Get Lost Mobile Ver

“No!” you cry. “Stop that! Stop them, Snow Pea!”\n\nSnow Pea flops on his side and twitches an ear, as though to ask “why bother?” You poke him with your toes, but he refuses to move. It's useless. You collapse onto your bed and [[groan|ocarina]].

<<if visited("bell")>>She begins to chant in a strange tongue. The sea boils and the very stars tremble. Not knowing what else to do, you take the golden bell and [[ring it]].<<elseif visited ("chalice")>>She chants a spell in a strange tongue and the waters of the sea all rise to [[swallow]] you whole.<<else>>She begins to chant in a strange tongue and you know your pleas have fallen on a hard heart: you have no choice but to [[fight]] back.<<endif>>

<center>''THE END''</center>\n● You drank the Water of Perception!\n● You faced a princess' wrath!\n\n//True Folklore: If a swimming pool is left clean but unused for at least one month’s time, small fairies may decide to live in it.//\n\n<center><a class= "internalLink" href="javascript:window.location.reload();">Restart</a></center>\n

<center>''THE END''</center>\n● You ate a dessert that didn't belong to you!\n● You made use of your extensive fairy-based knowledge!\n\n//Once upon a time, a brass key sank into the depths of the Starlit Sea, and there it remained for one hundred times one hundred years. Steeped in salt and magic, the key underwent a series of strange transmutations. First it turned to bronze, then to gold. Finally, it became a little yellow seahorse, lively and well-tempered and much beloved by the water sprites.//\n\n<center><a class= "internalLink" href="javascript:window.location.reload();">Restart</a></center>\n

The path of crumbs leads you to an odd little shop with a steaming chimney and shuttered octagonal windows. A sign hangs above the open door, written in a language you don't recognize. The most wonderful fragrances of spice and caramel and savory sauces waft from inside, and after only the slightest hesitation, you [[enter]].

<center>''THE END''</center>\n● You acquired a magical bell!\n● You escaped the wrath of a princess!\n\n//A Fairy Legend: they say the former Queen once composed a perfect poem, but destroyed all record of it, for fear of its awful powers.//\n\n<center><a class= "internalLink" href="javascript:window.location.reload();">Restart</a></center>\n

Hours later, the fairies get bored of rummaging through your house and return to your bedside. “You awake, human?” asks one of them – possibly the fairy from your shoulder, the one who may or may not be the boss. You answer with an inarticulate grunt.\n\n“We decided we’ll forgive you the drum if you give us this thing,” she continues. “Even though you wouldn’t eat the bug.” You look up. Your old toy ocarina hovers in the air.\n\n“And you’ll go away?” you ask.\n\n“Sure,” says the fairy. “You think we were gonna live here?”\n\n“Then take it,” you say. “I don’t want it.” The fairies give a [[cheer]].

“It’s a fine bit of treasure,” says Val, “but the sort you find lying on the ground just about anywhere. For that much, I could make...” She scratches her ear and considers. “I could make a cupcake that turns you into a small lemur, but nothing more complex than that.”\n\n“A lemur?” you ask. “Not a dove or a deer? Not something more romantic?”\n\n“A lemur,” confirms Val. “Take it or leave it.”\n\n“But who would want to turn into a lemur?” you demand. “There aren’t any ballads about lemurs. There aren’t any myths or novels about lemur changelings!”\n\n“If you don’t like it, then go,” says Val. “That bell will be of more use to [[you]] than me, anyway.”

“I don’t care,” says Val, tossing you an apron. “Those are my terms. Leave if you don’t like them. Otherwise, follow me, and I’ll show you how to scour burnt oranges from a baking tin.”\n\n“What about the magic?” you sputter, and Val laughs.\n\n“If you still want to turn into a dove a month from now,” she says, “then fine: I’ll turn you into a dove. Is that fair enough?”\n\nHer many spider’s legs nudge you into the kitchen. Before you know it, you’re tying the apron around your waist; you’re elbows-deep in a basin of grey [[water|dishwasher]].

You decide quickly. Snatching up the chalice, you swallow your fill of cold, clear water. The water tastes ever so faintly of honeysuckle, or of late summer peaches. You gulp down every last drop and wait for the onset of amnesia– for all of your memories and all of your humanity to flow away like rain.\n\nYou wait, but nothing happens. Metal jangles: you spin around. You see Snow Pea, muddy and matted, wriggling beneath the chainlink fence. You have to run.\n\nHow will you ever loose yourself in the land of the fairies if that stubborn dog insists on [[finding]] you?

Beware the fairies, they say. Do not eat their food or imbibe their drink. Dare not listen to their songs.\n\nFor the [[water]] of fairy-land will wash away your human memories.\nFor the [[food]] of fairy-land will transform you into a bird or beast.\nFor the [[songs]] of fairy-land will bind your soul forever, so you may never return to the human world.

Meadowland Park's gone strange. Unearthly flowers peep through the cedar mulch. Plastic leaves and brilliant red blossoms unfurl from the jungle gym bars. Stone toadstools sprout from gravel paths, and treasures lie strewn on the ground for easy taking.\n\nYou see a golden [[bell]] with golden wings. You see a [[chalice]] full of sparkling water. You see a covered [[serving dish|apple]] adorned with pearls and turquoise.\n\nThe fairies, they say, often cast things on the ground as bait for hapless mortals. You wonder what bait you should take: food, water, or music?

In the white forest, you stop to catch your breath. You have to throw the princess off your trail somehow: you fumble with your shirt, attempting to flip it backwards. In your frantic state, you only manage to tangle yourself in your own sleeves. It's hopeless. You're sure the princess will be upon you in minutes, more wrathful than ever. You wanted danger – it's true – but not like this. You don’t want to be banished from fairy-land forever!\n\nAs you struggle, a little white dog trots up the path. It's Snow Pea, muddier than ever, with a gleam in his eye and the golden bell in his mouth. He bows down, and wags his tail in [[greeting]].

The princess lowers her hand. “You apologize?” she asks, eyes wide with astonishment. “You truly apologize?”\n\n“I didn’t mean to ruin your poem,” you say. “I’d just never seen a fairy princess before, and I was so nervous, and – and I’m sorry. I’ll never do it again.”\n\n “Ah,” says the princess, smoothing down her hair. “In the end, I suppose that's all I really wanted to hear.”\n\n“Then, you'll forgive me?” you ask.\n\nThe princess grins. “Of course not. Gullible human!” <<tricked>>

More small, <<if visited("chalice")>>glowing<<else>>invisible<<endif>> creatures alight upon your head and hands; they cling to your shirt and slip into your pockets. They lounge on your shoes and play with the laces.\n\nThey're flower fairies, of course – <<if visited("chalice")>>but you don't understand how you can see them. You're a teenager now; you grew out of seeing flower fairies years ago. Is this the power of fairy-land? Or is it the power of the water you drank from the chalice?<<else>>but you're a teenager now, and far too old to see them. You can only feel their little hands tugging at your hair, and their wings flickering against your fingers.<<endif>>\n\n“Explain,” says <<if visited("chalice")>>the violet fairy<<else>>the fairy on your shoulder<<endif>>, “what a human like you is doing in //our// [[forest|runaway]].”\n\n

Fine. Life is easier for birds and [[beasts|strange]].

A little white dog yaps at your heels. “Snow Pea, stop it!” you cry. “Go home and forget about me – //go home//!”\n\nYou climb the chainlink fence and leap into Meadowland Park. On the other side of the fence, Snow Pea whimpers and digs, relentless. He'll tunnel through in minutes: you have to hurry. You scramble to the old forked tree. You jump through the cleft of its branches.\n\nThe world grows bigger and [[brighter]] all around you.

You raise the bell into the air and Val smiles encouragingly. You can’t help but feel that you’re being tricked, but what does it matter – why should you be afraid? You were going to use the bell before; you were ready to accept fate then, before Snow Pea interrupted.\n\nYou ring the bell, which makes a beautiful sound like a blackbird’s call. The kitchen melts away. The smells of cooking fade. The last thing you hear is Val’s laughter, before everything [[vanishes|escapekitchen]].

She raises her hand to cast the spell and seal your fate forever. “No!” you plead.\n\t\t\n“Have [[mercy]]!”\n“I'll [[make it up]] to you!”\n“I'm [[sorry]]!”

You stand in your bedroom, surrounded by all of your familiar things: your bookshelves, your fantasy art posters, that pile of dirty flip-flops. Snow Pea spits out the bell and jumps onto your bed, smearing mud on your shiny purple comforter.\n\n“How?” you sputter. “Why?” You snatch Snow Pea from the bed and hold him in your lap. You gaze into his beady black [[eyes]].

As soon as you arrive home, Snow Pea prances to the flowerbed and buries the golden bell. The next day, a golden sprout appears among the flowers. In the coming days, the sprout grows into a fine little shrub with bell-shaped leaves and yellow bark that smells of peaches. When the wind blows, its branches play strange [[music|FairyEnding2]].

Val begins to answer, but as she does, one of the glowing ovens explodes: black smoke pours from its unhinged door. Several steaming pots begin to overboil. “You’re a very strange human,” she says with an angry hiss. “But it’s true that I’ve been //overburdened// of late. Quickly! How much training do you have in the principles of gastronomancy?”\n\n“I don’t know what that is,” you answer, [[honestly]].

<<if visited("chalice")>>Tiny fairies with the tails of fish coil around your ankles. They're water sprites, of course, but you don't understand how you can see them. You're a teenager now: you grew out of seeing sprites and their ilk years ago. Is this the power of fairy-land, or the power of the water you drank from the chalice?\n\nNo matter – you came here to see //real// fairies. You kick at the sprites and they dart away, giggling. You climb the steps of the [[pavilion|fishy]].<<else>>Something cold and fishy brushes against your ankles. Unseen voices giggle in the depths of the waves. With a shudder, you climb the steps of the pavilion.\n\n<<fishy>><<endif>>

As you cry, a rubber duck floats by in the water. A flower fairy lounges on the duck’s back, singing a shrill love song. A water sprite cuddles at her side. Both wear little flower-petal swimsuits and broad-brimmed lily hats. Despite all your sorrows, you can’t help but giggle at the ridiculous sight.\n\nThe fairy couple glare at you.\n\n“What is this?” grumbles the sprite. “I thought we had this pool to ourselves.”\n\n“Hey, kid,” asks the flower fairy. “What's got you all worked up? You laughing or crying?”\n\n“I'm crying,” you say, “because my life is ruined.” You sniffle and wipe at your tears and tell the two fairies [[everything]]

“Snow Pea,” you sputter, “we both have to run! Come on, hurry!”\n\nSnow Pea does not hurry. He sits down and rings the golden bell, which makes a beautiful sound like a blackbird’s cry. The white woods fade to black. Everything [[vanishes|wisedog]].

“You can have my soul or my True Name,” you say. “Or my heart or my shadow or all my memories. I'll give you anything you want – please! – just don't cast that spell!”\n\n“All worthless,” scoffs the princess. “What use would I have for some mere human's heart or memories or name?” <<tricked>>

You follow the lights through the forest and back to Meadowland Park. The fairies hover around you the whole way, chattering and giggling and generally making a nuisance of themselves. Near the edge of the forest, Snow Pea rejoins you, muddier than ever and covered in burrs. In his mouth, he carries the golden bell.\n\n“Let go of that,” you say. “It’s not a toy.”\n\nSnow Pea wags his tail. He does not drop the bell.\n\n“Fine,” you grumble. “If it curses you, don't expect me to help.” You climb through the fork of the gnarled old tree and return to the [[mundane world]].

“I don't understand,” you say.\n\n“That much is evident,” says Val. “Now, go.” At her word, Snow Pea rings the bell, which makes a beautiful sound like a blackbird's cry. The world dissolves around you. The kitchen [[disappears|smartdog]].

The bell makes a beautiful sound like a blackbird's cry. The sea and the starry blue sky dissolve into mist. Everything [[disappears|escapesea]].

“Pah!” says the sprite at the end of your story. “That princess was just playing mind games.”\n\n“There ain't no spell that can make you ordinary,” says the flower fairy. “It's too, um...”\n\n“It's too vague an objective for a spell,” finishes the sprite. “With magic, you have to be specific.”\n\n“But she was a fairy princess,” you argue. “Fairy princesses can do anything to anyone.”\n\n“Nah,” says the flower fairy. “They just [[pretend|okay]] they can.”

“With my magic, I can see into your heart of hearts,” says the Princess of the Starlit Sea. “You want excitement, do you? You want beauty laced with danger, and strange sights to distract you from all life's disappointments? Well, how about this!”\n\nHer hair unfurls from its bindings. Her tail lashes like a snake. “I condemn you to an ordinary life! You'll never have the magic you desire; you'll never find the fairy-land you seek. Each of your days will be as dull and safe as the last, and after you die, you'll leave no legacy worth remembering. This is the curse I lay upon you, and let it be a warning to all others who would [[dare]] offend me!”

You wanted the fairies to make you their captive, but not like this – not by this riff-raff. “I won't!” you say, shielding your mouth with your hand.\n\n“C'mon!” say the fairies. “Eat the bug! Eat the bug!”\n\n“//I won't!//” you scream and just then, Snow Pea – wonderful Snow Pea, loyal Snow Pea – comes running from the trees. In his mouth, he holds the golden bell. His fur is muddier than ever.\n \n“A dog!” the fairies shriek. “The human’s got a dog!” They <<if visited("chalice")>>fly<<else>>buzz<<endif>> into the air and scatter. Their voices fade into the distance.\n\nSnow Pea leaps into your arms and rings the golden bell, which makes a beautiful sound like a blackbird's call. The river dissolves into mist. The forest [[disappears|gooddog]].

You run through the space between houses, through clouds of gnats and the shade of weeping willows. All your life, you've lived in the endless suburbs that border the land of the fairies, but no longer. You never want to see this neighborhood, these soulless streets, these people ever again.\n\nThat's why you're finally going to do it. You're going to let the [[fairies]] take you.

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Good. You don't want to [[remember|strange]].

Flutes harmonize with the pounding drums; then come strings and clappers and high, clear singing voices. Oh wonderful sound – you must have ventured near a fairy revel! You follow the music to the banks of a blue and shining river. Lilies as large and white as swans float atop the water, and <<if visited("chalice")>>colorful lights dance among<<else>>spiders weave shimmering webs between<<endif>> the reeds.\n\nYou step onto the pebbled bank. Something crunches beneath your foot, and all the music falls [[silent]].

Hours later, your hands are pruney and your clothes all smell of sugary smoke. You have money in your pocket, and a little bag of gingerbread spiders. Val waves you goodbye, and when you leave you find Snow Pea – somehow – awaiting you outside. He wags his tail, looking inordinately pleased with himself.\n\nSnow Pea starts down the path of crumbs and you follow, hoping he’ll lead you home. For today, at least, you’ve had enough [[adventure|ValEnding2]].

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You emerge, dripping wet and choking, from the [[pool]] in your backyard.

You make your decision quickly. You remove the cover from the serving dish, revealing a wondrous confection: a pale blue apple, skinned and halved, with a circle of cake wedged into its center, and a syrupy glaze, and charming little garnishes of cream and gold leaf and caramel roses. Syrup dribbles down your arm as you lift the apple to your mouth and bite in: it tastes, somehow, of all of your favorite desserts at once – of fruit and chocolate and cinnamon and marshmallow and hazelnut gelato all swirled harmoniously [[together|apple2]].

You decide on the bell, which has the look of a powerful artifact. Who can say what calamities or miracles its ringing might bring? Will it forfeit your soul to the Fairy Queen? Will it teach you sounds and songs no mortal ears have ever heard? Will it spur you to mad revelry, and make you dance and sing for a thousand years? You snatch it from the ground, and turn it in your hands.\n\nThe gold is engraved with unfamiliar letters – fairy-language, you suppose. You raise the bell into the air, prepared to meet your [[fate|bell2]].

<center>\n@@font-size:48px;Get Lost!@@\n\nby S. Woodson\n\nClick the [[green text|run]] to begin.\n\n@@font-size:12px;Originally commissioned for the Now Play This 2016 exhibition at Somerset House, London.@@\n</center>

You stand in your bedroom, surrounded by all of your familiar things: your bookshelves, your fantasy art posters, that pile of dirty flip-flops. Snow Pea jumps onto your bed, looking quite pleased with himself as he smears mud on your shiny purple comforter.\n\n“Stop that!” you say, but Snow Pea, as usual, ignores you. He looks out the window, towards Meadowland Park. Then he looks back at you, questioningly.\n\n“I'm not going back there,” you say. “Why would I? It's just as stupid as the real world – stupider!” You snort. “What kind of fairy tries to make you eat a bug? Fairies are supposed to be dignified! They're supposed to be dangerous! Haven't they read any of the [[stories]]?”

You wanted the fair folk to make you their captive, but not like this – not by this rabble. You take the golden bell from your pocket, scattering fairies. “Wait!” they protest. “Don’t use that thing!” But you pay them no head.\n\nWhatever dark magics the bell might invoke, whatever terrors it might summon, have to be better than this. You ring the bell, which makes a beautiful sound like a blackbird’s call.\n\nThe forest blurs into nothingness. The river [[disappears|escapeforest]].

“I–!” Your voice comes out a shrill squeak. You breathe deep and swallow. “I've run away to the fairy-lands. So – so do your worst to me! Turn me into a beast or wipe away all my memories, because I don't care if I return to the human world ever again!”\n\nThe clan of fairies giggle. “What are you even talking about?” demands <<if visited("chalice")>>the violet fairy<<else>>the fairy on your shoulder<<endif>>.\n\t\n“I've run away,” you repeat.\n\n“Because my true love's [[abandoned|goofus][$sorrow = "abandoned"]] me.”\n“Because my friends have [[forsaken|goofus][$sorrow = "forsaken"]] me.”\n“Because there's [[no place|goofus][$sorrow = "noplace"]] for me in the human world.”

<<if visited("chalice")>>Wings buzz. A tiny creature darts from the air and lands upon your shoulder. The creature wears a cloak of violet petals. Her skin emits a twinkling purple light.\n\n“That was our best drum,” says the violet fairy, baring pointed teeth.<<else>>Wings buzz. You flinch as a tiny weight settles on your shoulder. “That was our best drum,” says a little voice inches from your ear.<<endif>> “And you went and [[stomped]] right on it.”

As you follow the path of shells, the ground inclines upward and a salt breeze ruffles your hair. Soon, you find yourself on the shores of a glorious ocean. Glassy waves lap against sand as soft as velvet. A blue sky twinkles with daytime stars. Far out in the water, you see a pearly castle bedecked with roses and golden moons. Closer to the shore, a [[fairy princess]] lounges in a pearl-studded pavilion.

You think back to all the folktales and urban fantasy novels you've read. What are a fairy's weaknesses? Fairies can't see you if you wear your clothing backwards; they don't like the touch of rowan or cold iron.\n\nYou feel for the house key in your pocket. Are keys made of iron? It doesn't matter: you have to do something, anything. You throw the key at the princess as hard as you can and run for the shore.\n\n“What?” gasps the princess, breaking off her evil chant. “What are you even doing? //Who throws a key//?”\n\nShe commands you to halt, but you don't listen. You dash along the seashell path and make for the [[safety]] of the underground.

“Make the human eat a bug!” squeals a <<if visited("chalice")>>fairy<<else>>voice from<<endif>> atop your head, and the other<<if visited("chalice")>>s<<else>> fairies<<endif>> take up the chant.\n\n“Pun-ish-ment! Eat a bug!”\n\nAn earthworm glides to your face, borne <<if visited("chalice")>>by a grinning fairy<<else>>on invisible hands<<endif>>.\n\n<<if visited("bell")>>You do not eat the bug. You take out the golden bell and [[ring]] it.<<else>>You [[eat]] the bug.\nYou [[do not eat|nope]] the bug.<<endif>>

You eat the whole thing and wipe your sticky arm on your shirt. You wait for your bones to hollow out and your arms to transform to wings – for fur to start sprouting from your ears, for your feet to harden into hooves. You wait, but nothing happens.\n\nMetal jangles: you spin around. You see Snow Pea, muddy and matted, wriggling beneath the chainlink fence. You have to run.\n\nHow will you ever loose yourself in the land of the fairies if that stubborn dog insists on [[finding]] you?

<center>''THE END''</center>\n● <<if visited("chalice")>>You drank the Water of Perception!<<else>>You ate a dessert that didn't belong to you!<<endif>>\n● For many centuries, the flower fairies will pass down your tale: the tale of the Human Who Ate a Bug.\n\n//True Folklore: Bury a piece of fairy gold, and it will grow roots; steep it in water, and it will become a sweet tisane that can soothe the throat and strengthen the voice.//\n\n<center><a class= "internalLink" href="javascript:window.location.reload();">Restart</a></center>\n

<center>''THE END''</center>\n● <<if visited("chalice")>>You drank the Water of Perception!<<else>>You ate a dessert that didn't belong to you!<<endif>>\n● But you didn't eat a bug!\n\n//An Excerpt from the// Unofficial Adventurer's Handbook//: “Sooner or later in your travels, you __will__ be captured by flower fairies. This an occupational hazard all reasonable adventurers should accept. If you're afraid of flower fairies, then steer clear of magical woods, or at the very least carry a dog.//\n\n<center><a class= "internalLink" href="javascript:window.location.reload();">Restart</a></center>\n

“Just what are you?” you demand. “Were you using telepathy? How come I don't hear anything you say?”\n\nSnow Pea huffs and puffs and kicks his little legs.\n\n“The shelter said your owner before us was an old man,” you continue, “who had gotten too old to have a dog. That old guy wasn't actually a wizard, was he? What other powers do you have? What other things do you know?”\n\nSnow Pea wriggles from your grasp and darts down the hallway. You chase after him, relentless. All thoughts of fairy-land leave your mind. For now at least, you have more pressing [[questions|ValEnding3]].

<center>''THE END''</center>\n● You acquired a magical bell!\n● You invited new friends into your household!\n\n//True Folklore: Be careful when allowing fairies inside your home. Once they've entered, their Law permits them to return as often as they want. They may awake you in the middle of the night, demanding sweets and entertainment.//\n\n<center><a class= "internalLink" href="javascript:window.location.reload();">Restart</a></center>\n

You suppose you could run back to fairy-land, but at the moment, your heart isn't in it. “Hey, Snow Pea,” you say, “do you think there are ogres in fairy-land? Or giants? What //was// that lady, anyway?”\n\nSnow Pea flops onto his back and snorts, as though to say, “Who knows?”\n\n“And why,” you continue, “would there be a restaurant in fairy-land? None of the stories had anything like that. None of the stories had commerce in them. Can't fairies just make whatever they want with magic?”\n\nSnow Pea offers no answer. You stare out the window, towards Meadowland Park. It occurs to you that there are many things in this world you may not yet [[understand|ValEnding1]].

“Hey, Snow Pea,” you ask, once your heart’s stopped pounding, “how did you know to ring that bell when you did? You couldn’t have known what you were doing, right?”\n\nSnow Pea twitches an ear, but offers no answer.\n\n“Maybe,” you muse, “the bell //compelled// you to ring it. Maybe it’s some kind of protective talisman, and knew I was in trouble. Could that be it?”\n\nYou hold the bell up to the light and examine it, wondering what other secrets it might conceal. Snow Pea lies at your side and falls asleep, [[contented|SeaEnding3]].

“Um, are you //talking// to Snow Pea?” you ask.\n\n“The same way one might talk to a brick wall,” says Val. “In any case, human, you're not going to find what you're looking for here – or anywhere. Let your dog ring his bell, and go [[home]].”

"Oh, what are the perfect words?" the princess mutters to herself. "The rose is like... is like..."\n\nShaken by nerves and overwhelmed by the princess' beauty, you can't help but interrupt. "The rose is like –"\n\nthe foam of the [[sea|wrong]]?"\na dove's white [[wing|wrong]]?"\ntrue love's sweet [[sting|wrong]]?"

“If I might be so bold to ask,” says Val, “what animal is it that you want to turn into so badly?”\n\n“It doesn’t matter,” you say. “A dove or a deer or a wolf or no animal at all. I just...” You struggle to give voice to your thoughts. “I just want to be something that //isn’t// me.”\n\n“And why,” asks Val, “is that?”\n\n“Because,” you say, “//things happen// to people who turn into animals. Or people who fall under enchantments or loose their memories or break the rules of fairy-land. But nothing happens to people like me. So if I work for you, will you lend me your [[magic]]?”

You race into the underground passage, but the sandy stairs crumble beneath your feet. With an awful crash, the earth seals shut behind you. You fall slowly through glowing golden emptiness, until at last you come to rest on solid stone.\n\t\nWhite trees loom all around you, and their branches glisten with pearls. A path of [[shells]] winds away in one direction; a path of [[crumbs]] in another.

Your heart sinks. Everything is wrong; everything just keeps, keeps, keeps going wrong. This isn’t what fairy-land should be like. Where’s the magic? Where’s the danger? Where are the floating castles, the beautiful-yet-terrible princesses, the tragically cursed lovers and heroes? If //this// is all there is to fairy-land, you might as well eat a bug. You might as well eat a hundred bugs!\n\nYou snatch the worm <<if not visited("chalice")>>from the air <<endif>>and pop it into your mouth and swallow it whole. The fairies clap and cheer.\n\n“Did you see that?” they squeal.\n\n“I can't believe it!”\n\n“This human’s the [[best human]] in the world!”\n\n

You clutch the edge of the counter as the <<if visited("chalice")>>spider-<<endif>>woman approaches. "Are – are you one of the fair folk?" you ask.\n\n"Do I look like a fairy to you?" asks the woman.\n\nYou shake your head.<<if visited("chalice")>>\n \n"Some of us," says the woman, "have been living in the Broken Lands since even before the fairies came." She stands at the counter, towering over you on tall, striped legs.\n\n"I'm Val," she says, extending a [[hand]]. You shake it, too afraid to refuse, and feel the prickle of claws against your skin.<<else>> "You look like a human. But are you?”\n\n"A human?" says the woman. She glances down at herself and chuckles. "Ah, yes. I still have a bit of glamour on me from my trip to town.”\n\nYou realize, as she stands at the counter, just how tall she is. Her head almost scrapes the ceiling. "I'm Val," she says, extending a [[hand]]. You shake it, afraid to refuse, and feel the prickle of too-sharp nails.<<endif>>

“Mighty princess, have mercy on me!” you beg. “I have a sensitive soul. I'm not cut out for an ordinary life!”\n\n“Oh?” says the princess. “Would you prefer some other punishment? Would you rather I turn you into a squirming eel? Would you rather I make you my magic-bound thrall for one hundred times one hundred years?”\n\n“Yes!” you say. “Yes, please!”\n\nThe princess grins. “And why should I do what //you// want, mortal?” <<tricked>>

<center>''THE END''</center>\n● You drank the Water of Perception!\n● You obtained employment, the most difficult of feats!\n\n//A True Fact: “Val” is short for “Valencia.”//\n\n<center><a class= "internalLink" href="javascript:window.location.reload();">Restart</a></center>\n

<center>''THE END''</center>\n● You ate a dessert that didn't belong to you!\n● You've realized your dog has Powers!\n\n//Shelter Profile: “Hi, my name is Snow Pea and I am a smart boy with lots of energy! I don't get along too well with other pets, but I love to go for walks and know plenty of tricks like 'heel,' 'speak,' and 'shake' – sometimes I’m just a little bit stubborn and pretend not to understand! Could __you__ be my forever family? Come visit today!”//\n\n<center><a class= "internalLink" href="javascript:window.location.reload();">Restart</a></center>\n

<center>''THE END''</center>\n● You acquired a magical bell!\n● You discovered a new small local business!\n\n//Once upon a time, a witch lived in a cottage in lonely green glen. The cottage was very fine, but its garden would yield only cabbage. The witch devised a spell that would give a simple pot of cabbage the appearance, flavor, and nutritive properties of a three-course lobster dinner. Thus, the art of gastronomancy was invented.//\n\n<center><a class= "internalLink" href="javascript:window.location.reload();">Restart</a></center>\n

Snow Pea spits out the bell and curls into a muddy little ball, seemingly satisfied. You lie down beside him and scratch his back and stare at the ceiling, thinking. “Hey,” you ask, “did you know what that bell would do? I guess it's not like a dog //could// know, but…”\n\nSnow Pea wags his tail, but never [[answers|FairyEnding3]].

You realize, to your horror, that the bell has not only brought you home, but taken the clan of fairies with you. \n\n“But look!” one says. “A human house!”\n\n“So this is what it’s like!”\n\nYou hear them buzz away, exploring. Invisible hands riffle through your books. Boxes rattle in your closet. The lights in the hallway [[flicker]].

With a snap of Val's fingers, the door opens and a little white [[dog]] prances inside.

You stand in your bedroom, surrounded by all of your familiar things: your bookshelves, your fantasy art posters, that pile of dirty flip-flops. Even Snow Pea is there, though you have no idea how, muddier than ever and covered in burrs. He wags his tail in greeting.\n\n“Am I safe?” you gasp. “Did I escape the curse?” You wait for the Princess of the Starry Sea to descend upon you in a furious cloud of magic. You wait for phantom hands to drag you back into the land of the fairies. Yet nothing happens. You collapse on your bed in [[relief]].

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“I’ve studied the arts of gastronomancy for many centuries,” says Val. “My food can bestow any curse or enchantment you like. //If// you provide appropriate payment.”\n\nA chill runs down your back. “Payment?” you repeat. “Like a lock of my hair? O-or a pint of my blood, or my most precious memory?”\n\n“Payment as in money,” says Val, patting the side of the register. “As in bills and coins. Are you even carrying any money?”\n\nYou must admit that you are not. <<if visited("chalice")>>“But what if I [[worked]] here,” you ask. “Could I pay you that way?”<<else>>“But what about this?” you ask, taking the [[golden bell]] from your pocket.<<endif>>\n\n\t

“So do with me what you will!” you say. “Trap me in your fairy enchantments! Cloud my mind so I can forget my sorrows! Envelop me in your glamours and make me a denizen of these eldritch lands!”\n\nThe fairies do no such thing. “Listen to this big goofus!” they cry. "<<if $sorrow is "abandoned">>Your sweetie broke up with you<<elseif $sorrow is "forsaken">>You had a fight with your friends<<elseif $sorrow is "noplace">>You're sad<<endif>>, so you're gonna live out here with us now? Who does that?”\n\nThey roar with laughter. <<if visited("chalice")>>Their wings tremble<<else>>You feel their wings tremble<<endif>> with mirth.\n\n“It sounds like you're confused,” says <<if visited("chalice")>>the violet fairy<<else>>the fairy on your shoulder<<endif>>, snickering, “so let me make things clear for you. No one's getting enchanted, but you broke our drum and that means you //are// gonna get [[punished]].”

You stand in your bedroom, surrounded by all of your familiar things: your bookshelves, your fantasy art posters, that pile of dirty flip-flops. Even Snow Pea is there, muddier than ever and covered in burrs. He wags his tail and gives a bark of greeting.\n\n“She did trick me!” you cry. “That sneaky whatever-she-was!” You lay on your bed and [[groan]].

“You aren't going to try to eat me, are you?” you ask.\n\n“You seem to be laboring under some very strange misconceptions,” says Val. “Where's your guardian, young human? What are you doing here alone, in this land you know nothing about?”\n\nBefore you can reply, claws scrape against the door. You give a yelp of [[fright]].

“Now let me go,” you demand. “I did what you wanted.”\n\n“//Now// you want to go?” asks <<if visited("chalice")>>the violet fairy<<else>>the fairy on your shoulder<<endif>>. “Oh, fine. Don’t be like that; don’t cry.”\n\n“I’m not –!” Your voice breaks. You wipe at your eyes and sniffle. “I’m not crying,” you say. “Just let me go home.”\n\n“Alright, alright,” the fairy coos<<if visited("chalice")>>, patting you on the<<else>>. An invisible hand pats your<<endif>> cheek. “We’ll lead you back to the other humans.”\n\nA path of twinkling lights appears on the ground, winding [[back]] the way you came.

You dart through the trees and the cool green shadows, crashing through mounds of licorice-scented ivy and silver ferns that tinkle like bells. Your lungs begin to burn; soon, you can run no longer. You pause in a clearing overgrown with glowing fungus.\n\nNot too far away, you hear the beating of [[drums]].

“All of the ballads and folktales,” you say, “tell the same thing: if you eat the food of fairy-land you stop being human.” Your palms sweat; the words tumble from your mouth. “Sometimes you become a dove, or a deer or a wolf or some other forest animal. Sometimes it just changes you on the inside, but either way, you can't return to the human world any longer.” \n\n“And this is something you wanted?” asks Val. You [[nod]].

A hole has opened in the playground sand, as wide as double doors and bordered all around in shells. Within the hole, a golden light shines, and sandy [[stairs]] descend into the underground.\n\nBeyond the playground and beyond the park, a deep green [[forest]] grows. There were houses there once – before you jumped the fork – but now there are only nameless trees and ancient, impenetrable darkness.

“It will?” you ask.\n\n“Oh, yes,” says Val. “Ring it, and I think you’ll be most [[satisfied]] with the results.”

You know she's a fairy princess because of her unearthly beauty; because of the shapely iridescent wings that crown her shoulders. She wears a gown of froth and foam-white petals. White roses bind her coral-red hair. Tiny scales, fine as pomegranate seeds, glitter on her throat. In her long fingers, she holds a plucked rose, and gazes at it in deepest contemplation\n\nYou wade through the shallows and [[approach]].

“So cheer up,” says the sprite. “You've got nothing to be sad about. Nothing's wrong.”\n\n“Nothing's wrong?” you repeat. “I’m not cursed?”\n\n“Right,” says the flower fairy. “You can stop crying and go inside.”\n\n“In case you didn't notice,” says the sprite, “you're //ruining the mood//.”\n\n“Go on!” they chant. “Get lost!” At their insistent urging, you [[do just that]].

You stand in your bedroom, surrounded by all of your familiar things: your bookshelves, your fantasy art posters, that pile of dirty flip-flops. Snow Pea spits out the bell and hops onto your bed, looking quite pleased with himself as he smears mud all over your shiny purple comforter.\n\n“Are we safe?” you ask. You wait for all the angry waters of the sea to come rushing through your bedroom door. You wait for the princess to burst through the ceiling, furious and terrible. Yet nothing happens. You untangle your shirt and fall onto your bed, [[relieved]].

<<if visited("apple")>>“You smell very strongly of blue apples,” says Val. She leans over the counter, nose twitching. “Not just any blue apples, in fact, but my signature blue apple cake, which I bake exclusively for the Princess of the Starlit Sea. How exactly,” she growls, “did you come to eat such a thing?”\n\nYou back away guiltily. “It was just lying on the ground in Meadowland Park.”\n\n“Impossible!” says Val. “I sent it to the coastline just a minute ago, and my delivery magics are infallible. Unless...” She rakes her nails against the counter. “Unless those contemptible fairies intercepted it again! Those pests! Those petty little tricksters!”\n\nYou step towards the exit, but Val gives a snap of her fingers and the door slams shut behind you. “No,” she says. “Before you leave, explain. Why would you eat something you found lying on the ground? [[Why|why]] would you ever do that?”<<else>>"And who exactly," asks Val, "are you?"\n\n"I –!" You give a sort of frightened hiccup. "I'm a human, sick of the human world, and I've run away to the land of the fairies!"\n\n"Ah," says Val. "So you're not a customer." <<if visited("chalice")>>She climbs over the counter and shoos you away<<else>>She shoos you away from the counter<<endif>>. "Hurry along, then: I'm a busy woman and don't have time for idle chatter."\n\n"Wait!" you squeak. "If I eat the food here, will it change me to the form of an animal? Will it steal away all my humanity?”\n\nVal raises an eyebrow. “Is that something you [[want]]?”<<endif>>

The princess’ lips tighten. The rose falls from her hand. “Did I ask for your advice?” she hisses. “Did I ask for your tired metaphors?”\n\nShe rears up from her cushions, and you see that she <<if visited("chalice")>>herself <<endif>>has a fish's tail, lithe and shining, with scales like precious rubies. “You’ve distracted me,” she says, “and I’ve lost the perfect poem. Do you not know who I am, mortal brat? I am the Princess of the Starlit Sea, and you will //pay// for your impertinence!”\n\nThe skies darken. Your blood runs icy cold. So this is the wrath of a highborn fairy, more terrifying than you could have ever imagined. “I beg your pardon, your wondrousness,” you stammer. “I didn’t mean to –”\n\n“I don’t want to hear your excuses,” snaps the princess. “Only your lamentations, and your delicious cries of [[remorse]]!”

Your heart hammers in your chest. You’ve done it: you’ve made a contract with – well, not a fairy, but a denizen of fairy-land, a real live magical creature. “Does that make me your mortal thrall?” you ask. “Do I live here in this kitchen now?”\n\n“You are most adamantly //not// living here,” says Val. “Not in my shop nor my home. Neither my wife or I have any need of a //pet//.”\n\n“But –,” you begin.\n\nVal cuts you off. “What you will do is come here during the daytime, and I’ll pay you – in money – proportional to the hours you work. Then you’ll go back home.”\n\n“But I don’t want to go back home,” you protest. “That was the whole [[point]].”

Cornered, you have no choice but to answer. “Because I thought it would turn me into an animal.”\n\n“That only raises further questions,” snaps Val. “//Why// would you think that? What animal? And why would you want to turn into one?”\n\n“They say –,” you begin.\n\n“[[They]]?” repeats Val.

The Starlit Sea has vanished: there are no more magical vistas, no more castles of pearl, no more skies as blue as sapphire. There's only your house and a hundred others like it; there's only the suburbs. You feel more ordinary and wretched than ever.\n\nIt's more than you can take: you tuck your legs against your chest and [[cry]].

Snow Pea waits for you on your bed, muddier than ever and covered in burrs. You lie down beside him and absently stroke his back. “Hey Snow Pea,” you ask. “I'm not ordinary, am I? I won’t be in these suburbs forever, right?”\n\nSnow Pea shakes his whole body, as though to say, “No, no, no.” You feel a little [[better|SeaEnding2]].

“Snow Pea?” you gasp, for Snow Pea it is, looking muddier than ever and inordinately pleased with himself. In his mouth, he holds the golden bell; there are little shells tangled in his fur. He wags his tail in greeting.\n\n“Oh,” says Val. “So you're the human's guardian. You're not doing a very good job of it.”\n\nSnow Pea snuffles and flattens his ears and stares deeply into Val's eyes.\n\n“Let's not make excuses,” says Val. “This human doesn't know anything about the wider world. Why haven't you been a better teacher?” She tilts her head, as though listening to some unspoken reply. “None of them can understand you? Perhaps you're just not trying hard enough, [[wizard's dog]].”

“Thanks” says the boss-fairy. “We’ll be seeing you around, then.”\n\n“You won’t! I never want to see you again!” you say, but the fairies merely laugh as they flutter out your window.\n\nYou watch as your ocarina drifts away into the [[sunset|FairyEnding1]], to that other world beyond Meadowland Park.

“Do you have any restaurant experience?” she asks.\n\n“No,” you say. “But I’ve cooked dinner before. And sometimes breakfast.”\n\nVal rakes her spidery claws against the counter. “Can you wash dishes?” she asks. “Can you clean an oven?”\n\n“Yes!” you say. “And probably.”\n\n“Fine,” says Val. “You’re [[hired]].”

Snow Pea curls at your side and you absently scratch his belly. “I don't get it,” you say. “Fairies are supposed to make people's lives more interesting – more dangerous! They're not supposed to curse you with dullness and blandness and safety. It’s the opposite of what they stand for.”\n\nSnow Pea gives a sympathetic sort of grunt and wallows in the sheets.\n\n“It’s just not right,” you mutter. “It’s not like the stories at all.” You stare out the window, towards Meadowland Park. You wonder about that place beyond the old forked tree. Is it really fairy-land? Is there more to it than what you’ve read in books and ballads?\n\nOne day, you’ll have to go back there – just not today. You think, today, you’ve had enough [[excitement|SeaEnding1]].

Within the shop, you find an unreadable chalkboard menu and a counter topped with a most un-fairy-like cash register. Beyond the counter spans an immense kitchen full of bubbling pots and glowing ovens. A woman <<if visited("chalice")>>with the legs of a spider bustles from stove to stove, stirring and tasting and adjusting dials. Fangs curl over her lips. She spots you from the corner of her red, red<<else>>in a striped apron bustles from stove to stove, stirring and tasting and adjusting dials. She spots you from the corner of her<<endif>> eye and frowns.\n\n"Are you a [[customer]]?" she demands. "Timid little mouse! Announce yourself when you come in."

Somewhere, metal jangles, breaking your concentration. You spin around: you see Snow Pea, muddy and matted, wriggling beneath the chainlink fence. You tuck the bell in your pocket, for later. Right now, you have to run.\n\nHow will you ever loose yourself in the land of the fairies if that stubborn dog insists on [[finding]] you?

Perfect. You don't want to return – not [[ever|strange]].