Emergency call

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<img src="http://i.imgur.com/OKKMLSL.jpg" height="500"> You have reached The Emergency Services, what seems to be your emergency? 1) [[I have pains]] 2) [[Someone else has pains]] 3) [[I am missing a body part]] 4) [[I have killed someone]] 5) [[My house is on fire]] 6) [[I have forgotten to fill in my tax returns]] 7) [[I need a vet]] 8) [[Redirect me to personal sevice]]

Are you a hypocondriac? [[yes|Contact own doctor]] [[no|Do you still have pains]]

Please call within working hours: Monday: closed Tuesday: 9-10:30 Wedneday: 9-9:30 Thursday:20-21 Friday: closed

Have you lost the bodypart within the last 6 months? <img src="http://i.imgur.com/fMEFNpT.jpg" height="500"> [[yes|which bodypart]] [[no|which bodypart]] [[I don't know|which bodypart]]

<img src="http://i.imgur.com/fAFqSPC.jpg" height="500"> Are you: [[a soldier]] [[a murderer|are you a pyromaniac]] [[a driver|my liver]] [[an idiot|thanks for calling]]

<img src="http://i.imgur.com/2uF116U.jpg" height="500"> Are you inside the house? [[yes|get out]] [[no|did you start the fire]]

<img src="http://i.imgur.com/zjuH89e.jpg" height="500"> Do you own off-shore property? [[yes|How to avoid tax traps]] [[no|here's how you acquire off-shore property]]

Are you an animal? [[yes|go have a drink]] [[no|do you have animals]]

[[Redirecting|Main menu]]

Contact your own doctor. <img src="http://i.imgur.com/rb2qRqC.jpg" height="500">

Do you still have pains? [[yes|where do you have pains]] [[no|thanks for calling]]

Where does it hurt? 1) [[my liver]] 2) [[my heart is broken]] 3) [[my pancreas]] 4) [[other]]

Thank you for calling The Emergency services. Have a nice day! <img src="http://i.imgur.com/5Vq72DU.jpg" height="500">

Are you drunk? [[yes|Stephen stop calling us]] [[no|go have a drink]]

Do you have a heartbeat? [[yes|thanks for calling]] [[no|Stephen stop calling us]]

We will now redirect you to the hospital.... [[redirect me|Main menu]]

<img src="http://i.imgur.com/hQLaQ19.jpg" height="500"> [[My brain hurts]] [[I am a pain in the ass]] [[broken limbs]]

<img src="http://i.imgur.com/sfGF1ON.jpg" height="500"> Stephen, please stop prank calling us.

Go have a drink, then. Your liver's fine! Who knows how a broken liver feels anyway? <img src="http://i.imgur.com/KjTBb6w.jpg" height="500">

[[It must be removed|Contact own doctor]]

[[we know|thanks for calling]]

Redirecting you to your [[local hospital|Main menu]]

<img src="http://i.imgur.com/VDvwTcJ.jpg" height="500"> Does your animal have pains? [[yes|I have pains]] [[no|thanks for calling]]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/personalfinance/expat-money/9760320/How-to-escape-the-offshore-property-tax-trap.html

Read all about off-shore property here: https://www.justlanded.com/english/Portugal/Portugal-Guide/Property/Buying-Through-an-Offshore-Company

[[get out|did you start the fire]]

Did you start the fire? [[Yes|are you a pyromaniac]] [[no|Main menu]]

Are you a pyromaniac? [[yes|Contact own doctor]] [[no|thanks for calling]]

Which bodypart? [[my leg|I am a pain in the ass]] [[my arm|Someone else has pains]] [[all of them|Someone else has pains]]

Was it your mother-in-law? [[yes|was she an enemy]] [[No, it was my own doctor|Contact own doctor]]

<img src="http://i.imgur.com/E5lmnPP.jpg" height="500"> Was she an enemy? [[yes|keep following orders]] [[no, not really|my liver]]

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