The spider is holding a dollar bill. It whispers in a splendid little voice: "You didn't see anything. Take the dollar." "You totally didn't see a murder or something." [[ Take the dollar]] [[ Do not take the dollar]]"That's right." The attractive spider confirms your decision. "You did the correct thing." You feel dirty, but it's nothing that the power of capitalism can't clean off. [[ Let's buy a tasty soda-pop]] [[ Let's buy something for the spider]]Wow. Look at Mr.MoneyBags over here. Too good for spider money. [[The spider pulls out a knife]] "If you ain't gonna keep quiet," the fantastic spider's voice grows deeper, but equally sweet and cool, "I'm gonna have to brawl it up with you." [[ Get ready for a stabbin']] [[ Run, you little demon]]The spider-sized knife comes whooshin' at you. It's too small to do any real damage. It's slicing some of your leg hairs, though. [[ Is that all?]]You're sprinting. The world speeds by you like a snowglobe. A really quick snowglobe or something. [[ Keep on running]]The world is whooshin'. Trees? Clouds? People? They're all blurs to you. You're the fast-boy. Fastest of the fast. [[ I guess you can stop running now]]That's impossible. You've grown to used to these motion-filled legs. This is your life now. [[ There's a cliff ahead]]You totally run off of it. [[ Is the spider watching?]]That's right. The spider is watching with a pair of binoculars. "Dang." The spider opens it's glorious, powerful, voice-hole to let out a fun-phrase. "That takes care of that." [[ Was someone else watching, too?]]You got it. The spider turns, approaching the witness with a dollar. [[Oh no]] You can fight back too. Let's do this. [[ Try to hurt some feelings]]You begin mustering up courage. All of those horrible things you've lived through? You're finding power in them. The world bends and breaks to the command of your powerful voice. [["You're not an attractive spider at all."]] [["I hate you."]][[ That's a dang lie and you know it ]]This genuinely hurts the spider. [[ Good.]]You let out a powerful laugh. You've accomplished your horrible goal. [[How'd you like that, spider?]] [[The spider pulls out a gun]]"Bang-a-Dang-Dang-Whoosh-Bam," the gun yelled. You're totally dead. Was someone watching this whole ordeal? [[Dang straight]]The particularly uninteresting witness approaches the spider. [[Oh no]] [[ This spider is beautiful in every single way ]]You feel ashamed. [[ As you should, you hate-goblin waste of human-flesh]]You're not feelin' too great about yourself. You've tried to hurt someone's feelings and only found great evil within yourself. [[Lies will only ever showcase our own flaws.]][[Damn straight.]][[While you were soul-searching, the spider totally kills you.]][[ At least I get to play as a ghost or something now, though, right?]]No. You do not. [[Okay, I guess.]]Someone was watching this whole situation unfold, though. The spider turns with a glorious and friendly smile. [[Oh no]] Luckily, there's a big ol' rectangle nearby. In fact, there are a ton of them. They're not just any large, heavy, rectangles, though. It's a vending machine area. [[Slip the dollar in sensually]]Obviously, this spider comes from a lineage of impeccable taste and wealth. What do you buy for a spider who has everything? [[ Take the spider on a date]] [[ A cool little biker jacket]]The spider is watching contently. This beautiful creature loves how you choose to spend this cash. [[The dollar is rejected by this machine]]It promptly spits out the bill. This act of defiance will not go unheard. [[Rub it against a smooth-side of this hateful box]]You do this fantastic action, like a strong business woman ironing today's workshirt, but all actions prove useless. The dollar continues to be rejected by the hunk of angry metal. The spider is watching from the corner of your eye. [[The spider is visibly upset.]]The spider, overtaken by various negative emotions, begins rocking the vending machine in a sense of rebellion. The spider begins yelling. "WE'RE GONNA GET ALL THE SODA-POP." [[ You begin cheering and pushing in unison.]] [["YES. THIS IS WHAT I LIKE TO SEE."]][["A HOOT HOOT A LOO LOO. YES. LET'S GET THESE TASTY BEVERAGES."]]The vending machine falls. You are instantly crushed. [[Well, dang]]The spider crawls out from under this machine. This beautiful, powerful, creature has something clutched in its beautiful hands. [[It stole all the money from that vending machine.]][[That's right. This spider is definitely a criminal mastermind.]]Someone has viewed this, though. The spider glances up, unphased. The spider is prepared to handle with this new witness. [[Oh no]] An impromptu picnic is set up. There is no blanket. There is no food. You are helping yourself to whatever you can find on the ground, though. The spider doesn't seem to be enjoying itself. [[What's wrong, little pal?]]What should the emblem on the back of the jacket portray? [[Something that equally portrays this spider's excellent cool-stuff]]The spider begins talking about its problems. You listen for hours. It's moving material. Tears are being shed. "...and then, the guy jumped from one skateboard to another skateboard..." It's too much for you. These problems are too real. [[Keep listening.]]"I just don't understand action movies." The spider pleads on multiple subjects. "Am I a 'cat person' or a 'dog person' if I'm a spider? Am I a 'dog spider' or a 'cat spider'?" The tears never stop. [[This is the power of true love.]]Tears continue pouring from your gross face. A horrible phrase escapes your cursed dirt-lips: [["Stop this! Stop this horrible face-water!"]]That's impossible. It's impossible to stop your feelings. [[All moisture leaves your pathetic body.]]The spider glances over at your withered and waterless corpse. The spider bitterly laughs, knowing that this will always be the end result of its love. Did someone see this, though? [[Someone definitely saw this.]][[Oh no]] An eagle... on fire... with the face of a lion... holding two guns... maybe a knife in the beak... but all with the body of a spider... [[What about the cool phrase below it?]]This is a tough situation. So many choices swim inside your wild little head. One hits you, like a swimming whale. Like a sperm whale. Those are cool animals. [[You have found the perfect biker slogan.]]"Spiderin' Around Town." [[DAMN.]]You feel aptly proud. You thought of this perfect idea in record time. What's this, though? [[What's the spider doing?]]While you've spent time daydreaming about a spider gift, your perfect spider-friend has been daydreaming about hateful things. [[NO! OH NO!]]The spider kills you with nothing but hateful thoughts. All your efforts go wasted. [[THIS IS THE WORST.]]Sometimes, that's just how the cookie crumbles. There was a witness to this amazing feat, though. The spider struts on up to them. [[Oh no]]