">> <<set $coin to either("heads","tails")>>

"Heads!" you cry out, as the coin is flipped into the air. Liz catches it deftly. [[Continue|coin_reveal]] <<set $coin_guess to "heads">> <<set $coin to either("heads","tails")>>

"It's <<print $coin>>!" Liz calls out, enthusiastically. <<if $coin_guess eq $coin>>"Good guess!" she tells you. "You get to pick your team!"<<else>>"Good guess," she tells you, apologetically. "Rachel, which color do you want?<</if>> <<if $coin_guess eq $coin>>[[Choose your team.]]<<else>>[[Learn your team.]]<</if>> <<set $opponent_colors to either("red","green")>>

"I'll be <<print $opponent_colors>>," says Rachel, confidently. <<if $opponent_colors eq 'red'>><<set $your_colors to "green">><<else>><<set $your_colors to 'red'>><</if>> "I guess that means you're <<print $your_colors>>," says Liz. [[Continue.|color_review]]

Since you won the coin toss, you can choose to be red team or green team. Not that it really matters... [[Pick red team|choose_red_team]] [[Pick green team|choose_green_team]]

"Well be green team," you inform Liz.<<set $opponent_colors to "red">> Liz nods. "Alright, Rachel, I guess that means you're <<print $opponent_colors>>." <<set $your_colors to "green">> [[Continue.|color_review]]

"I'll be the red team," you inform Liz.<<set $opponent_colors to "green">> Liz nods. "Alright, Rachel, I guess that means you're <<print $opponent_colors>>." <<set $your_colors to "red">> [[Continue.|color_review]]

"Alright, everyone, Rachel here is going to be on <<print $opponent_colors>> team, and <<print $name>> is going to be on <<print $your_colors>>," Liz summarizes, speaking mostly to the stage hands now crowding behind you. One of the staffers from Wardrobe wheels over a metal rack, where an assortment of colorful clothes are piled high, threatening to topple over. Liz hurries over, tossing you a <<print $your_colors>>-colored t-shirt. "Do you want shorts or a skirt?" she asks, rifling through the piles. [[The shorts|choose_bottoms][$bottoms to "shorts"]] [[The skirt|choose_bottoms][$bottoms to "skirt"]]

"Pass me the <<print $bottoms>>," you call out, and soon a brightly-colored <<if $bottoms eq "shorts">>pair of <</if>><<print $your_colors>> <<print $bottoms>> <<if $bottoms eq "shorts">>are<<else>>is<</if>> flying your way. "Changeroom's thataway," calls out Liz. "We start in 10, so hurry up!" [[Go to the changerooms|changerooms]]

<<set $name to prompt("What's your first name?","...")>> The tap on your shoulder comes during the first commercial break. It's 5:14 AM on a Monday, and since you don't have work or classes today, it's kind of an insane hour to be awake. But you've finally got the chance to be in the audience for "The Morning News with Amelia Kawahara", and you're not going to let the early pre-tape time keep you from it. "The Morning News" is less a real 'news' show than a general-interest talk/information/entertainment program, that happens to have some news thrown in. You've been an avid viewer for years, and this is your first chance to see it before it's usual 8 AM airtime... "Excuse me," says a young woman wearing over-the-ear headphones that seem to envelop her skull. "Would you like to participate in the um, 'Monday' challenge?" The showrunner doesn't spell out what exactly the 'Monday' challenge is, but you've watched the show enough times to have a pretty good idea of what you'd be in for... [[Yes, please|start1]] [[No, thanks|end1]]

You're whisked away to the basement's studio, which is markedly less polished than the camera-facing parts of the building. Dozens of technicians and staffers run around, cradling cameras, clipboards and clothing. The showrunner who lead you down to the basement hands you off to another woman, a perky young intern with a pixie cut and fiery red hair. "Hy, I'm Liz," says the woman, shaking your hand fiercly. "You must be <<print $name>>." You nod your head in agreement, following Liz as she leads you deeper into the sprawling basement. "So I'm sure you've watched the show, you know what you're in for," she says, thrusting a clipboard into your hands. "Just sign these things and we're good to go. Standard liability waiver, NDA, image release forms." You manage to sign your name in the dozen-odd places the paperwork demands, handing back the clipboard to Liz, who hasn't broken stride. "Great!" she proclaims, flipping through the pages to verify your signature. "Let me introduce you to your opponent, then we can get you set." Your 'opponent', according to Liz, is a twenty-something <<print either("white","Asian","black","Hispanic")>> woman named Rachel. You shake hands amicably enough. "Alright, well, the only prep work we really need to do is figure out if you're going to be playing as Green or Red," says Liz. The teams really don't matter, of course, apart from the fact that half the audience is arbitrarily assigned a color to cheer for. Liz withdraws a coin. [[Continue|guess]]

You politely decline the offer, and the showrunner shrugs her shoulders, indifferently, hurrying off to find a more willing participant. You lean back in your seat, staring at the empty set while waiting for Amelia to return. You take in the rest of the show. When the antics start a half-hour later, you think to yourself: 'that was almost me'. [[Start over?|start0]]

Liz appears on stage beside you, wheeling a trolley of creamy pies. Your gulp, nervously The game - Pie Portal - is simple. It's already been explained to you, but Kawahara repeats it for the benefit of the viewers: You each have five pies, and one of three hooped-shaped targets to choose from, of varying sizes. Getting a pie through the largest hoop nets you one point, getting it through the mid-sized hoop gets you two, and sailing it through the smallest of the three rings gets you three points. Whoever has the most points at the end of the competition wins. The catch (and there's always a catch) is that the hoops aren't really hoops, they're "portals". On either side of the stage is a row of five volunteers plucked from the audience - bedecked in matching T-shirts in the color of their team - each with a pie in hand. If Rachel manages to get a pie through the hoop - any hoop - one of the <<print $opponent_colors>> volunteers gets to throw a pie at you. It's not a particularly complex game, taking something like two minutes to play, which makes it great for padding out slow news days. That it's an audience favorite is completely immaterial. You glance at Kawahara, who seems to be grinning from ear-to-ear. [["Ready... set.... start!"|throw_ball]] <<set $score to 0>> <<set $throws to 0>> <<set $balls to 5>> <<set $nets to 0>> <<set $kel_score to 0>> <<set $kel_nets to 0>> <<set $piedcounter to 0>> <<set $piedher to 0>>

You hurry to the changerooms, which is somewhere between a proper green room and a high school locker room. You strip down to your underwear, stuffing the clothes you wore to the studio inside a locker (which, for better or worse, lacks a key). You hurriedly slide your <<print $your_colors>> shirt over your head, finding it an easy a fit. <<if $bottoms eq 'shorts'>>You hop into the shorts, finding them comfortable and unrestraining.<</if>><<if $bottoms eq 'skirt'>>You slip into the skirt. It's a heavy cotton material and stops a modest distance above your knee.<</if>> Stepping back outside, a showrunner escorts you to a cheery young make-up artist. You close your eyes as she sets about her work, which is more to make you look good to the cameras than for any stylistic effect. Once her brushes are put away, you're lead to the game floor. [[On to the game|backstage1]]

[[Aim for the large target|large_target][$odds to either(1,2,3,4,5)]] [[Aim for the medium target|medium_target][$odds to either(1,2,3,4,5)]] [[Aim for the small target|small_target][$odds to either(1,2,3,4,5)]] <<set $kel_hit to "no">> <<set $kel_choice to either("small","medium","large")>> <<set $kel_odds to either(1,2,3,4,5)>>

<<if $justpied eq "true" and $piedcounter eq 1>>You prepare to throw again, wiping some pie off your cheek as you do.<</if>><<if $justpied eq "true" and $piedcounter eq 2>>You feel some of the pie dripping off your chest and onto your shoes.<</if>><<if $justpied eq "true" and $piedcounter eq 3>>You wipe your <<print $bottoms>> hurriedly, trying to get the worst of the pie off.<</if>><<if $justpied eq "true" and $piedcounter eq 4>>Despite wiping your face of the pie as best you can, you catch your reflection in one of the camera monitors, and you're still caked with it, from your brow to your chin.<</if>> <<if $piedRachel eq "true" and $piedcounter eq 1>>You see Rachel still wiping chunks of creamy pie off her face.<</if>><<if $piedRachel eq "true" and $piedcounter eq 2>>Rachel is licking her lips, grimacing slightly at the overly-sweet taste on her tongue.<</if>><<if $piedRachel eq "true" and $piedcounter eq 3>>Rachel takes a second to brush flecks of pie off of her collarbone.<</if>><<if $piedRachel eq "true" and $piedcounter eq 4>>Rachel's face is almost hopelessly-masked by creamy pie at this point. She tries wiping her face, but her hands are still too caked in pie to be of much use.<</if>> <<if $odds lte 4>>You hit!<<set $score to $score + 1>><<set $hit to "yes">><<set $nets to $nets + 1>><<else>><<print either("You miss!","You whiff!","Your pie goes wide!","Your pie lands short","You overshoot the hoop")>><</if>> <<if $kel_choice eq "large" and $kel_odds lte 4>>Rachel gets one in the large hole!<<set $kel_nets to $kel_nets + 1>><<set $kel_score to $kel_score +1>><<set $kel_hit to "yes">><</if>><<if $kel_choice eq "medium" and $kel_odds lte 3>>Rachel gets one in the mid-sized hole.<<set $kel_nets to $kel_nets + 1>><<set $kel_score to $kel_score +2>><<set $kel_hit to "yes">><</if>><<if $kel_choice eq "small" and $kel_odds lte 2>>Rachel sinks one in the small hole!<<set $kel_nets to $kel_nets + 1>><<set $kel_score to $kel_score +3>><<set $kel_hit to "yes">><</if>> <<if $kel_hit !eq "yes">>Rachel misses her throw.<</if>> [[Throw again|check1]] <<set $throws to $throws + 1>> <<set $balls to $balls - 1>> <<set $justpied to "false">> <<set $piedRachel to "false">>

<<if $justpied eq "true" and $piedcounter eq 1>>You prepare to throw again, wiping some pie off your cheek as you do.<</if>><<if $justpied eq "true" and $piedcounter eq 2>>You feel some of the pie dripping off your chest and onto your shoes.<</if>><<if $justpied eq "true" and $piedcounter eq 3>>You wipe your <<print $bottoms>> hurriedly, trying to get the worst of the pie off it.<</if>><<if $justpied eq "true" and $piedcounter eq 4>>Despite wiping your face of the pie as best you can, you catch your reflection in one of the camera monitors, and you're still caked with it, from your brow to your chin.<</if>> <<if $piedRachel eq "true" and $piedcounter eq 1>>You see Rachel still wiping chunks of creamy pie off her face.<</if>><<if $piedRachel eq "true" and $piedcounter eq 2>>Rachel is licking her lips, grimacing slightly at the overly-sweet taste on her tongue.<</if>><<if $piedRachel eq "true" and $piedcounter eq 3>>Rachel takes a second to brush flecks of pie off of her collarbone.<</if>><<if $piedRachel eq "true" and $piedcounter eq 4>>Rachel's face is almost hopelessly-masked by creamy pie at this point. She tries wiping her face, but her hands are still too caked in pie to be of much use.<</if>> <<if $odds lte 2>>You hit!<<set $score to $score + 3>><<set $hit to "yes">><<set $nets to $nets + 1>><<else>><<print either("You miss!","You whiff!","Your pie goes wide!","Your pie lands short","You overshoot the hoop")>><</if>> <<if $kel_choice eq "large" and $kel_odds lte 4>>Rachel gets one in the large hole!<<set $kel_nets to $kel_nets + 1>><<set $kel_score to $kel_score +1>><<set $kel_hit to "yes">><</if>><<if $kel_choice eq "medium" and $kel_odds lte 3>>Rachel gets one in the mid-sized hole.<<set $kel_nets to $kel_nets + 1>><<set $kel_score to $kel_score +2>><<set $kel_hit to "yes">><</if>><<if $kel_choice eq "small" and $kel_odds lte 2>>Rachel sinks one in the small hole!<<set $kel_nets to $kel_nets + 1>><<set $kel_score to $kel_score +3>><<set $kel_hit to "yes">><</if>> <<if $kel_hit !eq "yes">>Rachel just misses her own target.<</if>> [[Throw again|check1]] <<set $throws to $throws + 1>> <<set $balls to $balls - 1>> <<set $justpied to "false">> <<set $piedRachel to "false">>

<<if $justpied eq "true" and $piedcounter eq 1>>You prepare to throw again, wiping some pie off your cheek as you do.<</if>><<if $justpied eq "true" and $piedcounter eq 2>>You feel some of the pie dripping off your chest and onto your shoes.<</if>><<if $justpied eq "true" and $piedcounter eq 3>>You wipe your <<print $bottoms>> hurriedly, trying to get the worst of the pie off it.<</if>><<if $justpied eq "true" and $piedcounter eq 4>>Despite wiping your face of the pie as best you can, you catch your reflection in one of the camera monitors, and you're still caked with it, from your brow to your chin.<</if>> <<if $piedRachel eq "true" and $piedcounter eq 1>>You see Rachel still wiping chunks of creamy pie off her face.<</if>><<if $piedRachel eq "true" and $piedcounter eq 2>>Rachel is licking her lips, grimacing slightly at the overly-sweet taste on her tongue.<</if>><<if $piedRachel eq "true" and $piedcounter eq 3>>Rachel takes a second to brush flecks of pie off of her collarbone.<</if>><<if $piedRachel eq "true" and $piedcounter eq 4>>Rachel's face is almost hopelessly-masked by creamy pie at this point. She tries wiping her face, but her hands are still too caked in pie to be of much use.<</if>> <<if $odds lte 3>>You hit!<<set $score to $score + 2>><<set $hit to "yes">><<set $nets to $nets + 1>><<else>><<print either("You miss!","You whiff!","Your pie goes wide!","Your pie lands short","You overshoot the hoop")>><</if>> <<if $kel_choice eq "large" and $kel_odds lte 4>>Rachel gets one in the large hole!<<set $kel_nets to $kel_nets + 1>><<set $kel_score to $kel_score +1>><<set $kel_hit to "yes">><</if>><<if $kel_choice eq "medium" and $kel_odds lte 3>>Rachel gets one in the mid-sized hole.<<set $kel_nets to $kel_nets + 1>><<set $kel_score to $kel_score +2>><<set $kel_hit to "yes">><</if>><<if $kel_choice eq "small" and $kel_odds lte 2>>Rachel sinks one in the small hole!<<set $kel_nets to $kel_nets + 1>><<set $kel_score to $kel_score +3>><<set $kel_hit to "yes">><</if>> <<if $kel_hit !eq "yes">>Rachel's pie goes wide.<</if>> [[Throw again|check1]] <<set $throws to $throws + 1>> <<set $balls to $balls - 1>> <<set $justpied to "false">> <<set $piedRachel to "false">>

<<if $hit is "yes" and $nets eq 1>>Your side of the audience claps politely. More importantly, though, one of the <<print $your_colors>> team 'volunteers' gets to chuck a pie at Rachel! The whipped-cream pie lands straight on her head, and Rachel gasps in shock as she brushes cream out of her eyes.<<set $piedRachel to "true">><<set $piedher to $piedher + 1>><</if>><<if $hit is "yes" and $nets eq 2>>There's some enthusiasm from your side of the studio as you sink another pie. A second pie 'travels through the portal' - and is hefted into the side of Rachel's head. She's more prepared for it, this time, but still shudders at the creamy contact.<<set $piedRachel to "true">><<set $piedher to $piedher + 1>><</if>><<if $hit is "yes" and $nets eq 3>>Your side lets out some cheers as you land a third pie! A <<print $your_colors>>-shirted volunteer lobs another one straight at Rachel. She instinctively takes a half-step back, but it's not enough to keep the pie from landing square on her chest. Creamy pie remains trickle down her <<print $opponent_colors>> shirt.<<set $piedRachel to "true">><<set $piedher to $piedher + 1>><</if>><<if $hit is "yes" and $nets eq 4>>Your fans are yelling in excitement as you get a fourth pie through the ring. Another pie is hurled into Rachel's face, enveloping her visage completely in white cream. It takes her several seconds to wipe her face clean, a task made difficult by increasingly-messy hands.<<set $piedRachel to "true">><<set $piedher to $piedher + 1>><</if>><<if $hit is "yes" and $nets eq 5>>The audience erupts in cheers as you go five-for-five. Rachel visibly winces as the fifth and final pie is thrown at her. The pie lands squarely in the front of her skirt, leaving a foamy trail all the way down.<<set $piedRachel to "true">><<set $piedher to $piedher + 1>><</if>><<if $hit is "no">><<print either("Your side of the crowd groans.","A cheer dies on your side of the stage.","There's some polite clapping from your fans, but nothing else.")>><</if>> <<if $kel_hit is "yes" and $kel_nets eq 1>>There's some clapping from Rachel's side of the stage as Rachel gets her first pie in the 'portal'. You look up, just in time to see one of the <<print $opponent_colors>> volunteers throwing a pie at your face. You blink a half-second before the pie collides with you. You rub your eyes clear of the cream a few seconds later, determined not to let it affect your game.<<set $justpied to "true">><<set $piedcounter to $piedcounter + 1>><</if>><<if $kel_hit is "yes" and $kel_nets eq 2>>Rachel's side claps enthusiastically as her second pie sails through the hoop. You have enough time to see the <<print $opponent_colors>> team volunteer prepare the pie in their hands, and you wait gamely for them to lob it at your chest. The creamy pie lands right on your collarbone, seeping inside your shirt.<<set $justpied to "true">><<set $piedcounter to $piedcounter + 1>><</if>><<if $kel_hit is "yes" and $kel_nets eq 3>>There's definitely some cheering coming from Rachel's side of the stage as she lands her third pie. One of Rachel's volunteers eagerly throws her pie at you. It lands right on your <<print $bottoms>>, leaving a creamy imprint right below your t-shirt.<<set $justpied to "true">><<set $piedcounter to $piedcounter + 1>><</if>><<if $kel_hit is "yes" and $kel_nets eq 4>>Rachel's side is shouting in excitement! A grinning volunteers lobs a pie right at your head, the heavy creamy instantly seeping into your hair. You hurriedly brush some of the largest chunks out, but it's definitely in there.<<set $justpied to "true">><<set $piedcounter to $piedcounter + 1>><</if>><<if $kel_hit is "yes" and $kel_nets eq 5>>Rachel's fans erupt into cheers at her perfect throws! Her last volunteer looks almost apologetic as the pie is thrown into your face. You taste a saccharine cream on your lips as your face is filled with pie, dripping onto your shirt and <<print $bottoms>>.<<set $justpied to "true">><<set $piedcounter to $piedcounter + 1>><</if>><<if $kel_hit eq "no">><<print either("Rachel's side of the crowd grumbles as she misses.","Rachel looks remorsefully at her missed throw.","Rachel's side of the studio remains pretty quiet.","Rachel winces at her lack of accuracy.")>><</if>> Your score is: <<print $score>> Rachel's score is: <<print $kel_score>> You have <<print $balls>> <<if $balls !eq 1>>pies<<else>>pie<</if>> remaining. <<if $balls gt 0>> [[Aim for the large target|large_target][$odds to either(1,2,3,4,5),$hit to "no"]] [[Aim for the medium target|medium_target][$odds to either(1,2,3,4,5),$hit to "no"]] [[Aim for the small target|small_target][$odds to either(1,2,3,4,5),$hit to "no"]] <<else>> "And that's the game!" Declares Amelia, speaking to the cameras. [["Let's see how our contestants did!"|tally]]<</if>> <<set $kel_hit to "no">> <<set $kel_choice to either("small","medium","large")>> <<set $kel_odds to either(1,2,3,4,5)>>

<<if $kel_score gt $score>>[[Rachel wins!|lose]]<</if>> <<if $kel_score lt $score>>[[You've won!|win]]<</if>> <<if $kel_score eq $score>>[[It's a draw!|draw]]<</if>>

You're greeted backstage by none other than Amelia Kawahara herself. She is, somehow, even more striking up-close than she is on-camera, decked out in in an Armani skirt suit. A thirty-one year old media personality of Japanese-Hawaiian origins, Kawahara has confidence in her poise and alertness in her eyes, as well as a smile that puts you immediately at ease. "Hello, Rachel! Hello, $name! I'm so glad to meet you," she says, and to her credit she sounds entirely sincere. "We'll be starting in a few minutes, but I just wanted to thank you for helping make the Monday show a success." You and Rachel both mutter vague platitudes, and a showrunner hurriedly wisks Kawahara back to set, leaving you with the stage hands, who keep you preoccupied with small talk while you watch the show on a small TV monitor backstage. You watch it idly for several minutes, fidgeting nervously for what feels like an eternity. And then suddenly it's your time to shine. "Alright, $name, just straight ahead," whispers a showrunner into your ear. Another showrunner is leading Rachel to an entrance on the opposite side of the set. "Look for the strip of electrical tape on the floor, that's your mark." You nod your head in agreement, quell the butterflies in your stomach, and stride out on the set. [[To the set|stage1]]

Prompted by the APPLAUSE signs flashing off-camera, the audience is clapping and shouting before you even walk on. You belatedly remember to smile and wave, but most of your attention is devoted to finding the near-invisible strip of tape that serves as your mark. Amelia Kawahara is already standing center-stage, flashing a flawless smile to the cameras. Rachel pulls up to her mark a half-second after you, on the other side of the set. "...and welcome back," Amelia says, every syllable crisply enunciated. "And time for your weekly installment of... Messy Mondays! Nothing better to help you get over the end of the weekend, I assure you." There are some scattered hoots from the studio audience. "And on my left, representing the <<print $opponent_colors>> team... Rachel!" On cue, half of the studio audience is bathed in a <<print $opponent_colors>> light, prompting a few rote cheers. "And on my right...representing the <<print $your_colors>> team... <<print $name>>!" The other half of the studio audience is lit up <<print $your_colors>>. You offer another small wave, to no one in particular. [[The game begins|round0]]

You're lead a few feet to the right of where you were throwing the pies from, until you're standing in an inflatable kiddie pool (one conspicuously empty of water). Off-camera, one of the stage-hands makes a downward gesture wih her finger, and you take you cue to drop to you knees. <<if $bottoms eq "skirt">>Your skirt rides up slightly as you do.<<else>>You feel the plastic against your bare knees.<</if>> Kawahara, grinning brilliantly as always, strolls up beside you, Rachel in tow. "Well, <<print $name>>, you put up an excellent fight, but ultimately Rachel proved to be our Monday Mess champion," she declares. The reflexive clapping from the audience suggests the APPLAUSE light was flashed again. "Rachel, would you do the honors?" You notice now that a black-clad stage-hand is passing Rachel what looks like a five-gallon bucket, filled to the brim with <<print $opponent_colors>>-colored... slime. Rachel struggles a little to get a hold of the bucket, but is able successfully heave it up. "Alright. On three..." says Kawahara - more for the benefit of the cameramen then the audience. "One... two... three!" The bucket is upturned above your head, and you shudder a little as the <<print $opponent_colors>> slime splashes on your hair, your shoulders, and down your back. It's not just water with some color dye, like you hoped, no, this is a thick, syrup-like substance that feels... heavy. You can already feel your hairs becoming hopelessly stuck together, the thick ooze seeping inside your shirt and against your skin. It's cold, too, your whole body shudders, even as it soaks your thighs and <<print $bottoms>>. With the bucket finally empty, you wipe slime and hair from your face, opening your eyes... just to see another pie heading your way! The audience erupts into laughs and cheers as Amelia Kawahara herself delivers the final pie-ing of the show, leaving you a white- and <<print $opponent_colors>>-stained mess. "And that's it for Pie Portal. Tune in next week for another segment of Messy Monday!" The audience applauds again as Kawahara smiles and the cameras pull back, leaving you to relish the sensation of being slimed for a bit longer... The hall lights finally switch on again, and one of the stage hands helps stand you up and out of the pool. Amelia Kawahara offers you an apologetic smile and a few more perfunctory pleasentries... though she rather pointedly avoids shaking your hand. "Hey, great job, but we need to move this off-set before the final segment," says Liz, the showrunner from earlier in the morning, popping up from nowhere. "Come on, there are showers in the changeroom, which I'm sure you'll appreciate." [[Go to the showers.|showers]] <<set $outcome to "lose">>

"Well, this is something we don't see on Messy Monday very often," says Kawahara with a beaming smile. "And while Messy Monday doesn't always have a winner, it definitely has its losers!" You unthinkingly follow Kawahara a few feet to the right of where you were throwing the pies from, until you're standing in an inflatable kiddie pool (one conspicuously empty of water). Off-camera, one of the stage-hands makes a downward gesture wih her finger, which you and Rachel take as your cue to drop to your knees.<<if $bottoms eq "skirt">> Your skirt rides up slightly as you do. <<else>>You feel the plastic against your bare knees.<</if>> Kawahara, grinning brilliantly as always, strolls up beside you, a couple of the support crew in tow. "Well, <<print $name>>, Rachel, you both put up amazing fights. But since neither of you were triumphant, I think it's time we let our hard-working behind-the-scenes crew have a bit of fun!" The reflexive clapping from the audience suggests the APPLAUSE light was flashed again. "Liz, dear, would you do the honors?" You notice now that a black-clad stage-hand is passing Liz - the showrunner from the basement earlier - what looks like a five-gallon bucket, filled to the brim with <<print $opponent_colors>>-colored... slime. Liz struggles a little to get a hold of the bucket, but is able successfully heave it up. "Alright. On three..." says Kawahara - more for the benefit of the cameramen then the audience. "One... two... three!" The bucket is upturned above your head, and you shudder a little as the <<print $opponent_colors>> slime splashes on your hair, your shoulders, and down your back. It's not just water with some color dye, like you hoped, no, this is a thick, syrup-like substance that feels... heavy. You can already feel your hairs becoming hopelessly stuck together, the thick ooze seeping inside your shirt and against your skin. It's cold, too, your whole body shudders, even as it soaks your thighs and <<print $bottoms>>. With the bucket finally empty, you wipe slime and hair from your face, opening your eyes... just to see another pie heading your way! The audience erupts into laughs and cheers as Amelia Kawahara herself delivers the final pie-ing of the show, leaving you a white- and <<print $opponent_colors>>-stained mess. Glancing to your left, you see that Rachel isn't fairing any better, though her slime was <<print $your_colors>> instead of <<print $opponent_colors>>. Her hair's a mucky mess, her top clings to her chest, and her skin is discolored by the lingering slime. As bad as she looks, you know you must look the same... or worse. "And that's it for Pie Portal. Tune in next week for another segment of Messy Monday!" The audience applauds again as Kawahara smiles and the cameras pull back, leaving you to relish the sensation of being slimed for a bit longer... The hall lights finally switch on again, and one of the stage hands helps stand you up and out of the pool. Amelia Kawahara offers you an apologetic smile and a few more perfunctory pleasentries... though she rather pointedly avoids shaking your hand. "Hey, great job, but we need to move this off-set before the final segment," says Liz, the showrunner from earlier in the morning, popping up from nowhere. "Come on, there are showers in the changeroom, which I'm sure you'll appreciate." [[Go to the showers.|showers]] <<set $outcome to "draw">>

You're follow Kawahara a few feet to the right of where you were throwing the pies from, until you're standing in an inflatable kiddie pool (one conspicuously empty of water). Off-camera, one of the stage-hands makes a downward gesture wih her finger, which Rachel takes as her cue to drop to her knees, her skirt rising up slightl as she does. Kawahara, grinning brilliantly as always, offers your competitor her most comforting smile. "Well, Rachel, you put up an excellent fight, but ultimately <<print $name>> proved to be our Monday Mess champion," she declares. The reflexive clapping from the audience suggests the APPLAUSE light was flashed again. "<<print $name>>, would you do the honors?" You just realize that a black-clad tech worker is handing you what looks like a five-gallon bucket, filled to the brim with <<print $your_colors>>-colored... slime. You struggle a little to get a hold of the bucket, but are able successfully heave it up, with effort. "Alright. On three..." says Kawahara - more for the benefit of the cameramen then the audience. "One... two... three!" You upturn the bucket above Rachel's head, watching as she shudders a little as <<print $your_colors>> slime splashes on her hair, her shoulders, and down her back. It's not just water with some color dye, as you initially thought, but a thick, syrup-like substance that looks... heavy. You watch as Rachel's hairs become hopelessly plastered together, the thick ooze seeping down her shirt and skin. It's obviously cold, too - Rachel's whole body shivers, even as the syrups continues soaking her thighs and skirt. With the bucket finally empty, Rachel wipes the slime and hair from her face, opening her eyes...just to see another pie heading her way! The audience erupts into laughs and cheers as Amelia Kawahara herself delivers the final pie-ing of the show, leaving Rachel a white- and <<print $your_colors>>-stained mess. "And that's it for Pie Portal. Tune in next week for another segment of Messy Monday!" The audience applauds again as Kawahara smiles and the cameras pull back, leaving you to relish the sight of Rachel being slimed for a bit longer... The hall lights finally switch on again, and one of the stage hands helps stand Rachel up and out of the pool. Amelia Kawahara offers her an apologetic smile and a few more perfunctory pleasentries... though she rather pointedly avoids shaking Rachel's hand. "Hey, great job, but we need to move this off-set before the final segment," says Liz, the showrunner from earlier in the morning, popping up from nowhere. <<if $outcome eq "win" and $kel_score eq 0>>Come on, I'm sure you want out of that outfit.<<else>>"Come on, there are showers in the changeroom, which I'm sure you'll appreciate."<</if>> [[Go to the changeroom.|showers]] <<set $outcome to "win">>

<<if $outcome eq "win" and $kel_score eq 0>>Against the odds, you somehow managed to remain completely clean through the entirety of "Messy Monday". You take the time to change back into your street clothes, while you listen to Rachel showering in the distance.<</if>> <<if $outcome eq "win" and $kel_score gt 0>>...You really needed that shower, just getting the pie off your skin...<</if>><<if $outcome eq "lose" or $outcome eq "draw">>Just washing the syrup-thick slime from your body took what felt like an hour... and you're sure it's still in your hair, too. Still the worst of the mess is down the drain, and you've changed out of your <<print $your_colors>> shirt and <<print $bottoms>>, back to the street clothes you arrived in.<</if>> Liz catches you on your way out of the changeroom. "Hey, <<print $name>>, I just want to say that you did a phenomenal job today," she says. "I know it feels like it was over in a blur, but I've already heard from a girl on the social marketing team that we're getting great responses on Twitter, Facebook, the usual, just from the promotional stuff we've put out. You and Rachel are one of our most viral match-ups to date." She pauses, silence filling the hallway for a few second. "Anyways, just letting you know that I do some work in the evenings with one of the networks. For the revamped Castle of Slime, you might have heard of it? You've probably seen clips of it on YouTube, at least." You blink. "Anyways, not to take up any more of your time, but if you're interested I'm pretty sure I can get you a spot as a contestant in the next month or two. That one actually has a cash prize, unlike over here." [[Accept.|end_good]] [[Decline.|end_bad]]

You tentatively accept a small business card proferred by Liz. Your eyes are immediately drawn to the title in the middle of the card, printed in a font stylized to look like it's dripping with ooze. SHOWRUNNER - CASTLE OF SLIME You just might tak her up on that. THE END. [[Play again?|start0]]

You politely turn Liz down. You've probably had enough wetness and mess for the forseeable future. THE END. [[Play again?|start0]]