Today is the day you become a hero.
Tragedy strikes at the break of dawn. Rather than the calls of roosters, the town is awoken by crackling embers and the wooshing of overhead wings. Scared civilians poke their heads out of their windows, just in time to see the rising sun blotted from the sky.
A menacing shadow looms overhead, with twenty-foot wings and a razor-sharp tail. Its golden eyes glint like fire as it dives towards the city, and an unholy plume of white-hot fire erupts from its mouth.
Downstairs in your house is a mythical adamantium blade. Your father always warned that this day would come; the day that Thelnore the Terrible would return to destroy your beloved hamlet. This is the day - and you are the hero who must take up the blade.
[[I run downstairs and suit up for battle!->Adventure]]
[[Yeah, but it's early... I go back to bed for the time being.]]
...Uh... Seriously? Y-You know the dragon's right... Did I not make it clear that your ENTIRE town is on fire right now? Like, seriously, ALL OF IT. Whole thing. Fire. And you're just gonna...?
...Okay, then. You return to your slumber and gain several more hours of restful sleep. While the rest of your hamlet slowly goes up in flame.
You awake and greet the smoldering remains of the village. The town's guard attempted to fend off the attack, but to no avail. Women weep in the streets over bodies of the fallen.
Once again, you think back to the enchanted blade mounted above your mantle, the sword of the old dragonslayer.
[[I rush downstairs. Time for battle!->Adventure]]
[[I dismiss the thoughts and go about my morning as usual.]]
...
Do you know what a dragon is, bychance? Wings, teeth, claws, breathe fire, //pwoosh//, aaaah, dragon, THOSE dragons?
//[sigh]// Alright, forget it. You throw on your villager's clothing, clearly forsaking the suit of armor and enchanted blade ''graciously'' left behind by your father, and enter the village proper.
You do your daily shopping, at least to the best of your ability. Many of the shops and stalls have caught fire. But those that still exist sell you their goods, almost... perturbed by your lack of emotional connection to the rampant destruction.
You hear one townsperson in particular remark, "Not much like their old man at all, eh? This'un wouldn't know how ta swing a sword if one clocked 'em upside the backside."
You feel your blood begin to boil. Your father was the greatest dragonslayer the lands had ever seen. Could you really stomach the thought of disappointing his legacy?
[[No. I return home and strap on my gear. Enough messing around.->Adventure]]
[[Yes. Where does my love interest live again?->Love Interest]]
OH MY GOD, ARE YOU SER--
Urrrrrrgh. Okay, FINE. That's what you want to do? FINE. She lives over there. Or he. You know what? No, design your own love-interest. I don't care. You pick whatever makes you happy. That's what you've been doing the whole game, isn't it? FAAAR be it from me to try and nudge you towards your great destiny and all that hero-garbage, not like ''THAT'S'' important.
[[Yeesh! Okay, fine, I'll go fight your stupid dragon.->Adventure]]
[[I find Ms. Victoria, the sassy tom-girl and one of my childhood friends.]]
[[I find Ms. Selfi. Y'know, with the costume and the... impressive tracts of land. That one.]]
[[I find Ms. Nika, the sweet and angelic blonde with the doe eyes and a heart of gold.]]
[[I find Mr. Rowan, the town historian and my favorite little brainiac.]]
[[I find Mr. Stud Muffin. I don't care what his name is; all I know is that in the live-action movie version of this game, he'll be portrayed by one of the Hemsworth brothers.]]
[[I find Mr. Kennedy, the boy-next-door and one of my childhood friends.]]
Right, the childhood friend. The girl-next-door, sporty, probably has short hair and sexy sharp eyes. Victoria can, would, and has pummeled anything and everything that looked at her funny, and she always looks good doing it. She never showed much interest in you, but you know that's just her inner tsundere. You're a protagonist, after all - who can resist you and your charms?
Is this who you want? Is this what you want to be doing with your life?
[[On second thought, I'll go fight the dragon.->Adventure]]
[[Yes, please~]]
[[Nah, let me pick someone else.->Love Interest]]
Alright, sure, Miss McGee, color me surprised. That girl you see all of those sexy cosplays of at all of your gaming conventions. Did you know she has magic powers and is one of the most powerful sorceresses in the land? Did you even care? Do you care about ANYTHING right now?
...Or are you just Googling the unlock codes for her alternate costumes?
Is this who you want? Is this what you want to be doing with your life?
[[On second thought, I'll go fight the dragon.->Adventure]]
[[Yes, please~]]
[[Nah, let me pick someone else.->Love Interest]]
Oh, yeah, the sweetheart girl. Big eyes, tiny body, speaks exclusively in adorable squeaking noises. Everyone loves this girl, and you're no different. Did you know she's a cleric? One of the highest-level divine spellcasters in town? Y'know, //someone who could help you fight a dragon?// ...Ah, but you don't care, do you? She's too cute to thrust into the heat of battle.
Is this who you want? Is this what you want to be doing with your life?
[[On second thought, I'll go fight the dragon.->Adventure]]
[[Yes, please~]]
[[Nah, let me pick someone else.->Love Interest]]
Oh, you're into the "cute" ones. Glasses, big brown eyes; not traditionally handsome, but cute in his own way, and you know he's the type that'll take care of you. I mean, when you find him, he's reading a bunch of books, //trying// to figure out how to deal with the ''giant dragon that set your village on fire'', but I guess he can put that down to hang out with you for a few hours.
Is this who you want? Is this what you want to be doing with your life?
[[On second thought, I'll go fight the dragon.->Adventure]]
[[Yes, please~]]
[[Nah, let me pick someone else.->Love Interest]]
Alright, I guess points for attempting to subvert the trope. At least you didn't go with Ms. "Impressive Tracts of Land" back there. There's not enough male eye-candy out there, especially not in cliche video-games with their oversexualized love interests. But you know what you want, and what you want is a sweet six-pack of ab-liciousness.
Is this who you want? Is this what you want to be doing with your life?
[[On second thought, I'll go fight the dragon.->Adventure]]
[[Yes, please~]]
[[Nah, let me pick someone else.->Love Interest]]
Right, the childhood friend. The boy-next door, humbly handsome with farmer's abs and a million-gold-piece smile. He's a genuine guy with simple dreams - he takes care of his mom and his sisters, and he wants to make the town a better place. (Unlike //someone// in this conversation.) Rumors are starting that he's looking for a lady and wanting to settle down soon.
Is this who you want? Is this what you want to be doing with your life?
[[On second thought, I'll go fight the dragon.->Adventure]]
[[Yes, please~]]
[[Nah, let me pick someone else.->Love Interest]]
Huzzah! The town hero has arrived at last!
You strap on your armor and strap the sheath of your father's blade onto your side. It's time to go to battle.
You adventure forth into the forests. Along the path, you find a group of goblins - underlings of Thelnore the Terrible searching for meat and loot to haul back to his cave.
What do you do with these creatures?
[[I heroically dispatch them!]]
[[Uh...they seem dangerous. Can I go back to town?]]
[[I ignore them. I'm here for dragon blood!->Onto battle!]]
Okay. ''Fine.''
You spend the day with your "love interest." Go on a contrived date with absurd match-three mechanics and see how well you can Google their interests and favorite things on a walkthrough. Netflix and chill. Heck, go play the 18+ version of this game and get into the REALLY weird stuff. Go nuts. Do what makes you //happy.//
You step outside into what's left of your destroyed village. The embers have since been put out, and the local clergy leads a somber crowd in a candlelight vigil in honor of those that have been lost. Y'know. To the //dragon.//
The night is upon you. What do you do now?
[[Ugh, fine, time to deal with that dragon, I guess.->Adventure]]
[[I head home. Think I'll make some dinner before an early bedtime.]]
//''OKAY. THAT'S IT.''//
You know what? No. You don't get that nice dinner. You BECOME dinner. The dragon shows up again, sees you and your stupid, smug face, and eats you. Bet you wish you had Daddy's magic dragon-killing sword now, don't you?
[[Oops. Alright, take me to the end screen.->The End]]
[[This story sucks and you suck.->Wah.]]
Surprised that you're here? The sad fact of the day is that //you were destined to die this day. ''This ending was inevitable.''//
Does that change the way you see this experience? Does it color your lens one way or another, knowing that no matter which choice you made, it would have ended the same way?
You made the choices you did because you believed it to be the best for //your game//. You're a player, and this is a game. Your goal was to get to the end, preferably unsinged and not in the belly of a dragon. But those choices were in vain. Nothing you could have done would have saved you.
Now that you know that, would you make the same choices twice?
//''The end.''//
Life ain't always fair, honey.
[[Alright, fine, take me to your stupid end screen.->The End]]
What do you think this is, some kind of game? You can't just assume you win every low-level battle you come across.
In real life, battles are hard. They take strategy. They take thought, precision, initiative...
And most importantly, they take a little luck.
So go ahead.
[[Roll the dice.]]
Really? Your dad went through all of the trouble of prepping this magic dragon-slaying sword for you and you're just going to baby out?
[[No, you're right. Onto battle!->Onto battle!]]
[[Uh...yes. I'm going back to bed.->Yeah, but it's early... I go back to bed for the time being.]]
[[Yep! I have errands to run back in town!->I dismiss the thoughts and go about my morning as usual.]]
(set: $value to (random: 1,2))
(if: $value is 1)[The odds were in your favor! Victory is yours this day!
[[Onto battle!]]]
(if: $value is 2)[Unfortunately, something happened. Did your hand slip? Or did you just get cocky and lose focus?
Regardless, the result is the same. You are dead.
[[Darn. Alright, take me to the end.->The End]]
[[Hey, wait! That's not fair! I want a reroll!->Wah.]]]
You enter the dragon's lair. The mouth of Thelnore's cave stands high above your head, like the maw of the dragon that dwells within. Even from the entrance, you hear the heavy huffs of hot breath that rumble from the cave's deepest cavern.
Shortly after you begin exploring, you come to a fork in the cave's elaborate labyrinth.
On your left is a damp and dark path that descends sharply. The grumbling sound of dragon's breath seems louder, but the descent also looks much more treacherous. And unlike other magic swords of legends, yours does not light up the dark.
On the right, the path is gentler, and luminescent mushrooms keep the path safe and lit. However, the road ahead curves and seems to wind its way around the cave endlessly; it may take much longer to reach the dragon, if you reach it at all.
Which way do you go?
[[I go left!->Next Room]]
[[I go right!->Next Room]]
This is it! Thelnore's lair is right ahead! You hear the dragon snarl and grumble in its slumber, and the dim glow of torchlight from within the chamber sends the sparkles and rolling glitter of the dragon's gold horde across the dark stone walls.
...On the //other// hand, you see a chest in the corner of your eye. It couldn't hurt to take a brief detour on the way to avenging your people, right? Score some extra gear, maybe bring back some extra loot for your dear old mum?
[[Nope! I'm here for a dragon! It's final-battle time!]]
[[Okay, one quick detour! Chest, here I come!]]
Here you are, face to face with the monster himself: Thelnore the Terrible.
You stealth your way inside, but your armor betrays you. As you approach, the dragon's eye cracks awake. He sits up with an earth-shaking yawn, his head rising and his wings stretching until his form fills the very edges of the massive cavern.
Then he glares down at you, a fire brewing in his eyes, as smoke begins to pour from his nostrils.
The fight is on! What do you do?
[[I go straight for his throat! It's now or never!]]
[[I use my magic!]]
[[I hold my ground and wait for an opening!]]
Don't you know the #1 rule of Dark Souls is to always attack a chest before you open it?
...Okay, that's maybe not the #1 rule. And yes, I'm aware you're not playing Dark Souls. But the point still stands - you had a moment of greed, you got cocky, and now you're being eaten by a mimic.
...Oh, yeah. Mimic. You're dead now, by the way.
[[Dang. Alright, take me to the end.->The End]]
[[Excuse me??? That's not fair!!->Wah.]]
With a dramatic war-cry, you charge into the fray. Thelnore has terrorized you and your lineage for far too long, and today this menace suffers for his actions!
You slash away at him bravely with your blade. //Slash! Slash!// As promised by your father, the sword slices through Thelnore's impenetrable hide like butter. The dragon lets loose a ghastly shriek as blood and scale fly off into the dark cavern.
You smile. This is your moment.
And then the smile fades from your face as you feel a crushing weight around your chest. Your face grows hot and tight, and you struggle to catch your breath.
When you regain your bearings, you find yourself face-to-face with Thelnore himself. His claws are wrapped tightly around you, impeding even the slightest movement. Your blade lays buried in the side of his arm, abandoned and useless without a wielder.
And in one fell swoop, Thelnore opens his massive jaw and jams you inside. There's a brief moment of agony as his teeth tear through your body, but then all goes black.
At least you died a hero's death.
[[All I could ask for. Take me to the ending.->The End]]
[[Wait, that's it?! No fair, what a rip-off!->Wah.]]
Did I say at any point in this game that you had //magic//? You're a swordsman. You have a magic sword.
Needless to say, throwing bird seed at the dragon and yelling 'lightning bolt!' doesn't get you very far. At all. Thelnore gives you a puzzled look, then shows you what REAL magic looks like. In the form of a 30ft cone of fire.
You don't have Resistance or DR, either, by the way.
[[Alright, my fault. Take me to the ending.->The End]]
[[No fair, why was this an option???->Wah.]]
Yeah... Let me paint this scene one more time.
You. Small human with magic sword, some armor, and nothing else.
Him. ''GIANT DRAGON.'' Breathes fire. Has wings. Twenty feet tall with claws and teeth bigger than you are.
Holding your ground doesn't get you far. At first chance, Thelnore rears his head back and unleashes a plume of flame, just like the one that crumbled your village and took out many of the town's guards.
Now it's taken you out alongside them. You are dead. And rather crispy.
[[Alright, dumb move. Take me to the ending.->The End]]
[[No fair! I demand a reroll!->Wah.]]