You comment back a single line. "I miss you". She removes you as a Facebook friend. She's gone for good.\n\n[[Head to the mirror|Mirror]]
You realise that you've not really eaten for a few days. That's probably not a good thing. You pop your shoes on and head down the road to the nearby supermarket.\n\nYou wander the aisles aimlessly. You consider getting something vaguely nutritious, but instead eventually opt to pick up some junk food to try and make yourself feel better. A tub of icecream, some crisps, a packet of expensive chocolate buiscuits, a bottle of fizzy drink.\n\nBefore leaving you decide to head up to the clothing section. You're feeling a little bit worn down still and could do with treating yourself to something that looks nice.\n\nYou wander the womens clothing section, occasionally stoppint at a mirror to hold something up to yourself and try to picture how it would look on you. Most of is doesn't suit your body shape and makes you want to cry again.\n\nYou eventually find a dress, try it on and it's perfect. It's a knee length dress with slight sleeves that cover the top few inches of your arms. It tightens quite high up, just below your breasts, fanning out earlier than you would expect. It gives you the appearance of an almost hourglass figure, you love it. However, you hear a snickering outside the door to the changing room. You hear the words He-She and It.\n\n[[Leave the changing room and pay for your purchases.|Confrontation]]
You proceed with your daily routine. You head to the bathroom, proceed to shave, apply foundation and a little bit of eyeliner. You can still see that imposters face under there, but you feel a little less directly connected to him. You feel a little more like yourself.\n\nYou head back to your room, use dress tape to keep your breast forms in place, before proceeding to get dressed for the day. You layer a couple of pairs of underwear to keep everything flat and out of the way as best you can, layering a pair of red and black checkered tights over the top. You pop on a plain black skirt, a black tshirt, a black long sleeved jacket and finish it all off with a black scarf dotted with red butterflies. You look at yourself in the mirror. You look a little more like yourself than you did and you smile a little. \n\nIt's an understated outfit. With your hair the length it is and covering much of your face you're unlikely to have many people pay you a second thought on the street, just the way you like it.\n\n[[Go out to pick up some food|Shop]]
Eventually you force yourself out of bed. You don't really feel up to it, but it has to happen sooner or later. You stumble over to your computer and put on some music. It's a song you know's going to just make you more upset, but you put it on anyway. Somehow feeling sad is preferable to the alternative right now. It's preferable to spending another nine minutes of your life feeling nothing... Doing nothing.\n\n[[Go to the computer|Computer]]\n\n[[Look at yourself in the mirror|Mirror]]
\nYou stare at the ceiling for a while. No matter how you try to convenice yourself that the day will be okay, you still feel the world pressing down on you from all sides, pushing you back down into the matress. The alarm catches you off guard and you stumbled back over to it.\n\n[[Hit Snooze again.|Snoozing]]\n\n[[Turn off the alarm and get up.|Get Up]]
You take a look in the mirror. The face in front of you is not your own. You see a man shaded with a light grazing of stubble across his face and neck. You see a man that could have been seen as handsom by conventional standards. You see a man who with a shorter haircut would probably be desirable to many. \n\nYou see a man, you do not see yourself. You feel an unbeliavable disconnect between the man facing you in the mirror and the very core of yourself. He's not ugly as such, but he's not you. He couldn't be further from you. You couldn't feel further apart from each other.\n\n[[Go to the bathroom, shave and prepare for the day.|Bathroom]]\n\n[[Head back to bed.|Bed]]
"I'm a woman, not that it's any of your buisness" you shout to him. He hands a bag to the woman he's with and starts walking quickly toward you. He's clearly not impressed at being stood up to.\n\n[[Try not to get beaten up|Futile]]
You don't feel up to facing the world today. As tears roll down your face you get back into bed, hoping that when you wake things might be different.
You ignore him and keep walking toward the checkout. He follows you. "What's wrong, cat got your toungue sir?"... "HEY!!!, Don't ignore me and walk away".\n\nYou keep walking, afraid to look back. Next thing you know he has his hand on your shoulder and is pulling you around to face him. Now he's holding you by the front of your jacket and you don't feel there's any way out.\n\n[[Try to avoid being beaten up|Futile]]
You woke up today wishing you hadn't. You woke up, and your first thought was how long it was until you could go back to sleep. You look at the alarm, stumble to it and hit snooze. You get back into bed and stare sleeplessly at the ceiling for the nine minutes it will take for the alarm to go off again.\n\nWhen that eternity is over and the alarm rings again you once again stumble over to the alarm.\n\n[[Hit Snooze again.|Snoozing]]\n\n[[Turn off the alarm and get up.|Get Up]]
You turn on your computer and double click Firefox. It opens your usual tabs; Facebook, Twitter, Youtube Subscriptions, Emails. You see that she posted a Facebook message last night. You know it will upset you, but you read it anyway. It's her telling the world how sad she is and how much she misses you. You feel it too, but you know you aren't allowed to say that to her right now.\n\n[[Comment on her status.|Comment]]\n\n[[Post your own status.|Post]]
"Told you, it's a guy", you hear as you walk out of the changing room. "Guess you were right, didn't think we had those around here". There's what appears to be a teenage couple stood about 20 feet away, talking about you loudly enough that you can make out everything they say nice and clearly, as can everyone else around them. \n\n"HEY" the man shouts, "You're a guy right?"\n\n[[Ignore him and continue to buy your purchases|Ignore]]\n\n[[Respond to him|Respond]]
You post about how sad you are and how much you miss her. She doesn't comment on it. Others comment, but hers is the only comment you're hoping for.\n\nYou stare at her posts. Sure you have to pretend you've not seen them, but just knowing she's still there, that part of her life is still being shared with you, it helps a little.\n\nYou hope that her posts are still there tomorrow. You hope you don't loose that last little piece of her you are clinging on to.\n\n[[Head to the Mirror|Mirror]]
You arrive home. You wonder why you ever left the house. You wonder why you bothered to make any effort at all with your appearance. You wonder if any of this was worth it.\n\nYou go back to bed, hoping that tomorrow you're lucky enough not to wake.
You're being held up against a wall. One, two, three punches to the stomach.You fall to the floor, only to be kicked in the chest, then in the face. \n\nA crowd has formed, but nobody is stopping him.\n\nHe turns and walks away. "What did you expect would happen if you went out in public looking like that, you Tranny Faggot", his parting words.\n\nA woman helps me to my feet. She asks me if maybe I'd be safer if I didn't choose to dress this way.\n\nI leave my shopping basket on the floor and head home. I no longer feel like eating and I doubt I look nice anymore.\n\n[[Head Home|Home]]