<<set $agent = "Aristootle">>You head to Aristootle's office, which turns out to be a //totally legit// hot spring sauna. The dude is wearing a towel and chilling to some sweet jazz tunes.\n\n''"Eureka, man,"'' he says when you enter.\n\n[[You say...]]

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<<continue>><big>STEP TWO:</big><<endcontinue>><big>''STEP TWO:''</big>\nFind a [[BADASS AGENT!]]

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<<set $agent_search = "GetLucky">>Wow, you must be hella lucky, because as it turns out there is a ''Ghostly Theatrical Agents' Convention'' happening ''RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.'' Within like ten minutes you're holding five business cards from five scouting agents:\n\n[[Aristootle]]\n\n[[Abreham Linclon]]\n\n[[Cloepatra]]\n\n[[Amelia Airheart]]\n\n[[Charlemagne]]\n\n<big>WHO'S GONNA MAKE YOU FAMOUS?</big>

[[<big><big><big>sing your soul out</big></big></big>|sing your soul out]]

You choose the...\n<<replace "adorable coffee shop with all that ambience">><small>come on!</small><<endreplace>>\n<<replace "classy little concert hall">><small>as if!</small><<endreplace>>\n[[<big><big>BIGGEST STADIUM IN TOWN</big></big>|Showtime]]

[[<h1>THE DEATH OF ARCHDUKE FRANZ FERNIDAD</h1>|Archduke Franz Fernidad]]\nby Lady Murgatroid & A Nameless Muse\n

<<continue>><big>STEP THREE:</big><<endcontinue>><big>''STEP THREE:''</big>\n<big><big>Book a [[TOTALLY INSANE INTERNATIONAL GIG!]]</big></big>

<<set $agent_search = "Online">>After waiting several decades for the invention of computers, the internet, and yes--eventually--Google, you execute a quick web search, which gives you the following names:\n\n[[Aristootle]]\n\n[[Abreham Linclon]]\n\n[[Cloepatra]]\n\n[[Amelia Airheart]]\n\n[[Charlemagne]]\n\n<big>WHO'S GONNA MAKE YOU A STAR?</big>

<<set $agent = "Abreham Linclon">>You go looking for Abreham Linclon, and find him out in a field building a split-rail fence nearly as tall as his wicked awesome top hat.\n\n''"Fourscore, dude,"'' he says to you.\n\n[[You say to him...|You say...]]

<big>''DAMN STRAIGHT!''</big> \nsays <<print $agent>>, \n''And I'm gonna get you there in no time! There's just \n[[<big><big>ONE STEP LEFT!</big></big>|STEP THREE]]''

<<set $agent_search = "YellowPages">>There are like a zillion theatrical agents listed in the yellow pages, \nbut only a few take spectral superstars like yourself:\n\n[[Aristootle]]\n\n[[Abreham Linclon]]\n\n[[Cloepatra]]\n\n[[Amelia Airheart]]\n\n[[Charlemagne]]\n\n<big>WHO'S GONNA HELP YOU HIT THE BIGTIME?</big>

[[Condolences.]]

<big><big>I am <<print $name>></big></big> \n<small>(formerly Archduke Franz Fernidad)</small>\n[[<big><big>AND I WANT TO BE AN INTERNATIONAL POP SENSATION!</big></big>|DAMN STRAIGHT!]]

[[<big>feel the beat in your bones</big>|feel the beat in your bones]]

Well, only [[one thing to do now.|One Thing]]

<<continue>>THE CROWD IS SCREAMING YOUR NAME<<endcontinue>>''THE CROWD IS SCREAMING YOUR NAME''\n<<continue>><big>BLOOD IS RUSHING IN YOUR EARS</big><<endcontinue>><big>''BLOOD IS RUSHING IN YOUR EARS''</big>\n<<continue>><big><big>YOUR TUNES ARE SO HAPPENING THAT THEY RETROACTIVELY STEM THE TIDE OF MILITARIZATION AND POLITICAL TENSION IN PRE-1914 EUROPE</big></big><<endcontinue>><big><big>''YOUR TUNES ARE SO HAPPENING THAT THEY RETROACTIVELY STEM THE TIDE OF MILITARIZATION AND POLITICAL TENSION IN PRE-1914 EUROPE''</big></big>\n<<continue>><big><big><big>YOU HAVE PREVENTED WORLD WAR ONE</big></big></big><<endcontinue>><big><big><big>''YOU HAVE PREVENTED WORLD WAR ONE''</big></big></big>\n[[<big><big><big><big>YOU ARE AN INTERNATIONAL POP SENSATION</big></big></big></big>|YOU ARE AN INTERNATIONAL POP SENSATION]]

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<<set $agent = "Cloepatra">>As soon as you've made this choice a golden barge comes //literally flying down out of the frickin sky.// It lands nearby and a pair of swarthy muscled attendants set a rug on the ground in front of you, and when it finishes unrolling right at your feet, there is ''QUEEN CLOEPATRA.''\n\nShe looks up at you through her perfect eyelashes and says, ''"So you think you've got what it takes to be a star?"''\n\n[[You say...]]

<<continue>><big>STEP ONE:</big><<endcontinue>><big>''STEP ONE:''</big>\nDecide on a radical [[POP STAR NAME!]]

You book your gig...\n[[in New York!|Gig]]\n[[in Sarajevo!|Gig]]\n[[on the Moon!|Gig]]

<<set $name = prompt("So what'll it be?","ARCHDUKE FRANZ FERNIDAD")>>\n<big>''ALL RIGHT!''</big>\n\nYou are no longer ''Archduke Franz Fernidad.''\n<<continue>>You are<<endcontinue>>You are<<timedcontinue .1s>> .<<timedcontinue .1s>> .<<timedcontinue .1s>> .<<timedcontinue .1s>> .<<timedcontinue .1s>> .<<timedcontinue .1s>> .<<timedcontinue .1s>> .<<timedcontinue .1s>> .<<timedcontinue .1s>> .<<timedcontinue .1s>> .<<timedcontinue .1s>> .<<timedcontinue .1s>> .<<timedcontinue .1s>> .<<timedcontinue .1s>> .<<timedcontinue .1s>> .<<timedcontinue .1s>> .<<timedcontinue .1s>> <big><big>''<<print $name>>!!!''</big></big><<timedcontinue 2s>>\n\n[[<big><big><big>FAR OUT!</big></big></big>|STEP TWO]]

<<set $agent = "Amelia Airheart">>''A LOCKHEED ELECTRA'' comes buzzing out of the sky, pulls a ''RADICAL STUNT'', and lands next to you. ''AMELIA AIRHEART'' gets out, pushes back her goggles, flips her scarf over her shoulder, and looks around.\n\n''"//You// don't look like the Pacific Ocean,"'' she says dubiously when she spots you.\n\n[[You say...]]

<<set $agent = "Charlemagne">>The address <<if $agent_search == "YellowPages">>in the yellow pages<<else if $agent_search == "Online">>on his website<<else if $agent_search == "GetLucky">>on the business card<<endif>> just says ''"Holy Roman Empire"'' so that's where you go. When you get there, the //HOLY ROMAN EMPEROR HIMSELF// is standing on a column, looking heroic. \n\nWhen you cough politely he flashes a grin at you and says, ''"CHAR-LA-MAG-NAH, at your service. And who are you, kid?"''\n\n[[To which you answer...|You say...]]

The Death of Archduke Franz Fernidad

How do you want to do it?\n\n[[Check the yellow pages.|YellowPages]]\n[[To the Google!|Online]]\n[[Nah, I'll just wander around the streets and hope I get lucky.|GetLucky]]

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[[<big><big><big><big><big>BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF MUSIC</big></big></big></big></big>|BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF MUSIC]]

[[<h1>BECOME AN INTERNATIONAL POP SENSATION</h1>|POP SENSATION]]

<h1>Before you know it, it's [[SHOWTIME!]]</h1>

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html {\n width: 100%;\n\n /* Vertical colour gradient */\n background-image: linear-gradient(to bottom, black, black);\n background-image: -webkit-linear-gradient(top, black, black);\n background-attachment: fixed;\n\n /* Fallback colour */\n background-color: black;\n\n /* Vertical centering */\n height: 100%;\n display: table;\n}\nbody {\n /* Remove default styles */\n font-size: 100%;\n background-color: transparent;\n margin: 0;\n\n /* Vertical centering */\n height:100%;\n display:table-cell;\n vertical-align: middle;\n}\n#passages {\n border-left: 0px;\n margin: 0;\n /* Keep a gap at the top and bottom of the page,\n when the text is longer than the window's height. */\n padding: 5% 0;\n}\n\n.passage {\n /* Passage width */\n width: 80%;\n /* Horizontal centering */\n margin: 0 auto;\n\n /* Text formatting */\n color: white;\n font-size: 125%;\n text-align: center;\n}\n\n/* No sidebar */\n#sidebar {\n display:none;\n}\n\n/* Links */\na.internalLink, a.externalLink {\n color: white;\n font-weight: bold;\n}\na.internalLink:hover, a.externalLink:hover {\n font-size: 102%;\n color: yellow;\n text-decoration: none;\n}\nh1 {\n text-align: center;\n}\n\n/* Shrink the page when viewed on devices with a low screen width */\n@media screen and (max-width: 960px) {\n .passage { font-size: 90%; width: 70%; }\n}\n@media screen and (max-width: 840px) {\n .passage { font-size: 87.5%; width: 80%; }\n}\n@media screen and (max-width: 720px) {\n .passage { font-size: 75%; width: 90%; }\n}\n\n

<<timedcontinue 2s>>aw yis

you walk out on stage\nheart pounding to the rhythm\nof the pulsing crowd\n\n[[breathe in deep]]

html {\n width: 100%;\n\n /* Vertical colour gradient */\n background-image: linear-gradient(to bottom, black, black);\n background-image: -webkit-linear-gradient(top, black, black);\n background-attachment: fixed;\n\n /* Fallback colour */\n background-color: black;\n\n /* Vertical centering */\n height: 100%;\n display: table;\n}\nbody {\n /* Remove default styles */\n font-size: 100%;\n background-color: transparent;\n margin: 0;\n\n /* Vertical centering */\n height:100%;\n display:table-cell;\n vertical-align: middle;\n}\n#passages {\n border-left: 0px;\n margin: 0;\n /* Keep a gap at the top and bottom of the page,\n when the text is longer than the window's height. */\n padding: 5% 0;\n}\n\n.passage {\n /* Passage width */\n width: 80%;\n /* Horizontal centering */\n margin: 0 auto;\n\n /* Text formatting */\n color: white;\n font-size: 125%;\n text-align:center;\n}\n\n/* No sidebar */\n#sidebar {\n display:none;\n}\n\n/* Links */\na.internalLink, a.externalLink {\n color: white;\n font-weight: bold;\n}\na.internalLink:hover, a.externalLink:hover {\n color: red;\n text-decoration: none;\n}\n\n/* Shrink the page when viewed on devices with a low screen width */\n@media screen and (max-width: 960px) {\n .passage { font-size: 90%; width: 70%; }\n}\n@media screen and (max-width: 840px) {\n .passage { font-size: 87.5%; width: 80%; }\n}\n@media screen and (max-width: 720px) {\n .passage { font-size: 75%; width: 90%; }\n}\n

Lady Murgatroid (assisted by a Glorious, Nameless Muse)

<<set $name = "ARCHDUKE FRANZ FERNIDAD">>You are ''Archduke Franz Fernidad.''\nYou have just been [[assassinated.|Assassinated]]