"You know what, Vince? I refuse to do it. It's going to set us all back, get us blacklisted from a bunch of communities, and it's going to make a mockery of mine and Chuck's careers that we may never recover from. I refuse to do it!"\n\n"Now, listen here, Bert."\n\n"Billy Gunn, The Ass Man."\n\n"Listen here, Bert Gupp, you're going to go out there, and you're going to do this storyline, do you understand me? You're going to go out in that ring, and tell everyone that you're not a gay, but if you were, you'd be gay ALL the way up into that asshole. Do you understand me?"\n\nHe seems really angry at you. What do you do?\n\n[[- Backtrack and agree with Vince, and go ahead with the wedding.]]\n\n[[- Suggest a new ending to the storyline.]]\n \n[[- Threaten to quit over this.]]

As you activate the goggles, you're thrust into a point between time and space that some would call "Tace", or "Spime", but we're just going to call "the bit where you choose where to time travel to next". \n\nThe Time Vortex presents you with three points in time that you are able to alter for the optimum impact for your future. \n\n[[- The King of the Ring 1999]].\n\n[[- The Show Gunns]].\n\n[[- Billy and Chuck.]]\n

"What... what do you mean happens to us? I literally just told you."\n\n"Oh, yeah." \n\n"Anything else?"\n\n\n[[- How does this time travel thing work anyway?]]\n\n[[- How did you get the ability to time travel?]]\n\n[[- How comes it hasn't caused a paradox for us to meet each other?]]\n\n[[- What are the winning lottery numbers?]]\n\n[[- Is Vince McMahon still alive in the future?]]\n\n[[- Wait, you're not like, secretly an evil version of us, and this is all some sort of plot to take over the world?]]\n\n[[- I have no more questions, it's off to the past for me!]]

If you've not played "The Ballad of Billy Gunn 2: More Asses, Fewer Time", or wish to refresh your memory, check out the second adventure at:\n\nhttp://philome.la/Jokesound/the-ballad-of-billy-gunn-2-more-asses-fewer-time\n\nOtherwise, [[let's go back to the introductory bit]]!

"Good question. I'm not entirely sure, really. I'm assuming we're running off of something like Back to the Future rules where I can stay an extended amount of time in the past, and I'll just start fading out of existence once it's most dramatically convenient, or when the timeline starts correcting itself."\n\n"But by you being back here, doesn't it guarantee that this is a stable time loop and that you'll never actually succeed and we'll just end up doing this for eternity?"\n\n"Is that what happens in Back to the Future?"\n\n"No?"\n\n"Then shut up then."\n\n"But in Back to the Future nobody actually meets their future selves, so it's still a valid question."\n\n"Well, I'm sorry, I haven't seen it for several years longer than you have. I'm a wrestler whose gimmick is that butts are great, I'm not a theoretical science major. Anything else you wanna know?"\n\n\n[[- How does this time travel thing work anyway?]]\n\n[[- How did you get the ability to time travel?]]\n\n[[- What happens to Billy Gunn in the future?]]\n\n[[- What are the winning lottery numbers?]]\n\n[[- Is Vince McMahon still alive in the future?]]\n\n[[- Wait, you're not like, secretly an evil version of us, and this is all some sort of plot to take over the world?]]\n\n[[- I have no more questions, it's off to the past for me!]]

"Wait, you're... me?"\n\nYou declench your buttocks, disarming yourself of your most powerful attacks, because on the ground in front of you is another version of yourself, albeit a bit older, and wearing some really weird goggles, and nothing else. Suddenly, you're concerned about the smoke emanating off of your future self as he stands up and faces you.\n\n"Yes, I'm you. Don't be alarmed, but I'm you... from the future."\n"And also you're-"\n"And also I'm naked."\n"You're looking a bit bigger."\n"Well, being forced off of the steroids helped."\n"So, why are you here?"\n\nYour future self strides into the centre of your apartment, which is a bit of a tip. Admittedly, you'd have cleaned up if you knew you had guests coming. \n\n"I'm here because of this, man. Last year, I was convinced that appearing on RAW 25 would have been the kick start to our later career. I did everything I could to make that show on time, and what happened when I got there? I was forced to dress up in a DX tee and bury an up-and-coming tag team. I still remember Vince telling me I wasn't going out as my own entity. I remember letting that Wrestlemania opportunity pass me by. The shame of putting on those jeans instead of my wrestle trunks that said "Mr Ass" on them with a giant pair of lips next to them. It... consumed me. So much so that in the years that followed, I did everything I could to try to correct the mistakes of the past. To go back and erase the mistakes of that day."\n\n"So, why are you here?"\n\n"Because, me, it turns out that that wasn't the only mistake we could fix. I thought about what to do, and realised that if I could go through the time stream and find another Billy Gunn who had gone through what I had, but hadn't let the mistakes of the past consume him as much as it had me, they could go back in time for me and fix our mistakes. I've found several fixtures in time that are possible for you to fix, and if you manage to change enough of them, then we can erase those mistakes and give ourselves the chance to reach the echelons of wrestling superstardom we always knew Mr Ass could achieve."\n\n"That's well and good and all", you begin, "but I have a new job at All Elite Wrestling starting soon, and that might be good?"\n\n"As good as winning the title at Wrestlemania, the most wrestlingest place there is?"\n\n"You've got a good point, let's go back in time!"\n\n"Okay, before we do, past me, is there anything you want to know?"\n\nWell, is there?\n\n[[- How does this time travel thing work anyway?]]\n\n[[- How did you get the ability to time travel?]]\n\n[[- How comes it hasn't caused a paradox for us to meet each other?]]\n\n[[- What happens to Billy Gunn in the future?]]\n\n[[- What are the winning lottery numbers?]]\n\n[[- Is Vince McMahon still alive in the future?]]\n\n[[- Wait, you're not like, secretly an evil version of us, and this is all some sort of plot to take over the world?]]\n\n

With the points you have, unlock your ending! \n\nNo peeking at the ones you didn't earn, now!\n\n[[Worst Ending - 0 Points or Lower.]]\n\n[[Betray The Crucible Ending - 0 - 0.9 Points.]]\n\n[[Destroy Ending - 1 - 1.9 Points.]]\n\n[[Control Ending - 2 - 2.9 Points.]]\n\n[[Synthesis Ending - 3 Points.]]\n

You are Billy Gunn, a wrestler formerly under the employ of Vince McMahon's insane achievement to sweaty men and women known as the WWE, or "Woah! Wrestlemans Everywhere!" for long.\n\nThis morning, you were contemplating how to best make your impact as a producer in the upcoming new wrestling federation known as All Elite Wrestling.\n\nNow, you're floating in a time vortex after your future self travelled back in time and gave you the unique opportunity of being able to go back and right the wrongs of your past, allowing you to basically armchair book your own memories like some kind of smark. \n\nToday has been a weird day. \n\nSo, are you ready to start messing about with time, or do you need to check something first?\n\n[[- Yeah, what are the rules this time?]]\n\n- No, I'm good, let's go to the [[Time Vortex]]!

"How about this, Vince?"\n\nYou detail to everyone in the room how on the way to the wedding, another wrestler injures one of you, meaning that your injuries are too severe to continue. This then gives the wrestler a great heel gimmick as a homophobe, and can generate heat with the audience, probably. Whoever gets "injured" can then come back later on when everyone's forgetten about the assault, and we can all pretend that nothing ever happened.\n\n"Sounds good to me, Barney"\n\n"Billy."\n\n"Sounds good to me, Barney. Tell ya what, as you're the person who came up with the idea, you can be the one injured. How does that sound?"\n\n"Uh-"\n\n"Perfect. See you in a couple of months, Barnold."\n\nYou've successfully prevented the wedding from going ahead and making you look like a homophobe, but as you're kayfabe injured and made to lie out of sight for a while, you lose any good momentum you had going in, and muddle around in the mid-card for the foreseeable.\n\nGive yourself a partial success, then head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]].

"Vince, you won't back down over this, but neither will I." You say, firm in your position.\n\n"Well, you know what, pal?! If you're not going into that ring tonight, you're never going in there again! YOU'RE FIREEEEED!"\n\nYou weren't expecting that, and in retrospect, that was maybe a stupid decision. After all, Vince McMahon famously hates being stood up to in any way, shape, or form, and so there was probably no way you'd have ever won this argument. \n\nAnd now you're fired, so while you're technically succeeded in stopping The Rock from destroying your career, you've destroyed your own instead. Maybe that wasn't the smartest move.\n\nYou have super failed, and made your own past actively worse. Add this to your record, then head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]].

Ballad of Billy Gunn 3: Time Asster

"I mean, think about it Vince. Nobody good has ever come from the WCW and made their way over here to any form of success. They're all just a bunch of stupid, ugly, loser jabronis."\n\nYou pause, look around the room, and punctuate. \n\n"Just a real dogshit promotion of losers." \n\nVince, a man who famously doesn't care for WCW, nods. "You've got a point there, pal."\n\n"Um", Big Show begins, "Vince, I was at WCW for a while, and I find this a bit upsetting to hear, actually."\n\n[[- Keep digging yourself deeper.]] \n\n[[- Apologise to Big Show and let him choose the name.]]\n

You put the microphone to your Ass and let it rip out a huge fart. \n\nSilence falls across the arena.\n\nYou sniff.\n\nIt becomes very apparent that while you'd have preferred the follow-through to be in your promo, it is in fact, in your trunks.\n\nYou hurry away, but not before the camera sees it and it's shown on instant replay three times before you can make it to the toilet to wipe. \n\nAs soon as you make it out of the bathroom, you're bought to Vince's office and summarily fired for going off-script and making an Ass of yourself on TV.\n\nConsider this a super failure, then head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]]. \n

"Really? You're asking if a man known as the genetic jackhammer, who still deadlifts in the gym, is totally hands on with a massive wrestling empire, who was recently headbutted and frog-splashed by a Canadian, Stone Cold Stunnered, and also assaulted by a southern redneck in your timeline, is also still alive with an iron grip on the wrestling business in the future?"\n\n"Yeah."\n\n"Fair question, really."\n\n"So? And don't fob me off with that 'he's still alive in our spirits' bullcrap either."\n\n"Uh, I can't really answer in case it changes in your timeline."\n\n"You didn't-"\n\n"I forgot to check before I left, yeah. Anything else you want to know?"\n\n[[- How does this time travel thing work anyway?]]\n\n[[- How did you get the ability to time travel?]]\n\n[[- How comes it hasn't caused a paradox for us to meet each other?]]\n\n[[- What happens to Billy Gunn in the future?]]\n\n[[- What are the winning lottery numbers?]]\n\n[[- Wait, you're not like, secretly an evil version of us, and this is all some sort of plot to take over the world?]]\n\n[[- I have no more questions, it's off to the past for me!]]

You've done it. You've fixed every major mistake of your wrestling past that the time goggles would afford you, and now, you can begin to reap the benefits of those achievements.\n\nIt all begins to flood into you. The singles career success. The tag team successes with Chuck and the Big Show. Singles titles. Main events. A sniff at the belt. Successfully winning your first world title. Then your second. The Royal Rumble. The Main Event of Wrestlemania. Tens of thousands of fans screaming your name as the iconic music plays proclaiming that you're an Ass Man, and also here's all the things you love to do to Asses.\n\nYour life changes from a footnote in wrestling history to one of its front pages. It all melds into you. The success, the money, the fame, the lucrative TV and film deals. Hollywood. Oscars. But through it all, an intense love of wrestling, where your career lasts all the way until 2019 with you on top, until you choose to finally retire once and for all at Wrestlemania 35. \n\nThe beam of light from the Crucible beckons you. You have achieved everything you could dream of in your past, your present, and now, you have no need for your own future, but wrestling needs yours. \n\nYou know what you must do now. You head towards the beam, adjusting your wrestling trunks one last time. A tear streams down your face. \n\nIt's time.\n\nThroughout the years, you've used your patented finishing move on everybody. Stone Cold Steve Austin. The Rock. Hulk Hogan. John Cena. Seth Rollins. Roman Reigns. Brock Lesnar.\n\nEvery single one has faced you, and every single one has fallen victim to the thing you do where you jump in the air, and then place your Ass on their head and drive it into the mat. None have emerged victorious during your reign at the top of the card, but there's one more jabroni who needs to be pinned for the one-two-three, and that's all of wrestling itself. \n\nYou leap into the air one last time, and drive your Ass into the beam of light with such force that your entire body melds with it. \n\nYour spirit and body scatters throughout all of time and space. It inhabits every wrestler past, every wrestler present, and every wrestler of the future. Every creature of WWE, AEW, New Japan, and even Impact. Of every federation that ever was, ever is, or ever will be.\n\nIn their own way, they are all Billy Gunn now. \n\nIn our own way, we are all an Ass Man now. \n\nCongratulations, you have successfully synthesised with all of wrestling, your story will live on forever, and you have unlocked the true ending to the trilogy known as The Ballad of Billy Gunn!\n\nThe End.\n\n[[Or is it?]]

As you prepare to decide what to do, you begin to take a step forward, but simply fall over. \n\nYou look towards the bottom of your torso, only to find it slowly fading away.\n\n"What's... what's happening to me?" You ask, weakly.\n\n"You fool." The Crucible Child's eyes turn red, and it slowly turns into a nightmarish version of you, only smaller and more holographic. "You failed to improve your past, and everywhere you went, you only found failure. You destroyed your own past, your career, and made the worst decisions at every turn. The universe is simply catching up with you."\n\n"So... this is it? I'm going to die?"\n\n"Not just die, Billy, but you're being erased from all of existence. Your actions were so astoundingly dumb that the universe is self-righting itself by eliminating you from wrestling history. You won't even be a footnote. People will assume Stevie Richards was Road Dogg's tag partner."\n\n"Isn't there anything I can do?" You whimper.\n\n"You can say hi to Chris Benoit for me." The Crucible Child laughs, before you fade away entirely.\n\nAnd with that, you have been erased from existence. Nobody will remember your name, and there will never be another tale told of the man that used to be known as Mr. Ass.\n\nSo ends the Ballad of Billy Gunn 3: Time Asster. \n\nThe End.

"Vince," you begin, "you're well renowned for having good taste when it comes to names, right? After all, you named me, Billy Gunn, the Ass Man, and that's been nothing for good for you ever since. I guarantee you that in the years to come, people will always remember me as the Ass Man."\n\n"You really think so?" Vince asks, smiling.\n\n"I guarantee it." You sigh, with 18 years of future knowledge. "I know you. I know what you need to do, you need to pick something that will show Big Show and I are a force to be reckoned with. That will strike fear into the hearts of our opponents, and that people will remember for years to come, just like my name! That name again being Billy Gunn, Mr. Ass. The Ass Man." \n\n"Well hot damn, that sounds good to me. So are you fine with me picking the name, or do you have something in mind for yourself?"\n\nVince is now fully on your side! What do you do?\n\n[[- Cater to Vince's ego and let him choose.]]\n\n[[- Choose the name yourself.]]

"...I do have some worries about that."\n\n"What's the matter, do you think you're not ready?"\n\n"No, I'm ready. I've done my time, and think it's finally time to have a singles career. I don't just want to be part of a tag team forever." You confirm, all-too aware of where your unchanged future lies. \n\n"Then what's the problem? Don't tell me you want X-Pac to win? Everyone hates that guy, apparently!"\n\n"No, it's not that, I think it's just... maybe we could..."\n\n[[- Ask for a different opponent after you win.]] \n\n[[- Ask to be given the gimmick of The King of Ass.]] \n\n[[- Say you're fine to face The Rock.]]

"Actually Sir, I'm good to win tonight." You affirm, ready to enact your plan.\n\nSo it is that you make your way to the final of the King of the Ring 1999 on Pay-Per-View, have the match with X-Pac, and when he hits a signature move and goes for the pin, you purposefully throw yourself into the pin with too much force and bang your head a bit.\n\nThe referee counts one, then two, and then as is customary after two, he counts to four.\n\nWait, no, three, sorry. He counts to three.\n\nThe bell rings, and X-Pac looks completely shocked, having been briefed that you were winning instead, but you didn't kick out of the pin in time! \n\nYou pretend to slowly and groggily lift your head and say "ugh, hit my head pretty hard there, is the match over?"\n\nX-Pac looks at you confusedly, then is forced to celebrate. You slowly slink backstage after whispering to the referee that you may have been out cold for a moment there, then play the symptoms up to the doctor when he checks you for a sign of a concussion afterwards. \n\nYou've successfully changed your fate by losing the match, and only barely escape from further punishment by pretending that you couldn't hear the first count to kick out in time. Sure, it pisses off Vince and the rest of backstage off, but they can't prove you did it on purpose, for now. Instead, you're relegated to jobber status for a while, but you don't totally lose face, and there's still a chance to become a singles star again one day.\n\nGive yourself a partial failure, then head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]].

Your Time Goggles thrust you back to the year 2001, just outside the meeting room where you and the Big Show sat that fateful day when he stupidly decided to name your potentially awesome tag team after some Chinese stuff. Doesn't he know that Vince McMahon famously doesn't find Asians attractive? How are you supposed to get attention with a name like that?\n\nThis simply won't do, so you assume the position of your past self, and step into the meeting room, where you find Paul Wight and Vince McMahon locked in an intense battle of wits, interrupted by your presence.\n\n"What smells like steamed ass in here, dammit?!" Vince laments. "And what's up with those freaky goggles?"\n\n"Hi, it's me, Billy Gunn! Trust trying out a new gimmick!" You proffer, as if Vince doesn't have any clue who you are.\n\n"Ah, Barney Gumble, get in here, will ya?" He asks dismissively in a way you strongly remember talking to your therapist about later. You sit down between the two, and get ready to make your case.\n\n"Let's make this quick. I've got an XFL meeting to attend to after this. Think we could really be going places soon!"\n\nYou try to ignore that statement and press on.\n\n"Hi Vince, I, Billy Gunn, think that whatever stupid name Big Show here wants to use is dumb and stupid, and stinks like a butt," you begin, eloquently, "I think we should name the team something different. Something cooler, sleeker, and that gives us more attention and means we don't get jobbed out to some WCW jabronies."\n\nBig Show glares at you.\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n[[- Keep expounding on how dumb the name Show Gunns is.]]\n\n[[- Emphasise how much anyone from WCW is a loser jabroni]].\n\n[[- Pivot to catering to Vince's ego.]]

"...That I... shouldn't win King of the Ring?"\n\n"What do you mean, pal?" Vince asks quizzically. "Surely this is everything you wanted, or did you still want to be part of the Mutt and Butt connection?"\n\n"You mean the New Age Outlaws?"\n\n"Whatever."\n\n"Well, I still want to be a singles competitor, but I don't think that my career will sustain going up against The Rock immediately after."\n\n"What makes you say that?"\n\n"I just... know." \n\n"What if I told you that you're winning this thing, whether you like it or not?" Vince asks, insistingly and increasingly angry that you'd dare question his intelligence or booking decisions.\n\n[[- Refuse to win.]]\n\n[[- Ask that Chyna wins the event instead.]] \n\n[[- Pretend you're fine winning, but then get yourself pinned in the match.]]

Back before the turn of the Millenium, you would have been hard pressed to believe anything could have gone wrong for you. After all, you had recently come off of a stint with D-Generation X, the greatest faction in the history of professional wrestling. \n\nYou'd also managed to split from your long-time tag team partner Road Dogg, whose go-to tactic was to ask if someone didn't know, and then inform them that their Ass better call somebody. Your follow up would be to then take your Ass, and have it call your opponent down to the ground with the Fame Asser, your patented finishing move, before pinning them for the one-two-three. \n\nWhen you won the King of the Ring that year, you were excited to begin your first steps into becoming a solo superstar, and potentially, eventually becoming the greatest wrestler of all time, complete with Wrestlemania main event and enough title reigns to make John Cena go "woah buddy, clinging to the top of the card a bit much, aren't we? Also, hustle, loyalty, and respect or whatever" before becoming invisible to the human eye again. \n\nHowever, your career prospects dropped, and arguably never recovered again when, as your reward for winning the coveted title of "The King of the Ring", you weren't saddled with a terrible monarch gimmick, but were instead paired up against the most electrifying man in sports and entertainment for that year's Summerslam. One fateful night, The Rock went on the microphone and absolutely destroyed you. I mean, wow, he really gave it to you in there. He even purposefully got your name wrong at one point, just to prove how little you mattered to him, and implied that even God thought you sucked. \n\nYour career never recovered, and it's arguable that you never did either. Your singles career ended before it could even pick up steam because instead of you being the metaphorical Sisyphus and proving you could take the boulder to the top of the mountain, The Rock simply crushed you. Seriously, if you search your own name on YouTube one of the top videos is just that promo. \n\nBut, with the power of the goggles, you could potentially make your way back to the past and [[prevent the abdication of your dignity]]...\n\nOr, you can go back to the [[Time Vortex]].\n

You wait until The Rock is in the middle of the promo, then you grab a microphone from gorilla and yell at someone to cue your music.\n\n"What the hell are you doing, dammit?" Vince screams at you, his face turning into a lovely shade of "I'm going to murder you, dammit!" red.\n\n"Putting right what once went wrong." You retort, then make your way through the entrance.\n\nThe Rock looks very put off by your sudden entrance, and perhaps even... a little flustered?\n\nThis is your chance! Can you change your future for the better?\n\n[[- You know, I don't think I should be worried that I'm wrestling The Rock, you should be worried that your inability to capture the title means you have to wrestle me!]]\n\n[[- Oh yeah? Well, here's what my Ass has to say about that! Then do a fart.]]\n\n[[- Just like you failed at your football career, you'll fail to beat me at Summerslam!]]

"You look soooooooo... good to me!"\n\nThat was the theme that used to accompany you and WCW jabroni Chuck Palumbo to the ring when you teamed up to form the memorably-named tag team known as Billy and Chuck. \n\nYour gimmick? Well, you took your whole thing about loving asses, and pretended that you also liked the ass of your tag team partner, and fooled the wrestling world into thinking that you'd never truly be on top unless you found a power bottom. \n\nYou briefly parlayed this newfound attention into a tag team title reign or two, but this would all come to head, figuratively, when you and Chuck would pretend that you were going to become tag team partners, permanently. For the kids at home, it just meant you two would be friends forever, but for the adults and teens, it meant a confusing conversation about whether or not you were switches. \n\nA phonecall to GLAAD and other LGBT spokespeople later, you were all prepared to get married on a fateful episode of Smackdown!. Before the vows could be completed, you took to the microphone and said "this was just supposed to be a publicity stunt! We're not gay, I mean, we've got nothing against gay people!" and then clarified that if you WERE a dreaded gay, you would probably marry Chuck, thus in your mind making it okay that you fooled a nation. \n\nThis caused a raucous load of boos and you to then be beaten up by Eric Bischoff's goons 3 Minute Warning, although it's unclear whether they were doing it because their boss was a maniac trying to terrorise Stephanie McMahon, or because you had just set gay rights back about five years with your stunt. \n\nIt's unclear what the case is nowadays, but it's pretty telling that WWE found itself blacklisted from GLAAD and other places afterwards. After all, they sent a gravy boat. You don't betray anyone who sends a gravy boat. It's just not done, mate. \n\nThe impact of this was pretty horrendous and clearly, people didn't enjoy you trying to progress your career by pretending to be something you weren't. After all, who would ever do that in wrestling? Sadly, you weren't taken very seriously again after this, and it's arguable your career never fully recovered. \n\nUnless, you can [[pervert the course of time like you tried to pervert LGBT rights]]?\n\nOr, you can go back to the [[Time Vortex]].\n\n

"Nope, I think I understand pretty much everything there is to know right now!" You affably confirm. \n\n"Okay, good." Says Future Billy, who slowly starts fading out of existence.\n\n"Are you okay?"\n\n"No, dude, I'm visibily fading out of existence! Now, take these goggles, and travel back to the pre-determined places in time that I've programmed in. Make sure that you don't do anything too awful to ruin the timestream, and make sure that we have a future in wrestling!"\n\nHe hands you the time goggles, which you put on without question. \n\n"Can't you come with me?" you ask a man who is clearly not going to be able to do that. \n\n"No... from now on, you must go it alone... but when you're done, make your way back to this location at this exact time, and perhaps we will learn what your true fate is..."\n\nYou acknowledge this, and prepare accordingly.\n\n"I guess when it comes to the rest of this adventure, I'm going to be... 'The One' Billy Gunn!"\n\n"You're a diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-" Your future self laments as he slowly fades away, leaving only a faint smell of sizzling buttocks and an intense compulsion that you're going to have to clean anywhere he placed his naked body the entire time he was here. \n\nVowing to deep clean everything when you get back, you activate the time goggles, leaving nothing but a DX tee, a pair of jeans, and some wrestling trunks that say "Mr. Ass" on them, while thrusting you into an incomprehensible time vortex!\n\nWelcome to [[The Ballad of Billy Gunn 3: Time Asster]]!

There's nothing for it. You're in too deep now, and the only way out is to actually pretend to get married, onscreen, for real. \n\nRefusing to let Chuck intervene on your behalf to stop the charade, you take to the microphone and say "I'm ready to get married for real to this man, let's do it". \n\nEveryone else isn't sure what to do, but goes along with it. Before Bischoff can reveal that he's in diguise and about to beat you all to a pulp, you snog Chuck passionately, then carry him out of the ring, leaving Stephanie to talk the brunt of the assault alone. \n\nYou then take Chuck on a glorious honeymoon to six of the seven continents, with your lovemaking only interrupted by the actual real life divorce to your wife Tina Tinnell, and a chance encounter caused by you accidentally taking Shawn Michaels' seat at a restaurant. \n\nYou've successfully changed the course of history, helped moved gay rights forward, but also caused Stephanie to get angry at you for messing up the script, Vince is mad at you for going into business for yourself, and also a lot of that honeymoon was unpaid time off that you didn't warn the office about, so you get pretty heavily punished in the long run, and don't find a real way to break into singles competition as you committed to being tag team partners for life.\n\nGive yourself a partial success, then head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]].

Are you sure? You might be wrong, and miss out on fixing the past.\n\n[[- Go to the production meeting.]]\n\n[[- Wait until the night of The Rock promo that killed your singles career stone dead.]]

You realise that Big Show will probably crush you in this fight, and you don't want to be flattened. \n\nThus, you stand down, and make yourself look like a weak jabroni.\n\n"We're called the Show Gunns, and that's that."\n\nWith that, Big Show leaves, causing Vince to tut at you, before demolishing a steak wrap disguised as a burrito. When he's done, he dismissively asks "Are you still here, Benjy Dunn?" before going to the gym. \n\nYou have failed to change the past. Head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]].

Are you sure? Isn't that what got us into this mess in the first place?\n\nUnless, you have a plan?\n\nWell, we'll just have to...\n\n[[- Wait until the night of The Rock's promo.]]

"It's pretty simple, really. I've pre-programmed several select dates in the past that you can go back and fix. You'll have different choices to make to fix the past. If you make our lives better, then you'll pass, and if you don't, you'll fail. If you pass enough events, then we have a better future, and if you don't, then our future gets worse and we could erase ourselves from time entirely."\n\n"Sounds like a lot of pressure."\n\n"Well, you've been through enough adventures to know what you're up against at this point, I'd hope." Future Billy smiles with an affable wink. \n\nSeems simple enough; fix your past problems, and work toward a happier ending for your career. \n\n"Wait", you beckon, "I'm not going to be faced with a bunch of choices that are going to kill me off immediately, right?"\n\n"Iunno". \n\nGreat.\n\n"Anything else?"\n\n[[- How did you get the ability to time travel?]]\n\n[[- How comes it hasn't caused a paradox for us to meet each other?]]\n\n[[- What happens to Billy Gunn in the future?]]\n\n[[- What are the winning lottery numbers?]]\n\n[[- Is Vince McMahon still alive in the future?]]\n\n[[- Wait, you're not like, secretly an evil version of us, and this is all some sort of plot to take over the world?]]\n\n[[- I have no more questions, it's off to the past for me!]]

"...I think that once I beat X-Pac and win King of the Ring, I should maybe have an opponent who'll keep me looking strong into Summerslam."\n\n"Ah, we had an idea about that. How would you feel about The Rock?"\n\nA cold sweat runs down your Ass.\n\n"Uh, shouldn't he be in the main event?"\n\n"We're giving him a quick break."\n\n"Oh. Uh. Could I maybe have someone else?"\n\n"Who then? Hurry this up, my patience is wearing thing and I have a meeting about a new football league soon."\n\nWho do you want?\n\n[[- Say you're fine to face The Rock.]] \n\n[[- Anyone except The Rock.]]

"Alright Vince, I'll do it... but only if I can change my gimmick up slightly."\n\n"What do you mean, pal?"\n\n"Well, I feel that if I become The King of the Ring, then that's well and good and all, but what if I let it go totally to my head, wear a crown, carry a sceptre, and then insist that I'm actually the King of Asses?"\n\n"Do you think that may work?"\n\n"It won't be the first or last time someone's let a King gimmick go to their head. But this one will be different, because mine will be more focuses on Asses."\n\n"Alright pal, let's give it a shot!"\n\nIt worked! You go on to become Billy Gunn, the King of Asses, and it's a weird and different enough take on your gimmick to give it some much-needed longevity, and a good enough twist on the tired King gimmicks that it revitalises the idea for years to come! Plus, your gimmick is now too weird to make sense to pair you up against The Rock, so that also gets avoided!\n\nConsider this a full success, then head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]]. \n\n\n

"What about if we change the planned ending?" You proffer, hoping that it'll be enough to work.\n\n"Hmm, that could work." Vince calms down and agrees, stroking his chin as if he could ever grow hair there long enough to stroke. \n\n"It depends," says Stephanie, pretending that she's still the head writer of Smackdown!, "on what it would be. We need something that's going to generate as much attention as this angle we have planned, so it has to be a good one."\n\nEveryone nods their heads in agreement.\n\n"Philantrophy is the future of marketing. It's the way brands are going to win!" She continues. \n\n"What was that?" Vince asks.\n\n"Nothing!" She covers for herself. Perhaps it was 13 years too early to make that kind of statement. \n\nYou ponder for a few seconds. \n\n"Okay, I have an idea!"\n\n[[- Go ahead with the wedding, for realsies.]]\n\n[[- Have Bischoff interrupt the wedding sooner, causing you and Chuck to save face and break up later down the road.]]\n\n[[- Have one of you be kayfabe injured before the wedding, then quietly cancel the storyline.]]

The Rock looks at you for a brief second, then turns away and leaves as if what you said hadn't even registered to him.\n\nHe goes out and gives the same promo as before. Sorry, but that was a really weak insult.\n\nConsider this a full failure, then head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]]. \n

Not willing to let Big Show get the upper hand in the fight, you swing for him immediately and catch him off guard.\n\nWhile he staggers, he is 7 foot tall, and 500 pounds, and has a outrageous right hook of his own. \n\nHe swings his fist towards you and hits you so hard that any witnesses would swear your head turned 2D for a few seconds.\n\nRegardless, he has knocked you out cold, and left in a huff.\n\nThe tag team will never come to fruition, but Big Show has proven his worth to Vince and shown the fire that he's been waiting to see for so long. Big Show gets pushed back to the main event, and later on his finisher becomes his ability to punch a man back through time. \n\nHowever, as you're seen as a petty loser who can't take a punch, you're relegated to jobber status and released shortly after.\n\nYou have super failed, and actively made your own past worse. Add a full failure to your overall record, then head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]].

"How about this, Vince?"\n\nYou detail to Vince, Steph, and the writing crew how, instead of you and Chuck interrupting your own vows and revealing it's all a charade, you instead have Bischoff refuse to finish the ceremony by having the line about three minutes be part of the vows, instead of convincing you not to have cold feet. \n\nThus, when Bischoff reveals himself, he gets absolutely nuclear heat by not only disguising himself and laying havoc to the ring, but also being the person to prevent the wedding from happening. This also helps you and Chuck save face by not saying anything homophobic on stage, and you two later split up as a tag team due to your frustrations at the other for trying to protect Stephanie and ward off Bischoff than trying to save their future husband. \n\nIt's not perfect, but it's a damn sight better than what actually happened, and in the long term you still come off as a bit iffy due to the "pretending to be a gay man" thing, but the stigma doesn't follow you anywhere near as badly as it should because you're ultimately seen to be progressive, considering how regressive wrestling can be sometimes.\n\nMark yourself down as a full success, then head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]].

During your adventures, you didn't win points, per se, but earned a status for your time-travelling escapade. Now, however, we're going to convert them into points and total them up, so we can work out which endings you can potentially earn! Isn't it great when binary decisions end up being used like this?\n\nHow the points work:\n\nFor every Super Fail you earned, minus half a point (-0.5).\n\nFor every Full Fail, do not add any points (0).\n\nEach Partial Fail nets you a quarter of a point (+0.25). \n\nIf you earned a Partial Success, add half a point (+0.5).\n\nFinished a scenario with a Full Success? Add a whole point (+1).\n\nOkay, once you've added up all your points and have your final number, make your way to your extensively crafted and wholly unique [[endings]]!

"You know what, Vince? I think I don't need to pair up with the Big Show. I think it's high time that I get a singles run with a real push behind it, don't you think?"\n\n"What are ya thinking, pal?"\n\n"I want the world title."\n\n"What ELSE are ya thinking, pal?" \n\n"I'll settle for a prolonged mid-card push with the occasional sniff at a World Title, with the hope that my run in the mid-card will impress you and get the audience behind me enough that one day, I'm a truly viable contender to the World Title."\n\n"Well, sounds good to me, put 'er there, pal!"\n\nAnd as you shake hands with Vince, your fate changes instantly. You technically changed the name of the team by removing the chance of the team-up, and also have successfully parlayed your way into the singles scene for a long time to come. \n\nCongratulations, you have passed this scenario! Give yourself a full success, then head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]]. \n\n

"Well, Mr McMahon. I've given you all the guidance you need. I think you've got it from here." You smile, knowing that your boss, Vincent Kennedy McMahon has famously never given a tag team a bad name. \n\n"Hmmm." He begins to ponder. "A portmanteau of your names, huh?" \n\nYour stomach suddenly drops. \n\n"The Big Show and Billy Gunn... Show... Gunn..."\n\nYour stomach lifts back up again, tentatively. \n\n"Gunn... Show...\n\nYou dare to smile.\n\n"I got it! The Giant Asses!"\n\nYour stomach drops so low that a danger fart eeks out. \n\n"It's perfect! Paul used to be the Giant, and you're the Ass Man! Everyone will love The Giant Asses, I know it!"\n\nOf all the times for him to remember your gimmick. \n\nHowever, there's nothing that can be done anymore, as once Vince McMahon has made his mind up, he's well known for never changing his mind again, not even on a random whim. \n\nCongratulations are in order however, as you did successfully get Vince McMahon to change the name of the team. However, the team becomes a laughing stock comedy duo, and while you're remembered for some decent comedy skits, you're taken so unseriously by the audience that you get squashed even harder by those Alliance wrestlers, killing your credibility when the team splits up and making a foray into singles wrestling unlikely in the years to come.\n\nYou've failed to totally pass this scenario, but you did technically succeed. Award yourself a half-pass and head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]].

"Actually", you think to yourself, "perhaps the name isn't the issue, but we just need to be booked better."\n\n"What do you mean, pal?" Vince asks incredulously, revealing that you've been talking out loud to yourself the entire time as a result of the time travel. \n\n"Well, I think the idea might have potential, but we just need to go harder on it, you know. Why half-ass the name when we can fully lean into it? We could even dress up as ancient Indians-"\n\n"Japanese" Big Show corrects you.\n\n"Chinese, whatever, and have a new theme and everything? We could even go on an unstoppable run for a while. Think about it, Vince..."\n\n"Hmm. Well, alright, pal. Let's give it a shot!"\n\nIt worked! Now you'll be better booked!\n\nExcept, that's not entirely how it goes down. Upon your debut, fresh with a new theme and costume, the 2001 audience is still savvy enough to know this is somehow a taaad racist, and also you look ridiculous in the get-up. Nobody can even see your beautiful ass under the heavy armour you now have to wear in your match!\n\nAfter a couple of attempts to make it work, you all agree to quietly put the kibosh on the team and part ways earlier, but the stigma of trying to go too hard on the gimmick follows you for a long while to come. \n\nSorry, but you have failed to alter the past for good.\n\nHead back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]].

The Rock is in the middle of his devastating promo against you when you run into the middle of gorilla, shout "cue my music", and prepare to run through the curtain.\n\n"What the hell do you think you're doing, dammit?!" Vince screams at you, turning a lovely shade of pre-meditated murder red. \n\n"Putting right a great injustice!" You shout, then sprint into the ring.\n\nThe Rock is totally caught by surprise, and when it comes to his Ass, you love to kick 'em! Because you're the Ass Man! \n\nThe crowd cheer, you get some heat back, and you look pretty tough while doing it!\n\nCongrats! You've successfully stopped The Rock from doing his iconic promo, and changed the course of history! \n\nHowever, you do get quite punished for going off-script, and after you lose the Summerslam match you get thrown rather violently into jobber status for the foreseeable future.\n\nConsider it a partial success then, and then head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]]. \n

There's no saying no to Vincent Kennedy McMahon, a man who famously hates being stood up to, and so you find yourself having to win the King of the Ring 1999. Ugh, how dare you be given success you don't want. \n\nFast forward to the night of The Rock's infamous promo... The one where he says all the stuff about you praying to God about how much you suck ass. It's a pretty devastating burn considering that of all the things you love to do to Asses according to your theme song, "sucking" is not one of those things. \n\nHe must not be able to get one over on you tonight. It simply cannot happen. \n\nAs you plot, you see The Rock make his way to the ring. What will you do?\n\n[[- Say something particularly devastating to The Rock before he goes to the ring.]]\n\n[[- Wait until the middle of his promo and then come out and say something mean.]]\n\n[[- Interrupt his promo and attack him to get your heat back.]]

You realise that trying to defeat Vince McMahon in a battle of wits is probably not the smartest move. After all, he did recently single-handedly defeat WCW, several years after you invaded them with that tank. \n\n"I'm sorry, sir. I was totally out of line there. I'll do the storyline as written, sir." You concede and sit down, meekly. \n\n"Good." Vince says, before tearing a massive bite out of a steak wrap-filled burrito. \n\nYou soon find yourself in a wedding suit, standing on stage in the ring.\n\nThere may still be a way to come back from this... \n\n[[- Get married for real.]]\n\n[[- Forget your line so that Chuck has to say the bad things instead.]] \n\n[[- Stop the wedding.]]

"Hey Dwayne", you say with particularly childish emphasis. \n\n"The Rock wants to know what you want." He responds.\n\nWow, this dude is a professional, even behind the cameras. You're kind of in awe. Do you think you can actually do this?\n\n[[- Go ahead, try to insult The Rock.]]\n\n[[- Nah, I don't think I can insult The Rock. Let's bail!]]

You realise that you've hurt Big Show's feelings, and that perhaps it's for the best that you don't do that if you want to make a name for yourself in the tag team scene.\n\n"We're the Show Gunns, and that's that."\n\nHe leaves the room before you can negotiate otherwise.\n\nYou have failed to change the past. Mark yourself down for a failure, and then head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]].

Back in the 90s, you were in a very famous wrestling federation. Billy Gunn the Ass Man, the Ass Man. Don’t act like you don’t know.\n\nThat’s right, you are everlasting wrestling icon Billy Gunn the Ass Man, whose gimmick is that you like the cellulite-filled posteriores of women. This particular gimmick has lasted the test of time, is truly evergreen, and definitely still relevant today. It’d have been nice if you weren’t particular about the gender of the asses in question, but the one time this was questioned, you were part of an event that made LGBT charities blacklist the wrestling federation you were acting on behalf of, so maybe it’s for the best.\n\n2018 was not your best year. [[You tried to parlay an appearance on RAW 25]] - the 25th anniversary of a wrestling TV show that’s managed to last for two and a half decades - into a kickstart for your career and dreams of Wrestlemania stardom, and was instead forced to be part of a reunion for D-Generation X, the faction that killed WCW stone dead by invading them with a tank, thereby causing them to make a series of stupid and irrational monetary and creative decisions that lead to the company going bankrupt three years later. Instead of reviving your career, you buried a tag team called the Revival, an expert decision that led to you being left off the Wrestlemania card and them reportedly asking for their release, a sure sign that their success was too plentiful.\n\nYour Wrestlemania ambitions still had a chance until your hopes of being on the grandest stage of them all were dashed by [[the stellar creative decisions of New Yoiker Vince Russo]], a man who recently insisted that putting a wrestler’s mother on a forklift 20 years ago was still one of the greatest creative decisions he’d ever made, whilst potentially calling a wrestle Hugh G. Rection is legitimately funny. Unsurprisingly, his brief foray into wrestling consciousness last year was so pronounced, you could legitimately argue that it in fact never even happened at all. \n\nStill, while your dreams of being the darling of World Wrestling Entertainment wafted away like a nasty smell from a tasty ass, you weren't entirely without fortune. In fact, you did somehow make your way onto a Pay-Per-View event called "All In", in a match where a bunch of wrestlers, including you, were All In the ring until you were thrown out unsummarily. Perhaps if you'd made it to the Royal Rumble, your skills of staying inside a ring and not being thrown over the top rope would have been sharp enough that you wouldn't have lost by not being able to stay inside the ring because you were thrown over the top rope. You know what they say; Hindsight is 20/20, and not when you see someone's behind. That's a shame, because as we've established, you are the Ass Man, and if there's one thing you're good at looking at, it's someone's shart factory. \n\nHowever, your appearance must have turned a few heads, because the people behind that event have recently decided to form their own wrestling company known as All Elite Wrestling, and invited you to join them as a producer, meaning that you now have a steady paycheque and don't have to retaliate by forming the All Superstars Slam, which would definitely have been more than just a great acronym. \n\nAh yes, a steady paycheque is in your future, and maybe this one won't be contingent on you not continuing to take steroids, a decision that led WWE asking you not to let the door hit you where the good Lord split you. By which they meant, don't let the door hit Mr Ass on the way out. \n\nThey meant you.\n\nYou were the Ass Man.\n\nBeing a producer could be a great career pivot for you, but you know what you'd like to pivot? Some asses. But also, secretly, your career back to being a full time wrestler who everyone loves. Mostly the ass thing though. \n\nAs you sigh in sadness, you hear an unfamiliar noise in the back of your apartment. Do you:\n\n[[- Investigate the noise.]]\n\n[[- Don't investigate the noise]].

It's the night of The Rock's iconic promo. The one where he says all the stuff about you praying to God about how much you suck ass. It's a pretty devastating burn considering that of all the things you love to do to Asses according to your theme song, "sucking" is not one of those things. \n\nHe must not be able to get one over on you tonight. It simply cannot happen. \n\nAs you plot, you see The Rock make his way to the ring. What will you do?\n\n[[- Say something particularly devastating to The Rock before he goes to the ring.]]\n\n[[- Wait until the middle of his promo and then come out and say something mean.]]\n\n[[- Interrupt his promo and attack him to get your heat back.]]

An indeterminate amount of time has passed. \n\nBilly finds himself on solid ground.\n\nHe opens his eyes.\n\nThe End.

Uh, okay.\n\nYou agree with Vince voraciously, and find yourself in a wedding suit, standing on stage in the ring. \n\nWhoops.\n\nThere may still be a way to come back from this.\n\n"By the powers invested in me..." the officiant waffles.\n\n[[- Get married for real.]]\n\n[[- Forget your line so that Chuck has to say the bad things instead.]] \n\n[[- Stop the wedding.]]

Future Billy glares into the very being of your soul.\n\n"I'm trying to make our lives personally better at the expense of several other people's, in order to avoid the fate of us burning out our star before we felt it was due, and to force our way into the echelons of wrestling history by messing with the very fabric of time and space itself. Does that sound evil to you?"\n\n"I mean, it's at least morally grey."\n\n"And you're complicit, so if I am an evil version of you, it's only because you yourself had the capacity to do evil, and chose to pursue that."\n\nFirmly deciding that morality is relative, at least when it comes to this exact scenario, you contemplate whether you have any further questions for your future self.\n\n[[- How does this time travel thing work anyway?]]\n\n[[- How did you get the ability to time travel?]]\n\n[[- How comes it hasn't caused a paradox for us to meet each other?]]\n\n[[- What happens to Billy Gunn in the future?]]\n\n[[- What are the winning lottery numbers?]]\n\n[[- Is Vince McMahon still alive in the future?]]\n\n[[- I have no more questions, it's off to the past for me!]]

"Anyone but The Rock. No offence, but he deserves to... uh... go to the tag team scene for a while. How about... Chyna?"\n\n"Chyna?"\n\n"I can see it now, the 9th Wonder of the World Vs the 7th King of the Ring! Plus, there's all the drama of us all being former D-Generation X members to play with!"\n\n"D-Generation X?" Vince questions.\n\n"You remember, we invaded WCW with a tank?"\n\n"Did that do anything?"\n\n"Give it a couple years, and ask me again then." You say with a knowing wink. \n\n"Hmm. Well, it's highly unorthodox, but I suppose that could work..."\n\n"If you put a belt on the line, it definitely will!" You tell him, absolutely chancing it.\n\n"Alright Pal, you've got yourself a deal!" He agrees, before chowing down on cut up bits of well-done steak inside a tortilla wrap. \n\nYou did it! You successfully changed the outcome of your upcoming feud without having to sacrifice being King of the Ring to do so, allowing you to eventually be one of the top superstars once that inevitable triple crown occurs!\n\nAward yourself a full success, then head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]]. \n

You're sure?\n\n[[- Yes dammit! Stop trying to imply I'm not!]]\n\n[[- Kick up a fuss.]]

"Well, thinking about it, there's a perfect way to solve all of this... We call ourselves the Gunn Show!"\n\nVince's eyes light up, as if annoyed he didn't think of it himself.\n\n"That's perfect! It makes you sound tough, and everybody in America loves guns! There's no way that sentiment will ever change in the future, so it's an evergreen name! Brilliant!"\n\nYou've never heard Vince describe anything you've ever done as brilliant before, and Big Show seems all too happy to oblige.\n\n"Uh, yeah, I think it's great too, boss" he affirms.\n\n"Then it's settled. The Gunn Show it is!"\n\nAnd with that, your fate is sealed. With the cooler name for your team, everyone remembers it quicker, and nobody will look back on your history and wonder why you never called yourselves that. You're taken more seriously as a tag team, and eventually find yourselves with tag team gold, definitive proof that you're over. Plus, as your name is first in the team, you're unofficially seen as a leader, and when the team inevitably breaks up, your foray into a singles career already has a great headstart!\n\nYou've successfully changed the future for the better! Award yourself a full pass, and head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]].

"Vince, if you won't back down over this, then neither will I. I'm prepared to quit if you don't change your mind over this."\n\n"Well, you know what, pal?!" He screams, with venom on the word 'pal'. "I can do you one better than that."\n\nHe breathes in.\n\n"YOU'RE FIREEEEED!"\n\nYou weren't expecting that, although maybe you should have. You didn't have anywhere near enough sway to actually make him bend to your whims, because if you had that much power at all, you probably wouldn't have been in this storyline in the first place.\n\nYou've overestimated your worth, and now you have none.\n\nYou've been fired, meaning that while you've succeeded in preventing the wedding, you have also prevented yourself having a further career.\n\nYou have super failed, and actively made your own past worse. Add a full failure to your overall record, then head back to the [[Time Vortex]].\n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]].

"What if Chyna wins?" You offer.\n\n"What?"\n\n"Think about it boss, the 9th Wonder of the World, and the 7th King of the Ring!" You clap your hands together. "The First Queen of the Ring!" You probably won't get one of those for another twenty years otherwise!"\n\n"What makes you say that?" Vince questions.\n\n"Best not to find out, but maybe lay off the gravy matches for a while."\n\n"No deal, pal! But this Chyna thing could work. And you'd be fine with losing to her?"\n\n"Yeah, plus we were former D-Generation X members, so we can play off of that for extra drama!"\n\n"D-Generation X?" Vince questions.\n\n"We invaded WCW with a tank that one time and single-handedly killed their company."\n\n"They're still running." Vince responds blankly.\n\n"Give it another couple years, then remember your old pal Billy Gunn." You wink, knowingly. \n\nCongratulations, you've successfully prevented yourself from killing your singles career by entering a program against The Rock! \n\nHowever, you don't get to keep the title of King of the Ring, and you've give your push to someone else. Consider this a partial success, then head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]]. \n

Ooh, what a devastating burn!\n\n"See buddy, that's where you're wrong. The Rock didn't fail at football, football failed to be big enough for The Rock!"\n\nOh, maybe not then. \n\n"And when The Rock faces you at Summerslam, he's going to tie your sorry ass up like a football, and punt you square out of the arena! IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLL"\n\nAh, poop from an Ass, you've absolutely scuppered this one. Not only did you fail to phase him, but he managed to make you look like an even bigger jabroni than if you said nothing.\n\nPlus, Vince is super mad at you for going off-script and making a bigger idiot of yourself. Not only do you go on to lose at Summerslam, but you're relegated below the mid-card for daring to reach the brass ring and barely managing to keep your own brown ring together.\n\nConsider this a super failure, then head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]]. \n

"Mr. McMahon sir, I'd refuse to win the match."\n\n"Now listen here, you sad sack of smokey ass! You're going to go into that ring, and you're going to win that match, or you're going to be fired right now, you understand?"\n\nYou hold steadfast. "You wouldn't".\n\n"You want to try me pal? You think we won't write you out of existence in the blink of an eye? I've written out better wrestlers for less! You know what Macho Man did? Nobody does! You see his ass here? No! You see yours! And if you don't go out there, then it's mine!" He spits with enough venom to make a snake worried. "Now, are you going to win tonight, or not?"\n\n[[- Still refuse.]]\n\n[[- Win, and wait to enact your plan on the night of The Rock's promo.]]

There's nothing for it. Everyone involved is in too deep now, and the only way out is to actually pretend to get married, onscreen, for real. \n\nSquaring it with Vince, Chuck, and co beforehand, when the wedding happens, nobody interrupts. You snog Chuck passionately, then carry him out of the ring. \n\nYou then take Chuck on a glorious honeymoon to six of the seven continents, with your lovemaking only interrupted by the actual real life divorce to your wife Tina Tinnell, and a chance encounter caused by you accidentally taking Shawn Michaels' seat at a restaurant. \n\nYou've successfully changed the course of history, helped moved gay rights forward, but a lot of that honeymoon was unpaid time off that you didn't warn the office about, so you get pretty heavily punished in the long run, and don't find a real way to break into singles competition as you committed to being tag team partners for life.\n\nGive yourself a partial success, then head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]].

Clenching your most dangerous weapon in case the noise belongs to an intruder, you slowly creep towards the back of your apartment Ass first, ready to strike at a moment's notice. \n\nAs you approach the location of the noise, you also start smelling a weird noise, as if someone had tried to steam-press a ham. And by a ham, I mean that weird American colloquialism about butts. \n\nBefore you can regain your senses, you're taken aback by a weird light and smoke, as if someone chose this moment to let off some outdated pyro. On the ground in front of you is a shape not unlike a smoking gun...\n\nBecause it's [[a Smoking Gunn]]...

You go to say something to him, and realise that you probably can't beat him in a battle of wits right now... But maybe you can during his promo.\n\nTruth be told, you couldn't think of anything and need a couple of extra minutes, but he doesn't know that.\n\n[[- Wait until the middle of his promo and then come out and say something mean.]]\n\n[[- Interrupt his promo and attack him to get your heat back.]]

Future Billy stares so hard at you that you briefly wonder if you've grown a sumptuous pair of buttocks on your face. Eventually, you realise this isn't the case, and he just hasn't realised that was always an option.\n\n"Uh... well, you know, with the consuming guilt of the past, and... uh. It's about wrestling. Money wouldn't make us totally happy and some of this is about the thrill and personal achievement of headlining Wrestlemania as the champion."\n\n"But couldn't we just go back in the past, win big on the lottery, and bribe Vince to let us win?"\n\nFuture Billy stares again at you with the incomprensible combination of having understood time travel and knowing what points in the timeline to go back and fix, but forgetting at every juncture that the lottery is also a thing. \n\n"Uh... surely that victory would be too hollow, and you'd never feel like you truly earned it?"\n\nHe's got a good point, Sting. I mean, present day Billy Gunn.\n\n"Anything else?"\n\n[[- How does this time travel thing work anyway?]]\n\n[[- How did you get the ability to time travel?]]\n\n[[- How comes it hasn't caused a paradox for us to meet each other?]]\n\n[[- What happens to Billy Gunn in the future?]]\n\n[[- Is Vince McMahon still alive in the future?]]\n\n[[- Wait, you're not like, secretly an evil version of us, and this is all some sort of plot to take over the world?]]\n\n[[- I have no more questions, it's off to the past for me!]]

"I'm just saying, I'd have made sure they were more even before I left makeup."\n\nThe Rock takes his glasses off, and this is how you know he's trying to literally actually murder you with his eyes.\n\n"Who told you about the makeup?" He asks, nervously.\n\n"I mean, we all have to do it if we're going to do a promo, it's not an issue. I mean, I get them to powder my ass before I go out there. Not for promo reasons, I just like the way it feels on my trunks and-"\n\n"Enough!" The Rock pleads. "The Rock doesn't have time to fix this before he goes to the ring. Do you think anyone will notice?"\n\n"I noticed." You admit.\n\nThe Rock slowly puts his sunglasses on, sighs, and makes his entrance.\n\nYou watch the promo from gorilla position, and you notice that The Rock is visibly a bit shaken. Not a lot, but enough that there's not as much passion as there was before. Sure, it's still pretty great, after all, it's The Rock, but he definitely delivered that with less cadence than he would have before, and he doesn't have everyone onside by the end.\n\nRelatively speaking, against The Rock, this is a minor victory in the battle of wits.\n\nConsider this a partial success, it may be the best you get, and then head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]]. \n

The Rock actually appears visibly shaken by that!\n\n"You see, when I won King of the Ring, it was up for me to make the most of the opportunity given, which is why I attacked you the other week. But, if I wasn't truly on your radar, then why are you facing me at Summerslam? Because you're not good enough for the title anymore, Rocky. You're not good enough to be in the main event of Summerslam. But you know who you are good enough to face, just about? Mr. Ass. If that doesn't worry you, then it should. If I lose to you, then I lost to a former champion. You lose to me? You're not even champion material, you're just subservient to the King of the Ring. And that's what Mr. Ass is cooking!"\n\nYou drop the mic and walk off before The Rock has a chance to retort, and make your way backstage to reasonable applause.\n\nCongratulations! You've stopped The Rock from destroying you so heartily that your career never recovered! However, you did go off-script and Mr. McMahon is very unhappy about that. You lose the Summerslam match and drop back off the radar as a punishment, but it's not as career-killing as it was before.\n\nConsider this a partial success, then head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]]. \n

Are you sure? You might be wrong, and miss out on fixing the past.\n\n[[- Continue on to the production meeting.]]\n\n[[- Wait until the night of The Rock's promo.]]

"What do you mean, I have to destroy the Crucible?"\n\n"You must do exactly that, that is the choice you have made here."\n\n"And what happens when I do?"\n\n"All of the time-travel will end. Your shenanigans in the past will be erased, but so will your failures. In a sense, your life will reach its own stasis, undisturbed by your follies, or what could have been."\n\n"And in real terms, what happens?"\n\n"You destroy wrestling. Like, all of it. You don't have to linger on the past because it won't exist, but you won't be able to ever reach your dreams of stardom, because there'll be nothing to achieve."\n\n"Wouldn't I just be able to invent it when I get back?"\n\n"What makes you think you'd get back alive?"\n\n"I'm an Ass Man."\n\n"Very well. You have made your choice."\n\nYou step towards the Crucible, but decide to go out on your own terms. \n\nWith a tear in your eye, you prepare for the last move you may ever do. You tighten your trunks, you slap your Ass one more time for good luck, and charge towards the beam of light. \n\nYou unleash the best version of your finishing move, the Fame Asser, where you smash your butt into an opponent's head until they fall down, on the beam of light. The move is so devastating that all of wrestling explodes and ceases to be at once. \n\nAnd thus, the story of Billy Gunn and his ballads ends here. If, that is, they could be said to have ever existed at all. For without wrestling, there is no Billy Gunn, and it can truly be said, without Mr. Ass, there is no wrestling to remember. \n\nSo ends your trilogy of The Ballad of Billy Gunn.\n\n[[Or does it?]]

"And you recently found yourself in OVW, so how was that for ya?" You ask Big Show, mockingly. \n\nVince laughs raucously. "Hahaha!"\n\nThe Giant, Paul Wight, however, does not stand for this, and makes this clear by standing up and squaring up against you.\n\nUh-oh, you may have bitten off more than you can chew.\n\n[[- Get ready to have a fight with the Big Show.]]\n\n[[- The Big Show will crush you in this fight. Bail!]]\n\n[[- Punch Big Show.]]

"So what you're saying is... I won't be coming back to the present, but I will technically be in control of wrestling?"\n\n"Yes. You've altered your own past enough that, should you wish to, you can now subtly control all of wrestling from afar with the powers bestowed upon you by the actions of your past."\n\n"Isn't that just being a really good booker or head writer for a wrestling federation? Like, isn't that essentially what I'd be doing with All Elite Wrestling as a producer?"\n\n"...No it isn't. Shut up". The Crucible Child retorts. \n\nYou may not understand it yet, but you're about to do great things, Billy Gunn. You've successfully changed enough of your past that in time, your exploits and standing within the wrestling community became vastly improved. More title reigns came your way. More reverence was had. Mr. Ass became a household name, and one that would echo throughout the land. And now you can change the future for the better, too.\n\nYou know there is only one thing for it. You head towards the beam of light protruding from the Crucible. You slap your ass, tighten your trunks, and prepare to give it the Fame Asser of a lifetime.\n\nFor those not sure what that is, basically, it's your wrestling move that you do where, upon jumping up in the air, you proceed to bring the rest of your body down Ass first onto someone's head. It's pretty cool to watch, and now you're about to do it to a beam of light. \n\nYou prepare to run up, leap into the air, and deliver that finisher with such aplomb and spectacular skill that your body disintegrates the moment it touches the beam. \n\nHowever, across the present time, the spirit of your body starts spreading across to the biggest figureheads of wrestling, allowing your influence to spread, corrupt, and inhabit those with the power to make the most important decisions in wrestling.\n\nFrom now on, every decision made will be because of you, Billy Gunn. Or should we say, Mr. Ass? \n\nYou have successfully changed your past enough to become a permanent fixture of wrestling's future!\n\nAnd thus ends your trilogy of The Ballad of Billy Gunn.\n\nThe End.\n\n[[Or is it?]]

Back in the 90s, you were in a very famous wrestling federation. Billy Gunn the Ass Man, the Ass Man. Don’t act like you don’t know.\n\nThat’s right, you are everlasting wrestling icon Billy Gunn the Ass Man, whose gimmick is that you like the cellulite-filled posteriores of women. This particular gimmick has lasted the test of time, is truly evergreen, and definitely still relevant today. It’d have been nice if you weren’t particular about the gender of the asses in question, but the one time this was questioned, you were part of an event that made LGBT charities blacklist the wrestling federation you were acting on behalf of, so maybe it’s for the best.\n\n2018 was not your best year. [[You tried to parlay an appearance on RAW 25]] - the 25th anniversary of a wrestling TV show that’s managed to last for two and a half decades - into a kickstart for your career and dreams of Wrestlemania stardom, and was instead forced to be part of a reunion for D-Generation X, the faction that killed WCW stone dead by invading them with a tank, thereby causing them to make a series of stupid and irrational monetary and creative decisions that lead to the company going bankrupt three years later. Instead of reviving your career, you buried a tag team called the Revival, an expert decision that led to you being left off the Wrestlemania card and them reportedly asking for their release, a sure sign that their success was too plentiful.\n\nYour Wrestlemania ambitions still had a chance until your hopes of being on the grandest stage of them all were dashed by [[the stellar creative decisions of New Yoiker Vince Russo]], a man who recently insisted that putting a wrestler’s mother on a forklift 20 years ago was still one of the greatest creative decisions he’d ever made, whilst potentially calling a wrestle Hugh G. Rection is legitimately funny. Unsurprisingly, his brief foray into wrestling consciousness last year was so pronounced, you could legitimately argue that it in fact never even happened at all. \n\nStill, while your dreams of being the darling of World Wrestling Entertainment wafted away like a nasty smell from a tasty ass, you weren't entirely without fortune. In fact, you did somehow make your way onto a Pay-Per-View event called "All In", in a match where a bunch of wrestlers, including you, were All In the ring until you were thrown out unsummarily. Perhaps if you'd made it to the Royal Rumble, your skills of staying inside a ring and not being thrown over the top rope would have been sharp enough that you wouldn't have lost by not being able to stay inside the ring because you were thrown over the top rope. You know what they say; Hindsight is 20/20, and not when you see someone's behind. That's a shame, because as we've established, you are the Ass Man, and if there's one thing you're good at looking at, it's someone's shart factory. \n\nHowever, your appearance must have turned a few heads, because the people behind that event have recently decided to form their own wrestling company known as All Elite Wrestling, and invited you to join them as a producer, meaning that you now have a steady paycheque and don't have to retaliate by forming the All Superstars Slam, which would definitely have been more than just a great acronym. \n\nAh yes, a steady paycheque is in your future, and maybe this one won't be contingent on you not continuing to take steroids, a decision that led WWE asking you not to let the door hit you where the good Lord split you. By which they meant, don't let the door hit Mr Ass on the way out. \n\nThey meant you.\n\nYou were the Ass Man.\n\nBeing a producer could be a great career pivot for you, but you know what you'd like to pivot? Some asses. But also, secretly, your career back to being a full time wrestler who everyone loves. Mostly the ass thing though. \n\nAs you sigh in sadness, you hear an unfamiliar noise in the back of your apartment. Do you:\n\n[[- Investigate the noise.]]\n\n[[- Don't investigate the noise]].

"Uh, sure. Okay." You agree with Vince.\n\nWait, no, that's not what you meant to do at all, right?\n\n[[- Yup, it is. Play along with Vince.]]\n\n[[- Kick up a fuss.]]

The Rock stares at you for what feels like ages, but is probably a bit shorter than that. Time is difficult to gauge when you're staring at rocks. At least, you assume that's what he's doing. Then he takes off the sunglasses for a moment, and you see that he was in fact doing that thing that you thought he was doing. \n\n"Dude." Is all The Rock is able to muster before his entrance music plays, and he scrambles to gorilla position. \n\nYou could swear that you've visibly flustered The Rock, and as you watch him make his promo, you know that somehow, against all odds, you've successfully rattled The Rock! He tries his best, but then he does something you've never known him to do, flub a line! It's unheard of for him, and he's unable to get the momentum back! \n\nYou've successfully prevented The Rock from making one of the most devastating promos ever! This means that when you still lose at Summerslam your momentum isn't entirely gone, and you're still able to make a solo career viable in future! \n\nConsider this a full success, then head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]].

If you've not experienced "The Ballad of Billy Gunn, Ass Man" before, or simply wish to refresh your memory, check out the first adventure at:\n\nhttp://philome.la/Jokesound/the-ballad-of-billy-gunn-ass-man\n\nOtherwise, [[let's go back to the introductory bit]]!

...Shut up and get in the [[Time Vortex]].

You're initially not worried by the noise that you hear, determining that it's probably some rats, or worse, your spelling impaired friend Road Dogg knocking on the door to try to come in and moan about all the fans on Twitter who are wrong. \n\nHowever, you then start to smell something odd, as if someone has spent too long in a sauna with only their butt exposed.\n\nYou resolve that you're still not going to investigate it, just in case you're having some sort of Ass-based stroke, but are suddenly compelled to pay attention when weird lights and smoke flash in the corner of your apartment, as if someone chose this moment to set off the pyro that used to accompany your entrance to let people know never to fear, the man who likes Asses was here. \n\nYou clench your most dangerous weapon and head towards the strange shape on the ground that's just appeared, Ass first. The sensation is not unlike discovering a smoking gun...\n\nBecause on the ground, is [[a Smoking Gunn]]...

You continue to the production meeting, unabated by your passion for fixing the past. Plus, if the goggles were programmed to come here, this must have been the most changeable moment in time. \n\nYou take a deep breath, storm into the meeting room, and find Vince finishing up the meeting with some writers.\n\n“Dammit, what smells like time-travelling butt-cheeks in here?”\n\n“Hi, it’s me, Billy Gunn, the Ass Man! Mr. Ass! That’s me!” You say, introducing yourself to a room of people who should definitely know who you are.\n\n“Ah, Bernie Sanders, get your ass in here.” Vince demands, clearly up to date on his long-term American politicians of no real note. \n\nYou comply and sit down. “So, what’s the plan for this event, lads?” You ask, pretending you’re not fully aware.\n\n“Ah, see, this is why we called you in here today. We’ve been thinking about making YOU the King of the Ring this year. What do you think?”\n\n“Me?” To point to yourself, pretending to be surprised. “Oh my word, I can’t believe it! Me! Billy Gunn! The king of the ring! That’s awesome!”\n\n“That’s what we thought you’d say, pal.” Vince smiles, clearly happy he’s made whatever your name is feel a bit better, if only briefly. \n\n“What do you say, Mr. Gunn? Ready to become a singles star?”\n\nWell, are you?\n\n[[- Yes, I’m ready for the main event, but...]]\n\n[[- No sir, I actually think...]]

"That's... not many choices."\n\n"Take them or leave them." The Crucible Child scoffs. \n\nWell, there is another option. \n\nYou tighten your wrestling trunks, you size him up, and you prepare to unleash the most devastating Fame Asser of your life.\n\nIf you're not sure what the Fame Asser is, it's your patented wrestling finishing move where you take the opponent's head under your buttocks, and then use the momentum of your falling Ass to send them into the ground, ready to pin.\n\nGot that? Cool, glad we could explain that important piece of lore at the very end of the adventure.\n\nHowever, when you go to deliver your finishing move, you forget one piece of information about the holographic Crucible Child, and that's that he doesn't know how to take the move safely.\n\nThat proves to not be an issue, however, as you phase right through him, what with him being a hologram and all. As you stand back up, he turns to you, his eyes glowing red.\n\n"So be it", it says, demonically, before leaving you stranded on the Crucible, alone.\n\nYou contemplate your actions, and what lead you to this point, but it doesn't take long until you're put out of your misery by a surprise appearance from Vince Russo, who steals the time-travelling goggles back off of you, before jumping into the Crucible and synthesising himself with all of wrestling, thus making it nothing but swerves, sexist displays of women, and constant things on pole matches.\n\nYou are left alone on an exploding Crucible, unable to have changed your future for the better, and left stranded and alone in an uncaring future, where nobody knows your name, or even cares about your past achievements.\n\nSo ends your trilogy of The Ballad of Billy Gunn.\n\nThe End.

"You know, they say this isn't traditionally a very alive audience, so you might not get the pops you're hoping for there, Rocky." You sneer, sure that will put the fear into him.\n\n"The Rock thanks you for the concern, pal, but don't worry, when I give my speech to the MILLIONS-"\n\nHe pauses.\n\n"-And millions of The Rock's fans, then it won't matter if they were dead before, they'll come alive for The Rock!"\n\nWith that, he marches off, and delivers the exact same speech as before, but if anything, with a slight bit more passion.\n\nYou didn't get to him, but he certainly got to the audience, and nothing changes for you.\n\nMark yourself down as having failed, then head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]]. \n

"This was just supposed to be a publicity stunt!" You find yourself bellowing into a microphone, and with that, causing a stable time loop.\n\nYou've managed to somehow go back in time and do the exact same thing as you weren't meant to do.\n\nHow?\n\nMark yourself down as a full failure in this scenario, and then head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]].

"Through these goggles. Didn't you notice I've been wearing them the entire time?"\n\n"How do they work?"\n\n"I dunno, dude. I didn't make them."\n\n"Where did you get them from?"\n\n"I stole them from Vince Russo's desk when he wasn't looking. Thought it was deserved payback after what he tried to make us do at last year's Wrestlemania just to get on the card."\n\nYou think back, and your butt winces.\n\n"Don't worry, the dude wouldn't put them on anyway, so I'm sure it's not going to affect him in the long run. Anything else you want to know?"\n\n[[- How does this time travel thing work anyway?]]\n\n[[- How comes it hasn't caused a paradox for us to meet each other?]]\n\n[[- What happens to Billy Gunn in the future?]]\n\n[[- What are the winning lottery numbers?]]\n\n[[- Is Vince McMahon still alive in the future?]]\n\n[[- Wait, you're not like, secretly an evil version of us, and this is all some sort of plot to take over the world?]]\n\n[[- I have no more questions, it's off to the past for me!]]

As you use the time goggles to make your way back to where you initially set off, you can't help but hope that the plan worked.\n\nPlus, you noticed that every scenario seemed to have you battling against Vince McMahon in a game of wits. \n\nHowever, time was of the essence, and it still is as you make your way back to the present, and plonk down to where used to be your apartment from before. You can see tons of stars in the distance, a myriad of explosions, and forces of good battling against those of evil. In front of you is the holograph of a small child. You recognise him, and thus your surroundings immediately.\n\n"Wait a second, this isn't my apartment... this is the Crucible from the ending of Mass Effect 3!"\n\n"How would you know?"\n\n"I wasn't doing much in 2012."\n\nIt's true. You weren't. \n\n"Wait," you groan, "does this mean that none of my choices ultimately mattered?"\n\n"Well, some would have", the Crucible Child explains, "but the deadline got bought forward unexpectedly and we ran out of time to tailor the endings to the specific decisions you made. Plus, considering the amount of choices you made in the series of three fifty hour plus action-RPG games, there's literally no way we'd have had time to accomodate every choice you made, or your total morality."\n\n"But I didn't do any of that, I just went back in time and yelled at Mr. McMahon a bunch!"\n\n"Regardless, your actions have bought you here now, faced with several possible outcomes, depending on how effective your attempts to change your history have been."\n\n"Isn't that a cop out?"\n\n"Give us a few months, and we'll add a couple extra paragraphs. Sound good?"\n\n"No."\n\n"Then sod it, it's too much work anyway", the Crucible child laments, serving as an ineffective reminder of something you were powerless to stop, but are annoying haunted by since due to the fact that most developers are dads now and seem to think killing children is easy drama for your surrogate dad-hood. \n\n"So I don't have to save Mankind?"\n\n"No, I think Mick Foley is doing something else right now."\n\n"..." You glare through the hologram.\n\n"Do you want to know what endings you can choose from or not?"\n\n"Sure, but they better not be based on how many points I earned, thus purposefully implying that one ending is significantly better and more canonical than the others."\n\n"...Just pick the endings, Billy." \n\n[[Let's total up your points!]]

Back in 2001, Billy Gunn joined forces with the Big Show in a faction known as the Show Gunns, apparently because the former Giant liked ancient history imagery. \n\nUnfortunately, the alliance was short-lived, having come to an ignoble end when they were defeated by members of the Alliance of WCW and ECW at the PPV known as InVasion, when members of the Alliance invaded WWE and beat some of them in matches that people had to pay upwards of sixty money to see. \n\nHowever, there could be a way to fix all of this, we'll just have to go back to [[the inception of the tag team of Big Show and Billy Gunn]]...\n\nOr, you can go back to the [[Time Vortex]].

Making some various beeps and boops on the time goggles, you found yourself thrust into 2002, and into the loving arms of Chuck, your tag team partner. \n\n"It's good to see you too, buddy!" He smiles, glad that you're taking the gimmick seriously. \n\nYou both make your way into the meeting room with Vince, Stephanie, and the rest of the writers who are planning the end to the angle of the Billy and Chuck Wedding.\n\n"Hey everyone! It's me, Billy Gunn, the Ass Man!" You shout, introducing yourself to a room of people who should definitely know who you are.\n\n"Ah, Bart Simpson, good to see ya pal!" Vince lies, lyingly. He then sniffs. "What smells like smoking hams in here?"\n\nYou choose not to draw attention to the after-effects of your time travel, and sit down, ready to change the course of history. \n\n"So, what do we have planned for this wedding then?"\n\n"It's simple, pal, you and Chuck are going to nearly get married, then tell Rico that you aren't a bunch of queers, and then my daughter is going to be beaten up. It's simple, pal. Just do your part and play along."\n\nWhat do you do?\n\n[[- Do your part and play along.]]\n\n[[- Kick up a fuss.]]

As you square up to the Big Show, you wonder how you can possibly win this fight. After all, this dude is seven foot tall and five hundred pounds. It's really impressive just how much more he can absolutely destroy you in a fight.\n\nHowever, there's no need to do that, as Vince stops you two coming to blows.\n\n"Woah now, we don't need to fight here, Billy." He says, remembering your name as a sign of respect.\n\n"However, I like your guts, so tell ya what, why don't you decide the name, since you're so passionate about it?"\n\nThis is your best chance to get what you want!\n\n[[- Cater to Vince's ego and let him choose.]]\n\n[[- Sod this tag team, make a name for yourself.]] \n \n[[- Choose the name yourself.]]

You square up to The Rock, ironically titled the most electrifying man in sports and entertainment. That's how good this man is. His muscles tense, his eyebrow raises, and you can't tell behind his sunglasses, but you're pretty sure he's somehow staring a new hole into you. \n\n"What do you want with The Rock?" He demands.\n\nWhat do you say?\n\n[[- Good luck out there, hear it's a tough crowd.]]\n\n[[- Sideburns are looking a little uneven. Might wanna get that fixed before you go out there, pal.]]\n\n[[- You know, I don't think I should be worried that my status has risen enough to be paired up against you, you should be worried that your status has dropped enough that you have to wrestle me.]]\n\n[[- Hey dude, nice shirt... for a jackass.]]

Somewhere in New York, a phone begins to ring.\n\n"Bro?" A heavily New Yoik accent questions.\n\nAn all-too familiar voice responds from the other end of the line.\n\n"Vince? This is Vince. Tell me, how would you feel about... booking Wrestlemania 35...?"\n\n"Bro, I swear to gawwwwd..."\n\nVINCE RUSSO WILL RETURN IN RUSSOMANIA 2: THE FINAL SWERVENING.

Alright, listen up, Gunn! \n\nYou have several locations in the past that you need to visit in order to right the wrongs that have befallen you and prevented you from becoming the most iconic wrestler of all time. \n\nWhen you reach these locations, you must make choices to try and change what happens and alter the course of history for the good of Asskind. \n\nIf you succeed, then your attempt should be marked as successful. If you fail, then it should be marked likewise. \n\nWhile you may go across the timelines, your previous decisions in one storyline won't affect the others and they won't all coalesce until you've visited them all. Call it, uh, the timestreams having to take time to catch up with each other. \n\nOnce you've visited every location available, Billy must return to the present and discover his fate, and whether he succeeded making sure that when people think of wrestling history, they think of Ass. Mr. Ass, that is.\n\nAll clear? \n\n- Let's go to the [[Time Vortex]]!\n\n[[- Wait, I have a question! Earlier we potentially established that this probably follows Back to the Future rules of time travel, but it also sounds like if we have to jump back into certain situations and can't leave until they're completed and made right that this probably actually follows Quantum Leap rules, right? Could we get a clarification on which set of rules it follows, or if it in fact follows something entirely different?]]

"Hold up a second, Vince", you begin. "I'm kind of uncomfortable with all of this, you know?"\n\n"What part are you uncomfortable with? We don't have to see it go in, do we?" Vince questions, uneasily. \n\n"No, that got taken out of the first draft, thankfully. The issue I have is that I think this isn't really going to help anyone in the long run."\n\n"Oh really?" Stephanie asks, her reputation at stake as head writer of Smackdown! \n\n"Yeah, I mean, think about it, right? It's all over the place. First we're being supportive of the gay marriage which we're portraying as a good, progressive thing. Then we loudly pronounce that we're not gay and it's just for attention, so at that point, are we face or heel? Then Rico's going to reveal he forced us into it, so is he the heel, or is the face, and with that announcement that it was his idea to fool everyone, how do Chuck and I come across? I don't know whether to cheer or boo us, and I'm in the middle of this mess!"\n\nVince and Stephanie look at each other quizzically.\n\n"Then Bischoff reveals that he's the priest, and has his cronies beat us all up, so is everyone now a heel, or are Chuck and I good again because we try to protect Stephanie? Also, the plan is to linger on Stephanie being beaten up, so, is the ending focus on Stephanie despite her being there as a witness, or are Chuck and I the focus, or is it Three Minute Warning?"\n\nVince turns his head slightly, as if to explain himself.\n\n"It's a complete cluster. It's memorable, yes, but it's not totally memorable for the right reasons. Bischoff's bit is great, but the rest of it is going to make us look outdated, homophobic, and needlessly childish. It's all over the place, and I think you of all people should know better, Mr McMahon, sir."\n\nHe didn't like that last part, and makes it very clear with his calm, considered speech.\n\n"NOW LISTEN HERE, DAMMIT! Are you trying to tell me how to run my own business? Are you telling me I don't know how to write storylines? Don't you know who I am? I'm Vincent Kennedy McMahon, dammit! I buried WCW twice in two years! I'm the owner of the XFL!"\n\n"And how did that last one work out for you, sir?"\n\nVince's face turns the kind of red that seems impossible on a sixty plus year old man, but boy does he achieve it. \n\nWhat are your options here?\n\n[[- Backtrack and agree with Vince, and go ahead with the wedding.]]\n\n[[- Suggest a new ending to the storyline.]]\n\n[[- Refuse to take part at all.]]

Flicking the time goggles such that they understand your labyrinthine commands, you soon find yourself in the final meeting before The King Of The Ring 1999.\n\nHave you overshot where you needed to go? After all, it was The Rock’s speech that sent you careening back down the mid-card and into the afterthoughts of the millennium switch over. \n\nHmm. What should you do?\n\n[[- Continue on to the production meeting.]]\n\n[[- Wait until the night of The Rock promo that killed your singles career stone dead.]]\n\n\n\n\n\n

"I mean, no offense," you begin with the calling card of every sociopath who means to cause offence with their next sentence, "but Show Gunns? Come on, Vince. Nobody's going to believe that's a great idea. I mean, what even IS that?"\n\n"It's a cool reference to ancient history" Big Show intervenes.\n\n"Exactly, Vince. Ancient history. You know who remembers that? Historians. Historians ain't been watching WWE, man?"\n\n"WWE?" Vince asks, incredulously.\n\n"WWF, whatever, just giving you options for the lawsuit."\n\n"Lawsuit?" Vince questions, moreso.\n\n"That's not important right now, Vince. Pending litigation from pandas is nowhere near as important as the name of this tag team. We need something that strikes fear into the hearts of our enemies. That proves we're a force to be reckoned with, that people will want to see for miles around. Preferably a portmanteau on our names..."\n\n"Well, okay Pal, what do you think the team should be called?"\n\n[[- Cater to Vince's ego and let him choose.]]\n\n[[- Backtrack on being mean to Big Show and let him choose the name, but insist you get booked better.]]\n\n[[- Choose the name yourself.]]

You figure that now you're in too deep, there's only one thing left to do: conveniently forget your lines so that Chuck has to say them. \n\nLuckily, as any good wrestler or actor would do, he also memorised your lines and finds himself having to say the words "this was supposed to be a publicity stunt", and telling the audience that, were he actually into men, he'd definitely be into you, if you know what we're saying.\n\nWith his penis, I believe was the implication. \n\nIt works, partially, and everyone is forced to work around you not saying anything, so while you save some face by not saying anything particularly troubling, you also come off as a goof by saying nothing at all. Plus, forgetting your lines makes you come off horribly backstage, where you're totally chewed out by Vince, Steph, and the writers. Plus, there's still all the backlash caused by having still been part of the ceremony.\n\nYou've saved face, but you're not trusted to remember lines, and move down to jobber status as a punishment.\n\nGive yourself a partial fail, and then head back to the [[Time Vortex]]. \n\nAlternatively, if you've finished all the scenarios, let's head [[Back To The Present]].