You wake up.
You're in bed.
You take a look at your phone, which tells you it is 8.03am and you are in the Netherlands.
You get out of bed and open your curtains.
Your phone is right.
You want to make a cup of tea.
What do you do?
[[Walk out of the bedroom in your pyjamas]]
[[Get dressed before leaving]]
You open the one door in the room.
It leads to an ensuite bathroom.
What do you do?
[[Decide a shower will wake you up as much as a cup of tea would]]
[[Return to the bedroom]]
Opening the wardrobe door, you're surprised to find only a long coat and some hardy boots stored inside. The sparse clothing supplies also exposes the fact that the back of the wardrobe looks false.
What do you do?
[[Push on the wardrobe's false back]]
[[Put on the coat and boots]]
[[Close the wardrobe door and return to the bedroom]]
You fiddle with the shower's controls until it jerks on. However, to your surprise, it's not water that pours out of the shower head, but tea.
What do you do?
[[Drink the tea straight from the shower. It's black tea, but it'll do.]]
[[Empty out the bathroom's toothbrush cup and collect some tea. You can find some milk later.]]
[[Return to the bedroom. This bathroom's wierd.]]
You return to the bedroom.
What do you do?
[[Get dressed before leaving]]
[[Check whether you can leave through the window]]
As the false back swings away from you and reveals what lies behind it, you can't believe your eyes.
A tea warehouse.
Shelves and shelves and shelves of tea bags.
Fridges and fridges and fridges stocked with milk.
Cupboards and cupboards and cupboards with sugar.
And, on a podium in the centre of this huge warehouse, a single mug, kettle, spoon and tap.
You're going to be fine.
It's a sensible move. You put on the boots and the coat. They fit perfectly. You look great.
What do you do?
[[Push on the wardrobe's false back]]
[[Return to the bedroom]]
You return to the bedroom.
What do you do?
[[Walk out of the bedroom in your pyjamas]]
You grip the window, pulling on the bottom ledge and eventually wrenching it upwards as the cool morning air pours into the room.
Peering over the edge of the windowsill, you can see that you're three floors up.
What do you do?
[[Jump]]
[[Fashion a rope of some sort]]
Well done! You drink the hot, fresh tea straight from the shower head, undeterred by the strangeness of this arrangement. You've succeeded in getting tea, and now all that's left is to figure out absolutely everything else about life. But you have tea in you, so that's a very good start.
Dumping toothbrushes and toothpaste tubes onto the countertop, you gleefully fill the toothbrush cup up with fresh black tea. Now to find some milk to go with it.
[[Return to the bedroom]]
[[Search the bathroom for milk]]
You return to the bedroom.
What do you do?
[[Get dressed before leaving]]
[[Check whether you can leave through the window]]
You try the sink's taps, but they only offer water. You flush the toilet just in case, but water again. It looks like there's no milk here.
[[Return to the bedroom]]
[[Sit on the floor of the bathroom in a milk-free malaise]]
You lower yourself to the floor, clutching your cup of black tea. Unable to spur yourself onwards without a ready supply of milk, hours in the bathroom turn to days, weeks, months, even years. You sustain yourself with the bathroom's supply of water and black tea, but it's not the same.
You carve out a life for yourself in the bathroom, listening to the shower radio for companionship.
Decades later, a tree branch begins to crack through the door of the bathroom, drawing you back to the outside world. You follow natural light for the first time in years, stumbling through to the bedroom, the outer wall of which has almost entirely crumbled away from tree branches breaking through it. Walking along a particularly sturdy-looking branch, you blink as you proceed into the light and open air, discovering the new world that nature has overrun.
Maybe this new world will have tea.
You clamber onto the outer edge of the windowsill, count down from three, and jump down towards the grass-covered ground.
It doesn't go well. It could've gone worse. But this definitely doesn't count as going well.
When you come to in a nearby hospital, you can see both legs stretched out in front of you, covered in plaster.
But, in front of them, placed on the tray-table that attaches to your bed: a fresh cup of tea.
Mission accomplished.
Looking around the room, you definitely can't see any rope. Turning your mind to rope-like things, you begin pulling the duvet cover and bedsheets off, tying them together to make a fairly lengthy rope substitute.
You tie one end of your escape plan to a bedpost, and throw the other end out of the open window. You clamber out of the window, taking hold of the duvet cover - or the sheet, you can't tell which - and begin to shuffle down the side of the building.
Only when you reach the end of the sheet-rope do you realise it's a good floor and a half short, and you're now stuck halfway down the building's external wall, too weak for lack of tea to climb back up to your room.
What do you do?
[[Jump]]
[[Stay here and hope for the best]]
You cling tightly to the duvet - or the bed sheet - and wait for someone else to turn up and provide a solution to your problem.
It rains. You get wet.
It gets darker and turns to night.
It gets brighter and turns to day.
It does this lots of times.
You lose count of the days and nights you spend clinging to your makeshift rope, hoping that at some point tea will at last come.
Just as you're about to give up hope of ever escaping the side of the building and finding tea, you feel a slight movement, a slight shaking, a slight shifting. The building's sinking. An architectural fault causes it to subside on the side you hang from and after a couple of days, the ground comes up to meet you. You put your feet down on the grass, let go of the duvet - or the bed sheet - and walk away from the building in the direction of some smaller buildings.
As you get closer, you realise one is a cafe. You enter and order a cup of tea, which is brought to your table. Drinking it, you realise you have no money on you. But you'll get to that later. Right now, you have tea.