I Win Forever

Okay mother clucker, welcome to the jungle. First off we better have you pick your pick your vehicle.[[Boat]]/ [[Double Boat]]

Cool boat, boat. No one is going to change your clothes, you're a man of the hour. But I gotta be honest your hour is coming to an end. [[side with friendship]]/[[side with spaceship]]

Did you just pick Double Boat? [[Damn skippy I did]]/ [[Nah, I tripped up is all]]

Todd and Jake both embrace you, they had a feeling you wouldn't fucking suck. And they were fucking right. The three of you high five at the same time and it some how works. These days everything is going to work, everything will work forever. Todd and Jake eventually die but not you, you still alive!? [[I must be highlander, now I gotta deal with that]]/[[I must be Dracula, time to start making some changes around here]]

Too bad dude, turns it out it was a digital spaceship. What does that mean? I'm about to goddamn tell you. You just got turned into a tiny little computer chip, too bad for you unless you got an extra pair of sunglasses on you. If you do have any extra pair of sunglasses you get to enter into Techno Vegas. Its a super classy place and only super gutsy and brave people can enter. [[Yeah I got an extra pair]]/[[Fuck you, I don't need this class trash talk]]

You start cutting off heads and taking names but you realize the coolest thing you could probably do is get a nice car. You know what I mean right? Classic car. I'm talking about a classic, cut, in your face, brave car. The thing about a car is, it makes the man, you know? I mean, you going to look so slick just driving and trying down that sweet ol' road we call life. Life to the extreme. [[Hit the gas stud, we going into super car mode]]/[[Adjust the mirrors, and make sure that every god who ever existed remembers who owns the roads]]

Well the whole damn country is named Dracula now. You happy? Yeah, that isn't confusing at all you asshole. We all gotta memorize whole new maps now. Also Dracula is usually known to wear a cape but the minute you made yourself emperor, you started wearing Joseph Gordon Levitt Vests, the real dapper ones that make you think "Hey, this guy coulda been in Mad Men, but he's just hanging out right now at a club instead" . Everybody keeps trying to assassinate you but nothing sticks. It's like nothing fits anymore. [[Choose your eldest son, Ardacul (Hands of Steal and True) to continue your dynasty]] / [[Risk it all on Delmar (who shreds in his Everclear cover band), your cousins friend, to take over and make Dracula "one cool place to visit"]]

Oh no, super car mode ment "Double Puberty". Did I do that? You're goddamn right I did. Double Puberty is just like puberty but everything is fucking crazy. You start growing hair but its not on your body, its in countries that sponser terrorism. You start having thoughts and feelings for things but they are philosophical concepts so you can't attempt to be intimate with them. Also it makes you travel in time. [[Try to travel to future times]]/ [[Try to travel to past times]]

They all see but remember how much gods love turning chumps into Swans? Huh? Swans? Thats right. SWANED! I bet you fucking hate your life now you little duck, you odd, white little duck. Looks like hunters don't even hunt you because you're too majestic, which is all the worse for you because the gods also made it that the world hates swans a whole bunch, so every time people seem to be nice to there is this weird undercurrent (see what I did there) of them talking shit about you behind your back. You lived in a pond till you died but you were phoning it in during the later years. ENDING Swan in a million

Oh is that right? Here is a Nickel, kid. Call someone who cares. Sorry but you snoozed and you losed. Everything was aces but looks like you just got caught on the wrong end of the suck stick. Nice knowing you kid. But before I ride off, on a super cool motorcycle, into a super cool semi truck that has all sorts of prizes inside, remember- I'm the best, you are the rest. After I ride off you never forget how great I am, you start a business but someone kills you for killing Cowboy Brad Pitt. ENDING "He can't BE without his glasses"

ACT 3, SCENE 3 (ME Picking up gobstopper YOU put on my desk as clock ticks real fucking loud in the background) ME (underbreath) Only a gutsy brave one would be so in my face YOU I ain't afraid of nothing, not even Love. ME (normal breath) Well, looks like you own the school now. YOU Damn Skippy. ME Too bad I rigged this whole place to blow YOU What? ME (opening up the bust of Cloud St.Claire to reveal activiation switch) I'm the one with the brains. BOTH OF US IN PERFECT UNISION Pretty sneaky sis. (DEADLY EXPLOSION but I survived) (I look at the sunset in all the debris and give it a thumbs up and somehow the sunset kind of gives a thumbs up back) ME I'll never, never forget how great I am. (CURTAIN) ENDING Shades of Steel

Yeah, I mean Ardacul does pretty good. I mean are you surprised? We both knew that. So, you know he like makes everything great or whatever. Here is what I was actually wondering. What I'm actually wondering is, do you want to smoke a little bit of weed? I think honestly it would be pretty cool to do that with you. [[Smoke pot]]/ [[Pass on Pot]]

You have chosen, wisely. Delmar does everything you dreamed and more. Licks, kicks, and a sweaty fix, he pops and locks all over the music stage. It's like AC/DC in Private Parts every day of the week and everyone decides its the best age of humanity. Delmar lets you know he is an alien and all you can think is "Fuck, this was so right" It's not Delmars fault but goddamnit you want to blame him. He knows you'll have to tell the whole world, so you kill yourself so that no one will know. You don't know what happened to Delmar because you are dead but from Hell you can see every one still thinks he is awesome. ENDING Get yourself a Delmar

Oh really? It's still illegal dude. I just slapped some handcuffs on you and am making sure you don't hit your head. My ethics are Cave-mental man, and you just found that out the hard way. As in HARD TIME. Just threw your ass in jail. You fell right into my hands, but then again, you did wanna smoke grass and that's illegal. *You got to see "Murder in the First" while you were in Jail. But it was like 10 years after you were there and it was pretty good. ENDING High for Life

No problem man, let's just sit here and enjoy this great river we are in front of. [[Sounds cool, you are a great friend]]

Oops, you stayed in front of water too long Dracula, now you are dead. Dracula can't stay in front of water for too long otherwise they die. And you knew that already so its super sad you didn't remember if you stay in front of water (like a river) too long it kills you dead. You were so busy wondering if you shouldn't you didn't start to think if you couldn't. (Also Dracula's don't get to go to Heaven or Hell so you are kind of stuck wandering the earth, ironically like a Highlander) ENDING Water way to Ghoul

Good try but you failed cause you don't know how the fuck you'd even control such a thing. Tsk tsk tsk, such hubris. You traveled to the past instead and you got trampled in a riot that happened during an event in the past that everybody was excited about. You didn't die but then your future self traveled back in time and shot you with a ray gun because some shit you were about to do would have made us all in a scary ass fucking future world. ENDING Trampled by Your-tells

You went back in time but it turns out it was too far back in time. So then you went forward in time so you weren't so far back, that was easy, but then someone stopped you when you were on some street. It was an older person, with a look that was familiar to you. The more you got to know them the more you realized you had a lot in common. Maybe too much. You were going to say goodbye but you felt such a connection that one thing led to another that you made love to that person. The person told you that you shouldn't judge yourself to harshly, that some day you would find someone young who you had an amazing connection to and you should go with your feelings to make love to them. You realize you love this person, and you realize what that means. And thats when you realize it. The connection, the way they knew you so well, the person who could time travel just like you. That person was Dennis, my friend who I mentioned briefly to you that one time we had coffee. He works at a microbrew and dated my friend Katie for awhile but when she moved to Tampa they called it off. You fell in love with Dennis and then I killed him to make a point. You later died of unrelated causes, how about...an infected claw wound. ENDING It's Claw-bareing Time

You got quite a mouth on you, how about you use it for something useful. [[How about I do]]/[[Nah, old timer, get in the back of the class (Chews on apple ironically, while sitting on motorcycle and lowers sunglasses down a little bit mouthing "let's get dangerous]]

In that case you are saying you ment to choose boat, right? [[Yeah let's go with boat]]/ [[Nah, i'll go back on my lie]]

You proceed to get your degree in one of the best things, it looks like its smooth sailing for you now. Big class house, Nice new things that you bought (legally). Yep, you just went and became a big man on the street. [[Kill yourself]]

You're pushing my buttons. [[Takes one to know one chump]]/[[Sorry you are right and I'm wrong]]

Well what do you know, looks like with all that money and happiness he really wasn't happy at all. And he went and killed himself which proves I'm much happier than him. [[Even though you're dead give me a thumbs up to show it was all okay, and you learned something about something]]/[[Flick me off like the selfish pig you are]]

Way to be the bigger man. But, I still gotta wizard you up a hell to go to. For being the bigger man, I'm going to send you to a hell where you are always bigger than everyone else, and no matter what you do you still have to be bigger. And that makes everyone angry at you because you are always bigger than them. So its kind of a subtle hell, but its still hell. And also if someone breaks a glass, no one cleans it up, it just sits there, so everyone is just super careful with glassware. ENDING Hell is smaller people

You fucking troll. Goblins like you should be bordered up into walls and left there to stop your troll ways. Good luck in the afterlife. Everyone hates you guys over there and you gotta do all the garbage work that no one has to do. ENDING It's a living (dead)

I'll be a funky's muncle. You kiss your mother with that mouth? [[Yup. It can Kiss, Dismiss and Miss]]

Well if they were handing out manners like mangers, there would be room in yours for a little baby jesus to grow old with. (Scene pulls out to reveal old man in wintery colors rocking in a chair next to a rocking chair, reading a tome to a young dog who seems to kind of get the jist of whats going on ) OLD MAN And with that baby jesus did grow in that manger and he managed the manger as a sort of "After hours, fun time place where if you are cool maybe some cool stuff can happen to you and you can also do cool stuff to people." But you know he kind of hated it a little, he just thought like "Yeah I mean its cool and everything but I just feel like maybe I could have done a little more work on myself before I became a business man, you know? Like maybe if I did some fucking paintings, what if everyone was going to buy my paintings, I just really don't know if they would have. " (Old man exits and drowns in an ocean that was like right next to him the whole time...also you were the old man) ENDING The Old Man IN the Sea

Sounds like you've had it pretty rough then? [[It's just....pops wants me to work down at the appliance store. I know, I know, he built the whole thing up himself and wants to keep it as a family run business, but I feel like my whole life is already laid down in front of me and I didn't even get a chance to take a little time out on that crazy road called life for myself a spell]]

You know whats even tougher than that? [[Gee, Mister I don't know.]]

I got a goddamn bomb. [[Oh shit! You're not fucking around, that is a goddamn bomb!]]

Tick tock little christmas tree, can you disable it? [[Cut the Green Wire]]/[[Cut the Red Wire]]/[[Watch HBO's "The Wire"]]/[[Fire him, in front of everyone]]

Wrong move, Wong foo. The bomb explodes and so do you. But now that you are dead you don't gotta worry about if they're ever going to bring Futurama back again. ENDING Why not this ending?

You cut the red wire and the bomb deactives. Well done, gum shoe, maybe I owe you an apology after all this time. [[That would be great]]

You enjoy the School system season the most and pretend to like the Dock season to appease your friends. The Dickensian structure of the show, though daunting at first, slowly allows the show to play out like an engrossing novel, with a sprawling cast similar to the works of Tolstoy. A provocative engagement of American culture and systemic problems of our country. ENDING Another Forty Degree Day

Douglas drops in his chair realizing that the down-sizing, which seemed so far away from him, finally hit home. He walked back to his house, leaving his car at work saying "The building needs it more than me now". As he enters his house, which is kind of like a cool underground lair, he thinks "Hey I'm not doing too bad at all." Batman shows up because he's friends with Douglas but can see he is a little down and gives him some space. Douglas notices Batman. "You wanna get drunk and watch Caroline in the City?" Douglas asks. "It's like 10:30 in the morning" Batman replies. Douglas opens three bottles of beer immediately and drinks two at the same time, most of the beer just gets on the couch but his point is still made. ENDING Caroline in City S3E8 "Momma's got a new pair of blues" After being dumped, again, Caroline decides to take up Yoga but has a crush on her new hunky trainer. Things heat up for Jack and Rodney as they decide to go dancing at a dodgey nightclub.

"That would be great" is the voice activated command that turns the bomb back on. You try to cut the red wire again because you are a fucking idiot and don't realize that you already cut it and thats not how bombs work. The bomb explodes and your body falls apart like a badly structured daytime soap. ENDING Better luck next crime!

I COULD get you back on the boat track or you could visit the old mansion at the end of Slyvester Street. It's up to you, I'm not holding any cards on this one. [[Boat]] / [[Old Mansion? I don't even know what I am]]

Oh what a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive. You are skating on some thin ice my friend. [[Skate away, Slam Evil!]]

Well of course the Mansion is full of spooky Ghosts. Shit. [[Fuck I hate the spook'em ups]]

Too late dude you made your choice. The ghosts explain its some kind of curse you have now and you have to live with the ghosts untill you redeem all their bad acts on earth. Good luck though, all of them are super racist. You also can't leave the mansion so its entirely impossible to redeem them. ENDING The Ghost in the Machine* *The Machine is systemic racism

Are you referencing the 1996 film "The Phantom"? [[ When all three skulls are united, they will produce a force more powerful than any army on earth]]

Is that a quote from that movie? I don't really remember it that well. I think their were skulls in it...so it probably is from the Phantom? [[He rides a horse in the film]]

Jesus! It is from the Phantom! How do you remember this movie so well? [[The ghost who walks]]

You slowly walk off into the sunset of the Italian Vineyward we have been in the whole time- still referencing that awful film. I try to tell you to stay but you are too far gone. Arnaldo approaches, "Sir, we are ready to serve dinner." I take a sip from my classy wine, "Arnaldo, it looks like it's just you and I tonight". "Where has he gone?" Arnaldo asks seeing you disappearing over the horizon. "It doesn't matter Arnaldo, all that matters is he is gone". We dine in peace. We dream of lions. ENDING The Phantom Venice

I Win Forever created by ICE STATION [[So it begins]]