<<if $gompertalk eq true>>//GOMPER:// "told you all i know"\n\nGOMPER bites your ARM. GOMPER apologizes.\n\n[[back|TRUE CAVE]]<<else>><<set $gompertalk = true>>//GOMPER:// "you smell great"\n\n//GOMPER:// "some LIMESTONE is FAKE LIMESTONE"\n\n//GOMPER:// "touch FAKE LIMESTONE to show PASSAGE"\n\n//GOMPER:// "got any [BILE]?"\n\n[[back|TRUE CAVE]]<<endif>>

behind FAKE LIMESTONE you find DICK VEIN.\n\nyou see DICK VEIN. rich [DICK] ore covers the walls of PASSAGE.\n\nthere are EXITS to EAST,\n<<display "INVENTORY">>\n\n<<if $bile eq 0>>you scrabble at DICK VEIN. your scurvied claws find no purchase. spelunker, if only you had a way harvest [DICK] ore from DICK VEIN!<<else>>[[mine dick vein]]<<endif>>\n[[EAST|TRUE CAVE]]

[img[http://i.imgur.com/GlFibwo.png]]\n\n[[back|ALTAR]]

WELCOME TO ADVENTURE\n\n<<silently>>\n<<set $class = "">>\n<<set $dick = 1>>\n<<set $wolfblood = 0>>\n<<set $superdick = 0>>\n<<set $rock = 0>>\n<<set $phlogiston = 0>>\n<<set $bile = 0>>\n<<set $wolffight = 0>>\n<<endsilently>>\n[[WHAT ARE YOU]]

you pick up 1x [ROCK]. you store 1x [ROCK] in your ADVENTURER'S GIZZARD.\n<<set $rock = $rock +1>>\n<<display "INVENTORY">>\n\n[[not enough rock|pick up rock]]\n[[back|CAVE]]

<<set $phlogiston = $phlogiston - 1>><<set $wolffight = $wolffight + 1>>you play your [ENSORCELLED LUTE]. SENTINEL WOLF listens.\n\n<<if $wolffight gte 5>>//"those were all the lines i had. fuck"//\nSENTINEL WOLF falls asleep! SENTINEL WOLF is asleep! <<endif>><<if $wolffight eq 4>>//"that i obtain your lupine blood, and you, alas! expire"//\nSENTINEL WOLF looks tired. SENTINEL WOLF hums. <<endif>><<if $wolffight eq 3>>//"my aim: to gain a [SUPER-DICK], my goals, alas, require"//\nSENTINEL WOLF howls! <<endif>><<if $wolffight eq 2>>//"i sing to win a deadly boon, to end this wasteful romp"//\nSENTINEL WOLF bites your CHEST. SENTINEL WOLF bites your CHEST.<<endif>><<if $wolffight eq 1>>//"i sing a song of phlogiston, of fortitude and pomp"//\nSENTINEL WOLF scratches EAR.<<endif>>\n\n\n<<display "INVENTORY">>\n<<if $rock gte 1>>[[throw rock at wolf]]<<endif>>\n<<if $dick gte 1>>[[throw dick at wolf]]<<endif>>\n<<if $class eq "bard" and $phlogiston gte 1>>[[play LUTE at wolf]]<<endif>><<if $class eq "bard" and $phlogiston eq 0>>[[throw LUTE at wolf]]<<endif>>\n<<if $wolffight gte 5>>[[KILL WOLF]]<<endif>>\n[[run|WOLF RUN]]

you carefully etch 1x [DICK] from DICK VEIN with 1x [BILE]. great!\n<<set $dick = $dick +1>><<set $bile = $bile - 1>>\n<<display "INVENTORY">>\n\n<<if $bile eq 0>>apologies, spelunker, but you are out of [BILE]!\n\n[[back|FAKE LIMESTONE]]<<else>>[[more dick|mine dick vein]]\n[[back|FAKE LIMESTONE]]<<endif>>

you throw 1x [ENSORCELLED LUTE] at SENTINEL WOLF.\n\nSENTINEL WOLF eats a [ENSORCELLED LUTE]. SENTINEL WOLF bites your CHEST. SENTINEL WOLF bites your CHEST. SENTINEL WOLF bites your CHEST. you are bleeding! SENTINEL WOLF bites your LEG.\n<<set $class = "">><<set $wolfdeath = true>>\n<<display "INVENTORY">>\n\n[[run|GAME OVER]]

CHOOS class:\n\n*[[spelunker]]\n*[[bard]]\n*[[dickmonger]]

''SENTINEL WOLF SEES YOU\n\n\n\nSCREAMING\n\n\n\nSCREAMING''\n\n\n<<display "INVENTORY">>\n<<if $rock gte 1>>[[throw rock at wolf]]<<endif>>\n<<if $dick gte 1>>[[throw dick at wolf]]<<endif>>\n<<if $class eq "bard" and $phlogiston gte 1>>[[play LUTE at wolf]]<<endif>><<if $class eq "bard" and $phlogiston eq 0>>[[throw LUTE at wolf]]<<endif>>\n[[run|WOLF RUN]]

you grab a FLOWERS and put it in your mouth. you chew a FLOWERS. you chew a FLOWERS. the taste is acrid. you chew a FLOWERS. you swallow a FLOWERS. you digest a FLOWERS. you vomit! you vomit! you vomit! you pick up 1x [BILE].\n<<set $bile = $bile + 1>>\n<<display "INVENTORY">>\n\n[[back|CLEARING]]\n[[keep eating|eat flower]]

you grab 1x [PHLOGISTON]. the [PHLOGISTON] burns your HAND! the [PHLOGISTON] burns your HAND! you put 1x [PHLOGISTON] in your BAG. the [PHLOGISTON] burns your BAG!\n<<set $phlogiston = $phlogiston + 1>>\n<<display "INVENTORY">>\n\n[[more phlogiston|get phlogiston]]\n[[back|ALTAR]]

blood pits here.\n\nlegends speak of SENTINEL WOLVES who stalk the blood pits.\n\nthere are EXITS to NORTHEAST, WOLF,\n<<display "INVENTORY">>\n\n[[NORTHEAST|CLEARING]]\n[[WOLF]]

you run!\n\ncannot escape!\n\nSENTINEL WOLF bites your CHEST. SENTINEL WOLF bites your CHEST. SENTINEL WOLF bites your CHEST. you are bleeding! SENTINEL WOLF bites your LEG.\n<<set $wolfdeath = true>>\n<<display "INVENTORY">>\n[[run|GAME OVER]]

you scream at the [DICK]! you scream at the [WOLF BLOOD]!\n\nnothing happens.\n\nyou scream!\n\nyou forgot the [PHLOGISTON]!\n\n[[use PHLOGISTON]]

CAVE is deep!\n\nyou proceed into CAVE. you cannot see! you cannot see! ??? bites your ARM. ??? bites your ARM. ??? tears off your ARM at the SHOULDER. ??? bites your ARM. you cannot see! ??? bites 1x [DICK].\n<<set $dick = $dick - 1>><<set $cavedeath = true>>\n<<display "INVENTORY">>\n\n[[run|GAME OVER]]

you rub 1x [WOLF BLOOD] onto the [DICK]. LIGHTNING strikes on the HORIZON.\n<<set $wolfblood = $wolfblood - 1>>\n<<display "INVENTORY">>\n[[scream at BLOODY DICK]]

you throw 1x [ROCK] at SENTINEL WOLF.\n\nSENTINEL WOLF eats a [ROCK]. SENTINEL WOLF bites your CHEST. SENTINEL WOLF bites your CHEST. SENTINEL WOLF bites your CHEST. you are bleeding! SENTINEL WOLF bites your LEG.\n<<set $rock = $rock - 1>><<set $wolfdeath = true>>\n<<display "INVENTORY">>\n\n[[run|GAME OVER]]

<<set $dick = $dick - 1>><<set $wolffight = $wolffight + 1>>you throw 1x [DICK] at SENTINEL WOLF. SENTINEL WOLF eats a [DICK].<<if $wolffight gte 5>> SENTINEL WOLF falls asleep! SENTINEL WOLF is asleep! <<endif>><<if $wolffight eq 4>> SENTINEL WOLF looks tired. SENTINEL WOLF licks CHOPS. <<endif>><<if $wolffight eq 3>> SENTINEL WOLF whines. <<endif>><<if $wolffight eq 2>> SENTINEL WOLF bites your CHEST. <<endif>><<if $wolffight eq 1>> SENTINEL WOLF sniffs your BAG. <<endif>>\n\n\n<<display "INVENTORY">>\n<<if $rock gte 1>>[[throw rock at wolf]]<<endif>>\n<<if $dick gte 1>>[[throw dick at wolf]]<<endif>>\n<<if $class eq "bard" and $phlogiston gte 1>>[[play LUTE at wolf]]<<endif>><<if $class eq "bard" and $phlogiston eq 0>>[[throw LUTE at wolf]]<<endif>>\n<<if $wolffight gte 5>>[[KILL WOLF]]<<endif>>\n[[run|WOLF RUN]]

you have <<print $dick>>x [DICK].\n<<if $class eq "spelunker">>you have 1x [DAMP CAVE MUSK].<<endif>><<if $class eq "bard">>you have 1x [ENSORCELLED LUTE].<<endif>><<if $class eq "dickmonger">>you have 1x [DICK MONGIN' MUSCS].<<endif>>\n<<if $rock neq 0>>you have <<print $rock>>x [ROCK].<<endif>><<if $phlogiston neq 0>>\nyou have <<print $phlogiston>>x [PHLOGISTON].<<endif>><<if $bile neq 0>>\nyou have <<print $bile>>x [BILE].<<endif>><<if $wolfblood neq 0>>\nyou have <<print $wolfblood>>x [WOLF BLOOD].<<endif>><<if $superdick neq 0>>\nyou have <<print $superdick>>x [SUPER-DICK].<<endif>>

WOLF DICK ADVENTURE

you place 1x [DICK] on ALTAR. ESCAROX, THE KNOT LORD is PLEASED.\n<<set $dick = $dick - 1>>\n<<display "INVENTORY">>\n[[use WOLF BLOOD]]

<<if $cavedeath eq true>>you cannot see! you cannot see! you cannot see! ??? bites your FOOT.\n\nyou die...<<endif>><<if $wolfdeath eq true>>SENTINEL WOLF bites your CHEST. SENTENEL WOLF tears off your CHEST at the <bad_joint_sum>. SENTINEL WOLF swallows your CHEST.\n\nyou die...<<endif>><<if $dickdeath eq true>><<set $superdick = $superdick + 1>>the spinning [DICK] hits you in the JAW! the spinning [DICK] hits you in the CHEST! you are dizzy! the spinning [DICK] hits you in the FOOT! you are bleeding! you are faint!\n\nyou look at ALTAR. something is hovering there, shining, brilliant, rotating serenely. could it be...?\n\nit is! ESCAROX, THE KNOT LORD has smiled upon your fatal folly. in these, your dying moments, at last you see it.\n\n[SUPER-DICK].\n\nyou die...<<endif>>\n\n\n<<if $dick eq 0>><<set $dick = "NULL">><<endif>><<if $superdick eq 0>><<set $superdick = "NULL">><<endif>>\nGAME OVER!\n\ntraveler, you died with <<print $dick>>x [DICK] and <<print $superdick>>x [SUPER-DICK].\n\n<<if $superdick eq 0>>reach for your goals, traveler! one day you WILL have [SUPER-DICK]!<<else>>incredible! you got [SUPER-DICK]! what an adventure!<<endif>>\n\n''WOLF DICK ADVENTURE''

CAVE is deep!\n\nGOMPER is here.\n\nyou see LIMESTONE. you see LIMESTONE. you see LIMESTONE.\n\n<<if $gompertalk eq true>>there are EXITS to EAST, FAKE LIMESTONE,\n<<display "INVENTORY">>\n\n[[talk GOMPER]]\n[[EAST|CAVE]]\n[[FAKE LIMESTONE]]<<else>>there are EXITS to EAST,\n<<display "INVENTORY">>\n\n[[talk GOMPER]]\n[[EAST|CAVE]]<<endif>>

you brutally slay SENTINEL WOLF! you scream! you scream! you pick up 1x [WOLF BLOOD]. you put 1x [WOLF BLOOD] in your BAG.\n<<set $wolfblood = $wolfblood + 1>>\n\nthere are exits to NORTHEAST,\n<<display "INVENTORY">>\n\n[[NORTHEAST|CLEARING]]

you throw 1x [PHLOGISTON] at the [DICK].\n<<set $phlogiston = $phlogiston - 1>><<set $dickdeath = true>>\nit's too late! the [DICK] has gone critical! the [DICK] hovers above ALTAR. ESCAROX, THE KNOT LORD is UNHAPPY!\n\nthe [DICK] explodes!\n<<display "INVENTORY">>\n[[run|GAME OVER]]

you flex your [DICK MONGIN' MUSCS].\n\nyou place 1x [ROCK] on the ground. you place 1x [BILE] on the [ROCK]. you punch the [ROCK]! you punch the [ROCK]! you punch the [ROCK]! you rub 1x [PHLOGISTON] into the [ROCK]. you whisper to the [ROCK], softly, tenderly, encouragingly. there is such beauty in [ROCK], if it only lets you bring it out.\n<<set $dick = $dick + 1>><<set $rock = $rock - 1>><<set $bile = $bile - 1>><<set $phlogiston = $phlogiston - 1>>\nyou have monged 1x [DICK]!\n<<display "INVENTORY">>\n\n<<if $rock eq 0 or $bile eq 0 or $phlogiston eq 0>>apologies, dickmonger, but you are out of materials!\n\n[[back|CLEARING]]<<else>>[[keep mongin|mong dicks]]\n[[back|CLEARING]]<<endif>>

this CLEARING is much like any other.\n\nthere are FLOWERS in the ground.<<if $class eq "dickmonger">> there is SPACE to practice your craft, dickmonger, if you have the INGREDIENTS.<<endif>>\n\nthere are EXITS to NORTH, WEST, SOUTHWEST,\n<<display "INVENTORY">>\n\n<<if $class eq "dickmonger" and $rock gte 1 and $bile gte 1 and $phlogiston gte 1>>[[mong dicks]]<<endif>>\n[[eat flower]]\n[[NORTH|ALTAR]]\n[[WEST|CAVE]]\n[[SOUTHWEST|BLOOD PITS]]

WOW! YOU GET class "SPELUNKER"\n<<set $class = "spelunker">>\nclass "SPELUNKER" loves caves. class "SPELUNKER" has naturally acclimated to cave life through years of chtonic deprivation. class "SPELUNKER" repels members of polite society with [DAMP CAVE MUSK].\n\nyou are in a [[CLEARING]]

here is the entrance to CAVE. it looks great.\n\nthere are ROCKS near CAVE.\n\nthere are EXITS to EAST, CAVE,\n<<display "INVENTORY">>\n\n[[pick up rock]]\n[[EAST|CLEARING]]\n[[CAVE|DEEP CAVE]]

FINALLY. AFTER YEARS OF PREPARATION, AND TRAINING, YEARS OF MOCKERY AND HARDSHIP! YOU'LL SHOW THEM! YOU'LL SHOW THEM ALL! YOU'LL FINALLY GET A [SUPER-DICK]!\n\n[[use DICK]]

<<if $class neq "spelunker">><<display "DEATH CAVE">><<endif>><<if $class eq "spelunker">><<display "TRUE CAVE">><<endif>>

WOW! YOU GET class "DICKMONGER"\n<<set $class = "dickmonger">>\nclass "DICKMONGER" hails from ancient and storied tradition of artisanship. class "DICKMONGER" can forge dicks as if from the aether itself with common household materials. everyone loves [DICK MONGIN' MUSCS] of class "DICKMONGER".\n\nyou are in a [[CLEARING]]

here is ALTAR to ESCAROX, THE KNOT-LORD\n\nESCAROX, THE KNOT-LORD is lord of these domains: [EROS], [FOLLY], [BARGAINS], [YIFF]\n\nthere is an INSCRIPTION on ALTAR. there is a source of PHLOGISTON nearby. <<if $class eq "bard">>your [ENSORCELLED LUTE] requires PHLOGISTON to weave its mystical melodies, bard!<<endif>>\n\nthere are EXITS to SOUTH,\n<<display "INVENTORY">>\n\n<<if $wolfblood gte 1 and $dick gte 1 and $phlogiston gte 1>>[[START RITUAL]]<<endif>>\n[[get phlogiston]]\n[[read inscription]]\n[[SOUTH|CLEARING]]

oh no problems

WOW! YOU GET class "BARD"\n<<set $class = "bard">>\nclass "BARD" has natural affinity for all things musical. class "BARD" can soothe hecklers, melt hearts, and incite riots, all with the mystical power of [ENSORCELLED LUTE]. class "BARD" sometimes worries about parents, who only wanted class "BARD" to follow the family business of dentistry.\n\nyou are in a [[CLEARING]]