,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,<div id="title">OPEN<br>MIC<br>SIMULATOR</div>
<div class="center">By</div>
<div class="center">Patrick Susmilch</div>
<div class="center">
[[START->intro]]
[[CREDITS->credits alt]]
</div>
==>
V:$version<div class="center" id="warning">WARNING</div>
You are about to begin open mic comedy.
Are you sure you want to ruin your life?
<div class="center">
[[YES->character creation 1a]]
[[NO->win1]]
</div>(set: $name to (prompt: "What is your name?", "Your Name"))
Hello, $CharChoice[$name], before you put your name in the $Emph[bucket],
and begin your soul crushing trek into comedy,
let's learn a little more about you!
<div><ol><li>[[OK!->character creation 2]]</li></ol>{
(set: $animatedText to "YOU WIN!")
(display: "func:animated text")
}
You won comedy by never even starting!
Go have fun with your many well-adjusted friends!
{
<div class="center">
[[BACK->begin]]
</div>
}Do you identify more closely as $CharChoice[male] or $CharChoice[female]?
<ol><li>(link: "Male")[(set: $male to true)(goto: "character creation 3.1")]</li>
<li>(link: "Female")[(set: $male to false)(goto: "character creation 3.1")]</li></ol>
You enter $Emph[The Chuck Fucklers] Open Mic. It is a comedy night held in a bar beneath two freeways.
There is a $Emph[bucket] next to the stage.
<ol>
<li>[[bucket<-Approach Bucket]]</li>
</ol>
You approach the $Emph[bucket].
Inside are the names of every hopeful comedian in the room.
Beside the $Emph[bucket] are blank slips of paper and a golf pencil.
<ol>
<li>[[enter name<-Put Name in Bucket]]</li>
<li>[[bucketlist<-Read Names in Bucket]]</li>
<li>[[win2<-Quit Comedy]]</li></ol>{
(set: $animatedText to "YOU WIN!")
(display: "func:animated text")
}
Nice! You made the right call and quit comedy.
You were even smart enough to quit //before// the open mic started!
Go watch TV or form a meaningful relationship!
{
<div class="center">
[[BACK->bucket]]
</div>
}You rummage through the $Emph[bucket].
Some names are:
<ul>
<li>Jerald</li>
<li>Hoosy</li>
<li>Comedian "The Comedian" The Entertainer</li>
<li>Flannel Shirt Guy</li>
<li>Cheesequake</li>
<li>John "Hugs 2 Long 2 Frequently" Jones</li>
<li>Mic Bot 2000</li>
<li>Blank Slip of Paper</li>
<li>Road Dog</li>
<li>Flannel Shirt Guy 2</li>
<li>Divorced Dad</li>
<li>Flannel Shirt Guy 3</li>
<li>Mic Bot 2000 Service Pack v1.50 installed on a Raspberry Pi running Snappy Ubuntu</li>
<li>Probably Dave</li>
<li>Hatsune Miku</li>
<li>Lorem Ipsum</li></ul>
{
<ol>
<li>[[bucket<-Back]]</li>
<br>
<li>[[win2<-Quit Comedy]]</li>
</ol>
}
{
(set: $read_mic_list_1 to true)
}Are you $CharChoice[cisgender] or $CharChoice[transgender]?
<ol><li>(link: "Cisgender")[(set: $transgender to false)(goto: "character creation 6")]</li>
<li>(link: "Transgender")[(set: $transgender to true)(goto: "character creation 6")]</li>Let me double check. So you are {
(if: $sexuality is 0)[$CharChoice[a straight]]
(if: $sexuality is 1 or 2)[$CharChoice[a straight-ish]]
(if: $sexuality is 3)[$CharChoice[a bisexual]]
(if: $sexuality is 4 or 5)[$CharChoice[a mostly gay]]
(if: $sexuality is 6)[$CharChoice[a gay]]
(if: $sexuality is 7)[$CharChoice[an asexual]]
(if: $transgender)[$CharChoice[transgender]]
(else:)[$CharChoice[cisgender]]
(if: $male)[$CharChoice[man]](else:)[
$CharChoice[woman]]
named $CharChoice[$name]??
}
<ol>
<li>[[character creation 7<-Correct!]]</li>
<li>[[character creation<-Wait, start over!]]</li>
</ol>{(if: ($male) and (not $transgender) and ($sexuality is 0))[
(css: "color: red")[Straight ]
(css: "color: red")[cisgender male]?<br><br>
$Emph[Difficulty: Easy.]<br>]
(else:)[Terrific, let's continue your journey, $CharChoice[$name!]]<br><br>
}
{
<div class="center">
[[CONTINUE->open mic 1]]
</div>
}What's your $CharChoice[name]?
<ol><li>[[character creation<-Write Name]]How would you rate your sexuality on the $CharChoice[Kinsey Scale]?
0 - (link: "Exclusively heterosexual")[(set: $sexuality to 0)(goto: "character creation 4")]
1 - (link: "Predominantly heterosexual")[(set: $sexuality to 1)(goto: "character creation 4")]
2 - (link: "Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual")[(set: $sexuality to 2)(goto: "character creation 4")]
3 - (link: "Equally heterosexual and homosexual")[(set: $sexuality to 3)(goto: "character creation 4")]
4 - (link: "Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual")[(set: $sexuality to 4)(goto: "character creation 4")]
5 - (link: "Predominantly homosexual")[(set: $sexuality to 5)(goto: "character creation 4")]
6 - (link: "Exclusively homosexual")[(set: $sexuality to 6)(goto: "character creation 4")]
X - (link: "No sexual attraction (Asexual)")[(set: $sexuality to 7)(goto: "character creation 4")]You put your name in the $Emph[bucket].
"$PlayerTalk[Next stop: Hollywood!]" you say to yourself.
It's a pretty funny goof since you're actually already in Hollywood.
{
<ol>
<div class="center">
[[WAIT FOR SHOW->open mic 1 wait]]
</div>
</ol>
}You are quietly waiting for the show to start.
*What would you like to do?
{
<ol>
(if: ($mic_1_group is false) and ($Denim_Guy_Encounter is false))[
<li>[[Talk to other comics->open mic 1 encounter point]]</li>
<br>
]
(if: $mic_1_Bartender is false)[
<li>[[Buy a drink.->mic 1 buy a drink]]</li>
<br>
]
<li>[[open mic 1 phone<-Check Phone]]</li>
<br>
<li>[[Keep waiting->open mic 1 wait again]]</li>
<br>
<li>[[Quit comedy->win9]]</li>
</ol>
}You approach a $Emph[group of comics].
Before you can reach them you are waylaid by a $Emph[haircut wearing a denim jacket].
<ol>
<li>[[open mic chat 1.1<-Greet him]]</li>
<li>[[Avoid him->open mic 1 group]]</li>
</ol>"$Talk[I was a featured extra in <i>Fast & Furious 7</i>,]" he says without prompting.
You notice that in addition to a denim jacket he's also wearing a $Emph[denim shirt].
"$Talk[I was actually doing such a good job the director gave me a speaking line.]"
{
<div class="center">
[[<q>Cool...</q>->open mic chat 1.2]]
</div>
}
{
(set: $Denim_Guy_Encounter to true)
}
{
(set: $animatedText to "YOU WIN!")
(display: "func:animated text")
}
It took just one interaction with an open mic comic to realize comedy was a horrible mistake!
Enjoy having conversations that aren't just the other person waiting for you to stop talking!
{
<div class="center">
[[BACK->open mic chat 1.3]]
</div>
}He's also wearing $Emph[denim pants]. (aka jeans)
"$Talk[Yeah, I got to say, 'whoa' when a car drove, like, real fast. It was tight.]"
{
<div class="center">
[[<q>No way...</q>->open mic chat 1.21]]
</div>
}Your imagination wonders what unseen garments may also be made of $Emph[denim]. The image upsets you.
"$Talk[The producers wanted me to be the new lead character but I told them I don't get out of bed for less than 30 mil.]"
{
<ol>
(if: not $male)[
<li>(link: "<q>OK</q>")[
(goto: "open mic chat 1.4 woman")
]
</li>
<br>
]
(else:)[
<li>(link: "<q>OK</q>")[
(goto: "open mic chat 1.4")
]
</li>
<br>
]
<li>[[Quit comedy->win3]]</li>
</ol>
}<q>$Talk[Anyway. Wanna fuck?]</q>
<ol>
{
(if: $sexuality is >= 0 and <= 3)[<li>(link: "<q>Okay</q>")[(set: $mic_1_female_sex = true)(goto: "open mic chat 1.yes")]</ol>]
(elseif: $sexuality is >3 and <6)[<li>(link: "<q>I don't normally sleep with men... but sure.</q>")[(set: $mic_1_female_sex = true)(goto: "open mic chat 1.yes")]</li>]
(elseif: $sexuality is 6)[
<li>(link: "<q>I'm gay.</q>")[(goto: "open mic chat 1.4 woman gay")</li>]
]
(else:)[<li>
(link: "<q>I don't experience sexual attraction.</q>")[(goto: "open mic chat 1.4 woman gay")]</li>]
}
<li>[[open mic chat 1.4<- "No"]]</li>
<li>[[win4<- "Quit Comedy"]]</li>
</ol>
(set: $mic_1_female_sex_ask to true)"$Talk[(if: $mic_1_female_sex_ask)[Oh... ](else:)[Anyway...]Can I have nine ducats for a drink?]"
<ol>
{
(if: $mic_1_Drink)[
<li>[[<q>I used all my spondulix already.->open mic chat 1.4 screenplay]]
]
(else:)[
<li>[[<q>Sure</q>->open mic chat 1.4 give money]]</li>
]
}
<li>[[<q>No.</q>->open mic chat 1.4 screenplay]]</li>
</ol>Do you identify as $CharChoice[heterosexual]? or $CharChoice[homosexual]?
<ol><li>(link: "Heterosexual")[(set: $sexuality to 0)(goto: "character creation 4")]</li>
<li>(link: "Homosexual")[(set: $sexuality to 6)(goto: "character creation 4")]</li>
<li>(link: "More Options")[(goto: "character creation 3.2")]</li></ol>It seems his shoes are also $Emph[denim].
"$Talk[I became besties with Paul Walker. We'd play skee ball every weekend. Sucks that he's dead.]"
{
<div class="center">
[[<q>Uh huh</q>->open mic chat 1.3]]
</div>
}{
(set: $animatedText to "YOU WIN!")
(display: "func:animated text")
}
Way to go! By quitting comedy you avoid a large swath of men looking for a woman to do their emotional labor!
You haven't avoided all men looking for a new mom but you definitely decreased the number by, like, 5%.
{
<div class="center">
[[BACK->open mic chat 1.4 woman]]
</div>
}"$Talk[Really? No foolin'? I'll see you after the show!]"
He skips off.
<div class="center">[[CONTINUE->open mic chat 1 over]]<div class="phone-header"><p>DAD</p></div><div class="phone-main">
<div class="cell-text">
{(if: $Phone_Dad_Death is false)[ <!--Normal Conversation-->
<p class="chat-other">hey how is it going. i hate txtng.</p><br>
<p class="chat-user">Gonna head out to an open mic in a bit</p><br>
<p class="chat-other">a what</p><br>
<p class="chat-user">An open mic. If I'm chosen I get to perform some standup!</p><br>
<p class="chat-other">oh</p><br>
<p class="chat-other">...</p><br>
<p class="chat-other">you havnt quite standup yet?</p>]
(else:)[ <!--You Saw Your Dad's Death-->
<p class="chat-user">I... think I just saw how you die...?</p><br>
<p class="chat-other">ya ?</p><br>
<p class="chat-user">Yeah...</p><br>
<p class="chat-other">was it havn sex wit lats of womn? ?</p><br>
<p class="chat-user">No. A car accident.</p><br>
<p class="chat-other">i do njoy drinking brews behin d the weel</p><br>
<p class="chat-user">...</p><br>
<p class="chat-user">Did you used to do stand up?</p><br>
<p class="chat-other">WHO TOLD U!1!</p><br>
<p class="chat-other">NVER TALK ABOUT THaT AGIN I"M HANG UP TEH PHONE</p><br>
<p class="chat-user">That's not how texting works.</p><br>
<p class="chat-other">this is why i hate txtng. Full of fukin ghosts n secrets</p><br>
<p class="chat-other">my old nokia 3310 never traveld thru tim</p><br>
<p class="chat-other">tim`*`</p><br>
<p class="chat-other">TIM`*`</p><br>
<p class="chat-other">fuck</p><br>
<p class="chat-other">TIME`*`</p><br>
]
</div>
</div>
}{
<ol>
<li>[[open mic 1 phone<-Back]]</li>
<br>
(if: $Phone_Dad_Death is false)[<li>[[win5<-Quite comedy]]]</li>
</ol>
}
{
(set: $Phone_Dad to true)
}<div class="phone-header"><p>Messages<p></div><div class="phone-main">
<div class="cell-text">{
[[Dad->open mic 1 phone.dad]] (if: $Phone_Dad is false) [(New)]
<br>
<br>
(if: $Denim_Guy_Encounter is true)[
[[Denim Guy->open mic 1 phone Denim Guy]]
(if: $Phone_Denim_Guy is false) [(New)]
<br>
<br>
]
(if: $GrindNo is true)[
[[Open Mic King]]
(if: $Phone_Mic_King is false)[(New)]
<br>
<br>
]
(if: $mpaaCall)[
[[MPAA->open mic phone1 mpaa]]
(if: $Phone_mpaa is false)[(New)]
<br>
<br>
]
(if: $MicDemon_Encounter)[
[[Mic Demon->open mic phone1 mic demon]]
(if: $Phone_Mic_Demon is false)[(New)]
<br>
<br>
]
}
</div>
</div>{
<ol>
<li>[[Back->open mic 1 wait]]</li>
</ol>
}
{
(set: $CheckPhone to true)
}{
(set: $animatedText to "YOU WIN!")
(display: "func:animated text")
}
Congratulations, you quite stand up!
Most people would do an extra 10 to 20 years just as a "fuck you" to their dad.
You were smart enough to listen to his solid advice!
{
<div class="center">
[[CONTINUE->win5.1]]
</div>
}{
(set: $animatedText to "YEARS<BR>LATER")
(display: "func:animated text")
}
Your father dies in a car accident.
{
<div class="center">
[[<q>OH, JEEZ</q>->win5.1a]]
</div>
}Inside are old headshots, old show posters, and a nearly destroyed VHS tape labeled $Emph['Late Nite Submission'].
Below the tape is a $Emph[rejection letter].
Looks like your old man almost made it as a comedian in the 80's.
You spot some of his old $Emph[setlists]
{
<div class="center">
[[READ SETLIST->win5.1 read]]
</div>
}<div class="center"><h3>~Set~</h3></div>
<div class="center"><h3>~List~</h3></div>
<div class="center"><h5>(Chuck Fucklers 7.27.84)</h5></div>
<ul>
<li>Who here fuckin' tonight???</li>
<li>I fuckin'</li>
<li>(Fuck bar stool)</li>
`**Applause Break**` (Probably)
<li>Bitches, amirite? (i am!)</li>
<li>Reagan!</li>
<li>How hard would you fuck Reagan?</li>
<li>I'd fuck him <u>hard</u></li>
<li>(Fuck bar stool but pretend it's Reagan)</li>
<li>I'd fuck him harder than he fucked those air traffic controllers!(Fresh Reference!)</li>
<li><strong>COCAINE</strong></li>
<li><del>I'm happy my girlfriend is pregnant</del> fuck that!</li>
<li><h3><strong>COCAINE</strong></h3>^^I'M GONNA LIVE FOREVER^^</li>
<li>haha gay people!</li>
<li>Fuck bar stool (but gay this time) ((It wasn't gay when it was Reagan))</li>
<li>haha now the bar stool has AIDS (use for late nite submission)</li>
<li>haha AIDS</li>
`**Applause Break**`
<li><h2><strong>(text-style: "shudder")[MORE COCAINE]</strong></h2></li>
<li>Gonna name my bullshit kid something dumb like (css: "color: red")[$name]. Haha, fuckin idiot!!
</ul>
{
<div class="center">
[[<q>FUCK YOU, DAD.</q>->win6]]
</div>
}{
(set: $animatedText to "YOU WIN?")
(display: "func:animated text")
}
Wow.
{
<div class="center">
[[BACK->open mic 1 phone]]
</div>
}
{
(set: $Phone_Dad_Death to true)
(set: $Phone_Dad to false)
}Eventually you build up the emotional strength to clean out his house.
You find a cardboard $Emph[box] labeled "comedy."
{
<div class="center">
[[CONTINUE->win5.1 open]]
</div>
}{(if: $Denim_Guy_Encounter is false)[You deftly avoid $Emph[Denim Guy] like you're slalom skiing.
<br>
<br>
]
You approach the $Emph[group of comics] huddled in a circle.
}
<ol>
<li>[["Hey, new friends!"->open mic 1 group talk 1]]</li>
<li>[[Listen in.->open mic group 1 listen]]</li>
</ol>
{
(set: $mic_1_group to true)
}<div class="phone-header"><p>DENIM GUY</p></div><div class="phone-main">
<div class="cell-text">
<p class="chat-other">{
(if: $Denim_Guy_Punch)[My dick is all bruised up. This is gonna ruin the pics I send to strange women on tinder!]
(else-if: $Denim_Guy_Walk)[Why did you walk away?<br>I only asked a reasonable question about a very personal aspect of your life!]
(else-if: $mic_1_female_sex)[Eh, yo, can't wait for sex after the show. Borat Reference Borat Reference Borat Reference]
(else-if: $Denim_Guy_Money)[Thanks for the lucre. That's very Paul Walker of you.]
(else-if: $readScreenplay and ($likedScreenplay is false))[
Sorry for exploding at you earlier. It's not your fault you aren't smart enough for my script. It's very complex.
]
(else-if: $readScreenplay and $likedScreenplay)[
Thanks for being smart enough to get my script. It's too heady for most people.
]
(else:)[For real though lemme borrow some pieces o' eight. My dad cut me off.]</p>
}
<p class="chat-user">...</p>
</div>
</div>
{
<ol>
<li>[[Back->open mic 1 phone]]</li>
</ol>
}
(set: $Phone_Denim_Guy to true)(if: ($Denim_Guy_Punch is false) and ($Denim_Guy_Walk is false) and ($mic_1_female_sex is false))[He moves on to find another host to leech from.<br><br>]*You wanna try and talk to that $Emph[group of comics] or just wait for the show to start?
<ol>
<li>[[Talk to the group!->open mic 1 group]]</li>
<li>[[Wait for the show to start.->open mic 1 wait]]</li>
</ol>They turn and stare.
Their gaze makes you uneasy. You feel like you have 1000 neglectful parents instead of just two. {
<br>(if: $Denim_Guy_Punch)[<br>
<q>$Talk[We saw you punch Denim Guy. That was pretty tight.]</q> Says one of them.
<br>
<br>
<q>$Talk[However...]</q>
<br>
]
}
<q>$Talk[No new kids!]</q> They say in unison.
<ol>
<li>[[<q>That's not fair!</q>->open mic 1 group talk not fair]]</li>
</ol>
{
(set: $mic_1_group to true)
}<q>$Talk[But have you been with a man?<br><br>HOW CAN YOU BE SO SURE???]</q> he shrieks.
{
<ol>
<li>[[Walk away.->open mic chat 1 walk]]</li>
<br>
<li>(link: "Punch him in the dick")[
(goto: "open mic chat 1 punch")
]</li>
</ol>
}You sock him one right in the $Emph[D]!
His only protection is one to two layers of denim. (Depending on the fabric of his underwear, if any.)
<q>$Talk[Ow, the focal point of my existence!]</q> he screams.
{
<div class="center">
[[NICE->open mic chat 1 over]]
</div>
}
{
(set: $Denim_Guy_Punch to true)
}You walk away.
He thinks you're weird.
He doesn't realize he's just an asshole.
<div class="center">[[<q>YUP</q>->open mic chat 1 over]]</div>
{
(set: $Denim_Guy_Walk to true)
}They all gasp.
<q>$KingTalk[Who dares question my system?]</q> booms a voice from the shadows.
<q>$Talk[Oh jeez you've really done it now! Here comes the $Emph[Open Mic King]]</q>
<div class = "center">[[`*Gulp*`->open mic king not fair 2]]From the shadow emerges $Emph[The Open Mic King].
He has the largest beard and is wearing three hoodies.
The other comics kneel and kiss the microphone cord permanently wrapped around his hand.
<div class="center">[[CONTINUE->open mic king not fair 3]]</div><q>$KingTalk[So this is the (if: $male)[boy](else:)[girl] who thinks $Emph[The System] isn't fair?]</q>
<ol>
{<li>
(if: $male)[[[<q>My name isn't 'boy', it's $name!</q>->open mic king not fair 3 confront]]]
(if: not $male)[[[<q>My name isn't 'girl', it's $name!</q>->open mic king not fair 3 confront]]]
</li>
}
<li>[[<q>This is weird, nevermind.</q>->open mic king not fair 3 back down]]
(set: $OpenMicKing_Encounter to true){
(set: $version to "1.00")
<!-- Roast Events -->
(set: $roastText to
"Yeah, roast this idiot!") <!--Roast Text -->
(set: $roastHair to false) <!--Roasted Hair -->
(set: $roastFace to false) <!--Roasted Face -->
(set: $roastClothes to false) <!--Roasted Clothes -->
<!-- Roast Analyze Events-->
(set: $roastHairAnalyze to false) <!--Analyzed Hair -->
(set: $roastFaceAnalyze to false) <!--Analyzed Face -->
(set: $roastClothesAnalyze to false) <!--Analyzed Face -->
<!-- Counters -->
(set: $cycleStart to 0) <!--Const of cycleCounter-->
(set: $roastCounter to 0) <!--Counts Roasts-->
(set: $tearCounter to 0) <!--Counts Tears-->
<!--Character Creation Initializer-->
(set: $male to false) <!--Gender-->
(set: $name to "Patrick") <!--Name-->
(set: $sexuality to 0) <!--Sexual Orientation-->
(set: $transgender to false) <!--Transgender-->
<!--Event Initializer-->
(set: $Denim_Guy_Money to false) <!--Gave money to Denim Guy-->
(set: $Denim_Guy_Punch to false) <!--Whether punched DG-->
(set: $Denim_Guy_Walk to false) <!--(Queer fem) Walked from DG-->
(set: $GrindNo to false) <!--King determined you don't grind. Also determines mic king in phone-->
(set: $mic_1_female_sex_ask to false) <!--If asked for sex-->
(set: $mic_1_female_sex to false) <!--If agreed to sex-->
(set: $mic_count = "") <!--How many mics you do-->
(set: $OpenMicKingGrind to false) <!--King asked if you grind-->
(set: $read_mic_list_1 to false) <!--Read Mic List-->
(set: $mic_1_Drink to false) <!--Bought a drink before show-->
(set: $CheckPhone to false) <!--Whether Checked Phone-->
(set: $sceneTrash to false) <!--Called Scene Trash-->
(set: $readScreenplay to false) <!--Read Denim Guy Screenplay-->
(set: $likedScreenplay to false) <!--Said you liked screenplay-->
<!--Encounter Initializer-->
(set: $ComicList_Encounter to false) <!--1000 Comics Event-->
(set: $Denim_Guy_Encounter to false) <!--Encounter Denim Guy-->
(set: $mic_1_group to false) <!--Encounter Mic Group-->
(set: $mic_1_Bartender to false) <!--Talked to bartender-->
(set: $MicDemon_Encounter to false) <!--Found the Mic Demon-->
(set: $OpenMicKing_Encounter to false) <!--Encounter Open Mic King-->
(set: $mpaaCall to false) <!--Called MPAA-->
(set: $MicBot2000_Encounter to false) <!--MicBot2000 Performed-->
<!--Phone Event Initializer-->
(set: $Phone_Dad to false)
(set: $Phone_Dad_Death to false)
(set: $Phone_Denim_Guy to false)
(set: $Phone_Mic_Demon to false)
(set: $Phone_Mic_King to false)
(set: $Phone_mpaa to false)
<!-- Jokes -->
(set: $joke1 to "")
(set: $saver to "")
<!-- Netflix -->
(set: $showWatch to "")
(set: $showCounter to 0)
<!-- Text Style Initializer-->
(set: $CharChoice to (css:"color:red;text-shadow: 3px 3px 0 rgba(50,50,50,1);"))
(set: $KingTalk to (css: "color:rosybrown;"))
(set: $Talk to (css: "color:sandybrown;"))
(set: $Emph to (css: "color: #cc6699; text-shadow: 3px 3px 0 rgba(50,50,50,1);"))
(set: $PlayerTalk to (css: "color: #00ffcc;"))
(set: $DemonTalk to (css: "color: #d8d8c0") + (text-style:"outline"))
(set: $slowTransition to (transition: "dissolve") + (transition-time: 2s))
}{
(if: $OpenMicKingGrind is false)[
He squints behind his Warby Parker glasses.<br><br>
<q>$KingTalk[I see you have some fire in your eyes! But tell me... Do you $Emph[Grind]?]</q><br><br>
<q>$Talk[Hashtag Grind.]</q> say the open mic serfs in deference.]
(else:)[
<q>$KingTalk[Now I'll ask you again... do you $Emph[Grind]?]]<br>
}
<ol>{
(if: $OpenMicKingGrind is false)[<li>[[<q>Grind?</q>->open mic king grind ask]]<br>]
(else:)[
<br>
<li>[[<q>Of course I Grind!</q>->open mic king grind yes]]<br><br>
<li>[[<q>Wow that's dumb I quit.</q>->win7]]
]
}
</ol><q>$KingTalk[Weird? WEIRD?]</q> The Open Mic King squeaks.
<q>$KingTalk[I've been doing open mic comedy for 67 years. How dare you call me weird!]</q>
<q>$KingTalk[Tell me, young {(if: $male)[man](else:)[lady]}, do you even $Emph[Grind]?]</q>
<ol>
<li>[[<q>Grind?</q>->open mic king grind ask]]<br>
</ol>{
(set: $animatedText to "YOU WIN!")
(display: "func:animated text")
}
Way to go! Comedy is full of nobodies who poison the game because of their own insecurity.
Go enjoy the corporate world where there are also nobodies who poison the game because of their own insecurity but at least you sorta get paid!
{
<div class="center">
[[BACK->open mic king not fair 3 confront]]
</div>
}<q>$Talk[Awesome!]</q>
He scampers away to buy a drink.
*You can talk to the $Emph[group of comics] or just wait for the show to start.
<ol>
<li>[[Talk to the group!->open mic 1 group]]</li>
<li>[[Wait for show to start.->open mic 1 wait]]</li>
</ol>
{
(set: $Denim_Guy_Money to true)
}<q>{(if: $male)[$Talk[He]](else:)[$Talk[She]]} $Talk[knows not of $Emph[The Grind]?]</q> Freaks a serf.
<q>$Emph[The Grind] $KingTalk[is the most important thing in all of stand up comedy]</q> says The Open Mic King.
<q>$Talk[Hashtag The Grind.]</q> Whisper the serfs.
{
<div class="center">
[[CONTINUE->open mic king grind ask 2]]
</div>
}
{
(set: $OpenMicKingGrind to true)
}<q>$KingTalk[Oh ho! You do $Emph[Grind]!] he says foppishly.</q>
<q>$KingTalk[Then tell me, how many mics do you do a night?]</q>
{
<ol>
<li>[[<q>One.</q>->open mic king grind yes 2]]</li>
<br>
<li>[[<q>Two.</q>->open mic king grind yes 2]]</li>
<br>
<li>[[<q>Three.</q>->open mic king grind yes 2]]</li>
<br>
<li>[[<q>Four.</q>->open mic king grind yes 2]]</li>
</ol>
}<q>$Emph[The Grind] $KingTalk[is going to open mics every night.]</q>
<q>$Talk[Hashtag New Day New Mic.]</q> Whisper the serfs.
{
<div class="center">
[[CONTINUE->open mic king grind ask 2.5]]
</div>
}<q>$Emph[The Grind] $KingTalk[demands you forego family, friendship, love. It demands self-destruction.]</q>
<q>$Talk[Hashtag We Out Here.]</q> Whisper the serfs.
{
<div class="center">
[[CONTINUE->open mic king grind ask 3.5]]
</div>
}{
(set: $animatedText to "YOU WIN!")
(display: "func:animated text")
}
Nice. If you're gonna spend effort trying to impress psychopaths you might as well go back to grad school or something.
{
<div class="center">
[[BACK->open mic king grind yes 2.5]]
</div>
}<q>$Emph[The Grind] $KingTalk[is staying out until 4am to do a mic even if you have work in the morning.]</q>
<q>$Talk[Hashtag Late Late Mic]</q> Whisper the serfs.
{
<div class="center">
[[CONTINUE->open mic king grind ask 3]]
</div>
}<q>$KingTalk[Most importantly:$Emph[The Grind] shall be posted on social media. Constantly.]</q>
<q>$Talk[Hashtag The Grind]</q> Shudder the serfs in near orgasmic ecstasy.
{
<div class="center">
[[CONTINUE->open mic king not fair 3 confront]]
</div>
}[<q>$KingTalk[I GO TO FOURTEEN MICS A NIGHT!]] he screams. Right in your ear.
{
<div class="center">
[[CONTINUE->open mic king grind yes 2.5]]
</div>
}
{
<br>
<div class="center">
(text-style: "shudder")[
###$KingTalk[YOU DO NOT GRIND!]
]
</div>
}
{
<div class="center">
[[CONTINUE->open mic king grind yes 3.5]]
</div>
}<q>$KingTalk[I have my name in buckets all over town right now!]</q>
<q>$KingTalk[Tell me, $name, how many buckets is your name in right now?]</q>
{
<ol>
<li>[[<q>Just this one...</q>->open mic king grind yes 3]]</li>
<br>
<li>[[Quit Comedy->win8]]</li>
}He vanishes in a puff of $Emph[vape mist].
It smells like pancakes.
{
<div class="center">
[[WAIT FOR THE SHOW TO START.->open mic 1 wait]]
</div>
}
{
(set: $GrindNo to true)
}<div class="phone-header"><p>KING</p></div><div class="phone-main">
<div class="cell-text">
<p class="chat-other">YOU DON'T GRIND</P>
</div>
</div>
{
<ol>
<li>[[Back->open mic 1 phone]]</li>
</ol>
}
{
(set: $Phone_Mic_King to true)
}You order a drink at the bar.
<q>$Talk[That's nine frogskins.]</q> Says the bartender through his Lorax style moustache.
Also, he's riding a fixed-gear unicycle.
<ol>
<li>{
(if: $Denim_Guy_Money is true)[
[[<q>Damn, I gave all my dosh to Denim Guy...</q>->mic 1 buy a drink no money]]
]
(else:)[
[[Hand over simoleons->mic 1 buy a drink yes]]
]}</li>
<li>[[<q>Nevermind.</q>->open mic 1 wait]]</li>
</ol>
{
(set: $mic_1_Bartender to true)
}<q>$Talk[Never give away your skrill. Altruism is a plight on humanity.]</q> he says.
<q>$Talk[That's what I always tell my pet snake, $Emph[John Galt.]]</q> he adds.
<ol>
<li>[[<q>Who is John Galt?</q>->mic 1 buy a drink no money galt joke]]</li>
<li>[[Walk away.->open mic 1 wait]]</li>
</ol>
{
(set: $mic_1_Drink to false)
}<q>$Talk[I just told you he's my pet snake.]</q> He says, clearly not getting your sick reference.
<ol>
<li>[[<q>Do you get the joke?</q>->mic 1 buy a drink no money galt joke 2]]
<li>[[Walk away.->open mic 1 wait]]</li>
<ol><q>$Talk[No, I don't believe in humor.]</q>
He pops a wheelie on his unicycle and leaves.
{
<div class="center">
[[WALK AWAY->open mic 1 wait]]
</div>
}<q>$Talk[Here you go.]</q>
He slides you a $Emph[thimble of cheap gin]. It's mostly ice.
He flaps his moustache and flies to the next customer.
{
<div class="center">
[[WALK AWAY->open mic 1 wait]]
</div>
}
{
(set: $mic_1_Drink to true)
}{
(set: $animatedText to "YOU WIN!")
(display: "func:animated text")
}
Yeah! Open mic comedy is a time assassin.
Why not use that time on something useful like binge watching $Emph['Adventure Time'].
{
<div class="center">
[[BACK->open mic 1 wait]]
</div>
}<q>$Talk[I'm pro rape joke. I think you should be able to talk about anything on stage.]</q> Says one Open Mic Comic.
<q>$Talk[If the audience can't handle it that's their problem!]</q> Agrees another.
<ol>
<li>[[Say nothing->open mic group 1 listen say nothing]]</li>
<li>[[Interject->open mic group 1 listen interject a1]]</li>
</ol>{
(set: $mic_1_group to true)
}You wait one hour.
<ol>
<li>[[Keep Waiting->open mic 1 wait again 2]]</li>
</ol>You wait another hour...
<ol>
<li>[[Keep Waiting->open mic 1 wait again 3]]</li>
</ol>You wait yet another hour...
It is now the next day.
<ol>
<li>[[Keep Waiting->open mic 1 wait again 4]]</li>
</ol>You wait yet another hour.
You begin to forget the outside world.
<ol>
<li>[[Keep Waiting->open mic 1 wait again 5]]</li>
</ol>Was there ever an outside world?
You try to remember what your parents look like.
You can't.
<ol>
<li>[[Keep Waiting->open mic 1 wait again 6]]</li>
</ol>You try to remember what you look like.
You can't.
<ol>
<li>[[Wait one more time.->open mic 1 start]]</li>
</ol>The show finally starts, only seven hours late.
A white guy wearing stained gym shorts takes the stage.
<q>$Talk[Alright, pigs, let's get your slop from the $Emph[bucket]]</q> He says.
<div class="center">[[CONTINUE->open mic 1 start 2]]</div>He pulls a name from the $Emph[bucket].
$Emph[Hoosy] takes the stage.
<div class="center">[[CONTINUE->open mic 1 hoosy]]</div>He's a regular looking white guy.
<q>$Talk[I know what you are thinking. I look gay, but I'm not. THAT'S SO WEIRD!]</q> he says while holding the mic three feet from his mouth.
{
<div class="center">
(either: "[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 divorced dad]]", "[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 mic bot 2000]]")
</div>
}The next comic up is $Emph[Divorced Dad]
<q>$Talk[I miss my kids!!!]</q>
The rest of his set is gentle sobbing.
He runs the light.
{
<div class="center">
(if: $Denim_Guy_Encounter)[
[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 denim guy]]
]
(else:)[
(either:
"[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 road dog]]",
"[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 mic bot 2000 service pack]]"
)
]
</div>
}The next comic is $Emph[Mic Bot 2000].
It malfunctions.
{
<div class="center">
(if: $Denim_Guy_Encounter)[
[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 denim guy]]
]
(else:)[
(either:
"[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 road dog]]",
"[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 mic bot 2000 service pack]]"
)
]
</div>
}The next comic is $Emph[Blank Slip of Paper].
The stage is empty for three minutes.
It's the best anyone has done so far.
{
<div class="center">
(if: $mpaaCall)[
[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 mpaa]]
]
(else:)[
(either:
"[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 probably dave]]",
"[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 lorem ipsum]]"
)
]
</div>
}The next comic is $Emph[Mic Bot 2000 Service Pack v1.50 installed on a Raspberry Pi running Snappy Ubuntu].
<q>$Talk[01000010 01101001 01110100 01100011 01101000 01100101 01110011 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01100011 01110010 01100001 01111010 01111001 00001101 00001010]</q> He says.
He gets a Netflix special.
{
<div class="center">
(if: $OpenMicKing_Encounter)[
[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 king]]
]
(else:)[
(either:
"[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 blank]]",
"[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 jerald]]"
)
]
</div>
(set: $MicBot2000_Encounter to true)
}You're not sure who the next comic is but it's $Emph[Probably Dave].
<q>$Talk[Yo, what's my name errybody!!!]</q> He holds the mic out to the audience.
<q>$Talk[Dave?]</q> you all ask at different intervals.
<div class="center">[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 start 9]]</div>The next comic is $Emph[$name].
Oh hey, that's you!
You take the stage.
{
(if: $MicDemon_Encounter)[
Everyone nervously looks at the $Emph[jawless husk] still on the floor and back to you.
<br>
<br>
]
}
<div class="center">[[CONTINUE->open mic 1 joke start]]</div><div class="center">$KingTalk[-BUILD YOUR JOKE-]</div>
$Emph[JOKE:]$joke1
<ol>
<li>(link: "So...")[(set: $joke1 += "So,")(goto: "open mic joke 1")]</li>
<li>(link: "Uh...")[(set: $joke1 += "Uh,")(goto: "open mic joke 1")]</li>
<li>(link: "Hey...")[(set: $joke1 += "Hey,")(goto: "open mic joke 1")]</li>
</ol><div class="center">$KingTalk[-BUILD YOUR JOKE-]</div>
$Emph[JOKE:]$joke1
<ol>
<li>(link: "Dating")[(set: $joke1 += " dating ")(goto: "open mic joke 2")]</li>
<li>(link: "My Grandfather")[(set: $joke1 += " my grandfather ")(goto: "open mic joke 2")]</li>
<li>(link: "My cat")[(set: $joke1 += " my cat ")(goto: "open mic joke 2")]</li></ol><div class="center">$KingTalk[-BUILD YOUR JOKE-]</div>
$Emph[JOKE:]$joke1
<ol>
<li>(link: "Is Weird")[(set: $joke1 += "is weird")(goto: "open mic joke 3")]</li>
<li>(link: "Is Racist")[(set: $joke1 += "is racist")(goto: "open mic joke 3")]</li>
<li>(link: "Licks Me Too Much")[(set: $joke1 += "licks me too much")(goto: "open mic joke 3")]</li></ol>
<div class="center">$KingTalk[-BUILD YOUR JOKE-]</div>
$Emph[JOKE:]$joke1
<div class="center">(text-style: "fade-in-out")[$KingTalk[-THIS IS YOUR PUNCHLINE-]]</div>
<ol>
<li>(link: "If I Have Peanut Butter On Me")[(set: $joke1 += " if I have peanut butter on me!")(goto: "open mic joke 3.5")]</li>
<li>(link: "Amirite!")[(set: $joke1 += ", amirite!")(goto: "open mic joke 3.5")]</li>
<li>(link: "This Guy Knows What I'm Talking About!")[(set: $joke1 += ". This guy knows what I'm talking about!")(goto: "open mic joke 3.5")]</li>
</ol>
<q>$PlayerTalk[$joke1]</q> You deliver.
To complete silence.
The host gives you $Emph[the light].
*Do you want to try and save the joke or leave the stage.
{
<ol>
<li>[[Save it!->open mic joke 5 save]]</li>
<br>
<li>[[Respect the light.->mic end]]</li>
</ol>
}<div class="center">$KingTalk[-BUILD YOUR JOKE-]</div>
$Emph[JOKE:]$joke1
*Is this the joke you want to tell?
<ol>
<li>[[Yes, this will crush->open mic joke 4]]</li>
<li>(link: "No, let me start over!")[(set: $joke1 to "")(goto:"open mic 1 joke start")]</li></ol>Hello,
This interactive fiction let's you choose your own path in the depressing world of $Emph[Open Mic Comedy].
No choice is the wrong choice. (Because they're all wrong choices!)
<div class="center">[[BEGIN->begin]]</div>One of the group notices you.
<div class="center">[[CONTINUE->open mic 1 group talk 1]]</div>They stop talking but do not look at you.
<ol>
<li>[[Give well-thought out responses->open mic group 1 listen interject a2 b]]</li>
<li>[[<q>That's dumb, you're dumb</q>->open mic group 1 listen interject a2 a]]</li>
</ol>
<q>$PlayerTalk[There's so many things to joke about why choose the worst experience of many people's lives?]</q> you ask.
<q>$Talk[I just care about being funny.]</q> One responds, still facing away from you.
<ol>
<li>[[<q>Funny is the minimum...</q>->open mic group 1 listen interject a2 b3]]</li>
<li>[[<q>You're not funny!</q>->open mic group 1 listen interject a2 b1]]</li>
</ol><q>$PlayerTalk[As a comedian funny is the bare minimum. Why not strive for more!]</q>
<q>$Talk[I want to be able to make anything funny, like Louis C.K. can.]</q> He responds.
<ol>
<li>[[<q>(either: "Ooof, ", "Yikes, ", "Oh boy, ", "Oh no, ") Louis C.K.?</q>->open mic group 1 listen interject a2 b1 c1]]</li>
<li>[[<q>You're not funny...->open mic group 1 listen interject a2 b1]]</li>
<ol>He is visibly shaken.
<q>$Talk[Hey... `*sniff*` Come on, words can hurt.]</q> He quivers.
<ol>
<li>[[Apologize->open mic group 1 listen interject a2 b3 c1]]</li>
{
<li>
(if: $ComicList_Encounter is true)[
[[<q>Now imagine how hurt the women C.K. abused feel!->open mic group 1 listen interject a2 b3 c2]]
]
(else:)[
[[<q>That's what I've been saying!</q>->open mic group 1 listen interject a2 b3 c2]]
]
</li>
}
<ol>You apologize.
<q>$Talk[Whatever. You're not even a part of this scene!]</q> He scream-cries.
{
<ol>
<li>[[<q>I want to be a part of the scene!->open mic 1 group talk 1 alt]]
</ol>
}Your words force him to re-examine himself.
He begins to shake violently. He finally turns to face you.
His $Emph[face] is wrong. You don't know how it's wrong but you know it is.
{
<div class="center">
[[CONTINUE->open mic group 1 listen interject demon]]
</div>
}His jaw unhinges, cracking in the process.
A $Emph[dark] substance pours out of his mouth like a billion grains of evil, black sand.
It takes shape.
{
<div class="center">
[[CONTINUE->open mic group 1 listen interject demon 2]]
</div>
}
{
(set: $MicDemon_Encounter to true)
}It's shape reminds you of the $Emph[shadows] that flit across your periphery when you've been awake too long.
{
(set: $devilTalk to "<q>You may have bested me this time, $name.</q>")
(display: "func:devil talk")
} It hisses.
{
<div class="center">
[[CONTINUE->open mic group 1 listen interject demon 3]]
</div>
}{
(set: $devilTalk to "<q>But I am the darkness that infects the hearts of all open mic comics. <br><br>You'll never defeat me!</q>")
(display: "func:devil talk")
}
It takes flight and $Emph[smashes] through the ceiling and subsequent freeways up above.
{
<div class="center">
[[CONTINUE->open mic group 1 listen interject demon 4]]
</div>
</ol>
}{
(set: $animatedText to "YOU WIN!")
(display: "func:animated text")
}
Yeah, fuck that shit.
We've all got darkness inside us but there's no need to feed it by going to open mics.
{
<div class="center">
[[BACK->open mic group 1 listen interject demon 4]]
</div>
}The one star visible in the Los Angeles night shines through the holes.
The other comics back away from the $Emph[jaw-shattered husk] lying on the floor.
<q>$Talk[We... we won't tell rape jokes anymore,]</q> they whisper.
{
<ol>
<li>[[Wait for the mic to start->open mic 1 wait]]</li>
<br>
<li>[[Quit comedy->win10]]
</ol>
}They all turn and stare.
Their gaze makes you uneasy. You feel like you have 1000 neglectful parents instead of just two.
{
(if: $sceneTrash is true)[
<q>$Talk[
(if: $male)[He](else:)[She] criticized the scene!</q>
]
]
(else:)[
<q>$Talk[No new kids!]</q> They say in unison.
]
}
{
<ol>
(if: $sceneTrash is true)[
<li>[[<q>Damn right I did!</q>->open mic 1 group talk not fair]]
</li>
]
(else:)[
<li>[[<q>That's not fair!</q>->open mic 1 group talk not fair]]
</li>
]
</ol>
}<q>$Talk[I seperate the art from the artist.]</q>
<ol>
<li>[[<q>But stand-up is a very personal art...->open mic group 1 listen interject a2 b1 c1 d1]]</li>
<li>[[<q>But he still profits from that art!->open mic group 1 listen interject a2 b1 c1 d2]]</li>
<ol><q>$PlayerTalk[His act is a presentation of his life. Revelations about his behavior inherently change the context of his persona!]</q> You say like you are talking to a professor and not a drunk idiot.
<q>$Talk[Yeah, but if we lose him who could replace him?]</q> he responds.
<ol>
<li>[[<q>A woman.->open mic group 1 listen interject a2 b1 c1 d1.5]]
</ol><q>$PlayerTalk[Maybe for an artist long dead, but he still makes money when you watch his stuff!]</q>
<q>$Talk[(either: "Don't worry", "Haha", "It's all good"), I torrent everything I watch!]</q> He responds.
<ol>
<li>[[<q>You're still normalizing his behavior.</q>->open mic group 1 listen interject a2 b1 c1 d2 normalize]]</li>
<li>[[Call the MPAA on him->open mic group 1 listen interject mpaa]]</li>
</ol><q>$Talk[Name one.]</q> He challenges.
<ol>
<li>[[Melissa Mccarthy->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Emmy Blotnick->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Valerie Tosi->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Emily Galati->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Erica Hernandez->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[MORE OPTIONS->1000 comics more]]</li>
</ol><q>$Talk[...I've never heard of them.]</q> He shrugs.
<ol>
<li>[[<q>I've never heard of you!->open mic group 1 listen interject a2 b1]]</li>
<li>[[<q>Doesn't mean they aren't valid!->1000 comics answer 2]]</li>
</ol>
{
(set: $ComicList_Encounter to true)
}
Here are more options.
<ol>
<li>[[Jenny Zigrino->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Moujan Zolfaghari->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Aparna Nancherla->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lauren Brickman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sarah Silverman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lisa Kleinman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nikki Palumbo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Joanna Tillman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Julie Harrison-harney->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Emilea Wilson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ilana Glazer->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Joanna Hausmann->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Molly Cahen->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Gwynna Forgham-thrift->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Desi Domo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nanie Mendez->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Amanda Dieli->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Cassandra Martin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katie Talay->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Angel Yau->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nichole Yannetty->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Dara Katz->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Stacey Kulow->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jessica Kane->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Hannah Solow->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[MORE OPTIONS GOD DAMMIT->1000 comics more 2]]
</ol>Here are more options.
<ol>
<li>[[Emily Heller->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rhea Butcher->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ariel Gitlin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lesley Osuala->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Erin Fenton->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Laura Canty-samuel->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Erica Nicole Clark->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jackie Kashian->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Karen Kilgariff->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kyle Mizono->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[MORE OPTIONS!!!->1000 comics more 1]]
</ol>Ok, ok, here are more options.
<ol>
<li>[[Cameron Esposito->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ali Wong->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Anna Callegari->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Corin Wells->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kathy Tao->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lani Harms->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Amanda Hunt->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Iliana Inocencio->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Taylor Ortega->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Chrissie Gruebel->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Pratima Mani->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Chrissy Shackelford->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Maya Deshmukh->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Hallie Haas->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jenny Huftalen->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kristen Cignavitch->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Cristina Sanza->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Monique Moses->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jessica Morgan->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Betsy Kenney->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Morgan Miller->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Caroline Martin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Clara Morris->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kelsey Bailey->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Liz Noth->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Johnna Scrabis->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jenny St. Angelo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Caitlin Puckett->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lily Du->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lindsey Calleran->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sarah Burton->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Keisha Zollar->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Beth Slack->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Bridget Holmes->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rekha Shankar->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rebekah Bentley->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nicole Pasquale->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alise Morales->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Chloe Marsh->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Shenovia Large->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Bailey Edwards->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Elizabeth-ann Moss->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jo Roueiheb->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ali Gordon->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jewel Galbraith->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nadia Kamil->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Caitlin Durante->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Maritza Montanez->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kat Higgins->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nikita Burdein->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sara Feinstein->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katia Kvinge->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Virginia Jones->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kelsey Mclaughlin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ashley England->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Marcella Arguello->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rachel Taenzler->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alexis Rhiannon->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sandy Danto->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rosie Whalen->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Tamra Brown->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jenna Barron-ewert->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mariya Alexander->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jenna Bush Hager->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sophie Yalkezian->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Shelly Mar->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kelley Quinn->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Beverlee Jean->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Andi Osho->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Isabella Roland->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rachel Van Nes->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Beth Sherman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Candice Yang->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rachel Chapman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ruman Kazi->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Miranda Rae Hart->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alyssa Sabo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Monisola Oyedepo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Shalewa Sharpe->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Vivian Yoon->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nicole Conlan->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jennifer Gable->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Olivia Harewood->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Dayna Lobosco->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Marie Mcintosh->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Allyson Phillips->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Karen Baughn->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Marie Buck->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Hannah Faust->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Brenda Colonna->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Cassi Jerkins->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lizz Adams->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katie Dill->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Shayelle Dominguez->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Martha Fearnley->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Tracey Kennedy->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Anna Rajo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ashley Holston->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katey Selix->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Allie Jennings->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[GIVE ME ALL THE OPTIONS YOU HAVE!!!->1000 comics more 3]]
</ol>Here's all the options I have. We cool?
<ol>
<li>[[Tig Notaro->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Megan Gailey->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Victoria Michaelis->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mia Schauffler->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Hannah Garces->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jamie Lee->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Allyn Pintal->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Genetra Tull->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mary Anthony->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kimia Behpoornia->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ellie Kovara->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Debra Digiovanni->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Laci Mosley->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nina Concepción->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Dina Hashem->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rachael Drummond->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Hannah Kanengieter->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Beth Lepley->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rose O'shea->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ariel Elias->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Malin Von Euler-hogan->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kathy Yamamoto->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Victoria Longwell->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rebecca V. O'neal->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Victoria Longwell->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Marissa Strickland->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Talia Tabin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Marlena Rodriguez->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Heather Woodward->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Reena Calm->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Julia Meltzer->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lara Beitz->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ego Nwodim->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kellye Howard->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Emily Durrett->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Danielle Puterbaugh->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Tiffany Puterbaugh->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jessica Jean Jardine->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sarah Claspell->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sai Lang->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mélia Mills->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ruha Taslimi->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Christine Bullen->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Chloe Fineman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Haley Hepworth->1000 comics answer]]
<li>[[Teruko Nakajima->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Susan Song->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Maria Wojciechowski->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rebecca O'neal->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jolene Kennedy->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Laurie Magers->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Brooke Van Poppelen->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Meggie Spellman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Natalie Hoke->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Shukri Abdi->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alexia Dox->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lauren Holt->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Genevieve Rice->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Madison Allen->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Courtney Hyde->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rebekka Pesqueira->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sarah Stoecker->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lauren Olson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kaitlin Marone->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Emily Davila->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jessica Seay-klatt->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Monica Vasandani->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Inessa Frantowski->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Fiona Landers->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Travina Springer->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Carmen Lynch->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lindsay Adams->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nicole Erb->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Cait Raft->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alison Wong->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Dione Kuraoka->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Olivia Snow Norman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lorraine Degraffenreidt->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sierra Katow->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Hillary Anne Matthews->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kiran Deol->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nicole Sun->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ele Woods->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Charity L. Miller->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Hannah Shapiro->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sydney Steinberg->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ashleigh Hairston->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kaitlyn Tanimoto->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Robin Higgins->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kerry O’neill->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Connie Shin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alana Johnston->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Phoebe Neidhardt->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Natalie Palamides->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Anna Cecilia->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jessica Ross->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jocelyn Deboer->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Marina Franklin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kat Palardy->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Diona Reasonover->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Trish Nelson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ayanna Dookie->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Shantira Jackson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lauren Burns->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Laurel Coppock->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Melanie Camacho->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Allison Dunbar->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Candy Lawrence->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Heidi Gardner->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Patty Guggenheim->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Anne Lane->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Edi Patterson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Emily Pendergast->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ariane Price->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lisa Schurga->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Annie Sertich->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jen Bashian->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Cate Scott Campbell->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Madi Goff->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Emily Goldwyn->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jessica Pohly->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Liz Stewart->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sabrina Jalees->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jillian Bell->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Stephanie Courtney->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jill Matson-sachoff->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Charlotte Newhouse->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Chelsea Peretti->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Carrie Aizley->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jennifer Coolidge->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ali Prier->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Daniele Gaither->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ana Gasteyer->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Cheryl Hines->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Holly Mandel->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Karen Maruyama->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alice Wetterlund->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Annie Mcknight->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Wendi Mclendon-covey->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Annie Mumolo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Courtney Reynolds->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Maya Rudolph->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Andrea Guzzetta->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mary Jo Smith->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Christen Sussin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Liz Ziner->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kristen Wiig->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Allison Webster->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Aly Dixon->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ashley Blom->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mary Patterson Broome->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Beth Alemayoh->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Carina Magyar->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rosebud Baker->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Cene Hale->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Chelsea Bunn->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Melissa Kingston->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Cortnie Jones->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Emily Mcdonald->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Liza Treyger->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Emma Holder->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Erica Lies->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Erika May Mcnichol->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katie Byrnes->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kat Toledo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katie Moore->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kim Lowery->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kristen Samuelsen->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kristin Henn->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Laura De La Fuente->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lindsey Moringy->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Maggie Maye->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Charla Lauriston->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Maria Pond->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Esther Povitsky->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Meghan Ross->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mia Iseman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rachel Madorsky->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sarah Coker->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Stephanie Ard->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kimberly Clark->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Stephanie Thoreson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Taylor Palas Stewart->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Yola Lu->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Zaeli Kane->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Selena Coppock->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alison Leiby->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Fortune Feimster->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Carly Aquilino->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Amy Heckerling->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Gabriela Tijerina->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[The Double Clicks->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kate Murphy->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Pamela Ross->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kate Mason->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lauren Malara->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jill Weiner->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lydia Popovich->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Eman El-husseini->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lauren Pattison->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Julia Hladkowicz->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Chelsea Shorte->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Regina Castañeda->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Maddie Cooper->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kara Klenk->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kat Toledo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katherine Jessup->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ana-maria Stojic->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Reece Cotton->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Caitlin Peluffo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Brittany Hunt->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katie Mccarthy->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Megan Mcghee->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Andie Main->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rebecca Fass->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Stacey Hallal->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Joann Schinderle->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Dominique Gelin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Heather Marulli->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katie Nguyen->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Holly Lynnea->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ali Reingold->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Becky Braunstein->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Belinda Carroll->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kirsten Kuppenbender->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sarah Burrows->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Barbara Holm->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Tory Ward->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Laura Sams->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katie Behrens->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kate Aguilar->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Monique Madrid->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Natalie Holt->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lydia Manning->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Michelle Biloon->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Coor Cohen->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Gena Gephart->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Maria Bamford->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Dulce Sloan->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Page Hurwitz->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Laura House->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Addie Blanchard->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Leah Mansfield->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Bobbie Oliver->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jessica Sele->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Daphnique Springs->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Luz Pazos->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Paige Bowman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Robby Hoffman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Georgia Barnes->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Amy Shanker->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Melody Kamali->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Anica Cihla->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kristin Clifford->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Danielle Perez->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Susan Rice->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Elizabeth Guest->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ali Breen->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Dinah Foley->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Whitney Streed->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Wendy Weiss->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Julia Ramos->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jenna Zine->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Amanda Arnold->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sara Hennessey->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katie Michels->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jenn Hunter->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kara Moore->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Domeka Parker->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Janet Varney->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lauren Faber->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jen Saunderson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lauren Ashley Bishop->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alison Stevenson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Becky Lucas->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ellie Mcelvain->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Aisling Bea->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Riley Silverman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Annie Savage->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Abby Rosenquist->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sarah Burns->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jesssica Makinson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Naomi Ekperigin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Amy Miller->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Scout Durwood->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Natalie Jose->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sonia Denis->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Caitlin Gill->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rylee Newton->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jeanie Doogan->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sharon Houston->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kristine Levine->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Courtney Gilmour->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Bri Pruett->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jade Catta-preta->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Abi Harrison->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Christine `"Stine"` An->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katie-ellen Humphries->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Michelle Wolf->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Caitlin Weierhauser->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Bonnie Mcfarlane->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Elicia Sanchez->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mona Concepcion->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Giulia Rozzi->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Marcia Belsky->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katie Rose Leon->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Heather Lawless->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rachel Bloom->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Whitney Cummings->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mary Lynn Rajskub->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Laura Silverman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Liz Russo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Corinne Fisher->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Krystyna Hutchinson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Stacy Pawlowski->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Josie Long->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Maeve Higgins->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Carmen Morales->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lindsay Ames->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jackie Fabulous->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Heather Turman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kristal Oates->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alie Ward->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Tiffany Haddish->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kathryn Burns->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Tamale Sepp->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Hannah Friedman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Chelsea Hood->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Clare O'kane->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kathryn Ryan->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rachel Mccartney->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Anna Seregina->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Wanda Sykes->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Larissa Radtke->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jessica Delfino->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kristen Lundberg->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Heather Pasternak->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Milana Vayntrub->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lauren Cook->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Richelle Meiss->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Natasha Leggero->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kristen Schaal->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kristen Toomey->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lauren Lapkus->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Reformed Whores->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[The Katydids->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Andy Erikson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mary Holland->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ali Waller->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sam Jay->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kristin Rand->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sara June->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ever Mainard->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Melissa Luna->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nicole Aimée Schreiber->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Paige Weldon->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Erin Mcgown->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Cathy Ladman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Courtney Maginnis->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Stephanie Simbari->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Blaire Postman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Janine Brito->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Naomi Karavani->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mary Becquet->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Melissa Douty->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sonya Vai->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Hannah Boone->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alysia Hush->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Bianca Cristovao->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Heather Marullli->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Colleen Watson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Erikka Innes->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jeannette Rizzi->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lizzy Cooperman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Anna Lepeley->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sunah Bilsted->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Danielle Thralow->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jasmine Ellis->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Leslie Battle->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kellye Jue->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Natasha Ferrier->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Catherine Zini->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Iliza Shlesinger->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kimberly Dinaro->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jacqueline Novak->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Emily Winter->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lucia Fasano->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Julia Shiplett->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kate Willett->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Anya Volz->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rose Surnow->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Shalyah Evans->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Abigoliah Shaumann->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Bridget Fitzgerald->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Stephanie Streisand->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Peggy O’leary->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katie Foster->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lauren Reeves->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alisa Rosenthal->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alex Kumin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Janelle James->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Cirocco Dunlap->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Langan Kingsley->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lisa Herring->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ashley Skidmore->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kassia Miller->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jessimae Peluso->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Glenn Boozan->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Dawn Luebbe->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Elaine Carroll->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nicole Shabtai->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Tami Nelson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nikki Glaser->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ella Campbell->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Christina Schneider->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Tessa Shippy->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alicia Hawkes->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Michelle Buteau->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Robin Johnstone->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Christy Marino->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Carrie Moulder->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Abbi Crutchfield->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Maggie Ritchie->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Emily Slazer->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Maggie White->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kaitlin Marone->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Erica Goostrey Carrington->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Shep Kelly->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Camille Roane->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mindy Tucker->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Briana Augustus->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mary Jacobs->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Hallie Sheck->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rana May->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Tricia Brown->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Leila Ben-abdallah->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mary Theresa Archbold->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lucy Cottrell->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Hannah Levinson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Megan Baker->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ayana Atiba Sahar->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Natasha Muse->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ester Steinberg->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Melissa Aquiles->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katherine Curtis->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Amanda Stafford->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Samantha Auman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Hayley Marian->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Barbara Gray->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Haley Driscoll->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Erin Ingle->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Amber Preston->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Erin Maguire->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Hilliary Begley->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katie Que->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Arden Myrin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Marla Schultz->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Melissa Diaz->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sheba Mason->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Shereen Kassam->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Tiffany Barbee->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Tracey Carnazzo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Annie Lederman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Amaya Perea->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Took Edalow->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sasheer Zamata->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Grace Leeson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Elsa Waithe->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Suzie Afridi->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sofiya Alexandra->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Claudia Cogan->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kaytlin Bailey->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Liz Barrett->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Carolyn Bergier->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Clara Bijl->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kate Ghiloni->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lynn Bixenspan->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Julia Prescott->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Zainab Johnson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Marisa Bramwell->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Joanna Briley->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Emily Maya Mills->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kelli Dunham->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Cassandra Dee->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sonya Eddy->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Joselyn Hughes->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[April Richardson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Maggie Maye->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Laura Sanders->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jo Firestone->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mara Wiles->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Justine Marino->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katie Bowman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Calise Hawkins->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Christie Buchele->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Janae Burris->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Caitie Hannan->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nancy Norton->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Allison Rose->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mallory Wallace->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Deanne Smith->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Phoebe Robinson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rachel Weeks->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Felicia Michaels->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Erin Lampart->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jessica Kirson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ophira Eisenberg->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Yamaneika Saunders->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kelly Macfarland->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nonye Brown West->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Merrill Davis->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Chanel Ali->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Melissa Stephens->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nora Panahi->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Heather Thomson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kathe Farris->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kendall Farrell->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Val Kappa->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lorelai Lyons->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Phoebe Bottoms->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Chloe Radcliffe->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Susanna Lee->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Danielle Andruskiwec->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Georgea Brooks->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Danielle Kushner->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Danielle Cromartie->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Carolyn Riley->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Emily Ruskowski->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mariel Cabral->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Andrea Henry->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jane Condon->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lisa Best->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Laura Severse->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Eliza Skinner->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Leighann Lord->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Patti Harrison->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Hallie Cantor->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Bridey Elliott->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Livia Scott->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mary Mack->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Becky Donohue->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Aminah Imani->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Eliza Hurwitz->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jennifer Vanilla->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Aly Dixon->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Meredith Casey->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alyssa Stonoha->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sandy Honig->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ana Marija Stojic->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Raquel D’apice->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Shayna Ferm->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Chantel Marostica->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Natalie Norman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kirsten Rasmussen->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Becky Johnson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Erin Judge->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Megan Mackay->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Leigh Cameron->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Gina Yashere->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Claire Titelman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jenny Slate->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Morgan Murphy->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sandra Battaglini->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sophie Buddle->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Blair Socci->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Taylor Tomlinson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Cristela Alonzo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Carol Burnett->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Vanessa Gonzalez->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jen Kirkman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jocelyn Chia->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mia Jackson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ashley Barnhill->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Laurie Kilmartin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Claire Mulaney->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sara Schaefer->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Adira Amram->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alison Rich->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sudi Green->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Molly Ruben-long->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Punam Patel->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sarah Millican->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kristin Hensley->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jen Smedley->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Anjelah Johnson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Heather Mcdonald->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Negin Farsad->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Camilla Cleese->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nikki Black->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Carolyn Castiglia->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mae Martin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Leslie Jones->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Janeane Garofalo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Erin Bartley->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Whoopi Goldberg->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kathy Griffin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Liz Miele->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lisa Lampanelli->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Miranda Hart->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Myka Fox->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kate Alleman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Quinta Brunson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jordan Armstrong->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Amanda Austin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Emma Willmann->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alex Garland->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Carly Malison->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jessica Ettman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Marie Watschke->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kristine Kinsey->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lily Tomlin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Pauline Miliotis->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sarah Oxman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Annie Wasserman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katrina Davis->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sally Brooks->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Liza Marie->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Maria Heinegg->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Michelle Kinne->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jennifer Rossini->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kim Stacy->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Hannia Omer->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Danielle Kramer->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Helen Hong->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sarah Adams->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Monique->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Miriam Mintz->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Renee Gauthier->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Anna Drezen->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Laura Crawford->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Emily Ehlert->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Margaret Cho->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sara Aisenberg->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Amanda Olszewski->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Tracy Marquez->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Marissa Gallant->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Maggie Rieth Austin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Gaye Badgwell->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jess Hilarious->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Erica Rhodes->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Aisha Tyler->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Emily Ball->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Chelsea Handler->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Laurie Reaves Barnett->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Subhah Agarwal->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sandra Bernhard->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Erin Lennox->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kathleen Madigan->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Simone Shepherd->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Samantha Bee->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Hadiyah Robinson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Loni Love->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Laura Bingham->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katie Hannigan->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jasmin Brown->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ashley Bright->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Marilou Canon->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Megan Neuringer->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Shappi Khorsandi->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Bonnie Criss->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Julia Cotton->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katy Evans->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Vicki Ferguson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Emily Alexander->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rebel Wilson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Paula Poundstone->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Adele Givens->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jasmine Luv->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Khadi Da Don->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Suzi Ruffell->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Zoe Rogers->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lori Mae Hernandez->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rachel Feinstein->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rebecca Vigil->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ziwe Fumudoh->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Meaghan Strickland->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lucy Randall->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ana Fabrega->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alex Song->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Annie Donley->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Martha Kelly->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lane Moore->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Becky Garcia->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ashley Brooke Roberts->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Natalie Shure->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Tess Barker->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Claire Epstein->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Caroline Cotter->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Evany Rosen->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Aisha Brown->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Megan Kelly Dunn->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Chelsea Davison->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Francesca Martinez->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Shelby Fero->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Priyanka Wali->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Bridget Everett->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jackie Pirico->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Catherine Cohen->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mitra Jouhari->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Teresa Lee->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Carrie Mccrossen->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Amanda Mcqueen->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Erin Lynn O’connor->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Judy Gold->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nikki Carr->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Marie Faustin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kristee Ono->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rae Sanni->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Christina Galston->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sydnee Washington->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kimberly Stewart->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Allison Spence Brown->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nicole Byer->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Irene Tu->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mona Shaikh->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Steph Tolev->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Amber Ruffin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alessandra Vite->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ashley Seaman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Diana Frances->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jennie Profeta->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Marjorie Malpass->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Brie Watson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Christy Bruce->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ashley Comeau->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Leslie Seiler->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jennifer Ashleigh Lloyd->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Linnea Currie-roberts->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Cassie Barradas->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lisa Merchant->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Felicity Penman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Anne Mcmaster->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Spencer Litzinger->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ashley Botting->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Karen Ivany->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Michelle Hart->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kate Teddiman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Samantha Adams->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kristie Gunter->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Allana Reoch->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nadine Djoury->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ann Pornel->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nancy Beckett->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lisa Bany->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Heather Barnes->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Julia Diferdinando->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Caitlin Kunkel->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Stephanie Mccullough->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rachael Mason->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jessica Mitolo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kathleen Puls Andrade->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jay Steigmann->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Peyton Wilson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Tabetha Wells->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Cynthia Bangert->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lele Mason->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Liz Joynt Sandberg->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Maggie Smith->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Janna Sobel->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Bina Martin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ashley Whitehurst->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kate Cohen->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Erica Elam->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nicole C. Hastings->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jessica Rogers->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Tiffani Swalley->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mt Cozzola->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Amanda Murphy->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jeannie Cahill Griggs->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kimmie Companik-warner->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jameeleh Shelo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[`Anděl Sudik`->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Molly Todd Madison->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Carly Heffernan->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mary Mahoney->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Bunnie R. Steffner->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jaci Entwisle->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Christy Hall->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Carisa Barreca->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alex Bellisle->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katie Caussin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Maria Randazzo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rashawn Nadine Scott->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kimberly Michelle Vaughn->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Julie Marchiano->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sayjal Joshi->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katie Klein->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Helen Lee->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Allison Bills->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Holly Wortell->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kelsey Kinney->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ryan Asher->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Tien Tran->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rebecca Allen->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rose Abdoo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rosa Escandon->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mary Lordes->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sharon Spell->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sandi Marx->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Carolyn Busa->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Maura Sateriale->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Paige Smith-hogan->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Whitney Meers->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Michelle Ciccotelli->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katie East->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Amy Alkon->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jen Seaman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Amber Kenny->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kath Barbadoro->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Glennis Mccarthy->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Justy Dodge->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Caroline O'riordan->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jacki Merchant->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Liv Anderson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Claire Downs->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Stacy Antoville->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Brandie Posey->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katie Simon->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Shannon Coffey->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alia Ghosheh->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Carrie Ross->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Melanie Reno->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kate Berlant->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nicki Wright->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Christine Nangle->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Anna Roisman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Siobhan Thompson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alyssa Wolff->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kathleen Phillips->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Zoe Coombs Marr->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Joyelle Johnson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jc Coccoli->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Amanda Seales->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Shanti Charan->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jane Borden->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kat Radley->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lizzy Pilcher->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Hailey Boyle->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Candice Thompson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Allison Goertz->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Leah Sprecher->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Christina Parrish->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Susan Prekel->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katie Crown->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kerry Mcguire->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lauren Elle Christie->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Courtney Karwal->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Caitlin Barrett->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sarah Williams->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lisa Levy->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Stephanie Hasz->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kate Conner->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sara Pascoe->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sara Armour->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Julia Johns->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katie McVay->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Julia Solomon->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lianne Mauladin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Beth Stelling->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rebecca Addelman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Chelsea Frank->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Courtney Algeo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jess Lane->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Maggie Ross->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Melissa Mccarthy->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Emmy Blotnick->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Valerie Tosi->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Emily Galati->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Erica Hernandez->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Emily Heller->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rhea Butcher->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ariel Gitlin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lesley Osuala->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Erin Fenton->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Laura Canty-samuel->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Erica Nicole Clark->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jackie Kashian->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Karen Kilgariff->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kyle Mizono->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jenny Zigrino->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Moujan Zolfaghari->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Aparna Nancherla->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lauren Brickman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sarah Silverman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lisa Kleinman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nikki Palumbo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Joanna Tillman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Julie Harrison-harney->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Emilea Wilson->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ilana Glazer->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Joanna Hausmann->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Molly Cahen->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Gwynna Forgham-thrift->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Desi Domo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nanie Mendez->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Amanda Dieli->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Cassandra Martin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katie Talay->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Angel Yau->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nichole Yannetty->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Dara Katz->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Stacey Kulow->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jessica Kane->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Hannah Solow->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Cameron Esposito->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ali Wong->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Anna Callegari->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Corin Wells->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kathy Tao->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lani Harms->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Amanda Hunt->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Iliana Inocencio->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Taylor Ortega->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Chrissie Gruebel->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Pratima Mani->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Chrissy Shackelford->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Maya Deshmukh->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Hallie Haas->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jenny Huftalen->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kristen Cignavitch->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Cristina Sanza->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Monique Moses->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jessica Morgan->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Betsy Kenney->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Morgan Miller->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Caroline Martin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Clara Morris->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kelsey Bailey->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Liz Noth->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Johnna Scrabis->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jenny St. Angelo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Caitlin Puckett->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lily Du->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lindsey Calleran->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sarah Burton->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Keisha Zollar->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Beth Slack->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Bridget Holmes->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rekha Shankar->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rebekah Bentley->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nicole Pasquale->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alise Morales->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Chloe Marsh->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Shenovia Large->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Bailey Edwards->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Elizabeth-ann Moss->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jo Roueiheb->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ali Gordon->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jewel Galbraith->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nadia Kamil->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Caitlin Durante->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Maritza Montanez->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kat Higgins->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nikita Burdein->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sara Feinstein->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katia Kvinge->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Virginia Jones->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kelsey Mclaughlin->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ashley England->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Marcella Arguello->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rachel Taenzler->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alexis Rhiannon->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sandy Danto->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rosie Whalen->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Tamra Brown->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jenna Barron-ewert->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Mariya Alexander->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jenna Bush Hager->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Sophie Yalkezian->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Shelly Mar->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Kelley Quinn->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Beverlee Jean->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Andi Osho->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Isabella Roland->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rachel Van Nes->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Beth Sherman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Candice Yang->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Rachel Chapman->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ruman Kazi->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Miranda Rae Hart->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Alyssa Sabo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Monisola Oyedepo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Shalewa Sharpe->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Vivian Yoon->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Nicole Conlan->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Jennifer Gable->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Olivia Harewood->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Dayna Lobosco->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Marie Mcintosh->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Allyson Phillips->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Karen Baughn->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Marie Buck->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Hannah Faust->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Brenda Colonna->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Cassi Jerkins->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Lizz Adams->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katie Dill->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Shayelle Dominguez->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Martha Fearnley->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Tracey Kennedy->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Anna Rajo->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Ashley Holston->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Katey Selix->1000 comics answer]]</li>
<li>[[Allie Jennings->1000 comics answer]]</li>
</ol><q>$Talk[You aren't even a part of this scene!]</q> He responds, still facing away from you.
<ol>
<li>[[<q>I want to be a part of the scene!</q>->open mic 1 group talk 1 alt]]</li>
<li>{(link: "<q>This scene is trash!</q>")[
(set: $sceneTrash to true)
(goto: "open mic 1 group talk 1 alt")
]</li>
}
</ol>{
(set: $animatedText to "NOT<BR>READY<BR>YET")
(display: "func:animated text")
}
You found an incomplete story path.
Sick debugging skillz!{
<!--Can only be used once per page or thinks fall apart-->
(set: $cycleCounter to 0)
(set: $shade1 to "ff6666")
(set: $shade2 to "ff8c66")
(set: $shade3 to "ffb366")
(set: $shade4 to "ffd966")
(live: 100ms)[
(set: $cycleCounter to it + 1)
(if: $cycleCounter is 4)[
(set:$cycleCounter to 0)
]
]
(live: 100ms)[
(if: $cycleCounter is 0)[
(set: $color to (string: $shade1))
(set: $color1 to (string: $shade2))
(set: $color2 to (string: $shade3))
(set: $color3 to (string: $shade4))
]
(else-if: $cycleCounter is 1)[
(set: $color to (string: $shade4))
(set: $color1 to (string: $shade1))
(set: $color2 to (string: $shade2))
(set: $color3 to (string: $shade3))
]
(else-if: $cycleCounter is 2)[
(set: $color to (string: $shade3))
(set: $color1 to (string: $shade4))
(set: $color2 to (string: $shade1))
(set: $color3 to (string: $shade2))
]
(else-if: $cycleCounter is 3)[
(set: $color to (string: $shade2))
(set: $color1 to (string: $shade3))
(set: $color2 to (string: $shade4))
(set: $color3 to (string: $shade1))
]
]
<div id="end">
(live: 100ms)[
(css: "text-shadow: "
+ "0px 0px 0px " + "#" + (string: $color) + ","
+ "-3px 4px 0px " + "#" + (string: $color1) + ","
+ "-6px 8px 0px " + "#" + (string: $color2) + ","
+ "-9px 12px 0px " + "#" + (string: $color3)
+ ";")
[
$animatedText
]
]
</div>
}{(set: $cycleCounter to 0)
(set: $cycleReverse to false)
(live: 50ms)[
(css: "text-shadow: " + "0" + "px " + (string: -$cycleCounter +2) + "px " + (string: $cycleCounter) + "px " + "red;")[
$devilTalk
]
]
(live: 50ms)[
(if: $cycleReverse is false)[
(set: $cycleCounter to it + 1)
(if: $cycleCounter is 11)[
(set: $cycleReverse to true)
]
]
(if: $cycleReverse is true)[
(set: $cycleCounter to it - 1)
(if: $cycleCounter is 0)[
(set: $cycleReverse to false)
]
]
]
}<q>$Talk[I dunno, there aren't that many funny women.]</q>
<ol>
<li>[[<q>I can think of 1000 funny women.</q>->1000 comics]]</li>
</ol>He turns to face you, water filling his eyes.
<ol>
<li>[[Apologize->open mic group 1 listen interject a2 b3 c1]]</li>
<li>[[Roast him->roast start]]</li>
</ol><div id="roast">{
(set: $cycleCounter to 0)
(set: $cycleReverse to false)
(live: 25ms)[
(css: "text-shadow: " + "0" + "px " + (string: -$cycleCounter +2) + "px " + (string: $cycleCounter) + "px " + "red,"
+ "0" + "px " + (string: $cycleCounter -2) + "px " + (string: $cycleCounter) + "px " + "red,"
+ (string: $cycleCounter) + "px " + "0" + "px " + (string: $cycleCounter) + "px " + "red,"
+ (string: -$cycleCounter) + "px " + "0" + "px " + (string: $cycleCounter) + "px " + "red"
+ ";"
)[
ROAST!
]
]
(live: 25ms)[
(if: $cycleReverse is false)[
(set: $cycleCounter to it + 1)
(if: $cycleCounter is 11)[
(set: $cycleReverse to true)
]
]
(if: $cycleReverse is true)[
(set: $cycleCounter to it - 1)
(if: $cycleCounter is 0)[
(set: $cycleReverse to false)
]
]
]
}</div>{
(display: "func:roast mode")
{
(if: $roastCounter is > 0)[
<div class="center">$Emph[TEARS]: $tearCounter</div>
]
}
}
$roastText
{(if: $roastCounter is 3)[
<br>
*You've run out of roasts!
]
(elseif: $roastCounter is 2)[
<br>
*Last roast!
]
(elseif: $roastCounter is 1)[
<br>
*Next roast!
]
(else:)[
<br>
*Search for a roast opportunity!
]
}
<ol>
{
(if: $roastHairAnalyze is false)[<li>
(link: "Analyze Hair")[
(set: $roastHairAnalyze to true)
(goto:"roast hair")
]
<br>
<br>
]</li>
(if: $roastFaceAnalyze is false)[<li>
(link: "Analyze Face")[
(set: $roastFaceAnalyze to true)
(goto: "roast face")
]
<br>
<br>
]</li>
(if: $roastClothesAnalyze is false)[<li>
(link: "Analyze Clothes")[
(set: $roastClothesAnalyze to true)
(goto: "roast clothes")
]
<br>
<br>
]</li>
(if: $roastCounter is 3)[
<div class="center">[[SEE RESULTS->roast end]]</div>
]
}
</ol>{
(display: "func:roast mode")
{
(if: $roastCounter is > 0)[
<div class="center">$Emph[TEARS]: $tearCounter</div>
]
}
}
His hair is $Emph[oily], $Emph[unkempt], and rapidly $Emph[balding].
*{Choose your roast,
(if: $male)[sir.]
(else:)[madam.]
}
<ol>
{
<li>(link: "<q>You're hair's so oily Mark Wahlberg is starring in a disaster movie about it.</q>")[
(set: $tearCounter +=10)
(set: $roastCounter +=1)
(set: $roastText to "Sick 'Deepwater Horizon' reference!")
(goto: "roast start")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link: "<q>Damn, are you angry at hair brushes cuz they can make women cum but you can't?</q>")[
(set: $tearCounter +=10)
(set: $roastCounter +=1)
(set: $roastText to "Classic. Not sure women do that, though. They sell things for that purpose.")
(goto: "roast start")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link: "<q>Society labels bald men as less physically attractive but I would still say you are classically handsome.</q>")[
(set: $tearCounter -=10)
(set: $roastCounter +=1)
(set: $roastText to "More of a compliment than a roast...")
(goto: "roast start")
]</li>
}
</ol>{
(display: "func:roast mode")
{
(if: $roastCounter is > 0)[
<div class="center">$Emph[TEARS]: $tearCounter</div>
]
}
}
His face is $Emph[uneven], his nose is $Emph[too high up], and his neck is $Emph[bearded].
*{Choose your roast,
(if: $male)[sir.]
(else:)[madam.]
}
<ol>
{
<li>(link: "<q>Your face is all tilted. You look like my dog when I ask her a question.</q>")[
(set: $tearCounter +=10)
(set: $roastCounter +=1)
(set: $roastText to "Cuz dogs tilt their head when asked stuff, right? Nice.")
(goto: "roast start")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link: "<q>I can tell your nose is tired of your jokes cuz it's running away from your mouth.</q>")[
(set: $tearCounter +=10)
(set: $roastCounter +=1)
(set: $roastText to "They can't all be winners.")
(goto: "roast start")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link: "<q>I appreciate the uniqueness of your features. You would be an excellent commercial actor!</q>")[
(set: $tearCounter -=10)
(set: $roastCounter +=1)
(set: $roastText to "Traditionally, one is mean in a roast...")
(goto: "roast start")
]</li>
}
</ol>{
(display: "func:roast mode")
{
(if: $roastCounter is > 0)[
<div class="center">$Emph[TEARS]: $tearCounter</div>
]
}
}
He's wearing a $Emph[rumpled] dress shirt, $Emph[sweatpants], and those $Emph[weird shoes with individual toes].
*{Choose your roast,
(if: $male)[sir.]
(else:)[madam.]
}
<ol>
{
<li>(link: "<q>Nice shirt, idiot!</q>")[
(set: $tearCounter +=10)
(set: $roastCounter +=1)
(set: $roastText to "Solid 60% effort on that last one.")
(goto: "roast start")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link: "<q>Damn, sweatpants to a mic? Gonna hang yourself with the drawstring later?</q>")[
(set: $tearCounter +=10)
(set: $roastCounter +=1)
(set: $roastText to "Yikes, really going for it with that one!")
(goto: "roast start")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link: "<q>I respect your shoe choice. Did you know the Rarámuri run with minimalist footwear and as a result experience lower injury rates compared to users of more 'modern' shoes?</q>")[
(set: $tearCounter -=10)
(set: $roastCounter +=1)
(set: $roastText to "That is an interesting fact but not a very good roast.")
(goto: "roast start")
]</li>
}
</ol>{
(if: $tearCounter is >=30)[
(set: $animatedText to "ROASTED")
(display: "func:animated text")
<br>
$Emph[Tears:] {(live: 50ms)
[
(random: 100, 999)
] <br>(Off the charts!)
}
<br>
<br>
Savage. His therapist is gonna have fun with all that!
<br>
<br>
<q>$Talk[You're a(either: " dick!", " monster!", "n asshole!")]</q> He cries.
]
(elseif: $tearCounter is <= 10 and >=-10)[
(set: $animatedText to "SEMI<BR>ROASTED")
(display: "func:animated text")
<br>
$Emph[Tears:] $tearCounter
<br>
<br>
You were all over the road out there!
<br>
<br>
<q>$Talk[I'm choosing to focus on the nice things you told me.]</q> He says.
]
(elseif: $tearCounter is <=-30)[
(set: $animatedText to "UNROASTED")
(display: "func:animated text")
<br>
$Emph[Tears:] (print: $tearCounter*2)
<br>
<br>
You clearly misunderstood the assignment.
<br>
<br>
<q>$Talk[Thanks to your validation I have a new found sense of self-esteem. I'm gonna quit comedy!]</q> He says.
]
}
{
<div class="center">
[[CONTINUE->roast end cont]]
</div>
}{
(if: $tearCounter is <=1)[
(Yeah, get this guy!)
]
(elseif: $tearCounter is > 1 and it <= 10)[
(Here comes the water works!)
]
(elseif: $tearCounter is > 10 and it <= 30)[
(He's losing a lot of liquid!)
]
(elseif: $tearCounter is > 30)[
(He's for sure killing himself later!)
]
}<q>$Talk[My whole identity is based on the media I consume. <br><br>To ask me to evaluate my consumption is to ask me to evaluate myself. <br><br>I'm not gonna do that!]</q>
<ol>
<li>[[<q>Then your identity is trash!</q>->open mic group 1 listen interject a2 b1]]</li>
<li>[[<q>Then you yourself are trash!</q>->open mic group 1 listen interject a2 a]]</li>
</ol>You take out your phone and report him to the $Emph[MPAA's] piracy line.
Him and his group have since walked away, though.
{
<ol>
<div class="center">
[[WAIT FOR THE MIC TO START->open mic 1 wait]]</li>
</div>
</ol>
}
{
(set: $mpaaCall to true)
}{
<div class="phone-header"><p>MPAA</p></div>
<div class="phone-main">
<br>
<div class="cell-text">
<p class="chat-other">We scanned his network. That sick son of a bitch torrented both //Jumanji (1995)// and //Jumanji (2017)//</p><br>
<p class="chat-other">We're sending a team to serve him a cease and desist.</p><br>
<p class="chat-user">Tight.</p><br>
</div>
</div>
}
{
<ol>
<li>[[open mic 1 phone<-Back]]</li>
</ol>
}
{
(set: $Phone_mpaa to true)
}{
(if: $tearCounter is >=30)[
He runs off, almost slipping on his own $Emph[tears].
<br>
<br>
You're a real terror!
]
(elseif: $tearCounter is <= 10 and >=-10)[
He slowly shuffles away.
]
(elseif: $tearCounter is <=-30)[
He walks off.
<br>
<br>
(Years later you run into him. He's in a healthy relationship and wants for nothing. He owes it all to quitting comedy.)
]
}
Looks like the group disbanded.
<ol>
<li>[[Wait for show to start->open mic 1 wait]]</li>
</ol>{
<div class="phone-header"><p>DEMON</p></div>
<div class="phone-main">
<br>
<div class="cell-text">
<p class="chat-other">YOU HAVE NOT BESTED ME</p><br>
<p class="chat-user">...</p><br>
<p class="chat-user">New phone who dis?</p><br>
<p class="chat-other">YOU KNOW WHO IT IS!</p><br>
<p class="chat-other">ALSO THE 'NEW PHONE WHO DIS' BIT IS OLD AND TIRED</p><br>
</div>
</div>
}
{
<ol>
<li>[[open mic 1 phone<-Back]]</li>
</ol>
}
{
(set: $Phone_Mic_Demon to true)
}The next comic is $Emph[Road Dog].
<q>$Talk[I just want to let everyone know I'll have merch available after the show!]</q> He yells.
<q>$Talk[I got CDs, DVDs, VHS tapes, laserdiscs, shirts, bumper stickers, shot glasses, pajamas, baby onesies, adult onesies, dog onesies, cat onesies, flatware, commemorative coins, koozies, underwear, left socks, eye patches, right socks, gun holsters, mugs, full pairs of socks, and 13 different kinds of business cards with poor font and color choices.]</q>
<q>$Talk[God bless the troops.]</q>
He leaves to frantically sets up his merch booth.
{
<div class="center">
(if: $OpenMicKing_Encounter)[
[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 king]]
]
(else:)[
(either:
"[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 blank]]",
"[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 jerald]]"
)
]
</div>
}The next comic is $Emph[Jerald].
<q>$Talk[I'm just out here respecting women.]</q> He says.
<q>$Talk[For real.]</q> He adds.
<q>$Talk[If anyone needs a ride home let me know.]</q> He adds again.
<q>$Talk[No dudes.]</q> He adds once more.
He hangs out at the bar the rest of the night.
{
<div class="center">
(if: $mpaaCall)[
[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 mpaa]]
]
(else:)[
(either:
"[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 probably dave]]",
"[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 lorem ipsum]]"
)
]
</div>
}The next comic is $Emph[Denim Guy].
{
(if: $mic_1_female_sex_ask)[
(if: $mic_1_female_sex is true)[
<q>$Talk[I'm having sex tonight!]</q>
<br>
<br>
He makes air horn noises with his mouth.
<br>
<br>
You slouch down in your chair.
]
(elseif: $Denim_Guy_Punch)[
He never takes the stage as he's still gently nursing his crotch from your sick $Emph[uppercut].
<br>
<br>
Good thing he's used to gently nursing his own crotch, amirite?
<br>
<br>
Haha, we have fun here in the narration.
]
(else:)[
<q>$Talk[Anyone wanna fuck???]</q>
<br>
<br>
There are no takers.
<br>
<br>
He leaves the stage.
]
]
(elseif: $readScreenplay)[
(if: $likedScreenplay)[
He holds up his $Emph[screenplay].
<br>
<br>
<q>$Talk[I just wrote the greatest screenplay of all time. Who wants to buy it!]</q> He booms.
<br>
<br>
<q>$KingTalk[I will!]</q> Says a man in the audience. It's Michael Bay.
<br>
<br>
It performs poorly in domestic theaters but crushes in the Asian markets.
]
(else:)[
He holds up his $Emph[screenplay].
<br>
<br>
<q>$Talk[My screenplay is good, right?]</q> He asks the audience.
<br>
<br>
Everyone shuffles uncomfortably in their chairs.
<br>
<br>
<q>$Talk[I'm a genius! I'll show you all!]</q>
<br>
<br>
He never actually shows anyone he's a genius.
]
]
(elseif: $Denim_Guy_Money)[
He sips his $Emph[drink] emphatically.
<br>
<br>
<q>$Talk[Scott Walker once bought me a drink on the set of 'Fast and Furious.' It was tight]</q>
<br>
<br>
You're pretty sure he meant Paul Walker. But maybe he pretends to be friends with both.
]
(else:)[
<q>$Talk[I could really use some shekels to buy a drink.]</q>
<br>
<br>
<q>$Talk[Anyone?]</q>
<br>
<br>
He leaves to start a GoFundMe to buy a drink.
]
}
{
<div class="center">
(either:
"[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 road dog]]",
"[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 mic bot 2000 service pack]]"
)
</div>
}The next comic is the $Emph[Open Mic King].
He ramblingly talks about //Batman// for 10 minutes.
All the other comics act like it's the greatest thing they've ever seen.
{
<div class="center">
(either:
"[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 blank]]",
"[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 jerald]]"
)
</div>
}The next comic is $Emph[Lorem Ipsum]
<q>$Talk[Dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua.]</q> She says.
<q>$Talk[Lacus luctus accumsan tortor posuere!]</q>
The audience loses their minds. This is truly next level stuff.
<div class="center">[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 start 9]]</div>The next comic is the dude you argued with, $Emph[Flannel Shirt Guy 2].
He takes the stage.
Before he says anything an $Emph[MPAA Commando] kicks in the door and puts a bullet between his eyes.
<q>$Talk[Cease and desist.]</q> He says all whispery and cool.
The host gives his time back to the room.
<div class="center">
{
(either:
"[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 probably dave]]",
"[[NEXT COMIC->open mic 1 lorem ipsum]]"
)
}
</div><q>$Talk[That's cool, that's cool...]</q>
<q>$Talk[Wanna read my screenplay]</q>
<ol>
<li>[[<q>Yes</q>->screenplay start]]</li>
{
(if: $mic_1_female_sex_ask)[
<li>[[<q>Jesus, no, I'd rather sleep with you.</q>->open mic chat 1.yes]]</li>
<br>
]
<li>[[<q>No</q>->open mic chat 1 over]]</li>
}
</ol>
<div class="center">
"HACKTIVIST"
By
Denim Guy
</div>
<div class="screenplay">
<div class="scene">EXT. NEO LOS ANGELES - CYBERNOON - ESTABLISHING</div>
We open on a totally expensive establishing shot showing off all the money we spent creating Neo Los Angeles.
Check out all those palm trees we painted to look like circuit boards. Yeah, futuristic as fuck! Also, the sun has like blinking LEDs around it or something.
There’s, like, a lot of super attractive people with their tits and dicks hanging out cuz it’s the future and we are cool with tits and dicks hanging out now.
<div class="superimpose">SUPERIMPOSE: Neo Los Angeles. The Future. 1996.</div>
<div class="scene">INT. DIMLY LIT PARKING GARAGE - CYBERNOON BUT DIMLY LIT</div>
In a dimly lit parking garage where a bunch of Zincos, Cyberpunks, and Netgear-Heads are gathered in a circle watching our hero, CASEY "MODEM" BITZ, battle it out with an opponent in an underground hack battle on their super sleek laptops that only weigh 14 pounds.
It’s dimly lit in here.
</div>
{<div class="name">CASEY</div>
<div class="dialogue">
Even though it is dimly lit in here I will still hack circles around you!
</div>}
{<div class="name">OPPONENT</div>
<div class="dialogue">
Yeah, right, Casey! Your hacking abilities are not very good and I will prove that by being better at hacking than you!
</div>}
{<div class="name">CASEY</div>
<div class="dialogue">
I would wish you good luck but since you can’t beat me at hacking that would be a waste of time!
</div>}
<div class="screenplay">
The Ringleader enters the between the two.
</div>
{<div class="name">RINGLEADER</div>
<div class="dialogue">
Alright, I want a good, clean, Hack battle. That means following the rules, CASEY!
</div>}
{<div class="name">CASEY</div>
<div class="dialogue">
Real hacking doesn’t have rules!
</div>}
{<div class="name">RINGLEADER</div>
<div class="dialogue">
Three, two, one.... HACKTIVATE!
</div>}
<div class="screenplay">
Casey and the opponent slip on their special fingerless neoprene hacking gloves and start mashing at their keyboards. The audience is totally impressed.
</div>
{<div class="name">ZINCO #1</div>
<div class="dialogue">
Whoa, where did Casey learn to finger a keyboard like that!?
</div>}
{<div class="name">NETGEAR-HEAD </div>
<div class="dialogue">
He’s been training ever since The Incident.
</div>}
{<div class="name">ZINCO #1</div>
<div class="dialogue">
The incident?
</div>}
{<div class="name">NETGEAR-HEAD </div>
<div class="dialogue">
Yeah, ever since his sister was illegally uploaded into The ’Net.
</div>}
{<div class="name">ZINCO #1</div>
<div class="dialogue">
Ilegally uploaded into The ’Net? But isn’t that illegal?
</div>}
{<div class="name">NETGEAR-HEAD </div>
<div class="dialogue">
Yeah, that’s why he’s so angry about it.
</div>}
The rest of the pages are just doodles of Denim Guy rolling in money.
<div class="center">[[CONTINUE->screenplay done]]</div>
{
(set: $readScreenplay to true)
}He produces a $Emph[script] from his denim backpack.
<q>$PlayerTalk[Oh, you mean right now?]</q> You ask.
He nods and hands you the script.
It was clearly written on Celtx.
{
<div class="center">
[[READ IT->screenplay read]]
</div>
}<q>$Talk[What did you think???]</q> He asks.
His eyes are twinkling like a child's.
{
<ol>
<li>(link:"<q>Love it</q>(lie)")[
(set: $likedScreenplay to true)
(goto: "open mic chat 1 over alt")
]
<br>
<br>
<li>(link:"<q>Hate it</q>(truth)")[
(goto: "open mic chat 1 over alt")
]
<br>
<br>
<li>[[Quit comedy->win11]]
</ol>
}{
(if: $likedScreenplay)[
<q>$PlayerTalk[I loved it...]</q> you say while grinding your teeth to the dentin.
<br>
<br>
<q>$Talk[Hooray! My favorite part is all of it. Because I wrote it.]</q> He responds.
<br>
<br>
He leaves, his fragile and unearned sense of confidence lives to see another day.
]
(else:)[
<q>$PlayerTalk[It's terrible. It's like it was written by someone who has never seen a computer or talked to another human being.]</q> You say, quite harshly.
<br>
<br>
<q>$Talk[YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT ART IS!]</q> He yells while running away.
]
}
*You wanna try and talk to that $Emph[group of comics] or just wait for the show to start?
<ol>
<li>[[Talk to the group!->open mic 1 group]]</li>
<li>[[Wait for the show to start.->open mic 1 wait]]</li>
</ol>{
(set: $animatedText to "YOU WIN")
(display: "func:animated text")
}
Good call!
If you stay away from comedy you decrease your chance of having to politely read bad screenplays by 86%!
{
<div class="center">
[[BACK->screenplay done]]
</div>
}Here's your chance to win them back after that bomb.
{
<ol>
<li>(link:"<q>I thought that would do better.</q>")[
(set: $saver to "I thought that would--")
(goto: "run light")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link:"<q>That killed on Twitter.</q>")[
(set: $saver to "That killed on--")
(goto: "run light")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link:"<q>Please like me.</q>")[<li>
(set: $saver to "Please like--")
(goto: "run light")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link:"<q>Please clap.</q>")[<li>
(set: $saver to "Please cl--")
(goto: "run light")
]</li>
<br>
</ol>
}<q>$PlayerTalk[$saver]</q> You are cut off by the host.
<q>$Talk[Hey don't go over your time!]</q> He howls while taking the stage.
<div class="center">
[[CONTINUE->run light 2]]
</div>{
(if: $read_mic_list_1 and ($mic_1_Drink is false))[
<q>$Talk[First, I see you rummaging around in the bucket. Then you don't buy a drink during the mic... and now you run the light? Don't disrespect my stage like that!]</q>
]
(elseif: $read_mic_list_1 and $mic_1_Drink)[
<q>$Talk[I can't believe you had the balls to rummage around in the bucket before the show //and// run the light! Don't disrespect my stage like that!]</q>
]
(elseif: $mic_1_Drink is false)[
<q>$Talk[You didn't buy a drink and now you run the light? Don't disrespect my stage like that!]</q>
]
(else:)[
<q>$Talk[Don't disrespect my stage like that!]</q>
]
} He shrieks while retying the drawstring on his gym shorts.
<div class="center">
[[LEAVE THE STAGE->mic end]]
</div>You leave the stage.
<q>$Talk[There's a DJ at 3am and he's gotta set up.]</q> Proclaims the host.
<q>$Talk[So everyone has to get out!]</q>
Everyone gets up, gives each other a disingenuous <q>//great set, love the new stuff//</q> and leaves.
A group of very $Emph[sparkly dressed] individuals fills the room.
{
<div class="center">
[[LEAVE THE BAR->mic outside]]
</div>
}You go home.
You plop down on your sofa.
<ol>
<li>[[Watch Netflix->game end netflix choice]]</li>
<li>[[Scroll Facebook->game end facebook]]</li>
</ol>You open up Netflix and watch <q>$Emph[//Great British Baking Show//].</q>
You don't know what a Bedfordshire Clanger is but you decide you'll make one some day.
You never actually do.
Eventually, you drift off to sleep.
<div class="center">
[[CONTINUE->game end final choice]]
</div>You scroll through Facebook.
{
(if: $OpenMicKing_Encounter)[
<br>
You see a post by the $Emph[Open Mic King]:
<br>
<br>
<q>$KingTalk[Just crushed at the mic. On my way to another mic. #crush #nosleep #solonely #takemebackgreg #grind]</q>
<br>
]
(else:)[
<br>
Your timeline is full of old friends' wedding and baby photos.
<br>
<br>
You convince yourself they aren't happy.
<br>
]
}
You fall asleep.
<br>
<div class="center">
[[CONTINUE->game end final choice]]
</div><div class="center">
{
(live: 1s)[
(stop:)
$slowTransition[
What would you like to do tomorrow?
---
]
]
}
{
|==
(live: 3s)[
(stop:)
$slowTransition[[[Do It All Again->final lose]]]
]
==|
(live: 5s)[
(stop:)
$slowTransition[[[Quit Comedy->final win]]]
]
}
{
(live: 60s)[
(stop:)
$slowTransition[
[[<q>I will choose a path that's clear.<br>I will choose freewill!</q>->rush]]
]
]
}
</div>You were supposed to hit <q>quit comedy</q>.
Your finger must have slipped or something.
{
<div class="center">
[[CONTINUE->game end final choice 2]]
</div>
}{
(set: $animatedText to "YOU WIN!")
(display: "func:animated text")
}
You finally quit comedy! Took you long enough!
Go get a useful hobby like lizard husbandry.
{
<div class="center">
[[CREDITS->credits]]
</div>
}{
(set: $animatedText to "RUSH<BR>4<BR>EVER")
(display: "func:animated text")
}
Yeah! You stuck around and were rewarded with a sick $Emph[Rush] reference!
This is honestly the best ending.
{
<div class="center">
[[CREDITS->credits]]
</div>
}{
(set: $animatedText to "CREDITS")
(display: "func:animated text")
}
{
<div class="center">
Written and Programmed
</div>
<br>
<div class="center">
By
</div>
<br>
<div class="center">
$Emph[Patrick Susmilch]
</div>
{
<br>
<div class="center">
`*`(link: "Learn More")[
(open-url: "http://philome.la/PSusmilch/index/play")
]`*`
</div>
}
}
{
<div class="center">
:Special Thanks:
</div>
<br>
$Emph[Dan Schlissel] @ (link: "Stand-Up! Records")[(open-url: "https://standuprecords.com/")] for a generous donation!
<br>
<br>
$Talk[(Click that link for some legendary comedy albums!)]
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
$Emph[Sara Schaefer] for encouraging me to pursue this dumb idea.
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
(if: $ComicList_Encounter)[
List of 1000 comics borrowed from $Emph[Zach Broussard]'s <q>Top 1000 Comedians of 2017</q>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
]
}
{
<div class="center">
$KingTalk[LET'S MAKE DIFFERENT TERRIBLE CHOICES!]<br><br>
(link:"RESTART")[
(reload:)
]
</div>
}
<div class="center">
@=@=@=@
</div>
5419EEA0-92EF-44DC-956B-D1FACAC2C2CA
You both enter his $Emph[studio apartment].
Against the wall is a very expensive HDTV and (either: "Playstation", "Xbox").
Near the TV is a $Emph[mattress] on the floor.
He grabs a $Emph[game controller].
<q>$Talk[Do you play 'Fortnite'?]</q> He asks.
<ol>
<li>[[<q>You know it!</q>->denim guy apartment game]]</li>
<li>[[<q>No...</q>->denim guy apartment game]]</li>
</ol><div class="center">
{
(live: 1s)[
(stop:)
$slowTransition[
What would you like to do tomorrow?
---
]
]
}
{
|==
(live: 3s)[
(stop:)
$slowTransition[[[Quit Comedy->final win]]]
]
==|
(live: 5s)[
(stop:)
$slowTransition[[[Do It All Again->final lose 2]]]
]
}
{
(live: 60s)[
(stop:)
$slowTransition[
[[I will choose a path that's clear.<br>I will choose freewill!->rush]]
]
]
}
</div>Clearly, making good decisions isn't your thing. I'll make it easy on you.
{
<div class="center">
[[CONTINUE->game end final choice 3]]
</div>
}<div class="center">
{
(live: 1s)[
(stop:)
$slowTransition[
What would you like to do tomorrow?
---
]
]
}
{
|==
(live: 3s)[
(stop:)
$slowTransition[[[Quit Comedy->final win]]]
]
==|
(live: 5s)[
(stop:)
$slowTransition[[[Quit Comedy->final win]]]
]
}
{
(live: 20s)[
(stop:)
$slowTransition[
[[I will choose a path that's clear.<br>I will choose freewill!->rush]]
]
]
}
</div>You open up $Emph[Netflix] and search for something to watch.
*What do you want to watch?
{
<ol>
<li>(link: "Great British Baking Show")[
(set: $showWatch to "Great British Baking Show")
(goto: "game end netflix gbbs")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link: "Breaking Bad")[
(set: $showWatch to "Breaking Bad")
(goto: "game end netflix")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link: "Stranger Things")[
(set: $showWatch to "Stranger Things")
(goto: "game end netflix")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link: "The Crown")[
(set: $showWatch to "The Crown")
(goto: "game end netflix")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link: "Dark")[
(set: $showWatch to "Dark")
(goto: "game end netflix")
]</li>
(if: $MicBot2000_Encounter)[
<br>
<li>(link:"Mic Bot 2000's Stand Up Special")[
(goto: "game end mic bot 2000")
]
</li>
]
<br>
<br>
<li>(link: "More Options")[
(goto: "game end netflix choice more 1")
(set: $showCounter to it +1)
]</li>
</ol>
}Nothing speaks to you.
You keep looking.
{
<ol>
<li>(link: "Black Mirror")[
(set: $showWatch to "Black Mirror")
(goto: "game end netflix")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link: "Glow")[
(set: $showWatch to "Glow")
(goto: "game end netflix")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link: "Orange is the New Black")[
(set: $showWatch to "Orange is the New Black")
(goto: "game end netflix")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link: "Lost in Space")[
(set: $showWatch to "Lost in Space")
(goto: "game end netflix")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link: "Narcos")[
(set: $showWatch to "Narcos")
(goto: "game end netflix")
]</li>
<br>
<br>
<li>(link: "More Options")[
(goto: "game end netflix choice more 2")
(set: $showCounter to it +1)
]</li>
</ol>
}You put on //$Emph[$showWatch]//.
You immediately fall asleep.
Eventually, Netflix asks, "are you still watching?"Still haven't found anything worth watching.
You keep looking.
{
<ol>
<li>(link: "BoJack Horseman")[
(set: $showWatch to "BoJack Horseman")
(goto: "game end netflix")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link: "13 Reasons Why")[
(set: $showWatch to "13 Reasons Why")
(goto: "game end netflix")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link: "Disenchantment")[
(set: $showWatch to "Disenchantment")
(goto: "game end netflix")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link: "Altered Carbon")[
(set: $showWatch to "Altered Carbon")
(goto: "game end netflix")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link: "Queer Eye")[
(set: $showWatch to "Dark")
(goto: "game end netflix")
]</li>
<br>
<br>
<li>(link: "More Options")[
(goto: "game end netflix choice more 3")
(set: $showCounter to it +1)
]</li>
</ol>
}You're getting sleepy but still nothing seems worth watching.
You keep looking
{
<ol>
<li>(link: "A Series of Unfortunate Events")[
(set: $showWatch to "A Series of Unfortunate Events")
(goto: "game end netflix")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link: "Atypical")[
(set: $showWatch to "Atypical")
(goto: "game end netflix")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link: "Grace and Frankie")[
(set: $showWatch to "Grace and Frankie")
(goto: "game end netflix")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link: "The Staircase")[
(set: $showWatch to "The Staircase")
(goto: "game end netflix")
]</li>
<br>
<li>(link: "Lady Dynamite")[
(set: $showWatch to "Lady Dynamite")
(goto: "game end netflix")
]</li>
<br>
<br>
<li>(link: "More Options")[
(goto: "game end netflix choice more 4")
(set: $showCounter to it +1)
]</li>
</ol>
}You try to continue the hunt for the perfect show.
Unfortunately, you fall asleep
{
<div class="center">
[[CONTINUE->game end final choice]]
</div>
}You exit the bar, nearly tripping on a pile of $Emph[Bird Scooters].
{
(if: $OpenMicKing_Encounter)[
<q>$KingTalk[I'm hitting up seven more mics after this!]</q> Boasts the Open Mic King.
<br>
<br>
]
(if: $MicDemon_Encounter)[
Paramedics arrive to help the guy whose $Emph[face] you destroyed.
<br>
<br>
Only eight hours late!
<br>
<br>
]
(if: $mic_1_female_sex is true)[
$Emph[Denim Guy] comes up to you.
<br>
<br>
<q>$Talk[Hello, I am ready for sex now, thank you.]</q> He says.
<br>
<br>
]
}{
<ol>
(if: $mic_1_female_sex is true)[
<li>[[<q>Alright, but we're doing it at your place</q>->denim guy apartment]]</li>
<br>
<li>[[<q>I've changed my mind.</q>->denim guy denied]]</li>
]
}
{ (else:)[
<div class="center">
[[LEAVE->game end shortcut]]
</div>
]
</ol>
}<q>$Talk[Oh. You aren't pretty, anyway.]</q> He quivers.
He picks up a $Emph[scooter] and scoots.
<q>$Talk[Also, you're a bitch.]</q> He adds from the distance.
He falls off the scooter. Luckily, all that denim protected his thin skin.
{
<div class="center">
[[LEAVE->game end shortcut]]
</div>
}(display: "game end")<q>$Talk[Cool, you can watch me play.]</q> He replies in a way that suggests your input had no determination in his response.
He plays for hours.
He's not very good.
<ol>
<li>[[<q>Are we doing this or what?</q>->denim guy apartment game 2]]</li>
<li>[[LEAVE->leave]]</li>
</ol><q>$PlayerTalk[It's getting late, I'm going to go.]</q> You announce.
You begin walking.
<q>$Talk[No, don't go.]</q>
<div class="center">
[[<q>Why not?</q>->leave 2]]
</div>
<q>$Talk[Sure. Just go over to the bed and get yourself started I'll be there when I'm done.]</q>
You look at his $Emph[Jim Morrison '//American Poet//'] poster and decide it's not worth it.
You gather your things.
<div class="center">
[[Leave->leave]]
</div><q>$Talk[You haven't fixed me, yet!]</q>
<q>$Talk[I had this whole plan where I treat you poorly for a long time and then you finally leave and I learn from it!]</q> He calls after you.
<div class="center">
[[KEEP WALKING.->leave 3]]
</div><q>$Talk[Let me use you as a catalyst for personal growth!]</q>
You get to your car.
{
<div class="center">
[[LEAVE->game end shortcut]]
</div>
}{
(set: $animatedText to "CREDITS")
(display: "func:animated text")
}
{
<div class="center">
Written and Programmed
</div>
<br>
<div class="center">
By
</div>
<br>
<div class="center">
$Emph[Patrick Susmilch]
</div>
{
<br>
<div class="center">
`*`(link: "Learn More")[
(open-url: "http://philome.la/PSusmilch/index/play")
]`*`
</div>
}
}
{
<div class="center">
:Special Thanks:
</div>
<br>
$Emph[Dan Schlissel] @ (link: "Stand-Up! Records")[(open-url: "https://standuprecords.com/")] for a generous donation!
<br>
<br>
$Talk[(Click that link for some legendary comedy albums!)]
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
$Emph[Sara Schaefer] for encouraging me to pursue this dumb idea.
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<div class="center">
[[BACK->First]]
</div>
}
<div class="center">
@=@=@=@
</div>
5419EEA0-92EF-44DC-956B-D1FACAC2C2CA
You open up $Emph[Mic Bot 2000]'s special.
It is two and a half hours of him making modem noises to his ex over facetime.
It is heralded as the greatest comedy special of all time.
Eventually, you drift off to sleep.
<div class="center">
[[CONTINUE->game end final choice]]
</div>