<strong><font color="red"><font size="25"><div align="left">M'AIDEZ!</div><center> M'AIDEZ!</center><div align="right"> M'AIDEZ!</div></font></font></strong> I try to work on art here and there. I cannot make a living off my work. The current weather conditions are beyond my control. I can work on what I want to. [Can I work on what I want to?] Last known position is uncertain. In the beginning [I think I was there] for psychological healing and as a way to connect to others in a time of profound <strike>aloneness</strike> [loneliness.] [[Now I am not so sure anymore.]] I wanted to...make a [[meaningful life.]] [[I didn't know what else to do.]] [[I need to make art.]] I make [[work]] … every day [,] a way to self actualize and challenge external boundaries. [I]t is the most satisfying/challenging kind of work [and] this is the only lifestyle that fulfills me[.] [No,] [i]t’s a [[lifestyle requirement->sustain]] for me. [A]ccepting that the absence of financial security will probably always be a part of this work[.] To live the most illegitimate life possible[.]I'm ambivalent, interdisciplinary, intertwined. <center><img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_SqhhJb_P3Kk/SRtAU3NOoyI/AAAAAAAAC4w/Pe8WnepcMR8/s400/intertwined+carrots.jpg"></center> Do you want that BIIIIIG carrot? [[Yeah, bro.]] [[Nah, s'cool.]] [A] way outside [of] a confining and repressive environment, a way to self actualize and challenge external boundaries...engaged with the world rather than [[dulled->better.]] by the commodity propaganda that breeds docility. ***So?*** [I am currently operating at a [[loss.]]] [My attempted course has proven [unsuccessful.]<moretext|] (click:?moretext)[***[[What would it take?->On Success]]***] [I have lost confidence in my [ability]<moretext2| to reach my destination.] (click:?moretext2)[[[***Do you have the ability to do anything?***->ability]]] [Success]<c1| does not [always]<c3| mean financial [success.]<c2| <br> (click: ?c1)[My success is having the [[freedom]] to experiment and make what I want.]</br> (click: ?c2)[Our political/economic system does not encourage critical dialogue in creative pursuits. I would rather be a broke artist and feel good about what I'm doing than be financially stable and feel like I am contributing to the [[problem.]] ] (click: ?c3)[I would feel more successful if I had more [[time]] to devote to my practice.] ***Please clarify the nature of your current struggle.*** [M]ostly...a lack of time to make my art- I don't think it's progressed as far as I'd like it to have. I work in art education and most of my energy and time is dedicated to that career, leaving little to dedicate to becoming a practicing artist. Most of my time is spent [[working->working with/for students]][.] I don't have the motivation and/or time to make significant work anymore, or at least I haven't been able to put the [[pieces together->concerns]] like I used to. I've spent less and less time and money at my studio, eventually giving it up to save money.[..]it is not something I spend enough time on to be considered even a [[real hobby->fuck the system]], let alone an occupation. I cannot [[support]] myself on the work that takes up most of my time. I've worked on projects and created works that i feel are successful (whatever that means), but I [am] unable to [[support]] myself on my art-making or to be able to afford to eat and pay rent, etc. without a day job that sucks up most of my creative energy and skills.[The] [[access]] to the things which allow me to continue creating and projects which feel vital and risky.I am (mostly/almost/some of the time) able to [[sustain]] what I do, the work continues to excite me, and I can see [its] impact on my [[community.]][T]he opportunity to network with influential artists. [A] network of artists. A solid visual art network. Networking. [[A network and community of other working artists.->Nah, s'cool.]] [C]ommunity that is critical to my practice. [A] community of artists. [A] community of other artists dedicated to pursuing creative careers[.] [A] community of thinkers and makers. ***This is the system that you have accepted.*** I'm... ...often severely depressed if I'm not [[creating->I'll pass.]].***What are you hoping to get from this? Sympathy?*** What more can I ask of myself than to [[do the things->connect]] and [[be happy doing them]]?I work until I fall asleep most days[:] Answering emails, grading homework, writing lesson plans, holding office hours, syllabus building [and] classroom break down/set-up are all parts of my job for which I do not get paid. I have seen, literally, when I work hard at something, it makes for a better experience for the students. Which means they "buy-in" to their education better, which means, [(pie in the sky)]<moretext| better makers, critics, and creative citizens in our future. (click:?moretext)[Fuck the pie in the sky thing->fuck the system]- I mean it- a big part of my practice is showing makers how to be good humans in an otherwise [[shitty world.]]] I would rather be a [[broke artist->resistance.]] and feel good about what I'm doing than be [[financially stable]] and feel like I am contributing to the problem. In my field, work creep is necessary and expected. Salary employment = work creep[.] Running my own business is full of work creep. [Talking to you is work creep.] So, I creep. Yeah. Just keep it on the down low. [[Cause nobody is supposed to know.]]***Please be as vague or specific as you feel comfortable, keeping in mind the privacy concerns of yourself and others.*** There are many [[sacrifices->support]] I have to make in my [[personal life->lonely]] to finance my art work. ***Please specify the conditions currently at stake for you.*** My [[practice]] My [[needs]] ***Do you mean what your work says*** <center><strong><font size="25">[[?]]</center></strong></font>To [[live->living]] the most [[illegitimate]] life possible[.][I]t's who I am[,] I had to! Never not, can't ever not be! I was [[born->alive]] this way. This is not the right path for everyone, but for now, it's the right path for me.I cannot make a [[living->to live]] off my work. It seems to be the thing that keeps me interested in being [[alive->live]] best. [And] I find the work really [[fulfilling]]. [T]he [[status quo->art is important1]] tries to convince us that stability was achievable[.] It was [[never broken.]]It's one of the few means I have of communicating, learning and sharing. I love making it, I love thinking about it, I love showing art, I love looking at other people's art. I believe in [[supporting->problem.]] the practices of other[s] [and] I want to help others make...in [[whatever->art is important1]] manifestation. In the beginning I think it was mostly for psychological healing and as a way to connect with others in a time of profound <strike>aloneness</strike>loneliness. All the adults said I was gonna [[do great.]]To [[live]] the most illegitimate [[life]] possible[.]Our little lives are made full by sharing our experiences with others [and] I enjoying [[nurturing]] others' artistic practices. I work for individual artists I respect[.] It offers me a level of continual engagement. "We're all there to help one another [[get through this thing.]]" - VonnegutI honestly don't know how else to exist in the world[.] I've tried a number of other things over several decades, but realize now that this is what I'm meant to do and need to do to survive, be happy, and make a [[positive impact->art is important1]] on my [[community.]] [[Art->artists]] is important. "Artists don't get down to work until the pain of [[working]] is greater than the pain of not working."As an artist, I [[make]] my [[work->broke]][.]I'm not interested in making my art a commodity! I make art that I want to when I want to make it. Because I'm too honest to do anything [[else->art is important2]].I don't love being broke, but that feels like a small part of my life. I don't have the motivation and/or time to make [[significant->art is important2]] work[.] What would I trade to? Another shitty job with no pay?[[Art->integrity]] is [[important->positive.]][[Art->fuck the system]] is [[important]]. For me, these economic issues we see in the little western art bubble are one window into the larger systems of exploitation that govern millions of lives regardless of trade or hobby or ability. <center>[[Fuck the system.->art is important4]]</center> [[Art->ruling class1]] is important. [[Success]] is measured by the integrity of my body of work and [the] practice I have created. I just don't [[care->art is important3]] about this word. I can work on what I want to [It’s the] power of positive thinking! I think the way I determine success is different than how [[others might.->art is important3]] I am not measuring success in any kind of critical acclaim or income. [I] have some success that comes from my ability to make work that focuses on my ideological and aesthetic concerns[.] I've stuck with it and money hasn't kicked me out.I am not an especially prolific, well-known, or financially successful artist, which does cause me some amount of [[anxiety->art is important4]]. Anyone who continues their practice, in spite of these overwhelming challenges, [t]here is no way to answer this.[A] place of consumption for the ruling class. I …[make]…my art a [[commodity->problem.]]. Doing it made me feel like a [[better->art is important5]] human being[.]Art is [[important->resistance.]][T]o be a force of [[resistance->art is important6]] against a culture that mindlessly pursues profits with little or no regard for education, social justice, or the health of the planet[.]Art [[is->positioned]] important. Its just my opinion that [[artists->art is important7]] are actually uniquely positioned to resist. [I] have to be involved in a world that resists dominant culture.Art is [[important->need]]. [[Art->interpersonal]] is [[important->balance]] [and] [[I need to make art.->splash]][A]rt helps me steer that change thru my interpersonal relations, my approach to non-art [[work->art is important8]] and a continued emphasis on learning to adapt and think thru…changes. And resistance for me is not about getting paid. I hope to find a balance where I can make a living while still [[practicing->art is important8]] this resistance, but it can feel like a [[futile->support]] pursuit in or culture.[[Art is important.->ruling class2]][[NA->ruling class3]] [A] [place of consumption for the ruling class.]<moretext| [A] (click:?moretext)[place of consumption for the ruling class.] [[A place of consumption by the ruling class.]] I don't feel I make very many contributions to society, but for some brief moments [,] [[Art is important.->art is important9]] I spend…time cooking, reading, trying to exercise and socializing.[[Art->short term goal]] is [[important.->ethics]] [[Art is important.->dannylast]] So that's the short term goal.Being an artist allows me to be engaged in all of these personal ethics. I feel like I have to, or I would go crazy. It's the [[only thing->dannylast]] I've ever wanted to do.[[I have to.->splash]] I am thinking of it [and] [[I have no idea.->Now I am not so sure anymore.]] [A] place of [[consumption->ruling class4]] for the ruling class. [T]o [[pursue]] and research a variety of interests[.] [U]nrelated to my ability to profit off of my creative practice. [T]o generate challenging [[conversations.]] [U]nrelated to my ability to profit off of my creative practice. I believe in conversation. ***Repeat.*** ...conversations...in contemporary art. ***Repeat.*** ...conversations and critique. ***We're losing you.*** I am lost. <strike>I have lost.</strike> I am [[lost->I didn't know what else to do.]] Learning about... language and trends of... contemporary art... a foundation... and conceptual depth... for my [[work]]. ***Please explain what is currently at stake for you.*** [A] way outside [of] a confining and repressive environment, a way to self actualize and challenge external boundaries...engaged with the world rather than dulled by the [[commodity propaganda->ruling class1]] that breeds docility.Survey Says: <center><img src="http://www.santacruzmah.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/IMG_7415.jpg" height="488" width="650"></center> Grants? Sales? Honoraria? Over 20k ea. Money + Interconnectedness <div align="right">[[For real?]]</div> <center><img src="http://www.is.wayne.edu/MNISSANI/ELEPHANT/Image202.gif"></center> <center>Looks like you got it figured out then. Interdisciplinarity = low yields but [high popularity.]<moretext| (click:?moretext)[That's that [[connectedness]] you wanted, right? But, get [[this:->Yeah, bro.]]]</center> <center><img src="http://wadebearden.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/heaven-is-for-real-feature.jpg" height="399" width="650"></center> ...but Hells are artificial. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Artificial-Hells-Participatory-Politics-Spectatorship/dp/1844676900"target="_blank">Better get started.</a> [[I'll pass.]] <center><img src="http://thumb7.shutterstock.com/display_pic_with_logo/61166/61166,1278439883,1/stock-photo-set-of-gears-interconnected-forming-a-machine-concept-56647243.jpg" height="400", width="450"> <img src="http://images.sodahead.com/polls/000735145/polls_Kid_Leashes_5239_757219_answer_2_xlarge.jpeg" height="291", width="250"> <img src="http://www.rainsalestraining.com/default/assets/Image/blog/office-worker-ball-and-chain.png" height="269", width="250"> <img src="http://allthingsd.com/files/2012/04/puzzle-pieces-2.jpeg" height="202", width="250"> <img src="http://www.certshelp.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/wireless-connectivity.png" height="245", width="300"></center> <div align="left">[[Something like that.->connect]]</div><div align="right">[[No, not like this!->never broken.]]</div> So you'd rather what? [[Paint?]] or [[Work retail?]] <center><img src="http://www.askyfilledwithshootingstars.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/34_perry-ogden_photo-of-francis-bacon-reece-mews-studio.jpg" height="451" width="800"></center> No more than a couple hours a day. [Chipping away.]<moretext| (click:?moretext)[For 7? 12 years now?...[[I forget.]]] The studio is [[lonely]], but I want to believe it can [[connect]] me to others through the things I make inside it. <center><img src="http://www.landsecurities.com/property_images/retail-world-team-valley-4.jpg"></center> About half of retail workers surveyed have MFAs. Half also said their education helped them find a job that provided financial compensation. [["Aesthetics, or Styling, has become a unique selling point--on a global basis."->art is important8]] <center><img src="http://johnhclouse.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/eating-elephant.jpg"></center> ...and an elephant never [[forgets.->Paint?]] <center><img src="https://kbondale.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/lonelyatthetop.png"height="500" width="408"></center> The outlier gives me [hope.]<moretext| (click:?moretext)[Being lonely is the same as being exceptional, right?] [[Right.]] <center><img src="http://imghumour.com/assets/Uploads/Hello-is-it-me-youre-looking-for.jpg" height="420" width="400"></center> [Most of us were in 2-4 (unpaid) shows,]<moretext| (click:?moretext)[received no grants, sold nothing, and have no studio.] [Most of us have an MFA,]<moretext2| (click:?moretext2)[60-120k in student loan debt, and work in some education related field.] <div align="right">[[We tend the wheel.]]</div> Longest studio days didn't correlate to: [[More shows]], or more earnings through grants and sales. Individuals who worked at their creative practice more than 8 hrs a day were more likely to own a car, and feel that formal education had no positive impact on their [[creative practice.->sustain]] <center><img src="http://nutritionpaperideas.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/freezing-cold-man-RpoZ.jpg" height="500" width="650"></center> If exposure is what you're after, then consider the interdisciplinary approach instead of performance and writing. Be prepared to donate more than 60 hours of your time per year and work those unpaid internships. It's all about making [[more connections.->connectedness]] <center><img src="http://gallery.dasjettakartell.com/albums/userpics/10008/ShipWheel.jpg" height="450", width="600"></center> <center>[[We drive this ship.]]</center> <center><img src="http://www.qualitymodelships.com/files/1743973/uploaded/HMS%2520Surprise-ship%2520in%2520a%2520bottle%2520635.jpg" height="450", width="600"></center> <center><font color="red"><font size="20">[[M'AIDEZ M'AIDEZ M'AIDEZ->splash]]</font></center> ***Does your work reflect you*** <center><strong><font size="25">[[?]]</center></strong></font>[I am] feeling [[adrift.->We tend the wheel.]]***Your current course is not authorized.*** I DON'T [[CARE.]]I don't know what my loan rates are/were. I don't know that I've fulfilled the potential most of my mentors [[thought I had,->life]] though I doubt personally I ever had it. I don't know. Because I am not well known. Whether this is a reflection of my abilities as an artist or as a [[navigator->Now I am not so sure anymore.]] of the art world is unclear.***Why won't you Why [[don't->positioned]] you put the [[care->Work retail?]] in career?*** ...partly because it's fun and partly because it helps me in my [[career->Work retail?]] path[.]<tw-hook class=""> <tw-link class="">Link Macro based link</tw-link> </tw-hook>