<<nobr>><<set $gang to random(1,5)>>You have completed the first step of your gang initiation! <<if $gang is 1>>You punched a random guy in the back of the head and stole<<endif>><<if $gang is 2>>You broke into a random parked car and found in the glove compartment<<endif>><<if $gang is 3>>You went on a vision quest and foresaw the world succumbing to the force of<<endif>><<if $gang is 4>>You stood in a circle around the main character and watched him beat the crap out of all of your friends, one by one. Your friend <<print either("Ronnie", "Michelle", "Rory", "Big Mike", "Big Lucy", "Rhonda", "Greg", "Tonya")>> had their eye gouged out by<<endif>><<if $gang is 5>>Your new uniform is a leather jacket, assless chaps, and<<endif>><<endnobr>>

After fending off a band of naked brigands sporting a half-chub, you find

You killed the dreaded Dire <<print either("Chimera", "Wolf", "Owlmoose", "Jackalope", "Weasle")>>! For some reason, it was holding onto

You've hit something of a rough patch, and had to pawn your ancestral

You open up a Loot Crate that isn't addressed to you and find

You emerge from the gauntlet, drunk on a cocktail of victory and the blood of your fallen enemies. You are rewarded with

<<nobr>><<if $article is "true">>a copy of Lethal Weapon <<print random(2,5)>> on <<print either("Blu-ray", "a scratched-to-shit DVD", "HD DVD", "VHS", "Betamax", "Laser Disc", "a .mp4 file", "an iPod mini", "a WMP file", "a RealPlayer file you downloaded on KaZaa")>><<endif>>\n<<if $article is "false">>copy of Lethal Weapon <<print random(2,5)>> on <<print either("Blu-ray", "a scratched-to-shit DVD", "HD DVD", "VHS", "Betamax", "Laser Disc", "a .mp4 file", "an iPod mini", "a WMP file", "a RealPlayer file you downloaded on KaZaa")>><<endif>><<endnobr>>

I can't believe you wasted your last Wish on

After killing a poor, defenseless orphan, you dig through it's tiny pockets and find

You accidentally spent all of your starting gold on

While rummaging around in the bargain bin, you find

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<<nobr>><<if $article is "true">>an exotic weapon you don't have the feat for, with an extremely specific enchantment you don't need.<<endif>>\n<<if $article is "false">>exotic weapon you don't have the feat for, with an extremely specific enchantment you don't need.<<endif>><<endnobr>>

<center>@@font-size:2.2em;The Totally Useful Loot Generator@@\n[[Credits]]</center>\n<<nobr>>\n<<set $title = random (1,100)>>\n<<if $title gte 1 and $title lte 10>><<display "Title 1">><<set $article to "true">><<set $ending to "default">><<endif>>\n<<if $title gte 11 and $title lte 20>><<display "Title 2">><<set $article to "true">><<set $ending to "default">><<endif>>\n<<if $title gte 21 and $title lte 30>><<display "Title 3">><<set $article to "true">><<set $ending to "gauntlet">><<endif>>\n<<if $title gte 31 and $title lte 40>><<display "Title 4">><<set $article to "true">><<set $ending to "default">><<endif>>\n<<if $title gte 41 and $title lte 50>><<display "Title 5">><<set $article to "true">><<set $ending to "default">><<endif>>\n<<if $title gte 51 and $title lte 60>><<display "Title 6">><<set $article to "false">><<set $ending to "pawn">><<endif>>\n<<if $title gte 61 and $title lte 70>><<display "Title 7">><<set $article to "true">><<set $ending to "default">><<endif>>\n<<if $title gte 71 and $title lte 80>><<display "Title 8">><<set $article to "true">><<set $ending to "default">><<endif>>\n<<if $title gte 81 and $title lte 90>><<display "Title 9">><<set $article to "true">><<set $ending to "default">><<endif>>\n<<if $title gte 91 and $title lte 100>><<display "Title 10">><<set $article to "true">><<set $ending to "wish">><<endif>>\n<<endnobr>>\n<<nobr>>\n<<set $result = random(1,100)>>\n<<if $result gte 1 and $result lte 15>><<display "Weapon 1">><<endif>>\n<<if $result gte 16 and $result lte 30>><<display "Weapon 2">><<endif>>\n<<if $result gte 31 and $result lte 65>><<display "Weapon 3">><<endif>>\n<<if $result gte 66 and $result lte 69>><<display "Weapon 4">><<endif>>\n<<if $result gte 70 and $result lte 74>><<display "Weapon 5">><<endif>>\n<<if $result gte 75 and $result lte 80>><<display "Weapon 6">><<endif>>\n<<if $result gte 81 and $result lte 99>><<display "Weapon 8">><<endif>>\n<<if $result is 100>><<display "Weapon 7">><<endif>>\n<<endnobr>>\n<<nobr>><<if $ending is "gauntlet">>"But at what cost?" you wonder to yourself, unsure if the bloodstains will ever truly wash off.<<endif>><<if $ending is "wish">>On second thought...yes I can.<<endif>><<endnobr>>\n\n[[What else do I find?|Start]]

<<nobr>><<if $ending is "pawn">><<display "Weapon 1">><<else>><<print either("The Automatic, Systematic, Hydromatic, Greased Lightning!", "Another goddamn zombie movie", "The hideous beating of the tell tale heart!")>><<endif>><<endnobr>>

<<if $article is "true">>a cocktail napkin that reads:\n"I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness,\n starving hysterical naked,\ndragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking \n for an angry fix,\nangelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly\n connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night,\nwho poverty and tatters and hollow-eyed and high sat up smoking \n in the supernatural darkness of cold-water flats floating \n across the tops of cities contemplating jazz,\nwho bared their brains to Heaven under the El and saw\n Mohammedan angels staggering on tenement roofs \n illuminated,\nwho passed through universities with radiant cool eyes\n hallucinating Arkansas and Blake-light tragedy among the \n scholars of war,\nwho were expelled from the academies for crazy & publishing \n obscene odes on the windows of the skull,\nwho cowered in unshaven rooms in underwear, burning their \n money in wastebaskets and listening to the Terror through\n the wall,\nwho got busted in their pubic beards returning through Laredo \n with a belt of marijuana for New York,\nwho ate fire in paint hotels or drank turpentine in Paradise \n Alley, death, or purgatoried their torsos night after night\nwith dreams, with drugs, with waking nightmares, alcohol and\n cock and endless balls,\nincomparable blind streets of shuddering cloud and lightning in \n the mind leaping toward poles of Canada & Paterson, \n illuminating all the motionless world of Time between,\nPeyote solidities of halls, backyard green tree cemetery dawns,\n wine drunkenness over the rooftops, storefront boroughs of \n teahead joyride neon blinking traffic light, sun and moon \n and tree vibrations in the roaring winter dusks of Brooklyn, \n ashcan rantings and kind king light of mind,\nwho chained themselves to subways for the endless ride from \n Battery to holy Bronx on benzedrine until the noise of \n wheels and children brought them down shuddering \n mouth-wracked and battered bleak of brain all drained of \n brilliance in the drear light of Zoo,\nwho sank all night in submarine light of Bickford’s floated out \n and sat through the stale beer afternoon in desolate \n Fugazzi’s, listening to the crack of doom on the hydrogen \n jukebox, \nwho talked continuously seventy hours from park to pad to bar to \n Bellevue to museum to the Brooklyn Bridge,\na lost battalion of platonic conversationalists jumping down the \n stoops off fire escapes off windowsills of Empire State out \n of the moon,\nyacketayakking screaming vomiting whispering facts and \n memories and anecdotes and eyeball kicks and shocks of \n hospitals and jails and wars,\nwhole intellects disgorged in total recall for seven days and \n nights with brilliant eyes, meat for the Synagogue cast on \n the pavement,\nwho vanished into nowhere Zen New Jersey leaving a trail of \n ambiguous picture postcards of Atlantic City Hall,\nsuffering Eastern sweats and Tangerian bone-grindings and \n migraines of China under junk-withdrawal in Newark’s bleak \n furnished room,\nwho wandered around and around at midnight in the railroad\n yard wondering where to go, and went, leaving no broken\n hearts,\nwho lit cigarettes in boxcars boxcars boxcars racketing\n through snow toward lonesome farms in grandfather night,\nwho studied Plotinus Poe St. John of the Cross telepathy and \n bop kabbalah because the cosmos instinctively vibrated at\n their feet in Kansas, who loned it through the streets of\n Idaho seeking visionary indian angels who were visionary\n indian angels,\nwho thought they were only mad when Baltimore gleamed in\n supernatural ecstasy,\nwho jumped in limousines with the Chinaman of Oklahoma on\n the impulse of winter midnight streetlight smalltown rain,\nwho lounged hungry and lonesome through Houston seeking jazz\n or sex or soup, and followed the brilliant Spaniard to\n converse about America and Eternity, a hopeless task, and\n so took ship to Africa,\nwho disappeared into the volcanoes of Mexico leaving behind\n nothing but the shadow of dungarees and the lava and ash of\n poetry scattered in fireplace Chicago,\nwho reappeared on the West Coast investigating the FBI in\n beards and shorts with big pacifist eyes sexy in their dark\n skin passing out incomprehensible leaflets,\nwho burned cigarette holes in their arms protesting the\n narcotic tobacco haze of Capitalism,\nwho distributed Supercommunist pamphlets in Union Square\n weeping and undressing while the sirens of Los Alamos\n wailed them down, and wailed down Wall, and the Staten\n Island ferry also wailed,\nwho broke down crying in white gymnasiums naked and\n trembling before the machinery of other skeletons,\nwho bit detectives in the neck and shrieked with delight in\n policecars for committing no crime but their own wild\n cooking pederasty and intoxication,\nwho howled on their knees in the subway and were dragged off\n the roof waving genitals and manuscripts,\nwho let themselves be fucked in the ass by saintly motorcyclists,\n and screamed with joy,\nwho blew and were blown by those human seraphim, the sailors,\n caresses of Atlantic and Caribbean love,\nwho balled in the morning in the evenings in rosegardens and\n the grass of public parks and cemeteries scattering their\n semen freely to whomever come who may,\nwho hiccuped endlessly trying to giggle but wound up with a sob\n behind a partition in a Turkish Bath when the blond & naked\n angel came to pierce them with a sword,\nwho lost their loveboys to the three old shrews of fate the one \n eyed shrew of the heterosexual dollar the one eyed shrew\n that winks out of the womb and the one eyed shrew that does\n nothing but sit on her ass and snip the intellectual golden\n threads of the craftsman’s loom.\nwho copulated ecstatic and insatiate with a bottle of beer a\n sweetheart a package of cigarettes a candle and fell off the\n bed, and continued along the floor and down the hall and\n ended fainting on the wall with a vision of ultimate cunt\n and come eluding the last gyzym of consciousness,\nwho sweetened the snatches of a million girls trembling in the\n sunset, and were red eyed in the morning but prepared to\n sweeten the snatch of the sunrise, flashing buttocks under\n barns and naked in the lake,\nwho went out whoring through Colorado in myriad stolen\n night-cars, N.C., secret hero of these poems, cocksman and\n Adonis of Denver--joy to the memory of his innumerable lays\n of girls in empty lots & diner backyards, moviehouses’\n rickety rows, on mountaintops in caves or with gaunt\n waitresses in familiar roadside lonely petticoat upliftings\n & especially secret gas-station solipsisms of johns, &\n hometown alleys too,\nwho faded out in vast sordid movies, were shifted in dreams,\n woke on a sudden Manhattan, and picked themselves up out\n of basements hungover with heartless Tokay and horrors of\n Third Avenue iron dreams & stumbled to unemployment\n offices,\nwho walked all night with their shoes full of blood on the\n snowbank docks waiting for a door in the East River to open\n to a room full of steamheat and opium,\nwho created great suicidal dramas on the apartment cliff-banks of\n the Hudson under the wartime blue floodlight of the moon &\n their heads shall be crowned with laurel in oblivion,\nwho ate the lamb stew of the imagination or digested the crab at\n the muddy bottom of the rivers of Bowery,\nwho wept at the romance of the streets with their pushcarts full\n of onions and bad music,\nwho sat in boxes breathing in the darkness under the bridge, and\n rose up to build harpsichords in their lofts,\n\nwho coughed on the sixth floor of Harlem crowned with flame\n under the tubercular sky surrounded by orange crates of\n theology,\nwho scribbled all night rocking and rolling over lofty incantations\n which in the yellow morning were stanzas of gibberish,\nwho cooked rotten animals lung heart feet tail borsht & tortillas\n dreaming of the pure vegetable kingdom,\nwho plunged themselves under meat trucks looking for an egg,\nwho threw their watches off the roof to cast their ballot for\n Eternity outside of Time, & alarm clocks fell on their heads\n every day for the next decade,\nwho cut their wrists three times successively unsuccessfully, gave\n up and were forced to open antique stores where they thought\n they were growing old and cried,\nwho were burned alive in their innocent flannel suits on Madison\n Avenue amid blasts of leaden verse & the tanked-up clatter of\n the iron regiments of fashion & the nitroglycerine shrieks of\n the fairies of advertising & the mustard gas of sinister\n intelligent editors, or were run down by the drunken taxicabs\n of Absolute Reality,\nwho jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge this actually happened and\n walked away unknown and forgotten into the ghostly daze of\n Chinatown soup alleyways & firetrucks, not even one free\n beer,\nwho sang out of their windows in despair, fell out of the subway\n window, jumped in the filthy Passaic, leaped on negroes, cried\n all over the street, danced on broken wineglasses barefoot\n smashed phonograph records of nostalgic European 1930s\n German jazz finished the whiskey and threw up groaning into\n the bloody toilet, moans in their ears and the blast of\n colossal steamwhistles,\nwho barreled down the highways of the past journeying to the\n each other’s hotrod-Golgotha jail-solitude watch or\n Birmingham jazz incarnation, who drove crosscountry\n seventytwo hours to find out if I had a vision or you had\n a vision or he had a vision to find out Eternity,\nwho journeyed to Denver, who died in Denver, who came back to\n Denver & waited in vain, who watched over Denver &\n brooded & loned in Denver and finally went away to find\n out the Time, & now Denver is lonesome for her heroes,\nwho fell on their knees in hopeless cathedrals praying for each\n other’s salvation and light and breasts, until the soul\n illuminated its hair for a second, \nwho crashed through their minds in jail waiting for impossible\n criminals with golden heads and the charm of reality in their\n hearts who sang sweet blues to Alcatraz,\nwho retired to Mexico to cultivate a habit, or Rocky Mount to\n tender Buddha or Tangiers to boys or Southern Pacific to the\n black locomotive or Harvard to Narcissus to Woodlawn to the\n daisychain or grave,\nwho demanded sanity trials accusing the radio of hypnotism &\n were left with their insanity & their hands & a hung jury,\nwho threw potato salad at CCNY lecturers on Dadaism and\n subsequently presented themselves on the granite steps of\n the madhouse with shaven heads and harlequin speech of\n suicide, demanding instantaneous lobotomy,\nand who were given instead the concrete void of insulin Metrazol\n electricity hydrotherapy psychotherapy occupational therapy\n pingpong & amnesia,\nwho in humorless protest overturned only one symbolic pingpong\n table, resting briefly in catatonia,\nreturning years later truly bald except for a wig of blood, and\n tears and fingers, to the visible madman doom of the wards of\n the madtowns of the East,\nPilgrim State’s Rockland’s and Greystone’s foetid halls, bickering\n with the echoes of the soul, rocking and rolling in the\n midnight solitude-bench dolmen-realms of love, dream of life\n a nightmare, bodies turned to stone as heavy as the moon,\nwith mother finally ******, and the last fantastic book flung out\n of the tenement window, and the last door closed at 4 a.m.\n and the last telephone slammed at the wall in reply and the\n last furnished room emptied down to the last piece of mental\n furniture, a yellow paper rose twisted on a wire hanger in the\n closet, and even that imaginary, nothing but a hopeful little\n bit of hallucination--\nah, Carl, while you are not safe I am not safe, and now you’re\n really in the total animal soup of time--\nand who therefore ran through the icy streets obsessed with a\n sudden flash of the alchemy of the use of the ellipse the\n catalog the meter & the vibrating plane,\nwho dreamt and made incarnate gaps in Time & Space through\n images juxtaposed, and trapped the archangel of the soul\n between 2 visual images and joined the elemental verbs and\n set the noun and dash of consciousness together jumping\n with sensation of Pater Omnipotens Aeterna Deus\nto recreate the syntax and measure of poor human prose and\n stand before you speechless and intelligent and shaking\n with shame, rejected yet confessing out the soul to conform\n to the rhythm of thought in his naked and endless head,\nthe madman bum and angel beat in Time, unknown, yet putting\n down here what might be left to say in time come after\n death,\nand rose reincarnate in the ghostly clothes of jazz in the goldhorn\n shadow of the band and blew the suffering of America’s naked\n mind for love into an eli eli lamma lamma sabacthani\n saxophone cry that shivered the cities down to the last radio\nwith the absolute heart of the poem of life butchered out of their\n own bodies good to eat a thousand years.\n \n\nII\n\nWhat sphinx of cement and aluminum bashed open their skulls\n and ate up their brains and imagination?\nMoloch! Solitude! Filth! Ugliness! Ashcans and unobtainable\n dollars! Children screaming under the stairways! Boys\n sobbing in armies! Old men weeping in the parks!\nMoloch! Moloch! Nightmare of Moloch! Moloch the loveless! \n Mental Moloch! Moloch the heavy judger of men!\nMoloch the incomprehensible prison! Moloch the crossbone\n soulless jailhouse and Congress of sorrows! Moloch\n whose buildings are judgment! Moloch the vast stone of\n war! Moloch the stunned governments!\nMoloch whose mind is pure machinery! Moloch whose blood is\n running money! Moloch whose fingers are ten armies! \n Moloch whose breast is a cannibal dynamo! Moloch whose\n ear is a smoking tomb!\nMoloch whose eyes are a thousand blind windows! Moloch whose\n skyscrapers stand in the long streets like endless\n Jehovahs! Moloch whose factories dream and croak in the\n fog! Moloch whose smokestacks and antennae crown the \n cities!\nMoloch whose love is endless oil and stone! Moloch whose soul is\n electricity and banks! Moloch whose poverty is the specter\n of genius! Moloch whose fate is a cloud of sexless\n hydrogen! Moloch whose name is the Mind!\nMoloch in whom I sit lonely! Moloch in whom I dream Angels! \n Crazy in Moloch! Cocksucker in Moloch! Lacklove and\n manless in Moloch!\nMoloch who entered my soul early! Moloch in whom I am a\n consciousness without a body! Moloch who frightened me out\n of my natural ecstasy! Moloch whom I abandon! Wake up in\n Moloch! Light streaming out of the sky!\nMoloch! Moloch! Robot apartments! invisible suburbs! skeleton\n treasuries! blind capitals! demonic industries! spectral\n nations! invincible mad houses granite cocks! monstrous\n bombs! \nThey broke their backs lifting Moloch to Heaven! Pavements,\n trees, radios, tons! lifting the city to Heaven which exists\n and is everywhere about us! \nVisions! omens! hallucinations! miracles! ecstasies! gone down the\n American river! \nDreams! adorations! illuminations! religions! the whole boatload\n of sensitive bullshit! \nBreakthroughs! over the river! flips and crucifixions! gone down\n the flood! Highs! Epiphanies! Despairs! Ten years’ animal\n screams and suicides! Minds! New loves! Mad generation! \n down on the rocks of Time!\nReal holy laughter in the river! They saw it all! the wild eyes! the\n holy yells! They bade farewell! They jumped off the roofl to\n solitude! waving! carrying flowers! Down to the river! into the\n street!"<<endif>>\n<<if $article is "false">>cocktail napkin that reads:\n"I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness,\n starving hysterical naked,\ndragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking \n for an angry fix,\nangelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly\n connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night,\nwho poverty and tatters and hollow-eyed and high sat up smoking \n in the supernatural darkness of cold-water flats floating \n across the tops of cities contemplating jazz,\nwho bared their brains to Heaven under the El and saw\n Mohammedan angels staggering on tenement roofs \n illuminated,\nwho passed through universities with radiant cool eyes\n hallucinating Arkansas and Blake-light tragedy among the \n scholars of war,\nwho were expelled from the academies for crazy & publishing \n obscene odes on the windows of the skull,\nwho cowered in unshaven rooms in underwear, burning their \n money in wastebaskets and listening to the Terror through\n the wall,\nwho got busted in their pubic beards returning through Laredo \n with a belt of marijuana for New York,\nwho ate fire in paint hotels or drank turpentine in Paradise \n Alley, death, or purgatoried their torsos night after night\nwith dreams, with drugs, with waking nightmares, alcohol and\n cock and endless balls,\nincomparable blind streets of shuddering cloud and lightning in \n the mind leaping toward poles of Canada & Paterson, \n illuminating all the motionless world of Time between,\nPeyote solidities of halls, backyard green tree cemetery dawns,\n wine drunkenness over the rooftops, storefront boroughs of \n teahead joyride neon blinking traffic light, sun and moon \n and tree vibrations in the roaring winter dusks of Brooklyn, \n ashcan rantings and kind king light of mind,\nwho chained themselves to subways for the endless ride from \n Battery to holy Bronx on benzedrine until the noise of \n wheels and children brought them down shuddering \n mouth-wracked and battered bleak of brain all drained of \n brilliance in the drear light of Zoo,\nwho sank all night in submarine light of Bickford’s floated out \n and sat through the stale beer afternoon in desolate \n Fugazzi’s, listening to the crack of doom on the hydrogen \n jukebox, \nwho talked continuously seventy hours from park to pad to bar to \n Bellevue to museum to the Brooklyn Bridge,\na lost battalion of platonic conversationalists jumping down the \n stoops off fire escapes off windowsills of Empire State out \n of the moon,\nyacketayakking screaming vomiting whispering facts and \n memories and anecdotes and eyeball kicks and shocks of \n hospitals and jails and wars,\nwhole intellects disgorged in total recall for seven days and \n nights with brilliant eyes, meat for the Synagogue cast on \n the pavement,\nwho vanished into nowhere Zen New Jersey leaving a trail of \n ambiguous picture postcards of Atlantic City Hall,\nsuffering Eastern sweats and Tangerian bone-grindings and \n migraines of China under junk-withdrawal in Newark’s bleak \n furnished room,\nwho wandered around and around at midnight in the railroad\n yard wondering where to go, and went, leaving no broken\n hearts,\nwho lit cigarettes in boxcars boxcars boxcars racketing\n through snow toward lonesome farms in grandfather night,\nwho studied Plotinus Poe St. John of the Cross telepathy and \n bop kabbalah because the cosmos instinctively vibrated at\n their feet in Kansas, who loned it through the streets of\n Idaho seeking visionary indian angels who were visionary\n indian angels,\nwho thought they were only mad when Baltimore gleamed in\n supernatural ecstasy,\nwho jumped in limousines with the Chinaman of Oklahoma on\n the impulse of winter midnight streetlight smalltown rain,\nwho lounged hungry and lonesome through Houston seeking jazz\n or sex or soup, and followed the brilliant Spaniard to\n converse about America and Eternity, a hopeless task, and\n so took ship to Africa,\nwho disappeared into the volcanoes of Mexico leaving behind\n nothing but the shadow of dungarees and the lava and ash of\n poetry scattered in fireplace Chicago,\nwho reappeared on the West Coast investigating the FBI in\n beards and shorts with big pacifist eyes sexy in their dark\n skin passing out incomprehensible leaflets,\nwho burned cigarette holes in their arms protesting the\n narcotic tobacco haze of Capitalism,\nwho distributed Supercommunist pamphlets in Union Square\n weeping and undressing while the sirens of Los Alamos\n wailed them down, and wailed down Wall, and the Staten\n Island ferry also wailed,\nwho broke down crying in white gymnasiums naked and\n trembling before the machinery of other skeletons,\nwho bit detectives in the neck and shrieked with delight in\n policecars for committing no crime but their own wild\n cooking pederasty and intoxication,\nwho howled on their knees in the subway and were dragged off\n the roof waving genitals and manuscripts,\nwho let themselves be fucked in the ass by saintly motorcyclists,\n and screamed with joy,\nwho blew and were blown by those human seraphim, the sailors,\n caresses of Atlantic and Caribbean love,\nwho balled in the morning in the evenings in rosegardens and\n the grass of public parks and cemeteries scattering their\n semen freely to whomever come who may,\nwho hiccuped endlessly trying to giggle but wound up with a sob\n behind a partition in a Turkish Bath when the blond & naked\n angel came to pierce them with a sword,\nwho lost their loveboys to the three old shrews of fate the one \n eyed shrew of the heterosexual dollar the one eyed shrew\n that winks out of the womb and the one eyed shrew that does\n nothing but sit on her ass and snip the intellectual golden\n threads of the craftsman’s loom.\nwho copulated ecstatic and insatiate with a bottle of beer a\n sweetheart a package of cigarettes a candle and fell off the\n bed, and continued along the floor and down the hall and\n ended fainting on the wall with a vision of ultimate cunt\n and come eluding the last gyzym of consciousness,\nwho sweetened the snatches of a million girls trembling in the\n sunset, and were red eyed in the morning but prepared to\n sweeten the snatch of the sunrise, flashing buttocks under\n barns and naked in the lake,\nwho went out whoring through Colorado in myriad stolen\n night-cars, N.C., secret hero of these poems, cocksman and\n Adonis of Denver--joy to the memory of his innumerable lays\n of girls in empty lots & diner backyards, moviehouses’\n rickety rows, on mountaintops in caves or with gaunt\n waitresses in familiar roadside lonely petticoat upliftings\n & especially secret gas-station solipsisms of johns, &\n hometown alleys too,\nwho faded out in vast sordid movies, were shifted in dreams,\n woke on a sudden Manhattan, and picked themselves up out\n of basements hungover with heartless Tokay and horrors of\n Third Avenue iron dreams & stumbled to unemployment\n offices,\nwho walked all night with their shoes full of blood on the\n snowbank docks waiting for a door in the East River to open\n to a room full of steamheat and opium,\nwho created great suicidal dramas on the apartment cliff-banks of\n the Hudson under the wartime blue floodlight of the moon &\n their heads shall be crowned with laurel in oblivion,\nwho ate the lamb stew of the imagination or digested the crab at\n the muddy bottom of the rivers of Bowery,\nwho wept at the romance of the streets with their pushcarts full\n of onions and bad music,\nwho sat in boxes breathing in the darkness under the bridge, and\n rose up to build harpsichords in their lofts,\n\nwho coughed on the sixth floor of Harlem crowned with flame\n under the tubercular sky surrounded by orange crates of\n theology,\nwho scribbled all night rocking and rolling over lofty incantations\n which in the yellow morning were stanzas of gibberish,\nwho cooked rotten animals lung heart feet tail borsht & tortillas\n dreaming of the pure vegetable kingdom,\nwho plunged themselves under meat trucks looking for an egg,\nwho threw their watches off the roof to cast their ballot for\n Eternity outside of Time, & alarm clocks fell on their heads\n every day for the next decade,\nwho cut their wrists three times successively unsuccessfully, gave\n up and were forced to open antique stores where they thought\n they were growing old and cried,\nwho were burned alive in their innocent flannel suits on Madison\n Avenue amid blasts of leaden verse & the tanked-up clatter of\n the iron regiments of fashion & the nitroglycerine shrieks of\n the fairies of advertising & the mustard gas of sinister\n intelligent editors, or were run down by the drunken taxicabs\n of Absolute Reality,\nwho jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge this actually happened and\n walked away unknown and forgotten into the ghostly daze of\n Chinatown soup alleyways & firetrucks, not even one free\n beer,\nwho sang out of their windows in despair, fell out of the subway\n window, jumped in the filthy Passaic, leaped on negroes, cried\n all over the street, danced on broken wineglasses barefoot\n smashed phonograph records of nostalgic European 1930s\n German jazz finished the whiskey and threw up groaning into\n the bloody toilet, moans in their ears and the blast of\n colossal steamwhistles,\nwho barreled down the highways of the past journeying to the\n each other’s hotrod-Golgotha jail-solitude watch or\n Birmingham jazz incarnation, who drove crosscountry\n seventytwo hours to find out if I had a vision or you had\n a vision or he had a vision to find out Eternity,\nwho journeyed to Denver, who died in Denver, who came back to\n Denver & waited in vain, who watched over Denver &\n brooded & loned in Denver and finally went away to find\n out the Time, & now Denver is lonesome for her heroes,\nwho fell on their knees in hopeless cathedrals praying for each\n other’s salvation and light and breasts, until the soul\n illuminated its hair for a second, \nwho crashed through their minds in jail waiting for impossible\n criminals with golden heads and the charm of reality in their\n hearts who sang sweet blues to Alcatraz,\nwho retired to Mexico to cultivate a habit, or Rocky Mount to\n tender Buddha or Tangiers to boys or Southern Pacific to the\n black locomotive or Harvard to Narcissus to Woodlawn to the\n daisychain or grave,\nwho demanded sanity trials accusing the radio of hypnotism &\n were left with their insanity & their hands & a hung jury,\nwho threw potato salad at CCNY lecturers on Dadaism and\n subsequently presented themselves on the granite steps of\n the madhouse with shaven heads and harlequin speech of\n suicide, demanding instantaneous lobotomy,\nand who were given instead the concrete void of insulin Metrazol\n electricity hydrotherapy psychotherapy occupational therapy\n pingpong & amnesia,\nwho in humorless protest overturned only one symbolic pingpong\n table, resting briefly in catatonia,\nreturning years later truly bald except for a wig of blood, and\n tears and fingers, to the visible madman doom of the wards of\n the madtowns of the East,\nPilgrim State’s Rockland’s and Greystone’s foetid halls, bickering\n with the echoes of the soul, rocking and rolling in the\n midnight solitude-bench dolmen-realms of love, dream of life\n a nightmare, bodies turned to stone as heavy as the moon,\nwith mother finally ******, and the last fantastic book flung out\n of the tenement window, and the last door closed at 4 a.m.\n and the last telephone slammed at the wall in reply and the\n last furnished room emptied down to the last piece of mental\n furniture, a yellow paper rose twisted on a wire hanger in the\n closet, and even that imaginary, nothing but a hopeful little\n bit of hallucination--\nah, Carl, while you are not safe I am not safe, and now you’re\n really in the total animal soup of time--\nand who therefore ran through the icy streets obsessed with a\n sudden flash of the alchemy of the use of the ellipse the\n catalog the meter & the vibrating plane,\nwho dreamt and made incarnate gaps in Time & Space through\n images juxtaposed, and trapped the archangel of the soul\n between 2 visual images and joined the elemental verbs and\n set the noun and dash of consciousness together jumping\n with sensation of Pater Omnipotens Aeterna Deus\nto recreate the syntax and measure of poor human prose and\n stand before you speechless and intelligent and shaking\n with shame, rejected yet confessing out the soul to conform\n to the rhythm of thought in his naked and endless head,\nthe madman bum and angel beat in Time, unknown, yet putting\n down here what might be left to say in time come after\n death,\nand rose reincarnate in the ghostly clothes of jazz in the goldhorn\n shadow of the band and blew the suffering of America’s naked\n mind for love into an eli eli lamma lamma sabacthani\n saxophone cry that shivered the cities down to the last radio\nwith the absolute heart of the poem of life butchered out of their\n own bodies good to eat a thousand years.\n \n\nII\n\nWhat sphinx of cement and aluminum bashed open their skulls\n and ate up their brains and imagination?\nMoloch! Solitude! Filth! Ugliness! Ashcans and unobtainable\n dollars! Children screaming under the stairways! Boys\n sobbing in armies! Old men weeping in the parks!\nMoloch! Moloch! Nightmare of Moloch! Moloch the loveless! \n Mental Moloch! Moloch the heavy judger of men!\nMoloch the incomprehensible prison! Moloch the crossbone\n soulless jailhouse and Congress of sorrows! Moloch\n whose buildings are judgment! Moloch the vast stone of\n war! Moloch the stunned governments!\nMoloch whose mind is pure machinery! Moloch whose blood is\n running money! Moloch whose fingers are ten armies! \n Moloch whose breast is a cannibal dynamo! Moloch whose\n ear is a smoking tomb!\nMoloch whose eyes are a thousand blind windows! Moloch whose\n skyscrapers stand in the long streets like endless\n Jehovahs! Moloch whose factories dream and croak in the\n fog! Moloch whose smokestacks and antennae crown the \n cities!\nMoloch whose love is endless oil and stone! Moloch whose soul is\n electricity and banks! Moloch whose poverty is the specter\n of genius! Moloch whose fate is a cloud of sexless\n hydrogen! Moloch whose name is the Mind!\nMoloch in whom I sit lonely! Moloch in whom I dream Angels! \n Crazy in Moloch! Cocksucker in Moloch! Lacklove and\n manless in Moloch!\nMoloch who entered my soul early! Moloch in whom I am a\n consciousness without a body! Moloch who frightened me out\n of my natural ecstasy! Moloch whom I abandon! Wake up in\n Moloch! Light streaming out of the sky!\nMoloch! Moloch! Robot apartments! invisible suburbs! skeleton\n treasuries! blind capitals! demonic industries! spectral\n nations! invincible mad houses granite cocks! monstrous\n bombs! \nThey broke their backs lifting Moloch to Heaven! Pavements,\n trees, radios, tons! lifting the city to Heaven which exists\n and is everywhere about us! \nVisions! omens! hallucinations! miracles! ecstasies! gone down the\n American river! \nDreams! adorations! illuminations! religions! the whole boatload\n of sensitive bullshit! \nBreakthroughs! over the river! flips and crucifixions! gone down\n the flood! Highs! Epiphanies! Despairs! Ten years’ animal\n screams and suicides! Minds! New loves! Mad generation! \n down on the rocks of Time!\nReal holy laughter in the river! They saw it all! the wild eyes! the\n holy yells! They bade farewell! They jumped off the roofl to\n solitude! waving! carrying flowers! Down to the river! into the\n street!"<<endif>>

Written by [[JKTerrezas|https://twitter.com/JKTerrezas]]\nCreated with Twine, powered by TiddlyWiki\nAll technical know-how thanks to [[twinery.org|http://twinery.org/wiki/]]\n"Closed In" Layout largely thanks to [[Glorious Trainwrecks|http://www.glorioustrainwrecks.com/node/5163]]\n\n[[Back to the loot!|Start]]

<<nobr>><<if $article is "true">><<set $quality = random(1,10)>><<if $quality is 1>>a @@color:gray;mundane@@<<endif>><<if $quality is 2>>a @@color:gray;common@@<<endif>><<if $quality is 3>>an @@color:green;uncommon@@<<endif>><<if $quality is 4>>a @@color:blue;rare@@<<endif>><<if $quality is 5>>an @@color:purple;epic@@<<endif>><<if $quality is 6>>a @@color:orange;legendary@@<<endif>><<if $quality is 7>>an @@color:#F88379;heirloom@@<<endif>><<if $quality is 8>>a @@color:white;basic@@<<endif>><<if $quality is 9>>an @@color:gold;exotic@@<<endif>><<if $quality is 10>>a @@color:purple;legendary@@<<endif>> <<print either("dagger", "cestus", "hook hand","wooden steak", "billy club", "fishin' bat", "morningstar","longspear", "vial of deadly poison", "throwing axe", "cat-o'-nine-tails", "gently used dildo", "switchblade knife", "spiked shield", "plague rat", "shaving razor with a little bit of blood on the handle", "apple with a razor blade hidden inside", "short sword","cutlass supreme","scimitar", "terbutje", "trident", "warhammer","falchion", "halberd", "ranseur","chakram", "net gun", "hunga munga", "composite longbow", "atlatl", "battle poi", "barbazu beard", "knuckle axe", "butterfly knife", "nunchuck. Just the one.", "length of piano wire","shotel", "dwarven waraxe", "battle ladder", "spiked chain", "zweihander", "harpoon gun", "set of bocce balls","handaxe that'll be just fine for bustin up that chiffarobe for Miss Mayella", "Dildo shaped like a dragon penis", "poorly mixed Strawnanaberry Milkshake", "Doritos® Locos™ Tacos©","Crave Case")>>.<<endif>>\n<<if $article is "false">><<set $quality = random(1,10)>><<if $quality is 1>>@@color:gray;mundane@@<<endif>><<if $quality is 2>>@@color:gray;common@@<<endif>><<if $quality is 3>> @@color:green;uncommon@@<<endif>><<if $quality is 4>>@@color:blue;rare@@<<endif>><<if $quality is 5>>@@color:purple;epic@@<<endif>><<if $quality is 6>>@@color:orange;legendary@@<<endif>><<if $quality is 7>>@@color:#F88379;heirloom@@<<endif>><<if $quality is 8>>@@color:white;basic@@<<endif>><<if $quality is 9>>@@color:gold;exotic@@<<endif>><<if $quality is 10>>@@color:purple;legendary@@<<endif>> <<print either("dagger", "cestus", "hook hand","wooden steak", "billy club", "fishin' bat", "morningstar","longspear", "vial of deadly poison", "throwing axe", "cat-o'-nine-tails", "gently used dildo", "switchblade knife", "spiked shield", "plague rat", "shaving razor with a little bit of blood on the handle", "apple with a razor blade hidden inside", "short sword","cutlass supreme","scimitar", "terbutje", "trident", "warhammer","falchion", "halberd", "ranseur","chakram", "net gun", "hunga munga", "composite longbow", "atlatl", "battle poi", "barbazu beard", "knuckle axe", "butterfly knife", "nunchuck. Just the one.", "length of piano wire","shotel", "dwarven waraxe", "battle ladder", "spiked chain", "zweihander", "harpoon gun", "set of bocce balls","handaxe that'll be just fine for bustin up that chiffarobe for Miss Mayella", "Dildo shaped like a dragon penis", "poorly mixed Strawnanaberry Milkshake", "Doritos® Locos™ Tacos©","Crave Case")>>.<<endif>><<endnobr>>

<<nobr>><<if $article is "true">>a<<print either(" Double Sword", "n Urgrosh", "n Orc Double axe that is more likely to cut you than your opponent", " Quarterstaff", " Longbow that is somehow also a Double Sword", " Dire Flail", " Fucking Gnome double-weapon that has been used exactly zero times in the history of D&D")>>, where one side has a +<<print random(1,5)>> <<print either("Adamantine,", "Mithral,", "Darkwood,", "Balsa Wood,", "Cold Iron,", "Keen,", "Impacting,", "Motherfucking", "Vibrating,", "Lucky,", "Cursed,", "Racist,", "Blue Raspberry,")>> <<print either("Vorpal", "Caustic", "Insulting", "Dragon Bane", "Redneck Bane", "Flaming (if you know what I mean)", "ICEE", "Vanilla", "'#Blessed'", "Returning")>> enchantment. And the other side <<print either("isn't even masterwork.", "has a +1 who gives a shit enchantment.", "is cursed to shit.", "is APPLIED DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD", "can be repurposed to make a truly delightful spice rack")>><<endif>>\n<<if $article is "false">><<print either("Double Sword", "Urgrosh", "Orc Double axe that is more likely to cut you than your opponent", "Quarterstaff", "Longbow that is somehow also a Double Sword", "Dire Flail", "Fucking Gnome double-weapon that has been used exactly zero times in the history of D&D")>>, where one side has a +<<print random(1,5)>> <<print either("Adamantine,", "Mithral,", "Darkwood,", "Balsa Wood,", "Cold Iron,", "Keen,", "Impacting,", "Motherfucking", "Vibrating,", "Lucky,", "Cursed,", "Racist,", "Blue Raspberry,")>> <<print either("Vorpal", "Caustic", "Insulting", "Dragon Bane", "Redneck Bane", "Flaming (if you know what I mean)", "ICEE", "Vanilla", "'#Blessed'", "Returning")>> enchantment. And the other side <<print either("isn't even masterwork.", "has a +1 who gives a shit enchantment.", "is cursed to shit.", "is APPLIED DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD", "can be repurposed to make a truly delightful spice rack")>><<endif>><<endnobr>>

<<nobr>><<set $weapon to random(1,31)>><<if $article is "true">>a +<<print random(1,5)>> <<print either("Flaming Hot Cheetos®", "Fiery Habanero", "Cool Ranch", "Picante", "Motherfucking", "Hormonal", "Anaerobic", "Axe-O-Matic", "Shocking", "Screaming", "Crying", "Sonic", "Scream-Crying", "Ugly Crying", "Boring-as-fuck", "Murdering", "Vibrating", "Ectoplasmic", "Contemplative", "Strawberry-Raspberry", "Sticky", "Vagazzled")>> <<if $weapon is 1>>Sword Cane that you swear is totally awesome<<else>><<print either("Kukri", "Ham Bat", "Chakram", "Symbol of Virility", "Hunga Munga", "Knuckle Duster", "Blast Knuckles", "Knuckle Blaster", "Can of Bear Mace", "Bad Ass Ninja Sword", "Board with a nail in it", "Butterfly Knife", "Shitty Gnome weapon that no one will ever use", "Rapier", "Glaive", "Glaive-Guisarme", "Guisarme", "Greatsword", "Greataxe", "Lance", "Boomerang", "Atlatl", "Sai", "Whip", "Pen Knife", "Chain Sword", "Bastard Sword", "Orc Double Axe that you can't swing without cutting yourself", "Chainsaw Hand", "Bladed Scarf")>><<endif>><<if $weapon is 1>> but <<else>> that <<endif>><<print either("leaks sparks for some reason.", "smells faintly of farts.", "demands the blood of the innocent.", "your step dad got for you at the mall for your birthday.", "glows blue whenever it is within 500 feet of a sex offender.", "reminds you of your lost innocence.", "is also a grenade launcher.", "plays 'Flight of the Bumblebee' nonstop.", "hums with malevolent energy.", "turns your innie into an outie.", "turns your outie into an innie", "must claim the soul of a sinner once per week.", "only wants to talk about how Hollywood never does anything but half-assed remakes these days.", "has a gypsy curse on it.", "must be fed the souls of 10,000 Psykers on a daily basis, or the empire of man will surely fall.")>><<endif>>\n<<if $article is "false">>+<<print random(1,5)>> <<print either("Flaming Hot Cheetos(R)", "Fiery Habanero", "Cool Ranch", "Picante", "Motherfucking", "Hormonal", "Anaerobic", "Axe-O-Matic", "Shocking", "Screaming", "Crying", "Sonic", "Scream-Crying", "Ugly Crying", "Boring-as-fuck", "Murdering", "Vibrating", "Ectoplasmic", "Contemplative", "Strawberry-Raspberry", "Sticky", "Vagazzled")>> <<if $weapon is 1>>Sword Cane that you swear is totally awesome<<else>><<print either("Kukri", "Ham Bat", "Chakram", "Symbol of Virility", "Hunga Munga", "Knuckle Duster", "Blast Knuckles", "Knuckle Blaster", "Can of Bear Mace", "Bad Ass Ninja Sword", "Board with a nail in it", "Butterfly Knife", "Shitty Gnome weapon that no one will ever use", "Rapier", "Glaive", "Glaive-Guisarme", "Guisarme", "Greatsword", "Greataxe", "Lance", "Boomerang", "Atlatl", "Sai", "Whip", "Pen Knife", "Chain Sword", "Bastard Sword", "Orc Double Axe that you can't swing without cutting yourself", "Chainsaw Hand", "Bladed Scarf")>><<endif>><<if $weapon is 1>> but <<else>> that <<endif>><<print either("leaks sparks for some reason.", "smells faintly of farts.", "demands the blood of the innocent.", "your step dad got for you at the mall for your birthday.", "glows blue whenever it is within 500 feet of a sex offender.", "reminds you of your lost innocence.", "is also a grenade launcher.", "plays 'Flight of the Bumblebee' nonstop.", "hums with malevolent energy.", "turns your innie into an outie.", "turns your outie into an innie", "must claim the soul of a sinner once per week.", "only wants to talk about how Hollywood never does anything but half-assed remakes these days.", "has a gypsy curse on it.", "must be fed the souls of 10,000 Psykers on a daily basis, or the empire of man will surely fall.")>><<endif>><<endnobr>>

<<nobr>><<if $article is "true">>a +<<print random(1,5)>> <<print either("Caliente", "Picante", "Chocolate Raspberry", "Boring ol'", "Lucky", "Blazin' Buffalo and Ranch", "White People Bane", "Peace-Bonded", "Sour Cream & Onion", "Vorpally Keen", "Glam-Rock", "Menacing", "Throwing", "Dueling", "Unlegislated", "Decriminalized", "420BL4Z1T", "360N0SC0P3", "Reliable", "Bedazzled", "MRA Bane", "Kafkaesque")>> <<print either("Shortbow", "Longbow", "Composite Crossbow", "Douchey Hand Crossbow", "Pistol", "9mm", "Shotgun", "Sawed-off Shotgun", "Double Barrel Shotgun", "Sniper Rifle", "Throwing Knife", "Lame-ass Sling", "Hunga Munga", "Javelin", "Rocket Launcher", "Darringer", "Sub Machine Gun", "AK-47", "Stinger Missile", "Nuclear Warhead", "Weapon of Mass Destruction", "Biological Weapon", "Arm-Cannon", "Phaser", "Laspistol", "Blowdart", "Deck of playing cards", "Symbol of Virility")>> that <<print either("That sheds light equivalent to a light spell.", "is more afraid of you than you are of it.", "doesn't kill people. I DO.", "doesn't NEED to dial 911.", "cursed beyond belief.", "can only be used against the man who killed your father.", "can't get it up.", "is also a beer bong.", "has only had one previous owner, and it was an old lady that only drove it to church on Sundays.", "will insist that size doesn't matter.", "only a real douche would use.", "was introduced in the first act, and must go off in the third act.", "didn't do so well in the Ohio test market.", "was granted sentience by powerful and forbidden magiks, but is still stupid enough to believe that vaccines cause autism.", "can only deal nonlethal damage.")>><<endif>>\n<<if $article is "false">>+<<print random(1,5)>> <<print either("Caliente", "Picante", "Chocolate Raspberry", "Boring ol'", "Lucky", "Blazin' Buffalo and Ranch", "White People Bane", "Peace-Bonded", "Sour Cream & Onion", "Vorpally Keen", "Glam-Rock", "Menacing", "Throwing", "Dueling", "Unlegislated", "Decriminalized", "420BL4Z1T", "360N0SC0P3", "Reliable", "Bedazzled", "MRA Bane", "Kafkaesque")>> <<print either("Shortbow", "Longbow", "Composite Crossbow", "Douchey Hand Crossbow", "Pistol", "9mm", "Shotgun", "Sawed-off Shotgun", "Double Barrel Shotgun", "Sniper Rifle", "Throwing Knife", "Lame-ass Sling", "Hunga Munga", "Javelin", "Rocket Launcher", "Darringer", "Sub Machine Gun", "AK-47", "Stinger Missile", "Nuclear Warhead", "Weapon of Mass Destruction", "Biological Weapon", "Arm-Cannon", "Phaser", "Laspistol", "Blowdart", "Deck of playing cards", "Symbol of Virility")>> that <<print either("That sheds light equivalent to a light spell.", "is more afraid of you than you are of it.", "doesn't kill people. I DO.", "doesn't NEED to dial 911.", "cursed beyond belief.", "can only be used against the man who killed your father.", "can't get it up.", "is also a beer bong.", "has only had one previous owner, and it was an old lady that only drove it to church on Sundays.", "will insist that size doesn't matter.", "only a real douche would use.", "was introduced in the first act, and must go off in the third act.", "didn't do so well in the Ohio test market.", "was granted sentience by powerful and forbidden magiks, but is still stupid enough to believe that vaccines cause autism.", "can only deal nonlethal damage.")>><<endif>><<endnobr>>