You stuff your face with doughnuts. They all taste so good. Amazing, even! After a while, your stomach hurts from eating too much. It feels like it's going to burst! But you keep eating anyway. Eventually, you pass out from eating so much. You wake up to only find all your money, and valuables, but more importantly, all the doughnuts gone! You try the door, but it's locked. You search everywhere, but there are no doughnuts, or any way to escape! There isn't any normal food, either! You starve to death in a doughnut shop! Tragic!\n\n''BAD END''
You manage to tear yourself away from "The Fiftieth Shade of Gray" and go downstairs. To your surprise, you find that the first floor has turned into a huge library. The stairs have disappeared, leaving only one door, which is locked. Looking around, you find the sequel, [["The Fiftieth Darker Shade|6q]], and a statute of an extremely well-endowed, naked man. A plaque under the statute reads, "[[Awaken the Prince, with a kiss|6r]]".
After weeks of exhausting work, you, a soldier under the command of the Moor Othello, have a day off. Your buddies invited you to [[go out drinking with them|2a]], but maybe you should just [[stay at the quarters|2b]].
Seven: Twenty-Nine
Finally, you finish the book. That was, interesting. Very... interesting. But now you want to [[go pet some cats|6cc]]. Do something clean. When you're outside, you also see a harlot walking around. That book made you feel kind of dirty. [[Enjoying a harlot would make you feel clean!|6dd]]
You wander the soldier's quarter's in search of something to read. Under one of your comrades' beds, you find a book titled "The Fiftieth Shade of Grey". It's... nothing like anything you have ever read. Wow.\nSomehow you do get very absorbed in the book, and you end up reading it until morning. There's sun shining through the curtains of the room. You're pretty hungry, so maybe you should [[go out|4g]] to get something to eat, but... [[just ten more pages!!|4h]]
You run back to the soldier's quarters, to find it littered with cats. And your best friend, who happens to be allergic to cats, is at the center! Searching for a way to save your friend, you remember that you are a master at the cat flute, a mythical instrument that controls cats. You have two ideas of how to solve the problem with your army of cats: you can [[crown yourself king of cats|6y]], or [[cook all the cats in a delicious stew|6z]]!
You enter the doughnut shop. The door clicks locked behind you, but you try to ignore that and focus on the doughnuts. They have an amazing array of them, all in different colors and flavors. Your stomach growls. One, two, or three [[wouldn't hurt|6w]]. It might just be your imagination/hunger, but you think you hear footsteps on the [[second floor|6x]]. It's probably nothing.
You open the door and find a quaint little room with a bed, a window, and a [[mirror|6o]]. It looks like a spare bedroom. The window is bolted shut. On a nightstand next to the bed is a faded, small painting of a young girl. Something about it is strange, and you suddenly find yourself tired. A quick [[rest|3c]] might do you good.
You turn down the street littered with teenagers and walk quickly. "Ey, toi." One young man says as he grabs your arm. "Où vas-tu?" He looks like a simple young thug that wants [[your money|6m]], but, he is //French//. It's not like he would be that hard to [[beat up|6n]]
You begin walking around the library, looking for a clue to what happened. In the middle of one of the rows lays a book, with "[[The Fiftieth Darker Shade|6q]]" written on the front. The title sounds vaguely familiar, and not in a good way. After some more walking around, you find a life-size statue of a well-endowed, attractive naked man. A plaque below him reads "[[Awaken the Prince, with a kiss|6r]]". That sounds... interesting.
You collapse on the bed and quickly fall asleep.\n----\nWhen you wake up in your room, you realize you must have been asleep for several hours. You're very hungry, and someone is probably making [[breakfast|4e]] downstairs, but... [[something just doesn't feel right|4f]]
You continue on your way to the tavern, when you see a white cat in the middle of the path, staring at you. Its left eye is red, the right blue. The path you're taking also diverges into two paths, and you forgot your map. Do you take the [[left path|4c]], or the [[right path|4d]]?
You make your way into a dark alleyway, trying to locate the source of the noises. Suddenly, someone grabs you from behind and presses a knife to your throat. "Do not [[resist|4b]]," the robber says. "[[Hold up your hands and don't move|4a]]"
You run away from the monster as fast as you can. After several minutes of running, you think you have lost it. Then, two zombies start walk towards you from around the corner! You think that you have no choice but to [[run|6i]] again, but a woman's voice calls out to you: "[[come with me!|6j]] I can help you!"
You're a little disoriented after being robbed, but you continue on your way to the tavern. After another twenty minutes of walking, a slender hand grabs your arm. You can't seem to [[get a break|6a]], can you?\nThis time it's a scantily clad woman. A harlot. "[[Looking for a good time|6b]]?" She asks, winking.
You lean against the alley wall and smile. "And how are you going to make it up to me?" The young man grins and starts undoing your belt. "What do you want?" he asks. You could [[let him make it up to you|6e]], he is pretty cute, and what he's suggesting... but... [[stop that's gay|6f]]
You chase after the theif, but you lose him. Then, you see Ancient Iago and his friend Roderigo. Something seems off, so maybe you should [[leave|6c]], but Iago is a nice, honest man. Maybe he'll [[loan you some money|6d]]!
You break away from the prostitute and run to the tavern. Finally, you arrive there. Your friend even buys you drinks. How nice.\nYou're very drunk and very close to second base when someone starts shouting that all the soldiers need to meet up. You're going to Cyprus tomorrow. Great.\n\n''YOU WIN. CONGRATULATIONS''
You nod eagerly. She's really, really, really hot. She looks a lot better than drinking with sweaty soldiers. You could take her back to the soldier's quarters, get some money, have some fun...\n"That's too bad." She whispers. You feel a sharp pain in your gut. Looking down, you see a slender knife protruding from your stomach. You've been stabbed. "This is your punishment, pig" The woman says, twisting the knife. You're a soldier, it really can't end this way... right? But your vision is already fading away. Getting stabbed is really an ugly way to die.\nThe woman stays with you, until all the life leaves your body. She doesn't even bother to check for money or valuables. "I will eradicate all the scum on the earth" She vows before walking away.\n\n''BAD END! GAME OVER!''
You walk away, and after quite a long time, you reach the tavern. Everyone gives you a rough welcome for being so late, but they're glad to see you. Your friend even buys you drinks. How nice.\nYou're very drunk and very close to second base when someone starts shouting that all the soldiers need to meet up. You're going to Cyprus tomorrow. Great.\n\n''YOU WIN. CONGRATULATIONS''
You begin walking towards Iago and Roderigo. Just before you make yourself known, you hear some of their conversation. They're talking about how much they hate Othello!? And then Iago spots you. His face is not of an honest, kind man, but that of someone wicked, and evil. He reaches into his bag. You stutter. He takes out a gun. He aims it at you.\n"Umm, sir, I was—" You're cut off by the sound of a bullet ripping through the evening noise. \n\n''GAME OVER''
Your pants drop to the ground, followed by your underwear (do they even wear underwear back then). His tongue slowly traces across your penis...\n"No... homo" you whisper as his mouth wraps around your cock.\n\n''SUPER DUPER HOMO SUPER BEST ENDING GOOD JOB''
"NO GAY!!" You scream, running away. Back in the alleyway, the thief shrugs and walks away.\n"NO GAY!!" You continue to scream. You spot a woman with amazing curves standing in the middle of the street. Yes. A woman. Now, you can reclaim your dignity. Reclaim your heterosexuality. The woman raises her arm. She's holding a gun. She fires, the bullet ripping straight through you.\n"Yes homo." She whispers.\n\n''GAME OVER\nTRY MORE HOMO NEXT TIME''
You lock yourself inside the nearest building. The zombies rattle the door, but seem unable to enter, and eventually leave. There isn't any food, and you're exhausted, so you decide to go to sleep. When you wake up, you're in the soldiers' quarters again! And a white cat is sleeping on your lap.\n\n''GOOD(-ish) ENDING! CONGRATULATIONS!''
You smile and wave at the zombies. One charges at you and bites your arm. No. Not friendly zombies. Mean zombies. They eat you. Say you taste like chicken.\n\n''BAD END! TRY HARDER!''
Once again you burst into a run away from the monsters. When you're out of breath, you hide in a building. To your surprise, it's a doughnut shop! After a few minutes, you decide the zombies cannot follow you in there, and begin to eat the doughnuts found all over the building. They even look fresh! You spend the rest of your life locked in the doughnut shop, eating doughnuts. What a happy way to die!\n\n''GOOD ENDING! CONGRATUALTIONS!''
You turn to the sound of the voice. A woman's cold hand grabs yours and the two of you start running."They won't find us here." She says after turning down a winding alleyway, lowering her hood. The woman is very pretty, and is clearly wealthy. "Now, then," she pushes you against the wall and her long nails trace your neck. This situation seems vaguely familiar. You break away and try to run.\n"Stop" the woman commands calmly. Your body becomes frozen—you cannot move. She slowly walks to your front, before sinking her fangs into your neck. Humans only have to lose half of their blood before they die, but she holds onto your body until every last drop is gone. In a way, you're kind of luck. Some girls would pay millions for this to happen to them.\n\n''BAD END! TRY HARDER!''
You reach into your purse and hand the kid a few small coins. Enough to buy some bread, at least. The child smiles at you and runs away. "That was very nice." a woman says behind you. She looks like a harlot. "I think I should reward you for your kindness", she says, placing a hand on her breast. She grabs your hand and leads you to her house for a night of fun.\n\n''YOU GET LAID! CONGRATULATIONS!! GREAT ENDING''
You keep walking, ignoring the small child. "Mister, please," the child begs. You continue walking. Eventually, the child's voice fades away. "Well, that was rude." a voice says. You turn around, and it's a prostitute. She is the prettiest woman you have ever seen. "And rude men..." she winks seductively and walks closer to you, "...deserve to be punished." Something silver flashes in her right hand. A knife. And now that knife is planted in your gun. You collapse in pain.\n"I hate scum like you. That is why I have made it my mission to eliminate all of the foul men on this planet." she says to your bleeding body as the life drains out of you.\n\n''BAD END! BE NICER!!''
You reach into your purse and give him most of your money. That should please him. "Merci, monsieur." The young man says. His goons clear the alleyway for you. "Bonne nuit!"\nYou make your way to the tavern, but when you're about to enter one of the young Frenchmen you just encountered stops you. He speaks carefully in broken English.\n"Excuse me, monsieur. Could I... have your... numéro de téléphone?"\n\n''GOOD ENDING. YOU GET TO THE TAVERN AND GET A CUTE LITTLE FRENCH BOYFRIEND
You begin to beat up the Frenchman. All of his friends scream and run off. That's one way to keep your money safe. At the end of the alley stands a woman. "Qu'est-ce tu as fait à mon frère?" She asks. Your French isn't very good, so you don't understand what she says, but the knife that subsequently stabs you gets the message across.\n\n''BAD ENDING! NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE FRENCH!''
You walk over to the mirror. At first, all you see is yourself, with a pretty nasty bedhead. But then the mirror shifts, showing the young girl in the picture, instead. "Why... why are you here" she says with fear, staring you straight in the eyes. Blood begins to ooze out of the mirror. "You have to get out of here!" she pleads. You hear a fizzing noise at your feet. Looking down, you realize that your shoes are being disintegrated, followed by your feet. The pain is excruciating. You drag yourself to the door, but it is now locked. What a horrible way to die.\n\n''REALLY REALLY BAD END''
You fire at the beast until you run out of bullets. Finally, it falls. But then two more monsters appear! They look like... zombies? You spot some [[stable-looking buildings|6g]] that you could stay in. But... [[maybe they're friendly zombies?|6h]]
You lean over and plant a kiss on the cold lips of the statute. Except they aren't cold. The lips are warm and they kiss you right back. The man from the statute looks at you warmly. He's even more ravishing in person.\n"Thank you for freeing me" he says in a naturally seductive voice. "Shall I reward you?" He kisses you more passionately this time, and undoes your belt. Then, he pushes you onto the floor and smiles at you, his eyes glittering with lust. You smile and nod.\n\n''YOU GET LAID! THAT'S GREAT! GOOD ENDING!''\n
You get out of there and continue your way to the tavern. After a while you realize that you have become lost. You have almost lost all hope when you see someone you know. It's Iago, with his friend Roderigo! He's such a nice, honest man. [[Surely, he'll give you directions.|6d]]\nThe air around him seems kind of weird, and dark, though. Maybe you should [[leave|6c]]
"Greetings, human." A musical voice says. When you get to the top of the stairs, you are in shock. A beautiful, naked woman sits on top of a large bed. "I am the goddess of the doughnut shop. I see you enjoy eating doughnuts" You nod eagerly. "Would you like me to show you a treat even sweeter than doughnuts?" You nod once again. And then you feel immense pain in your stomach. "Wrongs. There is no sweeter treat than doughnuts. I have made your stomach burst because of your false ideas. Farewell, simpleton."\n\n''BAD/WEIRD END. I DON'T EVEN LIKE DOUGHNUTS. EWW''\n
You crown yourself king of cats, (just like Paris!), and ride off into the sunset with your army. You slay both the English and the Turks and take the island of Cyprus for yourself. Back on the mainland, women are having brawls of who will become part of your royal harem. The runners up are Desdemona, Emilia, and Bianca! Iago kills Othello in the shadows and targets you next.\nAnd, in a tragic, unhappy plot twist, he succeeds! You doubt everyone around you and end up destroying everything you love! Tragic!\n\n''TRAGIC ENDING! VERY SAD!''
You use your powers for evil, and attempt to boil all of the cats into a stew. Fortunately, someone shows up to stop you. It's a really hot woman.\n"If you will become my wife, I will not kill all of these cats," you bargain. She is the prettiest woman you have ever seen.\n"Go to hell." She responds before stabbing you. It hurts like heck. More so, your spell is broken, and the cats all come to claw you up! They start with your eyes! Horrible!\n\n''HORRIBLE ENDING! TRY HARDER!''
You try to force your way through the crowd. You're almost out, and you can even see the tavern in the distance, when a small child tugs on your shirt. The kid looks very hungry and poor. Maybe you should just [[give it a little money|6k]]. Then again, the tavern is right there. It might be better to just [[keep going|6l]].
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You find some cats to pet. More and more come. All of these strays are so happy to have some attention! Then, a woman shows up.\n"Wow, you're so nice. Do you like cats?" She asks. She is very pretty.\n"Yes, I do. Very much so." You answer.\n"I see! That's lovely. And you know what? I also like you. Here's my <Elizabethan version of phone number>. Call me." She says, winking.\n\n''GOOD ENDING! YOU GOT A HOT CHICK'S DIGITS!''
You walk around the city in search of a harlot. You're about to give up on your search, when a woman grabs you by the arm. "Looking for a good time?" She asks with a honey-like voice.\n"How much?" You ask.\n"Well, //this// is free." The woman flies toward you with something silver. It's a knife, and it's now planted in your gut. "Vile, vile man." She whispers, twisting the knife. "I will destroy all of you vile men."\n\n''BAD ENDING!''
You pick up the book and begin to read it. It's very good, in a strange way. Your eyes are glued to the book. It's hard to look away. Soon you cannot, and you're getting dizzy. You realize your conciousness is fading away, and before you know it you're a character in a sketchy S&M novel. Well... it could have been worse.\n\n''WEIRD END! I STILL HAVEN'T READ 50 SHADES OF GREY!!''
You're pretty tired, and you have the whole evening to yourself. You could [[take a nap|3c]], [[read a good book|3d]], or... you could still [[go drinking|2a]].
You begin to make your way to the local tavern, but you haven't even been walking for ten minutes when you hear a noise, like a scuffle. Should you [[go check it out|3a]], or [[keep going|3b]]?
You're getting to the climax of the book. Or are the characters climaxing? I wouldn't know. I haven't even read that book. Anyways:\nThe book is really really good. You hear someone call your name, so you should probably [[check it out|5p]], but... [[just ten more pages|5q]]!
You walk over to the window and see that everything has turned red. This is really creepy. You look around the quarters, but no one is there. Outside, it is the same. The streets are deserted. From behind yourself, you hear a loud growling. It's a huge, white, bear-looking thing. And it looks angry. Fortunately, you have your gun with you. You can [[shoot it|5e]], but [[running away|5f]] might work too.
You leave the soldier's quarters in search of something to eat. To your surprise, all the stores are now confectionary shops. Not that you mind, but it's a little weird. A cute [[doughnut shop|5n]] looks nice, but suddenly you hear a scream. It sounds like it is coming from the [[soldiers' quarters|5o]]!
You turn down the right path, and the cat follows you. Everything seems normal. After a while, you realize there is some kind of peasant riot blocking your path. Maybe you could [[force your way through|5g]], but there is an street that might go around it. Some strange teenagers are hanging out there, but it might be easier to [[take that path|5h]].
You walk downstairs to get some breakfast, but are surprised to find that the first floor has transformed into some kind of library. The stairs have disappeared, leaving only one [[door|5i]] in the room. There must be thousands of books in here. [[Maybe one would explain what is going on|5j]].
Carefully, you are able to flip the man onto his back. The knife falls out of his hand. You realize he is younger than you, probably less than 20. He looks rich, too. What's he doing trying to rob you?\n"Hey, mister, let's just forget about all of this..." the young man stutters. "I... [[I can make it up to you|5c]]..." He winks at you suggestively. Kid seems pretty weird. Maybe you should [[get out of there|5d]].
You turn down the left path. The cat follows you. The sun, which had previously set, is now up again. And it's glowing red. The whole street is red. And it's very hot. You hear hard breathing behind you. The cat has transformed into some kind of large, white bear. And it looks angry. You have a gun, so you could [[shoot it|5e]], but maybe it would just be better to [[run away|5f]]?
The thief pats you down, looking for loot, as you stand frozen. If you [[keep going to the tavern|5a]], your friends are going to need to loan you money. But maybe you should just [[chase after the thief|5b]]