(set: $r to (text-colour:"#933"))\
\
\$r[I am a man.]
(click: "I am a man.")[Sometimes I wake up in the morning, fresh from an entrancing dream, and I have completely forgotten who $r[I was] the night before.] (click: "I was")[I become $r[a nameless] observer.] (click: "a nameless")[An echo of my original form, a $r[tabula rasa.]] (click: "tabula rasa.")[Born as a blank slate, I soon grew. $r[Two good people] cared for me; their second child.] (click: "Two good people")[They $r[gifted me a name.] It ended with the letter A.]
(click: "gifted me a name.")[Sometimes I imagine $r[I am above culture] and tradition.] (click: "I am above culture and")[That specific $r[symbols mean nothing to me.]] (click: "symbols mean nothing to me.")[$r[Even though] a letter can have intent or emotion tied to it, in the end it's just a letter.] (click: "Even though")[But I swim deep in the currents of culture, in humankind's giant school of fish, and $r[we all feel that] same push and pull which puppets our bodies around.] (click: "we all feel that")[And in this part of the ocean, $r[only a girl's name ends in the letter A.]]
(click: "only a girl's name ends in the letter A.")[$r[Things would be different if] they had named me something foreign, like Sasha or Misha.] (click: "Things would be different if")[I might not have thrown away $r[my parents' gift,] like it was to blame for my situation.] (click: "my parents' gift,")[I go by something else now. To me, my given name is associated only with $r[my childhood,] that nebulous beginning of my life.] (click: "my childhood,")[I would have cherished that old name if it had let me, if it didn't come preloaded, $r[didn't feel like it was always meant for somebody else.]]
$r[(click: "didn't feel like it was always meant for somebody else.")[At that time, ](click: "At that time")[for all intents and purposes, ](click: "for all intents and purposes")[(except mine), ]
(click: "(except mine)")[$r[[[I was a girl.->Page 2]]]]]
(set: $r to (text-colour:"#933"))\
\
\(link:"I still have moments that catch me off guard.")[$r[I still have moments that catch me off guard], like when I wake up in the morning and forget who I am overnight.]
(link: "Moments when I'm talking to someone.")[$r[Moments when I'm talking to someone] and I notice my voice is two octaves higher than theirs and I start to question my entire social presence all at once.]
(link: "Moments when I'm eating.")[$r[Moments when I'm eating], and my blushing lips open wetly for a long round object, and I have to stop, put it down on my plate, and cut it into little pieces, while nervously looking around at whoever is in the room with me.]
(link: "Moments when I'm brushing my hair.")[$r[Moments when I'm brushing my hair], and I remember how it used to trail down my back and get into ridiculous tangles that took Mom hours to yank through while I (text-style: "blur")[cried on the bathroom floor] because it just hurt so much and there was nothing she nor I could do.]
But when I became an adult, I became a man, just like half of almost everyone.
(link: "The amount of testosterone in my body increased.")[$r[The amount of testosterone in my body increased], or actually started boiling over, perverting my featureless marshmallow body into a broad looming tree of hair and grease and muscle, able to finally do things for myself that were never possible before, my previous weakness laughable, and my newfound power exhilerating.]
(link: "I began to grow a beard.")[$r[I began to grow a beard], a real one, fresh and spotty, but still completely unlike the ones I used to scratch onto my peach fuzz with black markers, saliva-melted coloring pencils, mascara, charcoal, whatever I could get my tiny hands on.]
(link: "I began to sing lower.")[$r[I began to sing lower] than I ever could before. So low that I surprise myself. Now my own voice brings joy to my heart the way others always have.]
(link: 'I began to be called "sir" in the store.')[$r[I began to be called "sir" in the store], where I always get the most anxious; afraid of looking abnormal, of being punished, of being a target. I still stare down the bathrooms as I appraoch them, a silent jousting match that I win more and more often.]
(link: "I began to be happy.")[$r[I began to be happy], really happy, for the first time in my life. The kind of happiness that only comes when you suspect that you know exactly who you are and what you want to do with your life. The kind of happiness where you feel like you can give yourself to society and stay true to yourself at the same time.
I am $r[fear(link: "ful")[less]] and $r[power(link: "less")[ful]].]
(link-reveal: "I am a man.")[ $r[[[Finally.->Page 3]]]]
(set: $r to (text-colour:"#933"))\
\
\Thank you for reading.
$r[[[Start over?->Page 1]]]
(link: "My website.")[(gotoURL:"https://sites.google.com/site/misterghostyshauntedhill/")]