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The [[patient]] sits smiling in the corner of the room.\n\nOn the table in front of you is the [[Saline Drip]]\n\nAcross the room, through the window you see [[two squirrels playing]]\n\n\n

"Owww. That hurts!"\n\nHow ungrateful! Here you are doing your best to save a life and all you get is grief.\n\nYou don't need this, on to the [[next task]]!

You do indeed understand. \n\nThis poor overworked creature has buckled under the pressure. Her angry demenure is due to your obvious superiority. \n\nYou would never succumb to such outbursts.\n\n\n\n[[SYMPATHISE]]\n\n\n[[REPRIMAND]]

What a lovely bowl. It would be a shame to get it dirty. \n\nYou decide to give it rinse in the [[sink]] to keep it clean.\n\nThe bowl is absolutely fine where it is, and it smells in here anyway. [[Time to leave]]!\n\n<<silently>>\n<<set $bowl = 1>>\n<<endsilently>>

Entering Room 432 it is clear to you that your skills are not needed. Quite frankly you're not even sure why you came in here.\n\nLeave the room and carry on [[saving lives]]!\n\nOR\n\nTotally break from character and [[call Maintenance]] using the phone that is right next to the patients bed, right there, anyone could do this. But yeah, what the hell, save the day!

"Room 513, saline drip. I wouldn't look at people like that if I were you. You look constipated"\n\nSmile and wander off towards the [[treatment room]]\n

\n\n\n\n\n\n[[SUPER COOL SURGEON]]\n\n\n\n\n\n<<silently>>\n<<set $IV_Drip = 0>>\n<<set $Saline_Drip = 0>>\n<<set $deaths = 0>>\n<<set $bowl = 0>>\n<<endsilently>>\n\n

Due to insufficient fluid and salts the patient has died.\n\n[[FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!]]\n\n\n<<silently>>\n<<set $deaths = $deaths + 1>>\n<<endsilently>>

<<silently>>\n<<set $Saline_Drip = 1>>\n<<endsilently>>\n\nPicking up the Saline Drip you walk to wards the [[patient]] exuding confidence and charm.

<<if $bowl eq 1>> That was a close one! You're sure that small smelly man will be able to figure out how to clean himself and won't slip and drown in the shallow bowl of water.\n\n"AAAA, help! Glug, Glug ..."\n\nHmm, well, you tried.\n\n<<else>>\nDue to lack of care and attention the patient dies of a rare and sudden infection.\n\nThat could have gone better, but you did your best!<<endif>>\n\n\nContinue treating patients, on to the [[next task]]!\n\nOh, look at the time! Its the [[end of your shift]]!\n\n\n<<silently>>\n<<set $deaths = $deaths + 1>>\n<<endsilently>>

"How dare you speak to me like ..."\n\nShe cuts you off with the raising of an imbecabaly clean yet muscular hand.\n\n"Patient, room 513. Saline Drip, now!"\n\nThere is an almost inaudible growl in the queit folling this outburst. She turns back to her work giving you not another thought.\n\nYou shake your head in disapointment and saunter off towards the [[treatment room]]\n

"You patronising little shit! Go to room 513 and give the patient in there a saline drip... NOW!"\n\n\nSmile and wander off towards the [[treatment room]]\n\nShake your head in disapointment and saunter off towards the [[treatment room]]

On the other end of the phone a dusty rasp of a sound greets you.\n\n"Hello? Is this maintenance?"\n\n"Yeeehhssss"\n\n"Uh, TV broken in Room 623. Get on it."\n\n"Yeeeeehhssssss"\n\nSuccess! You've gone out of your way perform a menial task and saved the day!\n\nContinue treating patients, on to the [[next task]]!\n\nOh, look at the time! It's the [[end of your shift]]!

Sheet lifted, you encounter a situation you have no idea how to deal with. \n\nYou remeber a sunny afternoon spent swimming with friends and the urinary tract lecture that you skipped. It was a lovely day out.\n\n[[Grab catheter and pull]].\n\n[[Flee the room]]!

Today didn't go as planned. So perhaps a couple of patiets died. Thats ok. Really. Who needs to know about saline drips and removing cathaters. They didn't even let you cut anyone open or even stitch a wound.\n\nThat's ok though, you're still destined to be the world greatest, and undeniably SUPER COOL,\n\nSURGEON!!!!!!!

Despite the unmitigated rudness of all you have encountered this day, you feel your success is assured. You are on your way to becoming the world greatest, and undeniably SUPER COOL,\n\nSURGEON!!!!!!!

You respond:\n\n"Yes? You require my unparraleled skills?"\n\nFire burns in her eyes\n\n"Listen snot for brains! This is my turf, I'm in the middle of a 57 hour shift and if you give me shit, I will end you."\n\n(Dramatic Pause)\n\n"[[Understood?!]]"

Some time later that day you hear a patient has died of boredom due to a broken television. \n\nOh well. \n\n<<silently>>\n<<set $deaths = $deaths + 1>>\n<<endsilently>>\n\nContinue treating patients, on to the [[next task]]!\n\nOh, look at the time! Its the [[end of your shift]]!

<<display "Confidently Straighten Scrubs">>\n\nIts flared nostrils and bloodshot eyes betray its less than complete defference to your clearly superior knowledge\n\n[[RETORT]]

SUPER COOL SURGEON

\n<<if $deaths gte 2>>\n Today didn't go as planned. So perhaps a couple of patiets died. Thats ok. Really. Who needs to know about saline drips and removing cathaters. They didn't even let you cut anyone open or even stitch a wound.\n\nThat's ok though, you're still destined to be the world greatest, and undeniably SUPER COOL,\n\nSURGEON!!!!!!!\n\n\n\n\n*Yeah, so it was a little abrupt. Not every day can be like Surgeon Simulator!\n\n\n<<else>> Despite the unmitigated rudness of all you have encountered this day*, you feel your success is assured. You are on your way to becoming the world greatest, and undeniably SUPER COOL,\n\nSURGEON!!!!!!!\n\n\n\n\n*Yeah, so it was a little abrupt. Not every day can be like ER!<<endif>>\n\n

"AAAAAARGH!"\n\nJob done! You saunter from the room with a sense on achievement.\n\n\n\nContinue treating patients, on to the [[next task]]!\n\nOh, look at the time! Its the [[end of your shift]]!\n\n

Not at all pleasant, but you completed the task!\n\nThe patient does a small backflip for joy, which makes you wonder about the necessity of the sponge bath in the firt place.\n\n\n\nNevermind, continue treating patients, on to the [[next task]]!\n\nOh, look at the time! It's the [[end of your shift]]!

"Hello sir .... gah! Its too much!"\n\nYou recoil from the patient, you're expected to clean this man?!! Ridiculous! \n\nTurn from the room in disgust. [[Time to leave]]!\n\nMove towards the [[bowl]] and [[sink]], its closer to the window and fresh air!

Looking at the patients listed on the board it is obvious which one you are going to choose.\n\nRoom 512 - [[Remove Catheter]]\n\nRoom 623 - [[Give Sponge Bath]]\n\nRoom 432 - [[Broken TV, Call Maintenance]]\n\n\n\nAh, screw this. It's time for the [[end of your shift]]!

"Morning Doctor. I'm feeling a little better today."\n\nThey look down.\n\n<<if $Saline_Drip eq 1>> "You're not going to stick that in my arm are you?" You [[stick the needle in]] <<else>> "I can tell you're happy to see me but you're really not my type" Rebuffed and confused you could [[leave the room]] \n\nOr have another look around the [[treatment room]].<<endif>>\n

Ah crystal clear, clean water. Lovely.\n\n<<if $bowl eq 1>> And soap! I suppose I could help the guy out. Uh, yeah. [[Fill bowl with water and soap]] <<else>> Soap too, my this hospital is well stocked. Turn back to [[small slightly smelly man]]. <<endif>>

\n\n[[PLACE CARING HAND ON HER SHOULDER]]\n\n[[ADOPT AN UNDERSTANDING AND HUMBLE EXPRESSION]]\n\n[[TELL HER SHE LOOKS BEAUTIFUL WHEN ANGRY]]

Aww cute! But you can't afford to waste anymore time, there are lives to save!!!!\n\nTurn back to the [[treatment room]]

<<display "leave the room">>\n\nUh, that was sudden. Huh.\n\nWell nevermind. On to the [[next task]]!

\nAnother beautiful day. You're starting your new job at [[Our Lady of the Bleeding Heart]].

This will be the scene, the stage, the setting for all of your future triumphs.\n\nThere is no doubt in your mind.\n\nAbout anything.\n\n[[Confidently Straighten Scrubs]]\n\n

"Remove that hand or I'll amputate it!" \n\nShe points to the left.\n\n"Treatment room. Saline Drip. Now!"\n\nSmile and wander off towards the [[treatment room]]\n\nShake your head in disapointment and saunter off towards the [[treatment room]]

<<display "SUPER COOL SURGEON">>\n\nThe breeze blows through your hair and you know its going be a truly awesome day.\n\n[[Step through the A&E entrance]]

Soapy water in the bowl sloshes from one side to the other. Smells nice.\n\nYou walk over to the patient and place the bowl on the bed.\n\n[[Begin sponging patient]]\n\nDecide that the stench is all too much for you and flee the room. [[Time to leave]]!

Room 623 contains a [[small slightly smelly man]]. In the corner of the room is a [[bowl]] and sponge next to a [[sink]].\n\n

\n"You! Intern! Get your arse over here now!"\n\nA large terrifying shape comes barreling towards you. \n\n[[Observe]]

Finally, something gross yet useful!\n\nYou can do this, and if you bugger it up, they might even let you stitch the patient back together!\n\nWalk over to the patient and [[lift the sheet]].

CrayonBandit\n<html><a href="http:/twitter.com/Kerry_Dyer">@Kerry_Dyer</a></html>\n<html><a href="http:/http:/kerrydyer.wordpress.com/">Blog</a></html>

Wow, hopefully no one saw that. \n\nThat catheter is proably fine where it is, and most certainly won't lead to a life threatening bladder infection.\n\nIt did. Well eventually it did. But no one saw you so its all good.\n\n\nContinue treating patients, on to the [[next task]]!\n\nOh, look at the time! Its the [[end of your shift]]!\n\n\n<<silently>>\n<<set $deaths = $deaths + 1>>\n<<endsilently>>