Sugarcane

Pat-Joe, the guy in the shop was rich and successful and asked Assumpta to go for a drink Did she say: "[[yes, I think you're very attractive|yes]]" or "[[no, I wouldn't date you if we were the only humans left after the apocolypse and had to repopulate the earth|no]]" \n[img[http://i39.tinypic.com/mr8cb5.png]]\n

Mossy O'Meara was 25, tall, dark and handsome. The fields belonged to his farm and he was out checking on his sheep when he spotted Assumpta McBullock sitting under the old oak tree. "[[Hi, Mossy|mossy]]" she said shyly, batting her lashes a little. "[[Hi, Assumpta|assumpta]]" he said, equally shyly, not used to women at all, despite his looks.\n[img[http://i41.tinypic.com/255rguh.png]]

Mossy sat down next to Assumpta. They got to talking. As they became more relaxed they had only one thing on their minds...[[for more mature audiences only|overeighteen]]but controlled themselves and Mossy asked her out on a proper date. [[Nicos|nicos]]

In a land before time (rural Ireland 5 years ago) in a small town, bypassed by the new motorway and long forgotten about by tourists, a young colleen called Assumpta McBullock was searching for love. She was very eligible having won the local 'lovely girls' competition 3 times in a row and been crowned twice in the 'Miss Massey Ferguson wet t-shirt competition. So, wearing her best frock, she sasheyed down the street towards [[McBorings Bargains|shop]] and Timmy Deaths [[Bar and Undertakers|bar]].\n[img[http://i39.tinypic.com/rti884.png]]\n

Assumpta opened her eyes and yawned...so it was all a dream...she got up and decided to hit the town (consisting of [[McBorings bargains|shop]] and [[Timmy Death's Bar|bar]].\n[img[http://i42.tinypic.com/vgofpc.png]]\n

Pat-Joe was overcome with delight. Assumpta MacBullock saying yes to the likes of him, beGod! She had great child bearing hips alright. So he ran home to find his best green cordrouy suit and got his sister to iron it. Where should he take Assumpta? The [[local chipper|chipper]] did a great battered sausage or the classy tapas restaurant [[Nicos|nicos]]? He didnt know what tapas were except that there wasnt much atein in them. How to choose?

They bonded over the meatball platter. After several meaningful glances they suddenly got up and left the restaurant without paying. They started ripping their clothes off behind the wheelie bin and then...[[click to say you're over 18|overeighteen]]\n[img[http://i44.tinypic.com/2r2ljl5.png]]\n

That was a lucky escape! She headed to the bar for a quick [[pickmeup|bar]]

Assupmta and Timmy went to the picture house to see a movie. Timmy wanted to see [[sawthree|sawthree]] but Assumpta wanted to see [[Titanic|titanic]] as she had a big crush on Leonardo di Caprio!

The girls locked eyes and the car was driven to the nearest lay-by. Assumpta and the driver started to...[[click to say you're over 18|overeighteen]]

Assumpta went home feeling disheartened. She got up early the next day and went for walk in the [[fields|fields]] to clear her head.

Assumpta and Timmy were starry eyed as they left the flicks. They realised they had always had latent feelings for each other. As Timmy went down on one knee and asked her to marry him, Assumpta felt like she was in a dream, actually she really felt like she was in a dream...[[was she?|overeighteen]] or was it all [[really happening|happening]]?

Flirting for Dummies

Assumpta realised she needed to look at Newtwopotfecken with new eyes. The world outside was a strange place! [[restart story|FalseStart]]\n[img[http://i43.tinypic.com/4h6xjt.jpg]]\n

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On and on she ran, until she reached the main road to Dublin. Did she [[hitchhike|hitchhike]] away from Newtwopotfecken or go for a walk in the [[fields|fields]].

Assumpta was so terrified by the movie, she clung to Timmy Death and realised that she enjoyed his manly protective arm around her. He was so encouraged and not being one to waste time that he asked her to marry him. She looked at him and replied [[not on your nelly!|no way]] or [[Oh Timmy, Ive always wanted your babies|yes please]].

Timmy Death (so called because of his thriving undertaking business in the pub's basement) was standing behind the bar and looked her up and down as she walked in. "Would ya like to be buried with my people, ya fine thing ya!". Realising she was being asked out, did she [[overlook|overlook]] the fact that he was 20 years older, vertically challenged (and a bit mentally challenged as well) or [[ran down the road as fast as she could without looking back|run]].\n[img[http://i42.tinypic.com/2zow5tu.png]]

The wedding day dawned bright and clear. Assumpta had never felt more in love as she walked down the aisle towards her new husband...\nThe end. [[Restart the story to see if you can get a differant ending!|FalseStart]]\n[img[http://i40.tinypic.com/2u45yfd.png]]

Assumpta had heard that Mossy was a right player so, even though she fancied him, she decided against chatting to him. With a sigh she got up and went home, stopping in [[McBorings Bargains|shop]] to buy sweets.

The fields stretched in front of her, vast empty spaces dotted here and there with sheep. Assumpta sighed and sat down beneath an old oak tree to contemplate life as an old maid. Was there any talent at all in Newtwopotfecken? She heard the sound of whistling coming closer. She started to feel nervous and got to her feet. Did she start walking back towards the road or did she stay to wait for the [[whistling person|Mossy O'Meara]] or head back to the [[road|hitchhike]].

Assumpta was so attracted to Leonardo de Caprio that she ignored Timmy's subtle advances, and when he grabbed her ample bosom for the second time, she landed him one in the nuts and left. She marched towards home but stopped into [[McBoring's Bargains|shop]] for sweets.

She stuck out her thumb and after a few Larry Murphy lookalikes kerb crawled past, she finally accepted a lift from a woman her own age who was driving alone. They drove towards Dublin and chatted all the way. The other woman was single and was very attracted to Assumpta. She asked her for her number. Did Assumpta [[feel a mutual attraction|attraction]], after all the men of Newtwopotfecken hadn't floated her boat so far, or, said firmly that she was a [[committed hetro|hetro]].\n[img[http://i42.tinypic.com/111umao.png]]\n

He took Assumpta to the chipper. After all he loved their grub. Why should he change the habits of a lifetime. Assumpta took one look at his battered sausage and said one of two things "[[you can shove that where the sun don't shine, Im going to the pub|bar]]" or "[[Id love a bite of that if you're offering|pulled]].\n[img[http://i41.tinypic.com/se0wvt.png]]

Jane Collins

Pat-Joe couldn't believe his luck. He knew the battered sausage was a chick magnet. He held it out for Assumpta to bite into. Assumpta chewed slowly on it, her eyes never leaving his face. They left the chipper and walked briskly back to her place, climbing the stairs and kicking the bedroom door closed behind them...[[If you're curious click here|overeighteen]]